Lennon Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Could people post some success stories from they're no contact experiences. The healing process. The length of time it took to heal. Becoming indifferent to your ex. Can you really become indifferent to your ex? Becoming happy again. Any stories are welcome if anybody would like to post that is. Motivation for those who are in early stages of no contact like myself and others. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) I go hard-core NC when a relationship ends and I'm usually over the relationship, regardless of the length of time, by about 3 months. I have a very supportive group of friends and a great family. These are essential to making the NC journey easier. Re: indifference, I never want to be friends with an ex. I just get to a point where I don't care about them and their problems any more. Edited January 16, 2014 by pickflicker 6 Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Ditto.. It's been almost three months of no contact since my BU and I can feel I'm starting to become myself again. I've gone on a few dates but more for fun than looking for another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Ditto.. It's been almost three months of no contact since my BU and I can feel I'm starting to become myself again. I've gone on a few dates but more for fun than looking for another relationship. I find when adjusting to something new (new job, exercise, new skill, singledom etc), that by 3 months, the new thing will begin to feel more routine. It's the same for break ups. Cut yourself off completely from your ex, and you're on the fast track to healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I can confirm how powerful NC is. 11 year RS, one child. I was the dumpee. Went LC about 2 weeks after the month-long BU. I'm now nearing 4th month post-BU. I can't even remember when the last time I saw the ex face to face. Frankly I don't care. Not to say that I don't have a lot of problems post-BU, but none of them are related to the ex. Or only very little since most of my problems revolve around raising a child on my own. The first month was a dark one, I don't remember much of it. But the second was better. I followed every advice here from blocking on FB to eating healthy. By the third month, I've made lots of new friends and have travelled more in the last two months than I ever did in the last 5 years. The first month LC is hell because we had to text every day. I kept all communication about our child only. It gradually became a bi weekly, then weekly. Now the last time I heard from him was just after New Year, so that's going two weeks without communication. I actually had the constant fear that I might be doing it wrong because I seem to be doing well after an 11-year RS and that one day I will just break down again like it was that first month. And it DID happen, yesterday in fact. Out of nowhere something triggered me and made me remember everything. I cried in the shower for half an hour. But after that everything was fine again. You really do bounce back faster when you're in NC. I can't say I'm completely healed. I'm not quite indifferent yet, but I know I'm getting there. There are still a lot of **** to go through, especially things related to our child. It'll come in the next few months, but I know I'll be able to handle it better because I'm on the right path to healing. Or at least I hope so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Approaching 1 year and finally almost there. Has been a very difficult road but has also taught me a lot. Seems I took a bit longer than some, but this was a very, very big deal for me. By far the most intense and deep RS I've ever been involved in. And the first time I've ever truly loved another. Lived together three years. Engaged for 18 months. Moved across the state together and left all else behind. I look at it like she did me a favor. I needed this education. Now I have a PhD 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Approaching 1 year and finally almost there. Has been a very difficult road but has also taught me a lot. Seems I took a bit longer than some, but this was a very, very big deal for me. By far the most intense and deep RS I've ever been involved in. And the first time I've ever truly loved another. Lived together three years. Engaged for 18 months. Moved across the state together and left all else behind. I look at it like she did me a favor. I needed this education. Now I have a PhD You took as long as you needed to. You did it totally right. Nuthin' wrong with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 8 Year RS. Took me 7 months pure pure NC to become indifferent. It was pure hell at points. I blocked virtually everything and didnt find out anything about her and she stayed silent except for 1 email (slipped thru) wishing me a happy b day. I think it would have taken me over a year without pure NC. Now im happily in new RS and even chat with the EX sometimes to catch up. Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 16 mo R She ended it Dec 22, 2013. I have been hard NC 1 hr after the words came out of her mouth. I sent 1 text in order to arrange the movers to pick up my stuff at her house ( I was not there when the movers picked up my stuff ). While in the middle of the 3rd week, with NC I can now see clearly what this R was all about. Each day I am learning more about me, may part, seeing what I need to see, seeing the real her, taking her off the pedestal, ect. NC makes healing possible. She made it clear that she does not want me in her life. I have to honor and respect her wishes. Nothing she said before that matters, not even the "reason" for the break up...all that matters is what she said to end the R. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lennon Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Keep posting people please, stories like these give me the right kind of hope 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thedafox Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Broke up late October, went on full NC mid November. It's gotten a hell of a lot easier, some days are better than others but I no longer just feel like trash the entire day, hell I've even had some days where I don't even think about her. It does get better Lennon, just be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) I thought to myself - you are never going to see him again, do you understand that? - I had to process this, it felt absolutely like a real jolt when I did, the sooner you accept the truth the less she will be in your system, thus feelings fade, besides, spring is coming, make plans Edited January 16, 2014 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I thought to myself - you are never going to see him again, do you understand that? - I had to process this, it felt absolutely like a real jolt when I did, the sooner you accept the truth the less she will be in your system, thus feelings fade, spring is coming, make plans When I walked out of her house I said to her, "I am going to proceed as if I am never going to see you again". This is the only way to heal imo. This is the way to lean into your feelings and grieve properly. It is like they die in a sudden accident. Honor your feelings and take the time to heal the right way. This is also the best way to leave the R with integrity and with your head held high. She had already made up her mind. I told her that, "I am willing to work on this with you". She insisted that she needs to do this on her own. At that point, there is nothing more that needs to be said. