Why are some of us still single? We aren't persistent enough.

[irc333]

This post is kind of geared towards the single men.

 

 

Okay, there had been some things that had baffled me about some of these "How we met" stories.

 

REcently, at a social gathering at a friend's house, there was this woman that brought a new face with her. I knew her to have been in a serious , long term relationship with a man, and she may have noticed that I have noticed NEW man.

 

After I had asked how they met, she said, "Well, he asked me out about 4 times, after the 4th time, I decided to go out with him...and well, the rest is history! LOL!"

 

I have even heard of marriages happening in this fashion, I don't know why.

 

But every time I see this, I keep wanting to hang a sign around his neck saying, "Pushy/Stalker-ish" etc.

 

I have had heard women give other single men a hard time about having not persued them after blowing them off the first time, or even the first time they never returned their call (or 2nd time) or however times they keep it going.

 

With me, this is something I could never get away with, seriously. So I never do it. I have some male friends given a hard time by other women how they "gave up to easily" or "Didn't try hard enough" to pursue them.

 

Not sure where this is coming from, but honestly, I'm starting to think I'm still single because I am not persistent enough. lol Anyone gentlemen here concur? lol

[Phoe]

This sounds like complete nonsense.

 

No means no.

 

 

Why would you want a woman who thinks "no" means "try harder"??

[pickflicker]

This sounds like complete nonsense.

 

No means no.

 

 

Why would you want a woman who thinks "no" means "try harder"??

 

Yep, that sounds like the defense invoked by date rapists...

[Mrlonelyone]

m.

 

Not sure where this is coming from, but honestly, I'm starting to think I'm still single because I am not persistent enough. lol Anyone gentlemen here concur? lol

 

Yes this is possible. In case you haven't noticed last year I was able to get 8 mostly good months, (Though why would I write about the good parts here) with a fine intelligent young woman. I worked it out... we spent an extra 6 hours hanging out at the school together than either of us needed to be there. It was like every day we had a super cheap six hour long date, five days a week, for eight months (not counting a break while school was out). It was like dating 4 hours a date, three days a week for 20 months.

 

It was in "the workplace".

It was not 100% exclusive on either side.

We had a huge age difference.

etc.

 

All reasons I was told would make it impossible. Yet to this day while we are not together, she sometimes contacts me and I her. Under the right circumstances we could try again.

 

Why?

 

Because I didn't give up easily. In hindsight we push each other away in the end because we could see that long distance coming and would not have liked it.

 

Relationships are a challenge. It is a challenge to get the woman to think you actually like her and not just what's between her legs. It's a challenge to stay together. Every day you wake up you ask yourself is this what I want to be doing, and until you are married you can walk away without censure. It is a challenge to just not walk away.

 

This sounds like complete nonsense.

 

No means no.

 

 

Why would you want a woman who thinks "no" means "try harder"??

 

No one's talking about sex. We are talking about getting coffee.

[xxoo]

I think the part you are missing is that these guys are getting positive feedback and encouragement along with the "no". She's enjoying the flirting and attention, and encouraging him through non-verbal communication (including her proximity to him....putting herself next to him for conversations, etc) to keep flirting and trying. There is mutual fun in the asking, not awkward rejection.

 

And yes, a man who shows big interest can be more attractive than a man who shows lukewarm interest. You may not understand it, as a man, but it's true. It's sort of like me, as a woman, saying, "What is with these women wearing the heels and make up and push up bras? Are they desperate?" Cause, duh! A lot of guys go for that stuff! Still, that's not me, so I wouldn't do that stuff. I'd just go for guys who are into women like me.

[Targetlock]

I suppose its because its because women like being pursued and if done right comes across your intentions are serious, if not done right comes across as creepy i guess.

 

 

P.S maybe i'm not persistent enough? i usually take the first no not again.

[Mrlonelyone]

I suppose its because its because women like being pursued and if done right comes across your intentions are serious, if not done right comes across as creepy i guess.

 

 

P.S maybe i'm not persistent enough? i usually take the first no not again.

 

What XXOO said about their being signs that the woman is at least a little receptive to you the whole time. They aren't going to be big sings at first... but little things.

 

The problem is there are women, immature women, who will put out those signs then when a man responds they get flustered and push the man away. i.e. They want what they can't have.

[Disillusioned]

Yes and no.

 

I could try very hard to become an engineer so I could design and build a robot woman who'd always be madly in love with me.

 

But there's no way on God's green Earth I'm going back to school again.

[Phoe]

why does everyone think I was talking about sex? I wasn't.

 

No means no. No matter the context.

 

If someone asks me if I want a cookie and I say no, that means no. It doesn't mean "try harder to give me the cookie"

 

it's the exact same context in asking someone out and they say no. Why should no mean "try harder" and why would a man want to date a woman who plays that kind of game?

