nebulae Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'm 23, never been in a real relationship apart from a few online disasters . I'm intelligent, passionate, loving and caring and have, for many years, desired to get married to my best friend and have children. However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Oh my goodness. I'm just going to sit back and watch this thread. *Grabs popcorn* 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Before catching the fish. First, you have to know what kind of fish you are looking for. Once you identify what kind of fish you are looking for you need to figure out where that type tends to hang out. There may be many ways to meet someone . Sometimes it happens by actively looking and sometimes by accident. In my case, most of the times it happened accidently through a friend, etc.. Between, if you meet and tell this straight in the first meeting (marriage, children, etc..), most probably the guy will run for the hills. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'm 23, never been in a real relationship apart from a few online disasters . I'm intelligent, passionate, loving and caring and have, for many years, desired to get married to my best friend and have children. However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? At the movies? You're young and you need time to experience life and relationships before you really know what you want in a partner. You have plenty of time to get married and have children. Get out there and start living real life. Find out what real relationships consist of. Have sex. What you think you want at 23 will not be what you want at 33 or 43. Life is just not that simple, kid, and if you're waiting for that white knight to come in and rescue and marry his virgin princess, you'll probably be waiting a long time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
f1asr88 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 At the movies? Have sex. What you think you want at 23 will not be what you want at 33 or 43. Each to their own. If OP wanted to ride the carousel, I'm sure have been at it for a long time already, especially being here in England. It may be widely be seen as rather archaic now, but some people do want to save sex for marriage and stay with that one partner for the rest of their life when they get hitched, and some are as happy with their spouses at the age of 73 as they were at age 23. Stick to your guns OP. You say you don't drink or go to clubs etc, and that's fine. Widen your social circle as much as you can, go to meetups, spend your free time doing things that you enjoy, and that get you interacting with people you share common interests with in a friendly platonic way. Get to know guys as friends first, and find out about their values and see if they match yours. I think that that's a better bet than rather indiscriminately putting out and hoping one will marry you, if that's really not want you want to do. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'm 23, never been in a real relationship apart from a few online disasters . I'm intelligent, passionate, loving and caring and have, for many years, desired to get married to my best friend and have children. However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? It's ironic really, the person you're looking for fits my description entirely. Yet, conversely, I can't seem to find women who fit your description. ^^ Starting to think I should move over to the UK, lols. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Stick to your guns OP. You say you don't drink or go to clubs etc, and that's fine. Widen your social circle as much as you can, go to meetups, spend your free time doing things that you enjoy, and that get you interacting with people you share common interests with in a friendly platonic way. Get to know guys as friends first, and find out about their values and see if they match yours. I think that that's a better bet than rather indiscriminately putting out and hoping one will marry you, if that's really not want you want to do. This. I do think 23 is quite young for a marriage (the majority of those that start that young do not make it in the long haul), but if you want a relationship with commitment, then there is nothing wrong with focusing on that. I especially agree with the poster I quoted who suggested just broadening your circles via mutual interests and getting to know more new people as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You won't find him doing online dating, that's for sure (as if you didn't already know, duh). You'll just have to keep trying meetup groups... look for the ones that don't do bars or boozefests and that welcome virgins. Better yet, start such a group, unless you're shy. Even then, you'll find that, for men, it's a buyer's market, because I've been to those meetups and women tend to outnumber men by 4 to 1. Anyhow, that's the bad news. The good news---and I speak as a straight openly asexual man---is that we're out there and we won't get on our knees and cry and beg you to have sex with us. In fact, we won't pester you at all for it, because we know sex =/= love. Decent? Well, I have a steady job, I own a home which I'm renovating after inheriting it 6 years ago, I don't drink, smoke, or use dope, I cook and sew, I've written and published 3 books... you can decide for yourself whether I sound decent or not. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 At the movies? You're young and you need time to experience life and relationships before you really know what you want in a partner. You have plenty of time to get married and have children. Get out there and start living real life. Find out what real relationships consist of. Have sex. What you think you want at 23 will not be what you want at 33 or 43. Life is just not that simple, kid, and if you're waiting for that white knight to come in and rescue and marry his virgin princess, you'll probably be waiting a long time. I would second all of this advice with the exception of the sex. If you know that sex outside of marriage or an extremely committed relationship is not for you, than I would not recommend that. Above all, you do have to be true to yourself, and while Smithn is correct in pointing out that relationships seldom work like they do in he movies, if, like me, you know how much of yourself you give away if you do, and know that you have to be very careful with whom and when, I think you are more likely to damage yourself having sex before you are truly ready. But you do need to go out and date and realize that the first man you date and fall in love with us not likely to be your husband. And I will point ou that 23 is very young. You have plenty of time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nebulae Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm just worried I will die alone when my parents die. Sounds morbid but i've been thinking about it a lot lately because everytime I try to change something it makes things worse or things backfire. