Lost everything....

[ladydesigner]

It doesn't much matter what I do or where I go....he is still always in my thoughts. We spent 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week together for three years. Losing a friendship like that is not easily forgotten.

 

It is much like grieving and takes time (I hate that word). Your feelings are understandable. You spent a long time with your MM.

[Owl]

There is no therapy or treatment for my condition. It was a spinal cord injury...the cord was crushed by a vertebrae in my neck and although they fixed the damage with fusions, pins and screws....the nerves were damaged beyond healing and are now degenerating. ( dying )

My old activities/hobbies are out, as all were too physical - skiing, dragon boat racing, horseback riding, skydiving - all could cause major injuries to me now.

I've always been very active and in good physical shape. I'm always outside. My job was a physical outdoor job....as is the one I start in the spring ( although not as physically demanding ).

Give that it is winter....I'm stuck inside more than I usually am. Still take my dog for hikes/walks regularly. I'm a live-in property manager so keep fairly busy with that. I'm purging my place/repainting, etc. I still do a lot of photography.

I'm not a couch potato that sits and watches soaps all day and eats bon bons.

That said...I'm fighting a horrible chronic sinus/ear infection right now which has limited my desire to do much of anything the past few weeks.

 

Very sorry to hear how debilitating your injuries and condition are. And it really sucks that you're not able to pursue your hobbies/activities from before. I'm an active person, so not being able to get outside like I do would be difficult in the extreme.

 

Was in no way hinting that you were a coach potato. Simply pointed out that activity is good for the body, and for the soul. I have no way to gauge your activity from this side of the internet.

 

It doesn't much matter what I do or where I go....he is still always in my thoughts. We spent 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week together for three years. Losing a friendship like that is not easily forgotten.

 

Understood. There is a difference between not focusing on someone, and forgetting them. Time does NOT heal all wounds...time, plus concentrated effort and work, can heal them.

 

You can remain focused on your loss...or you can choose to accept your loss, and focus on your life as it is now.

 

I'm the kind to give active advice...doing nothing to improve your situation results in nothing. Actively owning your process of healing is always the best way to go.

 

I'm not saying that if you follow my advice, you'll forget about him and be happy as a lark tomorrow. But you're more likely to reach an acceptable level of discomfort a lot sooner if you're actively working to improve your situation over sitting there passively hoping that the pain will fade.

 

If he's gone...accept that, grieve over the loss of the relationship, and move on.

 

That's all you can do.

[Berkley]

I don't ever actively try to think about him, about my job, about all of the loss...but for as long as I can remember - that's how my brain functions. Unfortunately I'm not one of those people who has the ability to switch off thoughts and refocus them elsewhere...never have been able to.

I'm not trying to simply recover from the loss of a friend who I love dearly...but also all that was my daily life for three years.

 

 

I am coping with the physical limitations I've been left with...in fact, no one that sees me would ever know that I have any health problems at all. I appear to function perfectly normally. ( unless of course my hair is up and they can see the 12" scar from the base of my skull to my upper back ).

I've managed to adjust to the loss of feeling and strength in my hands, feet, legs and body...annoying as hell, but I can still function.

I can't run now....for the life of me I don't know why...but if I was ever being chased down by a bear - I'd be dinner. Good thing I own a Pitbull. If I try reaching in to my purse or backpack for something - I can't distinguish objects by feel....can't tell if I'm grabbing my cell phone or wallet. When I'm taking photos I have to stop and look to see if my finger is actually on the right buttons. When I type, lots of editing because my fingers hit all sorts of extra keys .

But on the outside - I'm still 'normal'. Slower and weaker for anyone who knew me before, but normal to outsiders.

 

 

I haven't been a passive bystander...I've been writing, a lot. Have filled up two journals since October ! I'm looking in to counselling - which is difficult when you're out of work and broke. Reaching out and being more open with my kids...calling them a lot more often now.

 

 

The FWB part has been basically gone for a long time now.....it's the friendship part that I am grieving. And it's very difficulty, despite how ignorant he's been on and off this year....to accept that he's gone when he had to continually make a point of telling me that he's not gone - that he just needs time, and that it was just goodbye for now...not forever. so, there's always that part of you, no matter how much you try to block it out, that hopes every phone call, text or email will be him ready to be part of your life again.