I feel all the good looking ones are taken

[OpheliaSong]

So your BF freaked out and dumped you.

 

That doesn't really explain why you are single now.

 

Few women look like Kate Upton. Do you think you are unattractive?

 

No, he is still trying to get me back. I dumped him. I have low tolerance for mean or insulting guys. I won't get into it all but let's just say my dad was ready to arrest him for stalking. I am single because I just got out of a year long breakup and the guy was horrid. I need to heal and grow up a little plus I am in law school. I am not in any hurry to date again. I have a great life with my family and friends and taking care of my dog. I also am paying my own way through school so I work too.

Of course I was joking about not looking like Kate Upton. I am happy being me and yes I feel attractive.

Just young and obviously very sheltered and dumb about men. Nothing new.

[OpheliaSong]

Since I can't edit, I thought I'd clarify. The times that I have been asked for my number or have been chatted up have invariably not when I have looked my best, but when I have been more casual.

 

I know exactly what you mean, Anya. When I was in undergraduate school, I had the geekiest, cutest Political Science TA who would drop everything he had and stare at the floor any time I would talk to him. I even asked him one time if he wanted to join me for tea as I was out of his class and a senior so no issue in us dating and he ran out of the office like I was a bomb.

[somedude81]

No, he is still trying to get me back. I dumped him. I have low tolerance for mean or insulting guys. I won't get into it all but let's just say my dad was ready to arrest him for stalking. I am single because I just got out of a year long breakup and the guy was horrid. I need to heal and grow up a little plus I am in law school. I am not in any hurry to date again. I have a great life with my family and friends and taking care of my dog. I also am paying my own way through school so I work too.

Of course I was joking about not looking like Kate Upton. I am happy being me and yes I feel attractive.

Just young and obviously very sheltered and dumb about men. Nothing new.

 

This thread is like saying to all of us girls who aren't taken that we are ugly or have the plague or something....

Then why did you even make this post if you are single because you want to be?

 

That's pretty much the point of the entire thread.

 

True you are not taken, but you might as well be because you want to be single.

[OpheliaSong]

The thread is that all the the good looking ones are taken. I am not taken. Therefore, I can post on this thread if I want to post because I was just saying that not every girl who isn't taken has something wrong with her like she is unattractive or she has the plague. There was no mention that the girls who weren't taken had to be single due to not being able to find a man. Just single. Why is it that all women must have bfs all the time or they are somehow doing something criminal? Why can't we just live our and prepare ourselves for life or try to get over heartbreak? This wasn't about why women are single, just that they are and if they are they aren't attractive. I was just saying that isn't necessarily true.

[somedude81]

What if the title of the thread was.

 

"I feel all the good looking ones are unavailable."

 

Which I'm pretty sure means the same exact thing to the thread starter.

 

Taken = unavailable

[OpheliaSong]

What if the title of the thread was.

 

"I feel all the good looking ones are unavailable."

 

Which I'm pretty sure means the same exact thing to the thread starter.

 

Taken = unavailable

If you dislike my contribution, just put me on ignore.

[somedude81]

If you dislike my contribution, just put me on ignore.

There is no reason to ignore you.

 

You just haven't been helping the thread.

 

Guys who are having problems and complaining about dating aren't exactly helped by women by good women who prefer to stay single.

[OpheliaSong]

Any woman could help you guys. This isn't a dating site but an interpersonal relationship site which means that seeing many views and pieces of a puzzle can be beneficial. I am sorry you feel I am not helpful to you because I really do want you to be happy in life, but really do you expect girls whom the OP has just said has something wrong with them if they aren't single by choice are going to want to jump in here and talk about their vulnerabilities.

Plus I never said I wanted to stay single forever. I want to date again at some point.

Edited January 17, 2014 by OpheliaSong

[somedude81]

Any woman could help you guys. This isn't a dating site but an interpersonal relationship site which means that seeing many views and pieces of a puzzle can be beneficial. I am sorry you feel I am not helpful to you because I really do want you to be happy in life, but really do you expect girls whom the OP has just said has something wrong with them if they aren't single by choice are going to want to jump in here and talk about their vulnerabilities with guys who are angry at women for not dating them? I am going to go with no. Correct me if there has been a slew of them, but not many want to feel like they are somehow not good enough because of the title of this thread.