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Each to their own. If OP wanted to ride the carousel, I'm sure have been at it for a long time already, especially being here in England. It may be widely be seen as rather archaic now, but some people do want to save sex for marriage and stay with that one partner for the rest of their life when they get hitched, and some are as happy with their spouses at the age of 73 as they were at age 23. Stick to your guns OP. You say you don't drink or go to clubs etc, and that's fine. Widen your social circle as much as you can, go to meetups, spend your free time doing things that you enjoy, and that get you interacting with people you share common interests with in a friendly platonic way. Get to know guys as friends first, and find out about their values and see if they match yours. I think that that's a better bet than rather indiscriminately putting out and hoping one will marry you, if that's really not want you want to do. I didn't tell her to go out and be a whore or "ride the carousel" as you would put it. Her idea of being with one man for the rest of her life is admirable. I am, however, one that believes that sexual compatibility is a strong part of any loving, healthy relationship and there is no "one fits all". I've seen relationships and marriages fall apart over it. How many marriages do you see last 50 years?? Just because you've heard of them doesn't mean they're common. I'd bet money you know more people who's marriages have ended in divorce, than those that have lasted more than 20 years. And that's because too many people go into it with unrealistic ideas. Having sex doesn't make you a bad person. It's a natural human act, but staying in a marriage over an "idea" of what happiness is does not make for a happy life. JMO. My point was that she needs to experience all that life has to offer, since she is essentially still a baby. Edited January 17, 2014 by Smthn_Like_Olivia Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Men your age are not necessarily ready for marriage. So you may want to seek somebody slightly older. Try getting involved at your local church. Tell friends & family you are open to being introduced to new people. You don't know who knows who. Get involved in groups that do things you are passionate about. Quality men are active men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Join a church known to have a lot of social activities. People who get married in their twenties are more likely to be divorced in their forties. Wait until you turn 30 to start worrying. Enjoy being single now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 right here honey just waiting for the right lady to entrance with their spell. best of luck to you, stick to your principles but do live a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nebulae Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 I've tried older men but no luck. I think i'll just give up as it's obviously not for me. I'll probably end up having children through a sperm donor when I'm older. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nebulae Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 I'm 23, I've been looking for the past 5 years and nothing but disappointment, so I doubt another 5 years will bring anything. I have fertility problems, and the longer I wait to have children the more difficult/less likely i will be able to conceive. I can't wait until I'm 30 and hope that Mr right comes along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? By growing your place in the world and getting out and experiencing it, respecting your personal choices and boundaries. There's a huge world to discover beyond 'drinking' and 'clubs'; however, you have to 'get out there' to discover it and be discovered by marriage-minded men. How do things go with your best female friend? Friendships are springboards to social activities and opportunities. If you don't have a best female friend, grow that first. IMO, if you start now, by the time you're 25 this question will be superfluous. Good luck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
healthydude Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Nebulae, I think you just need to take few steps backward and re-think other stuff that could make you happy. In my opinion, we only have limited time in our life and we must spend it to enjoy and have fun. Sure guys will make girls happy but when you're married its entirely a different thing. I'm a 22 year old dude somewhere in South East Asia and to tell you something, when I date a girl there's always something at the back of my mind telling me that "hey you've got to have sex with this girl" I'm being honest here this is my first post in this forum and I'm pretty sure most guys think the same. Turning point happens when love starts to kick in because everyday you will wake up smiling because your reality is better than your dreams, everyday is fun when you're in love. Spend more time making yourself lovely and making yourself the right girl. Sooner or later "Mr. Right Guy" will come to you and you will live happy ever after story. I just felt awesome writing this post HAHA! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Do you meet guys regularly in your daily routine? What do you like to do for fun? What hobbies do you have? Are guys who share your values involved in those types of things? If not, figure out what you like to do that would also put you around the types of guys you seek, and get involved in that social activity. For example where I live, book club would be an epic fail (all women) but coed football would be perfect. Get outside your comfort zone, and as others have said, widen your social circle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Surprised this didn't turn into a guys suck/girls suck thread. Just live your life and things will fall in place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Wait until you are closer to 30 to start thinking about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Men our age are concentrating on just getting to know who they are and finding a job or pursuing a career. Why the hurry? I mean it isn't like the olden days where our only lot in life is to settle down and get married. What about school or hobbies or your friends? I mean, do you know yourself well enough to say that who you are right now is who you will always be so you feel confident that finding a mate for life is ok. I am thinking we still have some growing up to do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm 23, never been in a real relationship apart from a few online disasters . I'm intelligent, passionate, loving and caring and have, for many years, desired to get married to my best friend and have children. However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? I would date and marry you if I was back in England. Guess I need to find a women of your type here in FL. Hard mission to accomplish Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Men our age are concentrating on just getting to know who they are and finding a job or pursuing a career. Why the hurry? I mean it isn't like the olden days where our only lot in life is to settle down and get married. What about school or hobbies or your friends? I mean, do you know yourself well enough to say that who you are right now is who you will always be so you feel confident that finding a mate for life is ok. I am thinking we still have some growing up to do. This is very true... to elaborate, it sometimes seems to me that there's no such thing as a twentysomething who's not in college. I'm in my mid-40s and even a lot of people my own age are still doing the college thing... it's almost like they're all under some weird kind of spell. Link to post Share on other sites
semin_sl63 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I'll probably end up having children through a sperm donor when I'm older. asl? Link to post Share on other sites
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