Husbands true porn habit, will nude pics of me help, and can I trust him again?

[P1xie]

After all I said in my original post High Contrast all you can do is try to turn it around by saying I'm a stripper. Your profile does not say if your gender but I'm guessing your a guy.

 

Face up guys to your own doings instead of putting it off on us. Trying to tell us that it's normal and we should except it. Girls NO, don't accept anything you don't want to and like I said Guys don't accept it either. It's obvious there are women out there that don't mind porn find one!

[High Contrast]

I think it's completely ludicrous for a woman involved in what is essentially pornographic activity to freak out over her boyfriend viewing some. I'm guessing you conveniently draw some huge line between porn and strip clubs because you don't show the %@$!%, but most wives and girlfriends wouldn't agree.

 

As for turning it back on me, don't bother. I'm a guy who isn't into porn, I hate strip clubs, I wouldn't let a girlfriend control my porn viewing if I were, and I would never date a stripper.

[P1xie]

I think it's completely ludicrous for a woman involved in what is essentially pornographic activity to freak out over her boyfriend viewing some. I'm guessing you conveniently draw some huge line between porn and strip clubs because you don't show the %@$!%, but most wives and girlfriends wouldn't agree.

 

As for turning it back on me, don't bother. I'm a guy who isn't into porn, I hate strip clubs, I wouldn't let a girlfriend control my porn viewing if I were, and I would never date a stripper.

 

lol No one is saying to let your girlfriend control you porn viewing. I'm saying if your girlfriend is not into it to let her go or accept it like you expect us women to accept it. No, guys wouldn't do that, they want their porn and they want us at the same time. They will lie, hide it etc to get their way. But we are controlling if we disagree and we push you to lie and hide it. What a joke. Grow up and accept your actions instead of blaming us.

 

Have you ever met a stripper? What makes you better that you would say you would not date one. I did what I had to do to support my family. I worked my office job during the day and stripped at night to pay the mortgage. I'm proud that you are such a great of a person that you can judge us.

 

There is no difference in a guys perspective for strip clubs or porn. It's a way their selfish beings can get themselves off. As for the strippers we are making a living, it's not for gratification. A lot of women are more against the stripping because it's a "real girl" well sorry guys and girls the images the girls in clubs are all real. We are somebody's daughters, sisters, nieces, cousins etc.

[High Contrast]

I agree that sneaking around and lying about porn is really lame. A lot of guys simply don't have the cojones to stand up to their girlfriends and face consequences. So they try to have their cake and eat it to. They want peaceful relationships, and figure what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Too many of them turn into children and treat their girlfriends like mommies. I don't agree with that style at all.

 

But suppose the guy honestly gives it up because his girlfriend said so. That's not "controlling behavior" on her part?

 

I've known strippers and I think the job warps their view of men. I see it in your own posts here as well. You think of your customers as losers, and seem to have a fairly negative impression of men in general. And the fact that you're selling a service you don't want your boyfriend buying shows how different it is from a job with integrity. Clearly if you were baking donuts, designing telephones, or writing plays, you'd be proud to have your boyfriend as a client.

[P1xie]

 

I have said it's controlling...Controlling what we want and don't want in our lives. Isn't it just as controlling on guys part to want us to accept it? I'm also telling guys to take their own control and just say it like it is. I'm going to look at porn either except it or not.

 

I've known strippers and I think the job warps their view of men. I see it in your own posts here as well. You think of your customers as losers, and seem to have a fairly negative impression of men in general. And the fact that you're selling a service you don't want your boyfriend buying shows how different it is from a job with integrity. Clearly if you were baking donuts, designing telephones, or writing plays, you'd be proud to have your boyfriend as a client.

 

I was not a dancer when I first posted here. I was raised with 4 great guys. I even discussed my porn problem with them and all four agreed with me. Does that make my brothers not the norm? So no I don't have a bad view of men just certain ones just like you do with women. What is your impression of the guys that go to the clubs like? It's obvious what you think of the girls, you've already state you wouldn't date one? Are they any better than the girls that work there?

[High Contrast]

I have said it's controlling...Controlling what we want and don't want in our lives. Isn't it just as controlling on guys part to want us to accept it? I'm also telling guys to take their own control and just say it like it is. I'm going to look at porn either except it or not.

 

If you were controlling what you want in your life, you'd break up with him and wouldn't ask him to change for you. Instead, it's nagging, whining, and ultimatims to get him to change!

 

 

 

What is your impression of the guys that go to the clubs like? It's obvious what you think of the girls, you've already state you wouldn't date one? Are they any better than the girls that work there?

 

 

I think the whole scene is lame. I accept whatever consenting adults to, but I don't go because I don't want to sit there, teased and tempted without any satisfaction, and then leave lighter in the wallet for it. It's exploitation. It's like paying to go to a restaurant, see and smell the food, and then leave hungry without eating anything. I can't see the men who go as anything but fools.

[P1xie]

If you were controlling what you want in your life, you'd break up with him and wouldn't ask him to change for you. Instead, it's nagging, whining, and ultimatims to get him to change!

