LeftAlone83 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Hello LS, I had this question pop into my head this afternoon when my exAP messaged me saying "I was the love of his life, and that he'd love me forever. No matter what. No one would ever compare to me." (which I'm assuming is including his W) My question is.. who tends to stay in love longer after an A has ended.. MM/MW, or OM/OW?? I would assume that MM/MW rotate from A to A, filling whatever void the most recent OM/OW left. And perhaps OM/OW heal slower, but move on more completely because they are free to find another person, another love. But of course, that's my perspective as an OW. I'm partially afraid that he'll forget me quickly, move on quicker, and I'll feel like just a notch on his belt. He swore that's not the case when we ended the A.. but it's hard to decipher what to believe these days. I know I have a long road ahead of me to heal from him, and wonder if I won't always wonder "what if?" to some extent. I would love to hear experiences and perspectives from both sides on this topic. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'm interested in hearing the answer to this....my mm tells me all the time he doesn't think he's ever been in love before me and that even if I leave him he will love me forever...I wonder how much is truly how he feels and how much is manipulation to keep me in the "fog" ..le sigh. So, to answer your q I am going to venture a guess its the married partner because we as the OW/OM get to go on and live our life where they have to deal with their feelings while still in their "miserable" marriage ...I could be way off base though 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 if the man was truly in love with that woman, I think it takes him longer to go on than when the woman is done 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeftAlone83 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 if the man was truly in love with that woman, I think it takes him longer to go on than when the woman is done RickFox.. Are you saying that you believe men, in general, whether married or not tend to love longer, and have a harder time moving on?? Or was your statement pertaining to MM, or OM?? Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 in general men have a hard time letting go from one they truly love. when women are done, they are done... men aren't that good at it.... just my experience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 in general men have a hard time letting go from one they truly love. when women are done, they are done... men aren't that good at it.... just my experience I actually think this has merit. When I was done with my husband, I was DONE. Nothing he could say or do could change that. At all. Once I turn off my feelings and decide to move on, that's it. Originally, before reading this, I was going to say the OW/OM, but your post really made me think. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I actually think this has merit. When I was done with my husband, I was DONE. Nothing he could say or do could change that. At all. Once I turn off my feelings and decide to move on, that's it. Originally, before reading this, I was going to say the OW/OM, but your post really made me think. I think that this has merit has well. I think that this is the reason that most MM don't leave their wives for the OW. Most times, their feelings and connections for their original partner run very deep. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Imo it depends on the temperament of the person and the depth/type of R they had with the AP rather than the gender of the person or even the status, whether OM/OW, MM/MW, or whether both persons in the R are single or both persons married to each other. Seems to me there are too many possible variables in the equation to make a general judgment pertaining to gender. Just from observation I've seen men who seemed to love women forever after breaking up while the woman moves on easily and women who've seemed to love men forever after breaking up while the man moves on easily. This includes As, marriages, dating Rs. Idk, just what I've seen. Guess others may see it differently according to what they've observed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vanellope Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I think it will be MM or MW, the reason is men can love many at the same time but women tend to love only one at the same time. so after breaking up, the MM will still think about OW after the OW move on to her new future partner. and MW already give her love from husband to the OM, but after breaking up she need to back to her marriage to maintain the relationship with her husband but at the same time cannot forget the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I agree with Rick Fox regarding men in general. Between the two sexes, I think it takes men longer. Between OP & MP, if the MP is actually in love and does not jump from A to A, I would say it takes MP longer. When I was younger, I was a SOM with MW in two different relationships. It really did not take many any time at all to get over those. Of course I had a lot of other opportunities due to my profession at that time. I know with my current OW, if I lose her, it will take me a good long while to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I really feel like some people have a greater capacity to love than others. What makes one person have a greater capacity to love than another person? Probably a combination of the personality they're born with, the environment they grew up in, and other current factors that influence their needs and desires. I think that some individuals love more than others, so it's hard to say which category of AP's loves the longest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeftAlone83 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 ZMM.. what makes your current OW so different from the others?? Why would it be so much harder to get over her than the former OWs? I don't believe I am my exAP's first AP.. but he said he never felt like he does for me for anyone else.. ever. This includes his W. He said he'll never be the same.. and he'll never stop loving me. I want to believe him.. but of course, with a relationship of this nature, it's hard to decipher what to believe, and what to take with a grain of salt. Has the A with your current AP lasted longer than the previous ones?? Is that why it would be harder to get over her?? Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 ZMM.. what makes your current OW so different from the others?? Why would it be so much harder to get over her than the former OWs? I don't believe I am my exAP's first AP.. but he said he never felt like he does for me for anyone else.. ever. This includes his W. He said he'll never be the same.. and he'll never stop loving me. I want to believe him.. but of course, with a relationship of this nature, it's hard to decipher what to believe, and what to take with a grain of salt. Has the A with your current AP lasted longer than the previous ones?? Is that why it would be harder to get over her?? First, in my situation - at the time, I didn't really consider the others an A. I was quite young and single. Neither one lasted very long and from my end I was not very attached. I know each of them were a bit more attached than me, but not a huge deal, at least I don't think so. I remained friends with both of them. After those I got into 2 Live-In LTRs, each lasted less than 2 years and then say 8 or so years later got married. Was married for 20 years and that is when I met OW and became very good friends, which later developed into an EA, then PA, etc. I guess the main difference with OW is we are very similar people. From talking, we found that when we were kids we actually had the same interests and still do. She is just quite different from other woman I have known. I never met anyone like her before. She just fits with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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