[Moe'sTavern]

why does everyone think I was talking about sex? I wasn't.

 

No means no. No matter the context.

 

If someone asks me if I want a cookie and I say no, that means no. It doesn't mean "try harder to give me the cookie"

 

it's the exact same context in asking someone out and they say no. Why should no mean "try harder" and why would a man want to date a woman who plays that kind of game?

To get the cookie.

[Phoe]

To get the cookie.

 

And have a complete headache of a time?

 

 

Why not go for girls who are reasonable and straightforward and honest and say what they mean instead of playing games?

 

 

The fact that it's legitimately a thing that men have to try harder and pursue harder and that a woman would say no until she felt the guy had tried hard enough is just completely baffling.

 

 

Why do humans do such ridiculous things?

 

 

God I'm glad I like things to be simple.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Total BS.

 

If a man keeps pursuing me after I said no, especially repeatedly, I put him into the creeper/stalker category. End of story.

[BOREDouttaMymind]

I must be tired. I read this post twice and im not getting it.

[Teraskas]

I don't know tbh.

I wouldn't say that I'm not persistent enough, the opposite couldn't be more true.

 

When I want to achieve something in life, I go for it.

Doesn't matter how many times I fall and rise again before I reach the destination, because the journey is what matters.

At the end of chasing something I always look back and find myself to be a different person with more confidence than the one who started out to achieve it.

 

That said (and more related to this topic) there have been instances where I tried going after women again who previously turned me down.

(This was during the beginning of my never ending rejection experience)

 

Tried 3 times and she still said no.

Sure, I have a great deal of patience but there's only so many times you can be turned down by the same person before moving on.

[irc333]

Interesting responses. From what I found out with these "How we met" stories, the gentleman who "persisted" did so in a "non-creepy/stalker" way. Now, I never actually saw these men in action, so I can only picture movies or shows where I saw where a man asked a woman out, she says "I can't" or simply "No", and he sulks off, and she has a little smile or smirk on her face.

 

Usually these men are "regulars" at events, the gym, or wherever they are routinely meeting these SAME women obviously. But he'll use different "spins" or "angles' at doing so.

 

And of course, will probably wait a good while between attempts. All the while getting to know her at these functions, classroom, study group, social clubs, etc.

 

He'll probably gradually get to know her, and will try again but it's all in the presentation, too.

 

That's my interpretation and what some of my friends have told me. Apparently being familiar with the individual helped a lot. Chances are these guys asked them out when they barely knew them at the time. So sometimes the men will continue to "get to know them" at these functions and make another attempt at "grabbing drink after said event" as he walks her to her car.

 

 

Total BS.

 

If a man keeps pursuing me after I said no, especially repeatedly, I put him into the creeper/stalker category. End of story.

[gaius]

Interesting responses. From what I found out with these "How we met" stories, the gentleman who "persisted" did so in a "non-creepy/stalker" way. Now, I never actually saw these men in action, so I can only picture movies or shows where I saw where a man asked a woman out, she says "I can't" or simply "No", and he sulks off, and she has a little smile or smirk on her face.

 

Usually these men are "regulars" at events, the gym, or wherever they are routinely meeting these SAME women obviously. But he'll use different "spins" or "angles' at doing so.

 

And of course, will probably wait a good while between attempts. All the while getting to know her at these functions, classroom, study group, social clubs, etc.

 

He'll probably gradually get to know her, and will try again but it's all in the presentation, too.

 

That's my interpretation and what some of my friends have told me. Apparently being familiar with the individual helped a lot. Chances are these guys asked them out when they barely knew them at the time. So sometimes the men will continue to "get to know them" at these functions and make another attempt at "grabbing drink after said event" as he walks her to her car.

It's really neediness that seperates the winners from the losers. The guys that successfully master it will give those women attention when they're into it and ignore them when they want to be ignored. Always remaining undaunted if she says no. The losers will text 5 times im a row without getting a reply.

 

I had one woman who had sworn off dating, we talked extensively for a few weeks then she didn't reply to one of my messages so I ignored her from that point on. 6 months later she sent me something, we started talking, I pressed again and it turned into a year long thing.

[irc333]

6 Months?? You see, I would've probably at least emailed her after 1 month of no contact. LOL.

 

Though, I wonder, what was it that kept contacting YOU for 6 months? Why did it have to be THAT long?

 

 

It's really neediness that seperates the winners from the losers. The guys that successfully master it will give those women attention when they're into it and ignore them when they want to be ignored. Always remaining undaunted if she says no. The losers will text 5 times im a row without getting a reply.