 

lol ok what about his nagging whining and ultimatims to Oh come on it's just like reading a newspaper. Give me my porn. It's a two way street. How is a guy not being controlling when they want women to change and accept it. How many men actually leave their women because they want porn and their women don't. I would say none they'd rather lie and hide it. Instead of changing me he should leave. How about that concept? Nope not in a guys world.

 

I can't see the men who go as anything but fools.

 

Looks like we feel the same on that issue. That does not make me have a warped image of all guys just some. And those same fools are willing to lose their relationships because women are trying to change and control them.

[High Contrast]

So instead you get to control him by forcing him to change, and you get to remain with someone who lied to you. Best of both worlds!

[P1xie]

So instead you get to control him by forcing him to change, and you get to remain with someone who lied to you. Best of both worlds!

 

I'm still waiting for a response of taking some responsibilty for the guys own action. All your response is directed to me like by either putting me down for being a stripper or staying with a guy in your opinion I changed.

 

Now if I would of changed for him and said his porn was ok would you be saying the same to him. Of course not. What if I lied and said I was ok with porn and said go right ahead. Should he stay with me. I lied and he changed me. WHAT A JOKE!

[High Contrast]

You could

 

1. Threaten him into stopping (controlling him)
   
2. Deal with it (change yourself)
   
3. Break up
   

 

You did the first, but you want to deny that you controlled him.

 

I already said that promising you he'd stop and sneaking it behind your back was a very lame way to deal with it. But now you're in a relationship with someone you can't trust.

 

Why do you act as if your job is irrelevant? Can you imagine someone that works at Starbucks freaking out over her boyfriend drinking coffee?

[mymojo]

You could

 

1. Threaten him into stopping (controlling him)
   
2. Deal with it (change yourself)
   
3. Break up
   

 

You did the first, but you want to deny that you controlled him.

 

I already said that promising you he'd stop and sneaking it behind your back was a very lame way to deal with it. But now you're in a relationship with someone you can't trust.

 

Why do you act as if your job is irrelevant? Can you imagine someone that works at Starbucks freaking out over her boyfriend drinking coffee?

 

 

You are 100 % correct and after carefully considering my options I've decided on number 3. I'm going to get a divorce, I'm sick of this issue and of him. Let him have his "hot babes" I'm out of here

[P1xie]

You could

 

1. Threaten him into stopping (controlling him)
   
2. Deal with it (change yourself)
   
3. Break up
   

 

I did not threaten him. He decided to change himself. I never told him to stop. I told him we were into too different of things and I didn't want it in my life. I have that right to decide what I want in my life. As he has the right to decided what he wants in his. He decided to as your list says "Deal with it" and changed himself.

 

I control what I want in my life. He controls what he wants in his life. We all make choices. How if I changed myself because of his porn is it different if he changed himself. HOW BECAUSE YOU GUYS STILL GET YOUR PORN so women changing isn't a guy controlling them or changing them it's them changing themselves. Keep pointing the finger at the women if it makes you feel better. The truth is the truth. You expect us to change ourselves too meet his needs but that isn't considered controlling? I don't get the double standard here.

 

 

Why do you act as if your job is irrelevant? Can you imagine someone that works at Starbucks freaking out over her boyfriend drinking coffee?

 

Like I said I was not working as a dancer when I had the porn problem with my boyfriend so your agrument doesn't apply. Yes I could if the coffee affected their relationship.

[InTheMachine]

I'm confused. Are you still stripping - or not? Is your boyfriend still wanking to porn, or not?

[P1xie]

No I'm not stripping. High Contrast is just assuming so I'm letting him. My boyfriend as far as I know is not doing the porn. I'd like to add that since he has stopped I have actually been getting sex a lot more often which is really nice. I trust that he is not and don't snoop around for it. Once in a great while we will argue about it.

 

He trys to "CHANGE" my views on it and I try to "CHANGE" his views on it. He trys to "CONTROL" what he wants in his life...and I try to "CONTROL" what I want in mine.

 

That's what I'm trying to say here. I just don't get the difference of change and control. It could be either way. If I changed for him then how come no one here is calling him controlling or saying that he wants me to change? When the truth of the matter is it is the same.

[InTheMachine]

Okay, apparently I'm not following this very well. Maybe its the beer

 

If *you* aren't stripping and *he* isn't obsessing over nekkid chicks, what's the problem?

 

Oh. I get it. You're just relating your former experience. Ah. It was the beer.

 

By the way, if thats your picture and your boyfriend ever returns to his perpetual wanking, give me a call. I have nice single friends who prefer a real woman to pictures of plastic babes, and they'd be happy to take you out and treat you right.

 

And man who would choose porn over that real woman er meaning you is a dolt. Porn is lame. Then again, so is stripping. But at least you got paid.

[P1xie]

Yes that is my real picture. I only post it so I didn't have to hear how I have low self esteem. I'm just a control freak now hehehe. I'm sure that statement won't go over well because their are tons of pretty girls that have low self esteem.

 

Thank you though

[High Contrast]

I don't get the double standard here.

