suspecting that my wife cheated 15 years ago

[pteromom]

That is the context, now the message from the former BF:

 

Dear (PETname),

My best wishes for the new 2008, for much professional success and good luck. What you really lack is to become mother and it seems for that you would need someone to help in order to have this happiness. With kind regards, (the former BF, PETname)

 

All I get from this is that he's suggesting she may need to see an infertility specialist. ????? I think you are just overreacting to NOTHING. So what - she exchanges Christmas cards with him and sends an email back and forth a couple times a year. Whoopee.

 

Several questions/comments arise:

1. How he knows that we were trying to conceive a child? Could be a coincidence, but it's a low probability.

 

Because - SHE TOLD HIM? If she was having an affair with him, she wouldn't be talking about you and her trying to conceive.

 

2. It looks he tries to degrade me, which means that at least he didn't know what was the small problem?

 

I don't see any degrading, or you mentioned at all.

 

3. It's openly offending, managed in only 3 lines

 

No it isn't. You are taking something personally that isn't even about you.

 

4. How she answered that/if answered, I don't know.

 

??

 

5. Fact is that she exchanged Christmas cards with him at least for the next 2 years (don't have any info for 2010-13).

 

And?

 

Shouldn't she stop immediately any communication with him at this very moment receiving this Email, is she was the loving crystal clear wife she tries to sell the image of????

 

No. You are reading too much into it.

 

I think, this message is a serious infraction, or as many of you call it, a RED FLAG, but it is not super solid evidence yet. What do you think?

 

I think you are so determined to find EVIDENCE that you are grasping at straws and making drama out of nothing.

 

What do you think???

 

Same thing I thought after the first post. That you are wasting energy and becoming too obsessed with this for no reason.

[KMA]

So how you intend to address your concerns?

 

The "suspicion bubble" which is building inside you will haunt you forever if you don't squash it.

 

Check this article: The infidelity epidemic: Never have marriage vows been under so much strain. Relationship expert Kate Figes spent 3 years finding out why adultery is now so worryingly common | Mail Online

 

Does your wife ticks one of the signs?

 

I noticed this:

 

"They become passionate in bed, deploying a new range of techniques."

 

I don't intend to feed your paranoia but their is a range of stuff concerning your wife that leads you to suspect her.

 

Sure, I read the paper. Obviously, the "passionate in bed category" ticks the box (15 y. ago, but nevertheless it's a tick").

 

 

And this:

 

 

 

- is another bothersome disclosure. It is an insult to sanctity of your marriage.

 

Have you approved of your wife's contact with her EX? Why is she sharing such sensitive information with her EX?

 

DNA test your child in secrecy to make sure that she is yours.

 

 

It is bothersome, yes, and it's an insult (except if it's some very strange coincidence (or just some shoot in the dark by this guy, possible but not probable)

 

I haven't approved anything about her contact with her EX, provided it was supposed to be just Christmas cards, it would have been too "oh, I'm so sensitive" if I have taken action before.

Why (if) she is sharing sensitive info with the guy, I'd like to know myself??!!

 

No need to test my child, at least that's OK, my daughter bears a striking resemblance with me; Besides my wife haven't had any even theoretical opportunity to meet the guy +-2 years before pregnancy, and I don' really suspect her in another affair.

 

 

NOTE: Before you confront your wife, complete your homework. You may not have explicit proof of your wife's cheating (if true) but you can connect the dots from various tidbits.

 

 

I agree with this statement:

 

Nobody has led a "lie-free" life. We have all shaded the truth in one way or another many times.

 

But I disagree with you on point no. 3 not being a serious matter. Being dishonest with your spouse in this manner will lead your spouse to suspect your behavior and trust related issues will originate. Their are some things in which you should never choose to be dishonest with your spouse. No. 3 is one of these things.

 

You could be right, and no.3 can be more indicative, than I considered it before... What you are really right about is the point about the homework.

 

However, currently no more disclosures from the HDs, can't find anything related any more.

Now, why she kept the message for "needing help to get pregnant" in a special directory (it was deleted from her 2007/8 mailbox, that's why I found it so late) is beyond me.

If she wanted to erase it, why invite complications, by keeping it in another folder, together with other old Emails (all of them partially important, but not relationship related). Can't understand that, don't have even a theory...

 

 

Their is certainly more to this story since new disclosures keep coming up from OP. Their are a number of reasons which have led OP to suspect his wife eventually.

 

OP decided not to challenge his wife back then because he trusted her like a husband should. However, his wife keep giving him more reasons to suspect her.

 

In a marriage, nothing is too late to address.

 

Seems so.

Edited January 25, 2014 by KMA

[KMA]

I'm surprised you are so short of doubts...

[KMA]

All I get from this is that he's suggesting she may need to see an infertility specialist. ????? I think you are just overreacting to NOTHING. So what - she exchanges Christmas cards with him and sends an email back and forth a couple times a year. Whoopee.

 

Because - SHE TOLD HIM? If she was having an affair with him, she wouldn't be talking about you and her trying to conceive.

 

I don't see any degrading, or you mentioned at all.

 

No it isn't. You are taking something personally that isn't even about you.

 

??

 

And?

 

No. You are reading too much into it.

 

I think you are so determined to find EVIDENCE that you are grasping at straws and making drama out of nothing.

 

Same thing I thought after the first post. That you are wasting energy and becoming too obsessed with this for no reason.

 

Exactly, but why she discussed this issue with a guy, she last met 7 years before (the date of the discussion)? And I guy with whom she (supposedly) exchanges Christmas cards only.

 

Pls, note, she is not the "talkative share everything with everyone chicken"... far from it...she is hyper discreet, ver reserved, much better in discretion than most of men ... never had any reason to doubt that ... Never left (unnecessary) any escape to third parties.... a perfect collaborator, prized for this her quality by bosses and alike....

 

And then, why she erased this message from her Inbox at that time but kept it (with all Email path/date description routs etc.) in another folder, to wait for me 6 y. to find it?