 

Plus I never said I wanted to stay single forever. I want to date again at some point.

You sound like you're a very sweet person.

 

The OP didn't mention anything about something being wrong with girls if they are single, by choice or otherwise.

 

He was complaining that all the good looking ones are taken and he doesn't know what to do. I understood that as him being upset that he can't find a pretty girl that he can date.

 

My issue is that the only women that are actually single, are single because they want to be. Which means that it is very hard to find a girl that is actually available and interested in dating.

[DanielFife83]

Why don't you have a boyfriend?

 

in many cases and no matter what age, what makes ones with kids the remaining singles?

[Frank2thepoint]

But really let me emphasize that it can suck being both pretty and shy, and in fact, I am learning that I do much better if I tone down the makeup to next to nothing, and keep my hair a little sloppy, and don't dress up too much. I know it sounds strange, but I think when I look like that I am much more approachable, then when I take the time to look as perfect as possible.

 

Naturally beauty is an attractive quality. A woman looks the same in the morning as she did the night before.

[Teraskas]

What attractive women would be not in contact with no guy at all?

 

I've known a few who suffered from several contributing factors such as: a low degree of self confidence, personal problems, health problems, etc.

As a result of that, they dread 'The Fear Of Rejection' like nothing else in existence. :/

[AnyaNova]

Naturally beauty is an attractive quality. A woman looks the same in the morning as she did the night before.

 

Hopefully, depending on the night, with some pretty wild looking hair. Although, to be fair. My ex always would run his fingers through my hair to tame and smooth it after we made out, I really did like that.

 

But I take your point. Sometimes a woman, though, does like to go all out and look fantastic. .-)

[DanielFife83]

this guys comment on my dating life:I Wont date this person that person he knows, none of the 150 mutual fb friends we have are a potential girlfriend, they are all out of your reach, even if I change myself for a woman the woman is still unobtainable, girls you think you can date but cannot, friends say nice things to make you feel better, he could blow smoke up my ass, I told him of a girl I like and he said she wont date me and he said go ahead ask her out and see what happens and then I Said we have hung out together and done stuff together and he said she is being my friend (Relationships start out as hanging out as friends), he knows this womans type and saw her on a date with a good looking guy (They didnt end up dating).

 

this had hurt me to where I could not even drive a car.

[Lokie]

Discussions like these on this website make me sad. The OP has trouble with perspective, writing, punctuation and grammar, but expects to be found attractive by a "good looking" woman. He seems to overlook the possibility that even good looking women may be making a choice to be single because they love themselves enough to find the right fit, not the right now fit.

 

Sigh.

[JoelBarish]

I am learning that I do much better if I tone down the makeup to next to nothing, and keep my hair a little sloppy, and don't dress up too much.

 

Oh so you did all that on purpose the other night?

[AnyaNova]

Oh so you did all that on purpose the other night?

*cough cough*

 

I didn't dress up, but since I wasn't looking for a date, I did decent makeup and hair.

 

Meanie!

[kodakgirl]

There's is quite frequently the implication that if a decent looking girl is single not by choice, then there's something wrong with her. I spent a good chunk of a year trying to battle that stigma on this site. The "there must be something wrong with her" vibe. Which is just total garbage.

 

 

My boyfriend did not have to compete for me. In essence, some might argue that he did, since there were a few other men messaging me on OLD, but he got my interest quickly, we met, I stopped responding to any others and shut my OLD account down in 2 days. He never actually had to compete for me. I liked him, so now I am his. No other men get an ounce of attention from me.

 

 

None of my exes ever had to compete with anyone either. They were the only ones in the picture.

 

 

And I've gone years at a time with no romantic interest from anyone. No one I was talking to, no one I was flirting with or seeing casually, no one I was interested in and no one displaying interest in me.