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 When I walked out of her house I said to her, "I am going to proceed as if I am never going to see you again". This is the only way to heal imo. This is the way to lean into your feelings and grieve properly. It is like they die in a sudden accident. Honor your feelings and take the time to heal the right way. This is also the best way to leave the R with integrity and with your head held high. She had already made up her mind. I told her that, "I am willing to work on this with you". She insisted that she needs to do this on her own. At that point, there is nothing more that needs to be said. That is how it is done everyone!! Pay attention Cav Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Keep posting people please, stories like these give me the right kind of hope Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. People absolutely swear by it, and it's a standard 'one-size-fits-all' because it works. It's something I first fronted for a member here, then adapted somewhat, and now I would say that, while the credit is his, it's 60% his and 40% mine. But without fear of contradiction, I am by far the strongest advocate of its wisdom. I claim no credit at all, however, for the sheer hard work, will-power, heart-break and determination that those implementing it, have shown. Through resolve, determination and dignity, every success story has been orchestrated by the person themselves. These are the 'Brave Souls' who walked through hell, and came our smiling. Grinning even. Heel-clicking, in a lot of cases.... Jumping and clicking their heels together. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 That is how it is done everyone!! Pay attention Cav only by the grace of God. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lennon Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. People absolutely swear by it, and it's a standard 'one-size-fits-all' because it works. It's something I first fronted for a member here, then adapted somewhat, and now I would say that, while the credit is his, it's 60% his and 40% mine. But without fear of contradiction, I am by far the strongest advocate of its wisdom. I claim no credit at all, however, for the sheer hard work, will-power, heart-break and determination that those implementing it, have shown. Through resolve, determination and dignity, every success story has been orchestrated by the person themselves. These are the 'Brave Souls' who walked through hell, and came our smiling. Grinning even. Heel-clicking, in a lot of cases.... Jumping and clicking their heels together. I've read it, and reread it every couple of days, :] Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 God has very little to do with it. If God had anything to do with earthly Romantic Love, we would all have sprouted wings and still be with our first love..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
John83 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 With my first love i went the NC route on the advice of my dad. We were 19 living together at my parents and a friday night we had planned a night out with friends she just failed to even come home from work and when i rang her she said she wasnt coming home and hung up. Still went out with friends and she was there with a group of workmates.simply repeated that she was leaving and left for a different pub. Next day she showed up for her things, asked if we could still be friends i said no. She said she would think about it after a week and left. Went NC which was made easier by the fact she moved back with parents about 25 miles away. I got rid off phone numbers so even if wanted to phone i couldnt. Went out with my friends all the time even though i didnt want to at first. Started training seriously again. Started a restoration/rebuild project on a car. I had a playlist on my computer of the songs that made me happy and constantly had it on when home. Have very fond memories of those times even though it was hard at firsti would give anything to have that same support now going through BU at 30 as i did ten.still have same friends but almost all have family now. The first time i seen her she came into one of my local bars and i was standing with mates. Had changed appearrance considerable, put on a lot of weight (muscle not fat). She approached me and asked why i wasnt speaking and to be honest i didnt know what to say so i flat out ignored her and she walked out. It must have got under her skin as i started getting a lot of funny phone calls on the house phone mainly just hanging up when i spoke, at the time i thought nothing of untill one time a male spoke and started making stupid threats which made me realise who it was as i recognised the local accent and knew it was to do with her. I just laughed it off and was satisfied that i had obviously got to her and that was just a little redemtion for the heartach she caused. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 God has very little to do with it. If God had anything to do with earthly Romantic Love, we would all have sprouted wings and still be with our first love..... then we would not be human and have free will Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 free will has nothing to do with god. I have it, and God don't figure.... Are we going to go off-topic and get all theological? Because frankly, the bottom line is I really couldn't give a rat's behind whether god exists or not. The debate is utterly irrelevant to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I thought to myself - you are never going to see him again, do you understand that? - I had to process this, it felt absolutely like a real jolt when I did, the sooner you accept the truth the less she will be in your system, thus feelings fade, besides, spring is coming, make plans This is very true. I got to a point where I didn't want to hold onto the false hope anymore. It was too painful and demoralizing. That being said, it took me two weeks post-breakup to actually implement NC (I had foolishly agreed to be friends during that time, hoping he would take me back) But I gave into the breadcrumbs he sent and and broke NC (or LC really) - - after 3 months. But when he went back to his push/pull game shortly thereafter - - ignoring me one minute, contacting me the next -- I knew I had to go 100% hardcore NC - - especially as he was in the process of dating other women and telling me all the details Strict NC lasted for 7 months. And then I broke it briefly, after having been dumped by someone else, for some reason I felt compelled to reach out to him. He wasn't particularly welcoming. So I dropped it and went back to NC. A month later he contacted me to tell me he was in a relationship with a woman who was pregnant with his child. That bit of news did give me a jolt. But it- was nothing compared to the full out electric shock I would have experienced had I not been NC - - which I went back to a few weeks later. I remained strict NC for a full year. Until I ran into him at the grocery store a year later and honestly felt nothing. It was odd because I felt as though I should feel something. After all, this man was my first love. But I just couldn't conjure up any kind of feelings about seeing him again: no sadness, happiness, depression, anger - - nothing. By the end of the week I had long since forgotten that I had run into him at all.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 10 year relationship (Broken up 2years now) Nc for 8 months Dating a new girl for a year now Once I got my ex out of my head, fell more in love than I've ever loved my ex Found out day after Xmas I was going to be a father Planning engagement in the next few months You grow, you change, you heal, you move on, and you love again. Barky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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