I'm having trouble choosing my bridesmaids..

[Cherrywheat]

My fiance (25M) and I got engaged this past August, our wedding is tentatively set for March 2015, and we haven't done any real planning yet. Choosing the bridesmaids actually fills me with dread. I have three major groups of friends from different stages in my life, and in each group we usually hang out all together or not at all. If I choose all of them I'll have 10 bridesmaids which is sort of ridiculous. Not saying I have 10 best friends because I don't, but since each group has always hung out as a group of "equal friends" once I start picking one or two from each I worry about deeply offending the others. So far I only have my maid of honor and one bridesmaid chosen. My fiance has 4-5 groomsmen and I'd like to somewhat match him.

 

First group: 5 friends dating back to elementary school. One of them, "J", is my maid of honor. As of recently I talk about once a week on facebook with them, we do once or twice yearly get togethers (we span from California to Canada so it's all we can do).

 

Second group: 3 friends, we were roommates in college. I'm definitely choosing my friend "A" and I'm worried about the other two roomies. For one of them I was a bridesmaid in her wedding just last summer (she chose all of the roomies as bridesmaids), and I don't know if that means that I have to put her in mine. If I do, then I feel like I automatically have to add the third roommate. Those last two I haven't spoken to in a while but we do yearly reunions.

 

Third Group: 2 friends in professional school with me, I probably spend more time with these two in and out of school than I do with my fiance. We've definitely become incredibly close, but since I'm 10 hours away from home and they're only friends of a year (compared to 4-13 years for the other two groups) I worry that we'll either not be friends a few years from now or my friends from the other two groups will be offended.

 

If I had to pick my closest friends right now it would be the two I mentioned I've already chosen and my current two friends in professional school. I don't want to lose/hurt friendships over something as ridiculous as not being picked for bridesmaids. I would like some advice on how to choose these girls, avoid hurt feelings, and maybe include the other girls in a way that isn't "please read some scripture in my ceremony or pass out flyers." Thank you!

[OpheliaSong]

Maybe candlelighters and someone to help with the registry out front? I would go with my heart and remember that this is the day you want the people you love around you.

[angel.eyes]

Go with your two friends from professional school, especially if it's medical or law school. You will go through a lot together, and they will be in your life long after the others have faded. That's been my experience. Depending on the wedding location, they may decline. Then go with your high school or college friends.

 

If you're short a bridesmaid, use a sister, cousin, sister-in-law, etc. Friends are less concerned when you pick a family member than a mutual friend. And no, you aren't obligated to use someone in your bridal part just because they used you, especially when things have fizzled and you now speak once a year. There are other ways to make them feel special and involve them in your celebration.

 

Ultimately, it's your special day. Pick based on what would make you happy, rather than trying to please everyone. Besides, you can't please everyone all the time. That's just life.

[Chocolat]

Are you sure all these women actually want to be a bridesmaid? It's an honor, I suppose, but also a PITA. You never know - some may be relieved not to be chosen.

[d0nnivain]

While being a bridesmaid is an "honor" it's also a giant p.i.t.a. & a huge financial burden.

 

 

Your wedding is more than 1 year away. Set all the other details of your wedding 1st. See who of your friends is around, involved & cares about your wedding. It's hard to comprehend but really nobody really cares about your wedding. In a few months as the girls who have already expressed excitement about your day. Make your selections about 9 months out.

 

 

For a great dose of reality check out the boards on TheKnot.com. Those b**ches are MEAN.

[BOREDouttaMymind]

95% of the time, women cant decide so they finally just pick everyone. its not just coincidence modern pics of brides on google, twitter, pintrest, etc have 6,7,8,9 or more bridesmaids.

 

it not about making everyone happy. its a day symbolizing your life. pick on or two and go with it.

 

the problem is ( im not saying you), but now a days we live in a society where we're brainwashed into thinking we have to make everyone happy...hence... our kids schools where 'everyone is a winner' even when the losing team loses...theyre still winners (great life lessons).

[MixedUpChick]

Does your fiance have any sisters? I only ask because when my son got married, his only sister wasn't included at all in the wedding & my daughter felt hurt because of it. Hopefully in your case, there are no sisters to consider, because you don't need any more women to choose from...!

[HokeyReligions]

Bridesmaid lotto. You have a set number of groomsmen. You hag e a maid of honor. Throw a girls party, tell them the goal is to select bridesmaids. They are all invited but don't all have to participate. Have fun. Play games. Make it a party. Before everyone is drunk ask everyone who would like to be a BM, to put their names in a basket and have your maid of honor draw out the requisite number. There you have your bridesmaids. Everyone understands why. Its fair. You have fun and no drama. Is someone doesnt want tp be a bridesmaid they don't have to throw in their name. If they are embarrassed they can toss in a blank paper or tell them if they don't want to be a bridesmaid to write a wish or prayer or quip or whatever on their paper and not to put their name. Those can be fun to read too. When you have enough bridesmaids then ceremoniously destroy the papers so no one will know who did or didn't put their name in.