 

 

Your law just plain is not true. I'm proof. [/left]

 

Phoe, I totally respect the effort you make into saying this over and over. I've already backed you up a couple times with my own experience--who knows if it's helping, but like you I feel it's worth trying!

 

Being a good-looking, wonderful woman does NOT guarantee you constant male interest, and it does NOT guarantee you'll easily find the guys you're looking for, and it CERTAINLY does not guarantee those ones will reciprocate your interest!

 

I'm 26, considered pretty attractive (I changed my avatar to my own pic so posters can judge for themselves if my looks are good enough for their standards), educated, friendly, cheerful, and really, really nice. Never dated in high school (I was asked out exactly once, by someone I didn't like), have only had one long-term romantic involvement (I was stuck on him for three years, but not all of that was a relationship). There's only one other man I've dated for any length of time (and he ended that).

 

There's all kinds of reasons, some of them occuring at different times, some of them overlapping.

 

--Like Anya, I'm shy... I've got to the point where I can be quite friendly with people I don't know, but it's almost impossible for me to approach or start conversations with strangers/acquaintances, and even hard to for me to give off "approachable" vibes unless I'm feeling unusually good and confident. This is a really, really big one.

 

--I did my undergrad at a small university in a small town. The guys there were almost entirely not my type-- very much "frat boy" type (though it's Canada and doesn't actually have fraternities), lots of drinking, partying, etc., not a lot of intellectual/arty types at all. I only met one guy there I would have considered dating... and was too shy to pursue it. I was reasonably social and invovled with a society and did a lot of theatre, and met some pretty nice guys (even if they didn't interest me like that), but if any were interested I didn't know it.

 

--I lived a bit in a semi-rural area where the median age was about 77... amazingly I did actually meet one guy my age I really liked, but he was gay.

 

--For a good chunk of the time I wasn't in school, I worked at a women's clothing store. Not a place to meet men at work...

 

--In my master's program, my year has 23 people. 3 are men (and all in relationships). About the same ratio for the years above and below me. The whole field I'm has many, many more women in it than men.

 

--While I have lots of hobbies, most of them aren't social or are things I do with one friend or two.

 

--Tied to that and the shyness point, I don't really like socializing with large groups. I hate parties, never been interested in the bar/club scene.

 

--I don't give off a sexy/flirtatious vibe at all. I don't even know how. I think I can easily come across as 'little sister'-like. I've definitely been seen as 'just a friend' by guys I wanted more with.

 

--Dating isn't a huge priority in my life. I would love to meet someone and I'm open to it happening wherever whenever, and I've been on dating sites off and on, but there are also lots of other things in my mind and life. I'm not scouting for men every time I go do something.

 

--I'm fine with being single and I'm only interested in being in a relationship with a really quality guy. I have high standards but I don't ask for anything I don't offer. (and, tied to this, like Phoe none of the men who've really appealed to me ever competed with anyone... I've felt really lucky to have met them)

 

I'm sure there's lots more reasons for different women! But I am proof too. I've been asked out in person three times in my life (twice by people I was already acquaintances with). I've met up with four guys I met online. I've never been pursued. It is NOT because I'm not quality or not attractive. It is really hard, though, especially when you get these messages all the time-- good-looking quality women are never single, they're always overwhelmed with interest, they always get what they want, etc. etc. It gets you feeling that if those things are true for you, you can't possibly be attractive or sweet or wonderful. It's taken me a really long time to get to the point where I don't fall into that when I hear this kind of stuff. I'm very glad I didn't hear these opinions so often sooner. People have their reasons; let's all be more sensitive to those reasons (to men and women alike).

[JoelBarish]

*cough cough*

 

I didn't dress up, but since I wasn't looking for a date, I did decent makeup and hair.

 

Meanie!

 

You're sexy and you know it...

 

I'm bad as they come

[AnyaNova]

Phoe, I totally respect the effort you make into saying this over and over. I've already backed you up a couple times with my own experience--who knows if it's helping, but like you I feel it's worth trying!

 

Being a good-looking, wonderful woman does NOT guarantee you constant male interest, and it does NOT guarantee you'll easily find the guys you're looking for, and it CERTAINLY does not guarantee those ones will reciprocate your interest!

