StillHurtin Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Ya know, I HIGHLY doubt you'll never hear from him again in your life. I have a feeling he is going to try to keep contact w/ you, one way or another. If not now, maybe years from now. I was the OW (but he wasn't married yet) and about 10 years after we split up he emailed and called me wanting to get together. I said no b/c I was also married and I wouldn't do that to my H. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 after 10 years???????????????????????????????????????????????????? ONE THING I WILL SAY : MEN ARE STRANGE Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 I know, I was in shock when I seen his name in my mail box. It has been about 5 years since I have heard from him. He was into drugs and drinking hard. He is has also played in a band and all the members were/are into drugs and drinking. I guess he went to rehab (his 2nd W said if he didn't get himself cleaned up she was divorcing him). I guess stopping contact w/ me was part of his rehab, I don't know. Funny thing is, his nephew is dating my niece pretty seriously, wouldn't doubt if they get married. I also work in the same building his dad works in and see and talk to him often. I don't think he remembers me going over to his house to see his son, and I don't bring his son up, ever. You can get through this. You can be strong. It will take awhile but the pain will ease and you can go on w/ your life. Link to post Share on other sites
songbird Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 [font=times new Roman][/font][color=dark-red][/color] I'm a new comer on the block, but I too can understand what you are going through. I was in a relationship such as yours with a MM for about eight years, and I can now say that I am very, very glad that I am OUT You must first decide that this is what you really want to do (break off) and stand firm and strong. Not because everyone wants and suggest that you do ( which is the right thing to do) but because it is what you need to do for your own behalf. The reason that I say that is because each time that you stop seeing him and go back, he will start seeing it as only a phase that you are going though and that you will soon return back into his arms. Nine times out of ten he would be right. each time that you decide to stop seeing him, the harder it gets to release yourself from him. It like a drug...It gets additive. Even if you feel hurt being without him, there will come a time (if you are still seeing him) that you will feel even more pain being with him. They say that if you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain. I say come in out of the rain...get to know yourself, come into yourself and enjoy the sunshine. Like the song say: behind every dark cloud, there's a silver lining... after every rain storm, there's a bright new dawn My opinion is if you have been there ( in the relationship) for some time, its hard to walk away because it has become spiritual, some of us don't realize that. We don't look at our relationship in that order, we look at it as being fill with love , emotions, understanding, trust, maybe... loyalty and yes even sex. We don't look a the spiritual aspect of it. Yes... that plays a part too. I found that until we seek our savior, each time our spirits touch it gets harder and harder for us to let go (meaning the ow). You must purge him out of your system. Meaning mind, body and soul, and remember that we all have a comforter and through him we can do all things. Let your light shine because you deserve it. No one can light it for you. You must do it yourself... Then you will soon see that joy will come in the morning. not saying that it will only take a day but you will be able to look back and say it feels good to be able to feel the calm. I tip my hat to you for your journey is full of obstacles , but if you stay on the right road your will be home soon, and don't forget to keep us posted. Songbird Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Hi, ww So sorry to hear that you're still in the same situation as before. I remembered that last time you had managed to put yourself together quite nicely. Were away and excited to start a new life. What happened? I think Spock is right. You have to be strong each day. Fight you feelings for him each day until you break the routine. No big goals. The week has just began. I hope you're fine and "still standing". Love, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 17, 2005 Author Share Posted January 17, 2005 CurlyIam!!!!!! I am so glad to hear form you! Yes , things turned up side down for me.Let myself been tricked again. It is a bit harder to let go. I hope this time is the good one. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by ww No. Like I said. I GUESS I AM NOT HEARING FORM HIM ANYMORE IN MY LIFE. If you think that hurts now, wait until you actually REALIZE it. Good for you, for finally deciding what you want and not accepting less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 21, 2005 Author Share Posted January 21, 2005 UPDATE nr. 1 HE IS SUCH A PIECE OF SH*T! I see this everyday more and more. He does not love me. He does not love his wife. He does not LOVE HIMSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 What happened, my friend? And most importantly, how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