 

I had one woman who had sworn off dating, we talked extensively for a few weeks then she didn't reply to one of my messages so I ignored her from that point on. 6 months later she sent me something, we started talking, I pressed again and it turned into a year long thing.

[gaius]

6 Months?? You see, I would've probably at least emailed her after 1 month of no contact. LOL.

 

Though, I wonder, what was it that kept contacting YOU for 6 months? Why did it have to be THAT long?

It might have been a little less than that, I actually don't remember exactly It was at least a few though. Women find something very sexy about a guy that doesn't need them. We're broken up now but I still gets texts from her occasionally. Which is odd for her, from what I understood she doesn't really communicate with ex's and I don't think she was lying to me about that.

[gaius]

It's funny irc, I see all these threads about avoiding the friend zone but if you play it right there really is no friendzone. You'll grow like a weed on women who would never consider dating you at the first meeting. If you can just put aside your ego and get over them not falling down at your feet the moment they see you the world turns into your oyster.

[irc333]

It's funny irc, I see all these threads about avoiding the friend zone but if you play it right there really is no friendzone. You'll grow like a weed on women who would never consider dating you at the first meeting. If you can just put aside your ego and get over them not falling down at your feet the moment they see you the world turns into your oyster.

 

Okay ,based on what Gaius just said, would you ladies concur, that there are possibilities in which this would be possible?

 

I recall a female friend recommending "checking in" in on a woman occasionally if she blows your off or non-responsive. I mean....if she doesn't give you a straight "no, not interested", it means you could still probably have a shot....but just space apart your contact or keep the "keeping in touch" to a minimum. Yes?

[Eternal Sunshine]

It's true that friend zone doesn't exist.

 

I think one of your problems irc is thst you see it all as some part of a master plan. These other guys genuinly let go and move on. It's not like they are counting down the months when to try next.

[Scales]

I've also heard a number of stories where the guy asked a girl out for literally months and then she said yes and became his girlfriend sometime after. Here is the truth in my eyes.

 

Nobody better came along. Nobody else gave them the attention. These girls settle and are likely to be either the dominant alpha of the relationship or use that guy as a stepping stone to a better option. Not all girls will do this, but if there is anything I have learned about girls, they are bored. They are waiting for some kind of excitement, entertainment, and romance.

 

Its not advisable to chase anyone too much. You give up too much of your own power in dating and a relationship. As the constant pursuer you are not in a position of control. Its better to find a mate that you click with instantly with no games(rare but possible) or you do a balance of chasing and being chased. A give and take. Hot and cold works best. Being interested in a woman and letting attraction build only to take 2 days off from texting her will tell you everything you need to know.

 

This post is kind of geared towards the single men.

 

 

Okay, there had been some things that had baffled me about some of these "How we met" stories.

 

REcently, at a social gathering at a friend's house, there was this woman that brought a new face with her. I knew her to have been in a serious , long term relationship with a man, and she may have noticed that I have noticed NEW man.

 

After I had asked how they met, she said, "Well, he asked me out about 4 times, after the 4th time, I decided to go out with him...and well, the rest is history! LOL!"

 

I have even heard of marriages happening in this fashion, I don't know why.

 

But every time I see this, I keep wanting to hang a sign around his neck saying, "Pushy/Stalker-ish" etc.

 

I have had heard women give other single men a hard time about having not persued them after blowing them off the first time, or even the first time they never returned their call (or 2nd time) or however times they keep it going.

 

With me, this is something I could never get away with, seriously. So I never do it. I have some male friends given a hard time by other women how they "gave up to easily" or "Didn't try hard enough" to pursue them.

 

Not sure where this is coming from, but honestly, I'm starting to think I'm still single because I am not persistent enough. lol Anyone gentlemen here concur? lol

[Beatles4]

Hmm you have given me ideas!

 

I thought about giving up!

 

The girl says she not in right place at the moment....but nothing like not like me in that way or not interested, am sure she does like me....

 

I might start playing the hot cold game or or pay her more complements!

Edited January 17, 2014 by Beatles4

[todreaminblue]

if you hang back you miss out ...with anything...the moment passes.....people move on

 

guys who persist dont do it stalkerish.....they are just persistent.....friendly but nonchalant......determined does not equal creep...it means determined.....i have had guys do gentlemanly things .....the last one offered me his jumper he was wearing so i wouldnt have to sit and get my dress dirty....we began to talk.....he connected to an interest....and it was from there.....knocked him back on a walk..was iffy...told him i dont know about people who wear sunglasses when under cover who dont like me to see their eyes...........he promptly took them off...he persisted..we went for a walk....he asked me to kiss him.....we are dating exclusively now...determination is not stalker behavior....its just interest determinedly given...it is dominant but a relaxed style of dominance

[Beatles4]

See am scared I will come across stalky......but being a stalker isnt me! Lol