 

I'm 26, considered pretty attractive (I changed my avatar to my own pic so posters can judge for themselves if my looks are good enough for their standards), educated, friendly, cheerful, and really, really nice. Never dated in high school (I was asked out exactly once, by someone I didn't like), have only had one long-term romantic involvement (I was stuck on him for three years, but not all of that was a relationship). There's only one other man I've dated for any length of time (and he ended that).

 

There's all kinds of reasons, some of them occuring at different times, some of them overlapping.

 

--Like Anya, I'm shy... I've got to the point where I can be quite friendly with people I don't know, but it's almost impossible for me to approach or start conversations with strangers/acquaintances, and even hard to for me to give off "approachable" vibes unless I'm feeling unusually good and confident. This is a really, really big one.

 

--I did my undergrad at a small university in a small town. The guys there were almost entirely not my type-- very much "frat boy" type (though it's Canada and doesn't actually have fraternities), lots of drinking, partying, etc., not a lot of intellectual/arty types at all. I only met one guy there I would have considered dating... and was too shy to pursue it. I was reasonably social and invovled with a society and did a lot of theatre, and met some pretty nice guys (even if they didn't interest me like that), but if any were interested I didn't know it.

 

--I lived a bit in a semi-rural area where the median age was about 77... amazingly I did actually meet one guy my age I really liked, but he was gay.

 

--For a good chunk of the time I wasn't in school, I worked at a women's clothing store. Not a place to meet men at work...

 

--In my master's program, my year has 23 people. 3 are men (and all in relationships). About the same ratio for the years above and below me. The whole field I'm has many, many more women in it than men.

 

--While I have lots of hobbies, most of them aren't social or are things I do with one friend or two.

 

--Tied to that and the shyness point, I don't really like socializing with large groups. I hate parties, never been interested in the bar/club scene.

 

--I don't give off a sexy/flirtatious vibe at all. I don't even know how. I think I can easily come across as 'little sister'-like. I've definitely been seen as 'just a friend' by guys I wanted more with.

 

--Dating isn't a huge priority in my life. I would love to meet someone and I'm open to it happening wherever whenever, and I've been on dating sites off and on, but there are also lots of other things in my mind and life. I'm not scouting for men every time I go do something.

 

--I'm fine with being single and I'm only interested in being in a relationship with a really quality guy. I have high standards but I don't ask for anything I don't offer. (and, tied to this, like Phoe none of the men who've really appealed to me ever competed with anyone... I've felt really lucky to have met them)

 

I'm sure there's lots more reasons for different women! But I am proof too. I've been asked out in person three times in my life (twice by people I was already acquaintances with). I've met up with four guys I met online. I've never been pursued. It is NOT because I'm not quality or not attractive. It is really hard, though, especially when you get these messages all the time-- good-looking quality women are never single, they're always overwhelmed with interest, they always get what they want, etc. etc. It gets you feeling that if those things are true for you, you can't possibly be attractive or sweet or wonderful. It's taken me a really long time to get to the point where I don't fall into that when I hear this kind of stuff. I'm very glad I didn't hear these opinions so often sooner. People have their reasons; let's all be more sensitive to those reasons (to men and women alike).

 

Beautifully put.

 

I myself am in an awkward spot, having had gluten related health issues for most of my life affecting my looks.

 

It is only in the last year or so that I have become pretty. So I have an interesting perspective on the matter. I thought, before I became attractive, that once I was, I would naturally be asked out a reasonable amount by guys two to three years older than I.

 

Not quite what I imagined it to be.

 

And I think that there is the assumption made quite a bit that you must of course have plenty of guys and options.

 

Of course, my own situation is not made easier by knowing that my type, the shy introvert is not the most common out there. Add to that, the particular issues involved with wanting to date shy introverts...

[Frank2thepoint]

Hopefully, depending on the night, with some pretty wild looking hair.

 

Wild is good. Free and unhindered is real sexy. Yes, I am still talking about hair.

