kart180 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I'm 23, I've been looking for the past 5 years and nothing but disappointment, so I doubt another 5 years will bring anything. I have fertility problems, and the longer I wait to have children the more difficult/less likely i will be able to conceive. I can't wait until I'm 30 and hope that Mr right comes along. Good luck in finding your Mr Right. I know what you're talking about being 30. I am nearly the big 3 0 and still no wife or even a GF. I would gladly date you if I ever move back to England. I very open and date any women of any race. Love is colour blind to me. As long as both partners are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 The steps to find what you want are: realizing what you want, figuring out how you will get it, get out in the real world and turn your theory into action. In your case you know what you want, a serious man to get married to. There are many places you can meet this kind of people. You should have a friend helping you though and going to these gatherings, places where you learn something, a musical instrument maybe, some sport, not the gym! (shallow people go there...), you can go to group vacations, dancing lessons, to the library etc etc. But the most important thing is that you behave like you know what you want and you won't compromise for anything less. Lets say now a scenario: you and your friend are in a gathering and some guy approaches you, you have a chat, he seems nice. Then his brother calls and you hear him saying on the phone "have you heard? Michael got married! What a douche. Now he's got to take care of 2 people and lose all the fun!". What would you do in this situation? I would abandon him right and there, cause (for my luck) I've understood what his opinion for marriage is. Or while he is sitting there, you catch him sending texts to various people, looking around, not concentrating on you etc, this means he is not looking for anything serious. What I want to say is, the minute you see something that is against your goal (to meet a nice guy to get married) just leave. Do not lose any time thinking that he may change in the future. This way you won't waste time on losers and you will find what you want sooner. Aren't there some sites that make people who want marriage meet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 ^^That.^^ You're not being anal if you sit down and write out a list of traits that you're looking for in a potential partner. In fact, you're probably taking the 1st step in avoiding a trip to divorce court. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man? We're all out skydiving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I will be blunt. Some people are simply more desirable than others when it comes to forging love relationships. If you are not physically entrancing and attractive to many men, you will most likely find your mate through a hobby, work or through friends. So. Start meeting new friends. Invest in a new hobby. Try a night class in something new such as a language. Not everyone attracts a partner from list at first sight; most people have to hang out and be friends with a person before romantic feelings take hold. I only have one friend I know of who has guys smitten with her at first sight and BEYOND; she is stunning. Most people have to go out and get to forge friendships with men BEFORE the men fall for them. As well as looks, it also comes down to the energy you put out. An attractive women will garner attention and interest as long as she is not totally off putting in the way that she goes about her daily life. However, a lesser attractive woman like myself (I am average but have some admirers of my blonde and curvy look), I have attracted guys at first site by being positive and friendly combined with my good sense of fashion sense. If you have been out in the world on a daily basis, at coffee shops and book stores and just out in the world daily, and you have NOT met any decent men, then chances are you are an average looking person who needs to be super proactive in order to meet potential mates, since you will likely not catch a guys eye very often (sorry, most of us are in your position!). I recommend online dating. I met most of my boyfriends that way because I realised I am probably not attractive enough to just entrance guys with my looks, so how am I going to stick out often enough in real life to get guys interested? I would likely have been waiting years alone if I HADNT put myself out there. Good luck! I am an average gal and I met a decent guy recently and I have had enough male dating prospects last year since my break up to tell me that average gals like me can go out there and attract men IF we are proactive and, for instance, I started conversation with men at bars and hostels whilst traveling who became interested in dating me. THEY wouldn't have approached ME; they honestly thought I was very attractive yet didn't think I would be interested in them until I spoke to them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Here is how I recommend increasing your odds of finding the right mate before age 30: - do not have a very high list of petty standards; try to open yourself up to having chemistry with overweight men, or men who may not have nice teeth, for instance. You can have high chemistry with men who are NOT conventionally handsome, so long as they are not repulsing you. - Only look for: a decent guy with good character and good morals who treats people with respect, and a guy you have SOME sexual chemistry with as I believe sex is important in most relationships these days. If you;re highly educated then it is obvious you would seek the same thing in a mate. DITCH the need for: tall men, men with perfect skin and teeth, men who are "hot" and men who work out heaps (unless YOU run marathons yourself, that is). - You have to get out of your house and put yourself around people every day. - NEVER expect it to just "happen" at any given time. The idea is, if you are exposing yourself to enough people in life, and you are actively talking to some and trying to strike up conversations, then ONE DAY you will come across a man you share mutual chemistry with AND who adores you AND who you are ALSO crazy about! Last thing: it takes most people a VERY long time to find their ideal mate who they spend their lives with; MOST people never find this person, if at all, and a lot of people who DO find a wonderful partner do so at an OLDER AGE opposed to in their 20's or 30's. Try your best, realise you may simply not come across a guy you are really into and who is also into you as well. However, there is a good CHANCE you will find this man IF you actively look, get your butt to the gym and get cosmetic surgery if you have profound physical disfigurements (sorry but that is the truth, most people who are profoundly off putting to look at will have to look much harder to find a loving mate who adores them and who wants to have a passionate sex life with them also). