emotionlessbutalive Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My xmm had a second phone already and he gave the number to me which he didn't give to his friends and family had no knowledge. Did he already have As before me? Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My xmm had a second phone already and he gave the number to me which he didn't give to his friends and family had no knowledge. Did he already have As before me? Seriously???? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Could be any number of reasons, but definitely indicative of calculated and possibly serial deception of some nature. My advice would be to gtfo out of there before you get hurt. Or don't, but prepare yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My xmm had a second phone already and he gave the number to me which he didn't give to his friends and family had no knowledge. Did he already have As before me? Uhh most likely. Or is into some other sketchy business or has been prowling for As and you're the first. Does it matter? In terms of, if you're not his first A does it make a difference to you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My xmm had a second phone already and he gave the number to me which he didn't give to his friends and family had no knowledge. Did he already have As before me? Either that or he's dealing drugs. Did you ask him why he had a secret phone? I'm also curious to why you want to know if he's had other As? Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Did he just straight out tell you that he has a second, secret phone that none of his friends or family know about? I can't imagine why he would divulge this information. Did you not question it at the time? And ya, could easily be a dealer also. Dealer or serial cheater would be my guess...but who knows - people are involved in all manner of dodgy crap I would advise against sticking around to find out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionlessbutalive Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 Did he just straight out tell you that he has a second, secret phone that none of his friends or family know about? I can't imagine why he would divulge this information. Did you not question it at the time? And ya, could easily be a dealer also. Dealer or serial cheater would be my guess...but who knows - people are involved in all manner of dodgy crap I would advise against sticking around to find out.. he just gave me the number and asked me to call on that one which I later found from his family member that he had only one number. I didnt ask him but suspected he had multiple affairs. I heard later he had many affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionlessbutalive Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 Either that or he's dealing drugs. Did you ask him why he had a secret phone? I'm also curious to why you want to know if he's had other As? I was in love with him and wanted to know if had other women besides me. Nope I didnt ask him but just left him based on my suspicions. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Did he already have As before me? didnt ask him but suspected he had multiple affairs. I heard later he had many affairs. I'm a bit confused as to why you're asking us this, if you've already been given the answer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SugarHibiscus Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I don't think it necessarily means he's done it before, maybe he's just being practical. I have never had an affair before this one. My AP and I were just talking about getting second phones today. He has never had an affair before this one either. A second phone seems like a good idea when you're sneaking around and your spouse can be snoopy. (I've been with my H for over a decade.) Link to post Share on other sites
Secret Advisor Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Better to have the A with a man with some experience. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 OP, it's impossible to know who fMM conversed with or the reasons why he had a second phone. I know plenty of people who have two or three different phones; most of them are business people. Reasons for having them vary. Did he have affairs before you? Impossible to know for sure. People do what they do. If he told you he did and his actions with you matched those words, I'd tend to believe him. It appears you heard about them 'through the grapevine', without any substantive proof, and are trying to connect his behaviors, like the second phone and allegedly having a 'private' number, to serial affairs, perhaps as a potential MO to watch for in the future with others. My opinion would be to watch behavior. People who are smooth and convincing and appear to be little moved by the mechanics of an affair generally get that way through practice. I've noticed this with MW's. Practice makes proficient. I'd likely assign more value to that assessment versus a second phone but YMMV. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I don't think it necessarily means he's done it before, maybe he's just being practical. I have never had an affair before this one. My AP and I were just talking about getting second phones today. He has never had an affair before this one either. A second phone seems like a good idea when you're sneaking around and your spouse can be snoopy. (I've been with my H for over a decade.) The problem is that he didn't buy it while in the A with her but already had it prior to her, hence it seems like he's a pro at the A thing. But in any case, it seems it has been confirmed that he has had other As. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I'm sorry- - - I am STILL trying to pick my jaw up off the floor!!! I honestly thought that in my A experience, I had seen or dealt with most things, but this is on a ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEVEL!!! If I met a MM and he pulled a second "bat phone" out, one that he already had before me. I would say RED FLAG - - - RUN FORREST!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionlessbutalive Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 Thats not the question that why a person has 2 phones. I had 2 phones once which I carried openly. However this man didnt declare the second phone to anyone and kept it hidden. A family member if his, close to him didnt know about that number. If he had for me he would get after he met me. Not give me his second number when we did it first time and ask me to call on that instead of public number. I didnt mind how many As he had before me but will u be ok if had many other women same time besides me same time. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My xmm had a second phone already and he gave the number to me which he didn't give to his friends and family had no knowledge. Did he already have As before me? It's pretty common to have more than one phone, depending on your line of work, how often you travel, etc. I have three phones - a "public" one whose number I give out to people with a legitimate need to contact me; a dual-SIM phone with a private number known only to close friends and family, and a second SIM for travelling abroad; and a third (older) phone used for work, that I switch off after hours when I don't wish to be contacted. (I also have two SIMs in my tablet, one for local use and one for travelling, and a further two SIMs in my laptop dongles.) it's pretty standard these days among "connected" people, so I would not read too much into it. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) Thats not the question that why a person has 2 phones. I had 2 phones once which I carried openly. However this man didnt declare the second phone to anyone and kept it hidden. A family member if his, close to him didnt know about that number. If he had for me he would get after he met me. Not give me his second number when we did it first time and ask me to call on that instead of public number. I didnt mind how many As he had before me but will u be ok if had many other women same time besides me same time. It seems some either have not read or read incorrectly, as you did make it clear that this other phone of his was a secret/hidden; hence the alarm is raised that why he has it isn't above board and seems to point more towards him having this for clandestine purposes versus it is his "secret business phone" . So your concern is him having multiple OW while you were together and you don't care if he had the phone for his previous As? Well....even if he didn't have a secret phone he could have had other OW. So that doesn't really tell you much about that. I would be concerned about his previous As personally as a seasoned serial cheater is probably more likely to have concurrent As. But you did say he is xMM and not current right? So in the grand scheme of things there is nothing you can do now about it if he did in fact have you and another/others, so no use fretting about it. Edited January 15, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
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