[Frank2thepoint]

I'm 26, considered pretty attractive (I changed my avatar to my own pic so posters can judge for themselves if my looks are good enough for their standards), educated, friendly, cheerful, and really, really nice.

 

Indeed you are beautiful and eloquent. It's too bad you are in Canada, but it's also good. Your environment made you humble and kind.

[kodakgirl]

Indeed you are beautiful and eloquent. It's too bad you are in Canada, but it's also good. Your environment made you humble and kind.

 

Aww, thank you!!

 

 

 

It is only in the last year or so that I have become pretty. So I have an interesting perspective on the matter. I thought, before I became attractive, that once I was, I would naturally be asked out a reasonable amount by guys two to three years older than I.

 

Not quite what I imagined it to be.

 

I feel I can relate to this, though from a different angle. I've looked mostly the same since I was a teenager, although I used to look MUCH younger (at 20 I could have passed for 14). Adults often commented on how pretty I was (not in a creepy way, haha! the way women do) but since I never got any attention from boys I assumed it wasn't true. My mom would always comment on how often I was looked at when out but I didn't even notice, because I didn't believe it (moms are like that). I've always been really modest and sometimes insecure, and relied heavily on empirical evidence to convince me of my intelligence, likability, etc. Since the prevailing attitude is "attractive women get tons of male attention and are never single," it would seem the evidence for being attractive would be getting tons of male attention and never being unwillingly single. At 20 I'd been on two dates with guys I didn't like at all (I was "being nice"... still feel guilty!), never had a boyfriend, never got flirted with or asked out. So obviously I wasn't attractive. The end. The various reasons I gave in my past post didn't even occur to me, because that one message is so loud. It's taken me a long time to realize maybe I am somewhere above average (not just in looks, but in other desirable ways). Sometimes I still struggle with this, to be perfectly honest, and I have so much else going on in my life. I'm not superficial and I'm pretty intelligent and still sometimes I feel I can't be attractive because I've never been asked for my number. The one thread I started here was spurred by me feeling insecure that I didn't get 10000 messages a day in old like "all women/all attractive women" do. These kinds of messages get that ingrained.

 

It's not that there isn't any truth to the idea-- yes, of course on average attractive people of both sexes get more attention from the opposite (or their preferred) sex. But something that's true on average isn't necessarily true for any one individual. Nor is there a 1:1 correlation between attractiveness and romantic interest. There are a ton of other factors influencing the way the two things interact for any one person. So it is really inaccurate to make blanket statements like "good-looking people are never single" unless they want to be. And you know what? These kinds of things hurt. I've gotten to the point of being pretty self-confident and having good self-esteem but younger me sure hadn't. I know sometimes the dating world can seem really unfair, but the answer isn't blanket statements. "Oh, it's so easy for x group" can feel pretty crappy if you're in that group and it isn't easy-- whatever the group is. It makes you feel there's something wrong with you. When you're feeling discouraged, why pick on other people? Why not feel compassion and solidarity for the fact that someone in x group struggles too? Why does it matter so much that their struggles are different?

 

I don't really think that messages like this are going to get to many of the people repeating the same mantras, although that's too bad, but I still feel it's worth saying-- both for the people, like me, who are affected by these constant unfair generalizations, and, maybe, for those who can still arrest their slide into resentment. Life is a lot better without bitterness(and, by the way, I am saying that having been dealt a really crappy health hand in life-- so if you want to talk "things to be bitter about", you know, I could probably top you). We're all disappointed sometimes and frustrated and feel self-pity but the way to make that better is to feel compassion and understanding, not bitterness, anger, and resentment.

Edited January 18, 2014 by kodakgirl
Tweaking

[youdunsay]

This thread is like saying to all of us girls who aren't taken that we are ugly or have the plague or something....

 

And my friend advised me in order to sound attractive I have to fake that I have many ex-boyfriends. 1/2 is not even acceptable, you need at least 3 and above.

[WP4046]

And my friend advised me in order to sound attractive I have to fake that I have many ex-boyfriends. 1/2 is not even acceptable, you need at least 3 and above.

 

 

Not sure if that would turn this guy on