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hi Nebulae :-) Please correct me if I'm wrong... but I assume that your desire to marry so young (and you've been looking for a prospective husband since you were 18!) is in part driven by your fertility issues and fear of not being able to have children if you wait? If so, I was just wondering if you are aware that you can freeze eggs for up to 10 years (in some cases longer)? They remain viable for use in in vitro fertilisation. If this is something that's possible in your case, it could take the pressure off the anxious search for a romantic partner for a while and give you some time to just experience life and enjoy (within your limits and boundaries) like most young women your age. Most people meet their spouse through family, friends or acquaintances. So cultivate these groups - great suggestions here from other posters in how to do this. Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Marriage is an antiquated institution. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
f1asr88 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 .......not the gym! (shallow people go there...) Nice generalisation there, thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Nice generalisation there, thanks! Where there is smoke, there is usually also a fire. Feel free to be the exception of the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) I'm 23, never been in a real relationship apart from a few online disasters . I'm intelligent, passionate, loving and caring and have, for many years, desired to get married to my best friend and have children. However, i'm pretty shy and modest. I don't drink or go to clubs or anything, i'm still a virgin etc. I want one man for life, but how do I find this type of man?I think a Christian virgin man would be a better choice. Try going to churches and you might find him there. Think about it. If you want your first time to be special wouldn't you want to be his first too? The only thing is if you bump into those rare breeds, he won't push for sex and instead probably make you wait till marriage. If you are kind and patient enough to handle that, great. Don't make the mistake of going to online dating sites. 100% you won't find him there. Those guys you're looking for are less likely to publicize that online. Edited January 27, 2014 by samsungxoxo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Here is how I recommend increasing your odds of finding the right mate before age 30: a decent guy with good character and good morals who treats people with respect That me in a nutshell, Great looking guy, British, Tall and educated Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I think a Christian virgin man would be a better choice. Try going to churches and you might find him there. Think about it. If you want your first time to be special wouldn't you want to be his first too? The only thing is if you bump into those rare breeds, he won't push for sex and instead probably make you wait till marriage. If you are kind and patient enough to handle that, great. Don't make the mistake of going to online dating sites. 100% you won't find him there. Those guys you're looking for are less likely to publicize that online. Now how do a find a women who is good wholesome, wait till marriage. Im Hindu so church is out of question but where else I was on OKC but there only Christen women on it Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'm 23, I've been looking for the past 5 years and nothing but disappointment, so I doubt another 5 years will bring anything. I have fertility problems, and the longer I wait to have children the more difficult/less likely i will be able to conceive. I can't wait until I'm 30 and hope that Mr right comes along. Stop focusing so much on getting married & having babies & do what others here have said, get out there & live your life. You shouldn't pin all your dreams of happiness on being married, the truth is, there's no guarantee it'll ever happen for you. When I was young like you I was anxious to be married & have kids, I ended up realizing many years later I wasn't with someone who made me happy or was a good father or husband. Make new friends, meet new people, and you're more likely to find a man who you have things in common with, who would be right for you. Just let it happen if it's going to. Another thing to keep in mind - someone suggested freezing some of your eggs, and that made me think of this. Sometimes couples have trouble conceiving - so again, don't put so much focus on having kids because you never know if you could end up in a situation where you aren't able to conceive & have your own kids. Learn to be happy at 23, doing the things a 23 year old normally does for enjoyment, and stop worrying about marriage and kids. Either they'll happen naturally or they won't, you don't want to push so hard for these because it doesn't always end like the fairytales. You can have a happy & fulfilling life as a single, the rest will fall into place as it's meant to, if it's meant to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 You are so young, pure and innocent, pace yourself and experience life a little. I'm a nice guy, or at least I like to think I am. I've been married in the past. I'm now petrified when I hear the word "marriage". Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 You are so young, pure and innocent, pace yourself and experience life a little. I'm a nice guy, or at least I like to think I am. I've been married in the past. I'm now petrified when I hear the word "marriage". Actually, that's another good point. I just signed up again on POF & one of the things you can pick there, for what you're looking for - is "Wants to find someone to marry". I'm not really interested in dating anyone who picked that, although I might consider marriage again some day it's not something I'm seeking, and I don't want to date anyone who's in a rush to get married. Marriage can be great under certain circumstances, but I don't see the point in being so driven to specifically get married. OP, if you put a lot of focus on it, it's probably a turnoff to men. Like I said before, if it's going to happen naturally, it'll happen, just relax and enjoy your life & see where things take you. Link to post Share on other sites
