Why are some of us still single? We aren't persistent enough.

[todreaminblue]

See am scared I will come across stalky......but being a stalker isnt me! Lol

 

 

be firm and detrmined with who you know you are and go after what you want......just dont constantly exert pressure....rock the boat....not tip it........deb

[Babolat]

This post is kind of geared towards the single men.

 

 

Okay, there had been some things that had baffled me about some of these "How we met" stories.

 

REcently, at a social gathering at a friend's house, there was this woman that brought a new face with her. I knew her to have been in a serious , long term relationship with a man, and she may have noticed that I have noticed NEW man.

 

After I had asked how they met, she said, "Well, he asked me out about 4 times, after the 4th time, I decided to go out with him...and well, the rest is history! LOL!"

 

I have even heard of marriages happening in this fashion, I don't know why.

 

But every time I see this, I keep wanting to hang a sign around his neck saying, "Pushy/Stalker-ish" etc.

 

I have had heard women give other single men a hard time about having not persued them after blowing them off the first time, or even the first time they never returned their call (or 2nd time) or however times they keep it going.

 

With me, this is something I could never get away with, seriously. So I never do it. I have some male friends given a hard time by other women how they "gave up to easily" or "Didn't try hard enough" to pursue them.

 

Not sure where this is coming from, but honestly, I'm starting to think I'm still single because I am not persistent enough. lol Anyone gentlemen here concur? lol

 

Some of my female friends tell me OLD stories, where a man will message them over and over, and eventually will say something funny (not mean or sarcastic) about the repeated messages not being returned, so, they meet them.

 

Go figure.

[Eau Claire]

This is one of those threads in which men should finally get something that many never do...listen to be women.

 

Note. Even the quietist woman at work, school, an activity, neighbourhood is aware of one thing.. .who the creeps are. This is gossip that women always share with each other....probably have since caveman days. Little can completely destroy a male's reputation and chances with a woman than being labeled as either an aggressive or pathetic creep. It ranks just under being a cheat or pursuer of underage girls.

 

Never become THAT guy.

[Frank2thepoint]

I had a relationship with an ex-gf whom I had pursued, even compete against two guys that I knew of. I kept chatting with her, asking her out, in the end of about two months of chasing, I won out. Seven months later I broke up with her because she wanted constant attention and marriage.

 

My other ex-gfs, I invested some time and effort before the relationship, but not the same amount of energy and time as the other one. Same goes for dates with girls. I was friendly, amiable, and just asked them out. Some were receptive, some weren't interested.

 

I personally think the right type of persistence is just greasing the wheels with being friendly, humorous, and easy-going. If you need to be persistent such as bombarding the person with attention, then the recipient of your affections will be creeped out. But if you also don't put the time in to do some amount of chasing, the person will just dismiss you as not interested enough. A balance has to be struck, and what makes it worse is, each individual has a different idea of that balance. Some like a little more attention than usual, some like being ignored.

[irc333]

Some of my female friends tell me OLD stories, where a man will message them over and over, and eventually will say something funny (not mean or sarcastic) about the repeated messages not being returned, so, they meet them.

 

Go figure.

 

LOL....sounds like me. I do the same thing, sometimes I do it as if I never had seen them before in my life Let a week or two pass.

 

Thing is, the same faces are on the site for years, in this small town, you figured they'd eventually decide to give me a shot.

 

It has worked when I mentioned that, "I figured I'd contact you again considering that you probably are bombarded by emails and the quality men may get overlooked, so I figured I'd follow-up".

 

It has been known to work. You CAN get overlooked.

 

Others remain on the site and chronically single. I keep seeing those same faces appear in my searches over and over. lol

[Eau Claire]

LOL....sounds like me. I do the same thing, sometimes I do it as if I never had seen them before in my life Let a week or two pass.

 

Thing is, the same faces are on the site for years, in this small town, you figured they'd eventually decide to give me a shot.

 

It has worked when I mentioned that, "I figured I'd contact you again considering that you probably are bombarded by emails and the quality men may get overlooked, so I figured I'd follow-up".

 

It has been known to work. You CAN get overlooked.

 

Others remain on the site and chronically single. I keep seeing those same faces appear in my searches over and over. lol

 

That is a reasonable second approach. I would then, however, add a specific reference to something in her profile as to why you are contacting her. Best in the form of a question to focus a reply from her 'You like to hike..so do I. Do you have a favourite trail...?

 

It's easier to respond to specifics than generalities.

 

Anyways, you have good second approach.

 

Re your wording. Rather than 'I figured that...' Perhaps...' I know that I wrote previously and it may seem unusual to you that I would write again, however I really enjoy your profile (then the rest ).

 

No third message.

[irc333]

And if a woman's final paragraph IN her profile says, "If I don't reply to your message the first time, please don't send me one a week later. If I didn't reply the FIRST time, then it means I wasn't interested".

??

 

 

 

That is a reasonable second approach. I would then, however, add a specific reference to something in her profile as to why you are contacting her. Best in the form of a question to focus a reply from her 'You like to hike..so do I. Do you have a favourite trail...?

 

It's easier to respond to specifics than generalities.

 

Anyways, you have good second approach.

 

Re your wording. Rather than 'I figured that...' Perhaps...' I know that I wrote previously and it may seem unusual to you that I would write again, however I really enjoy your profile (then the rest ).

 

No third message.

[Eau Claire]

And if a woman's final paragraph IN her profile says, "If I don't reply to your message the first time, please don't send me one a week later. If I didn't reply the FIRST time, then it means I wasn't interested".

??

 

Then don't.

 

I doubt if many woman write such a specific statement. I didn't nor did my friends. If a woman did write that, then respect her wishes.

[MixedUpChick]

And if a woman's final paragraph IN her profile says, "If I don't reply to your message the first time, please don't send me one a week later. If I didn't reply the FIRST time, then it means I wasn't interested".

??

 

I'm always amazed when I hear about women doing things like this. In my opinion, that's just rude... but maybe that's just me. My philosophy is, if a man sends me a decent message (basically anything that's at least a sentence or two) I'll respond. I'm really sorry some people are so rude / shallow / picky / etc. It makes me sad that people can't be more open to the possibility of the person who's perfect for them, not meeting their <sometimes> unrealistic ideals. No wonder so many of us are still single when people behave this way

[Frank2thepoint]

And if a woman's final paragraph IN her profile says, "If I don't reply to your message the first time, please don't send me one a week later. If I didn't reply the FIRST time, then it means I wasn't interested".

??

 

Just don't send a message in the first place to such a person.