 

There's no double standard. You manipulated him into cooperation. You said

 

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and have battled with him with porn

 

fighting and nagging and

 

He seen it upset me the first time he was caught

 

guilt trips and emotional manipulation. Until finally he caved in and submitted to your wishes.

 

I told him from the beginning my views...I find it a form of cheating.

 

He cheated on you repeatedly and instead of breaking up with him, you stayed and broke his will until he obeyed.

 

Compare that with what MyMojo said:

 

I'm going to get a divorce, I'm sick of this issue and of him. Let him have his "hot babes" I'm out of here

 

See the difference? That's a woman who is in control of her own life. You are in control of your boyfriend's life.

[P1xie]

No I'm not stripping. High Contrast is just assuming so I'm letting him. My boyfriend as far as I know is not doing the porn. I'd like to add that since he has stopped I have actually been getting sex a lot more often which is really nice. I trust that he is not and don't snoop around for it. Once in a great while we will argue about it.

 

He trys to "CHANGE" my views on it and I try to "CHANGE" his views on it. He trys to "CONTROL" what he wants in his life...and I try to "CONTROL" what I want in mine.

 

That's what I'm trying to say here. I just don't get the difference of change and control. It could be either way. If I changed for him then how come no one here is calling him controlling or saying that he wants me to change? When the truth of the matter is it is the same.

 

Read again High Contrast...He does just as much nagging etc. as I do. How is he different from me? There is a double standard because you are only seeing one side the side where the woman is being nagging and controlling. How is a guy not being nagging and controlling when he wants me to change my views?

 

You haven't answered once on this and probably won't. You will just continue to try to it's all one when it takes two to dangle.

[High Contrast]

Read again High Contrast...He does just as much nagging etc. as I do. How is he different from me? There is a double standard because you are only seeing one side the side where the woman is being nagging and controlling. How is a guy not being nagging and controlling when he wants me to change my views?

 

He tried to get you to change? I thought you said he promised not to look anymore, and then snuck around? (Which I called lame twice now, but you still think I defend everything that guys do)

 

So you nagged at each other and you won the battle. Why are you such a sore winner? Rejoice in your victory. You've got him in deep check. Cool!

 

You haven't answered once on this and probably won't. You will just continue to try to it's all one when it takes two to dangle.

 

I've answered everything you've put.

[Outcast]

Stop trying to convince us that it's ok! That you need to be visually stimulated. It's a load of crap and you know it. You just don't want to give it up PERIOD.

 

It's all about being reasonable. Disliking something for a GOOD reason, not 'because I don't like it'. And that, in the end, is what people should be.

[mymojo]

I told my husband this morning that I want a divorce.He expressed gratitude and relief. He also sat there and validated every single one of my concerns/issues. Fact is, he's not attracted to me, he feels I'm "too old" that as a man he is entitled to and can pull much younger women with "tighter, hotter bodies" my small breasts were also a turn off as are my wrinkles. He also said that my lack of gratitde for any sort of sexual attention at all angered and mystified him, as an older gal he felt that I should understand and accept my lesser value.I'm worth nothing in his opinion.

[InTheMachine]

I told my husband this morning that I want a divorce.He expressed gratitude and relief. He also sat there and validated every single one of my concerns/issues. Fact is, he's not attracted to me, he feels I'm "too old" that as a man he is entitled to and can pull much younger women with "tighter, hotter bodies" my small breasts were also a turn off as are my wrinkles. He also said that my lack of gratitde for any sort of sexual attention at all angered and mystified him, as an older gal he felt that I should understand and accept my lesser value.I'm worth nothing in his opinion.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but frankly, you may end up a lot happier in the long run. Hopefully, you'll find yourself a real man who knows what actually matters in life.

 

No offense, but your husband sounds like an idiot. And I suspect he's going to truly regret letting you get away. I love tight young female bodies once too - back when I was 20. Not that I don't appreciate the young women today, but I wouldn't trade an intelligent, mature, real woman who loves me for a "hot body."

 

That's just immaturity. You're better off without him. And he's gonna be REALLY pissed when he finds out that even those "tight, hot" women are going to want some class and maturity in their man.

 

Best to you.

[P1xie]

I'm so sorry mrmojo. I don't know what to say. He said some cruel things.

[P1xie]

So you nagged at each other and you won the battle. Why are you such a sore winner? Rejoice in your victory. You've got him in deep check. Cool!

I've answered everything you've put.

 

Yeah I have him in deep check. I nagged him so much he just had to stay with me. No we worked through this problem for two years. Both agruing our points. Both wanting the other to understand their view on the issue.

 

Eventually something happened in our relationship where he understood where I was coming from and apolozied to me and said he was done with porn. It was not me nagging, or him nagging. It was called working things out in a relationship.

 

You call guys lame for the lies but you won't call them controlling for wanting us women to accept the porn in our lives. But you will call us women nagging controlling, making guys change etc.

[High Contrast]

as an older gal he felt that I should understand and accept my lesser value.I'm worth nothing in his opinion.

 

How incredibly shallow and materialistic. Unbelievable!

 

And anyway I personally think women are sexiest when they are 35-45.