skippy88 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 where are all the decent men who want marriage? we're all stuck in the friendzone Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I am your age and I am pretty sure I am still evolving. Slow down and enjoy your life. Is this your own wants or expectations of family and culture or religion? Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 where are all the decent men who want marriage? we're all stuck in the friendzone That's because so many women from college age to retirement age nowadays want to have POWER... and just like men who want power, the more they get the more they want. That's really sad because I and a lot of other men know power isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be, especially if you can choose happiness instead. It may be hard to give up that winner-take-all ambition, but it's precisely what's scaring all the decent men away. Read "Men On Strike" by Dr. Helen Smith and you'll find out what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 where are all the decent men who want marriage? we're all stuck in the friendzone This is coming from a guy; don't be petty if you're one of those people who got put in the friendzone; if you're there it's most likely because you did(or didn't do) something to get yourself there or she wasn't attracted to you in the first place and you tried to trick her into falling for you by being her white knight. Learn from your mistakes and move on. As for the OP and anyone else out there that's in the same boat; the answer is simple. Put yourself out there to as many people as you can. Be kind, but don't let others push you around. Develop a set of hobbies and interests and find organizations that cater to your interests. Laugh and don't be afraid to make a jackass of yourself (in an appropriate way). And when you find someone your attracted to, don't be afraid to get rejected; it happens! I'm still in college so my post may reek of naïveté, but this is what my experiences have taught me so far. If anyone would like to add or disagree, feel free; doing so would help the OP and others a chance at other perspectives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 As for the OP and anyone else out there that's in the same boat; the answer is simple. Put yourself out there to as many people as you can. Be kind, but don't let others push you around. Develop a set of hobbies and interests and find organizations that cater to your interests. Laugh and don't be afraid to make a jackass of yourself (in an appropriate way). And when you find someone your attracted to, don't be afraid to get rejected; it happens! I'm still in college so my post may reek of naïveté, but this is what my experiences have taught me so far. If anyone would like to add or disagree, feel free; doing so would help the OP and others a chance at other perspectives. I think this is the wisest advise I've heard regarding this matter. So good to hear a young person talking so maturely and wisely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think this is the wisest advise I've heard regarding this matter. So good to hear a young person talking so maturely and wisely. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 The more I think about this matter the more I come to the conclusion that no man really wants to get married and have kids. Men are simple creatures and they are satisfied with way less things than women. From what I've seen in my environment men feel obliged to get married either cause the woman gets pregnant or cause the woman wants to have kids so they have to marry them in order to keep them happy. That's why the saying goes "marriage is the cost men pay in order to have sex and sex is the cost women pay to get married". Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 The more I think about this matter the more I come to the conclusion that no man really wants to get married and have kids. Men are simple creatures and they are satisfied with way less things than women. From what I've seen in my environment men feel obliged to get married either cause the woman gets pregnant or cause the woman wants to have kids so they have to marry them in order to keep them happy. That's why the saying goes "marriage is the cost men pay in order to have sex and sex is the cost women pay to get married". Just because this has become prevalent in your environment doesn't make it a widely accepted fact, nor a generalisation for the male gender. If I ever get married (assuming I will have found someone by that time who doesn't reject me because of her own baseless and pitiful standards) then it will be done because of family tradition, rather than JUST having to marry her in order to have sex and subsequently have children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 The more I think about this matter the more I come to the conclusion that no man really wants to get married and have kids. Men are simple creatures and they are satisfied with way less things than women. From what I've seen in my environment men feel obliged to get married either cause the woman gets pregnant or cause the woman wants to have kids so they have to marry them in order to keep them happy. That's why the saying goes "marriage is the cost men pay in order to have sex and sex is the cost women pay to get married". Men still want to get married but many are starting to believe it is too risky. I have heard men describe marriage as playing russian roulette with your life and I can understand why they feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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