TrueGRIT Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 He doesn't love himself. He's looking to you for affirmation that he is a desirable human being. Your attention strokes his ego. He uses you to make himself feel better. I learned recently that everything anyone ever does is about themselves. I has nothing to do with another person. He's not cheating on his wife because his wife did anything wrong. And he's not running to you because you're his ideal woman. You're willing to fill a need for him. It's how you make him feel that keeps him coming back. It's all about HIM. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 21, 2005 Author Share Posted January 21, 2005 ewwwwwwwwwww trueGRIT how it sounds it really sux....but u are soooooooooooo right. I was blind and naive all the time. CurlyIam. I8m doing fine don`t worry. In fact i go better and better each day. Yes I had a Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad year. But hey, I think I am gonna survive. Thank you ppl for being here for me hugs Link to post Share on other sites
TrueGRIT Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 WW - Believe in yourself and don't let him use you. You do what you need to do to exercise your strength and your power so that you can refuse him when he calls. You're worth more than he's giving you. You want a man to love you entirely and without reservation. Hold out for that. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 To tell you the truth, nothing can beat a few good friends. Make a cure of going out, meet lots of people and be busy during the week end. It wil change your state of mind and motivate you to go out there and do something about your life. Saying in doors and thinking over and over again never did anybody no good. Moving on or fighting to do this is one good way out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted January 29, 2005 Author Share Posted January 29, 2005 Just to let you know people, I am doing ok. I just feel this anger inside me! Or is it hat? I am starting to see things in a different way, starting to see how he used me. I quit finding excuses for his behavior. It just wasn`t right. I blame myself for letting him treat me this way. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr How could I do such thing to myself!?!?!?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 we are on no contact since 12 January. I told him a lot of nasty things ( really hard ) and he got pissed off with me. So he cut all the contact with me. I am starting to feel good actually. I saw him once ( walking down the street ) but I avoided him. Just changed my direction. It has been a month since i last saw him...and you know what... i don`t really miss him that much. It was not a great love after all... thanks people for all the advice you gave me. bye Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 wait ww, dont go! i need a little help from you, when i read this it is just like reading me. i have started nc but not done it very well, and same thing has happened, he has nc'd me now!! i started feeling that i left looking pathetic an he got to walk away with his pride etc in tact and carry on his life with his cosy fam and i am struggling still. we dont live that far from each other so i know what he is up to pretty much you cant avoid knowing, he knows what i am up to aswell. we share mutual friends etc (a few that you cant really avoid) anyway altho i have been doing nc or he has, whatever it has been being done!, i have only just this second blocked him off IM. i dont know why i didnt before i guess i was still holding out some ridiculous hope or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 Newby we don`t live that far too. That is why it was so hard to avoid him and get over him. I`ve been struggling with that for a whole year and 2 months. Than got stronger in the mean time and i became nasty and told him a lot of rude things, just to make sure he starts to hate me. So I am sure he won`t contact me nor respond me anymore. So it happened. Yes I felt pathetic too and got the feeling he walked away with his pride...but guess what? It doesn`t really matter how he sees me ? Does he see me pathetic? Bitchy? WHO CARES!!!!!?????!!!!! One thing I know by now : he is one sick MTFSOAB (motherfu*****sonofabi**h) who lied to me , his wife and other OW and who gives a Sh++T on his opinion????? Newby work on this and you will see it will make you feel better and stronger.! And yes from time to time I get sentimental and start thinking about him in a nice way...but immediately I recall memory of how he treated me an I start to find him disgusting! HUH! Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 thanks ww, you are right that their opinion doesnt matter, who are they anyway? some married guy, uneducated, unimaginitive, drunk, fat and balding..... thought he was witty, til i heard the same lines over and over and over!..... 1950's innuendos too!!!.... gets in fights.... unemployed... ED...... the list goes on Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 yeah...and think of this too: they go out and chase bc their wives are so damn sick of hearing those same things over and over again so they don`t even react to those words.... And think of this one too: he goes out and tells other girls same exact things he told you...and you thought he was so original ...THEY ARE PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING... Link to post Share on other sites
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