ww Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 ok ppl...here goes this weird story of mine... I started relationship with my MM 2 years ago and first 8 months were great...than things started to go down. Since we are both in relationship with other ppl, our store was kept in secret. Than one September evening he decided to break it of bc he wanted his marriage to work out. I was devastated and so was he. He kept telling me it is just sex and nothing more for him. I was depressed for more than a year and i tried to get over it. We met few times in-between and made love and it was great as always. Now i am finally starting to feel better. And I am strong enough to get over it. But he keeps coming back. We still keep in touch and we say ( every time) that is just friendship and nothing more but than we do it over and over again. People tell me please do you understand wtf is going on here bc i don`t understand anything. And please spare me advice like: walk away etc...I know i should do this but my heart keeps going back to him every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Find someone else to hump. Quickest cure. What do you WANT? The guy isn't going to leave his wife-so either be happy with what you have, or be miserable with what you have. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by ww And please spare me advice like: walk away etc...I know i should do this okey dokey then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 Great ...u won`t believe this one. I really wanted YOU to answer. btw...how can u tell he is not going to leave her????? And do you think I should give up on him.? Should I stop contacting him? thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 And please spare me advice like: walk away etc...I know i should do this but my heart keeps going back to him every time. I'll spare you the obvious advice and I'll spare myself from wasting too much time answering. He's married. He's using you. You know what to do. What more is there to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 Yes I thought about that to. He might be just using me. But than there is this other thing. Few months ago I had a real trouble in my life and guess what.He was there to help me!!!!!! So he did few other times. Now this is what makes this story confusing. When I need him he is there for me! he listens to me ...he helps me. Bc if it was just sex like he claimed..would he be there to help me??? would he?even when nothing was going on.!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 You met a particular set of needs for your MM when you two first got together. Over time, your relationship grew past those needs and the original needs were no longer being met by you. So, he left you to go back to his wife. Chances are, he'll be soon looking for another OW to fill the space that used to be occupied by you. If not that - and he is sincerely trying to fix his marriage, then he has chosen to readjust his needs so that his wife fulfills more of them than you do, and he no longer has need of you. Your needs are not of importance to him - either that or they rank significantly lower than his (and possibly his wife's) needs. Why does he keep coming back? Probably because he likes you and enjoys your company - but not enough to put your needs above his, or even on the same level as his. His need for you goes no further than the small amounts of time he gives you when he's not too busy or uninterested in your company. The solution? Well, you have a choice. Continue to fulfill his needs under the current parameters or leave. It sounds like you don't want to leave, so you will have to accept that this relationship is about his needs only, and you will have to find a way to be happy putting your own needs aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by ww Great ...u won`t believe this one. I really wanted YOU to answer. btw...how can u tell he is not going to leave her????? And do you think I should give up on him.? Should I stop contacting him? thank you There is no point in talking about not contacting him unless you're prepared to DO it. When a man tells you it's just for sex, it's JUST FOR SEX. He may very well care for you-but he's not about to screw his life up for a piece of tail. What is going on here is that you are going to keep humping him until you realize this to be true. Then you're going to go through a period where you think you need to set things right by telling his wife. Then you're going to start hating him for wasting 2 years of your life. Then you're going to finally bring things to a head with him-you'll either develop the balls to stop this or you'll scare him enough to break it off with you. All that time wasted. Think about it. This man is wasting your time. He's told you he's not going to leave. You can save yourself some time by not sleeping with him, or taking his calls. Just think-that means he's stuck with his OWN crappy life, no escape from whatever makes things horrible enough to cheat. He'll have to find a new source of fun. Take your comfort in that.....stop allowing him to waste your pretty. He's WASTING your years when you're still attractive enough to catch the eye of a not total loser Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by ww Yes I thought about that to. He might be just using me. But than there is this other thing. Few months ago I had a real trouble in my life and guess what.He was there to help me!!!!!! So he did few other times. Now this is what makes this story confusing. When I need him he is there for me! he listens to me ...he helps me. Bc if it was just sex like he claimed..would he be there to help me??? would he?even when nothing was going on.!!!! IT IS JUST HIM F*CKING YOU. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE DOESN'T CARE, IT JUST MEANS HE WON'T LEAVE HIS WIFE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 well yes in the mean time he had another OW. but he left her soon. Now i am not saying I want to be ow nr 6 7 8 9 ...but, why on earth is he coming back? 2 months ago i told him to go for good. and it was ok. I even stopped contacting him and i started to feel really good. Than he reappeared. And now i feel dooooooooooooooooooooooown. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 He reappeared to see if you'd still F*CK him. AND YOU DID. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. But tell me something Mr Spock...yeah my mind tells me that thing to. But than my heart tells me other thing. Look it has been 2 years and it`s not that we f*** all the time. Sometimes he just wants to talk to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 And yes thank you LucreziaBorgia. I understand what u mean. Spocky sorry it `s not just sex ,...sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Oh, your heart tells you that because you're delusional. It's OK, it happens to all of us at some point. It allows us to go on with our day. Protects us from pain. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you-just not enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by ww And yes thank you LucreziaBorgia. I understand what u mean. Spocky sorry it `s not just sex ,...sorry. I'm sorry for you. Denial is a river. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 So u think : ok he is f*****g me and he cares a bit for me. ok I can take this one. And wow yes i am in love with him. But in last few months I grew strong enough to send him away. I think i am at that point right now. That is why i wrote here to see the answers. I told u I don`t need advice on leaving him for good. I just needed a point of view by other in similar positions. Yes i love him and i guess he does not love me. And that is why i need to let go for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Alright...I won't give you the obvious right answer, since you don't want to hear it... But... You note that your mind tells you to do one thing, and then your heart tells you to do another. OK...so your mind is just there for decoration??? Right now, you're ONLY listening to your heart...so you're making bad decisions and hurting yourself with them. Not a major shock there when you think about it.... You've got a brain for a REASON, friend. It's so you can make intelligent, thought out choices in your life. Should you listen to your heart....you betcha. Should you let it rule your life....only if you want it to RUIN your life. You've got both. So start using BOTH....mind and heart. You're mind is telling you to run....your heart is telling you to stay. So you come here for advice...but deliberately limit the scope of that advice. What are you really hoping to gain by asking for advice here friend? Not bashing...asking hard questions to get you to THINK instead of FEEL. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 in addition to my other reply, i would like to say this: Originally posted by ww He kept telling me it is just sex and nothing more for him. We still keep in touch and we say ( every time) that is just friendship and nothing more but than we do it over and over again. i don`t understand anything. what's to understand?! he admitted it was just sex, now you both say it's just friendship/sex (according to the above statement.) does he really need you as a friend? would you be such fabulous "friends" if you weren't screwing? i doubt it. how could you possibly believe it is any more than that when HE and even you say it's not? how can you defend it by saying "nope, sorry, it's not just sex" when you know it is and we know because you told us from the very beginning? what kind of advice do you want exactly, since you don't want the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
crisp Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I did the same with school. "I'll start reading extra books. I'm ready for it. I want to do it. I can do it". Yet, I did not wake up one hour earlier to go to the library, since it was always tomorrow. And so the year past and I lost my free time doing.... nothing important. That's what you're doing What I've learnt is that if you want something, ww, you go out there and do it. The "I can do it, I'm strong enough" bulls*** is for you to sleep well. Do it. Hold on to it. Tell the wife. Give her your adress and your phone number. Burn all bridges. And then post on "Breaking Up" about learning to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 OK I give up! GIMME ABSOLUTE TRUTH PLEASE! believe it or not I want to start feeling good again. so go on : TRUTH Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 What, have you not been reading the last 10 or so posts? Quit fishing for what you want to hear. Don't make me requote myself. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by ww OK I give up! GIMME ABSOLUTE TRUTH PLEASE! believe it or not I want to start feeling good again. so go on : TRUTH go back and reread everyone's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 thank you. but keep posting. really it helps me a lot. even if i seem to be a moron. I am getting what you say. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I'll reiterate the obvious...I'm good at it! Call an end to it now. You're doing neither one of you any good. And when you make the break, take some extreme measures to keep either of you from contacting the other...change your numbers, get a new email account and drop the old, whatever you've got to do to make it damn difficult to fall back into the same trap. READ what everyone else said about this situation. Then....BELIEVE it. It's true...you've just wanted to deny it for so long that it hasn't sunk in. End it. Go date someone who's available. Someone who treats you like you SHOULD be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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