My first breadcrumb after two months and the story behind it [update]

[mutualove]

Last night I wanted to make a thread titled "How do I NOT sleep with someone?"

 

It was the first time after two months that I hanged out with a friend a couple of other ladies in pursue of,well,I don't know what I was pursuing really.These two ladies are both GPs and older than me(four and the other eight years older).

 

So no this wasn't going anywhere except a few hookups in the near future.To make the story short this was the first night of me hanging out with a lot of sexual tension,flirting,winking and whatnot after my break up.It was a crazy fun long night.

 

The problem is that I'm not a casual hookup kind of guy and needed a way out of it without making it awkward that's why I intended to make a thread and seek advice but instead I decided to grow a backbone and simply refuse.

 

This was the first time that I felt "free" and stopped caring about her.I had been struggling with the idea that she was never coming back but it's not a really that easily sinks in.I was driving home when it kicked in.How do I know?I cried a bit thinking about this,which had never happened.I'm not a crier and she was the first one that I cried over a lot two months ago.

 

I know two months isn't enough to get to the acceptance but I somehow felt it,hence the cry.

 

Maybe it's true when they say they have a sixth sense and feel when you're pulling away.

 

Anyways I got a PM today and your guess is right.When I first read it my just started beating faster and faster.I was confused and a bit angry because I EXPLICITLY told her that I couldn't be friends with her for the second time after she said she'd message and call me from time to time and she's there whenever I need her.She said she understands but now this??

 

That's what she said today:

"Hey Tom how are you?

u ok?

is everything good?

I'm not an ungrateful person I will always appreciate what the things you've done for me.

I was thinking about you but...

So I thought I'd pm you today and see how you are"

 

Not even a "I miss you".So easier for me to ignore I guess.Problem is she sent it on Whatsapp so she's going to know when I'm online or not therefore know if I've read it.But if there's going to be any stalking it's going to be from her side.

 

So any advice?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Ignore. If she wants you back, she will make more effort than that.

[RDawg]

Lead her on a bit. If you get enough crumbs you can make a cupcake.

 

So insulting to be asked how you are after she dumped you, she sounds very immature and callous.

 

And the line: "I was thinking about you but... :)"

 

WTF is that supposed to mean??

[jphcbpa]

you said it yourself in the title "breadcrumb"

[Chi townD]

It's amazing and I really wish I could explain how our Ex's know to throw us a breadcrumb, LITERALLY when we take the first step onto moving on without them. I can't tell you how many threads I've read on her where a guy or girl goes on there first date after a break up and they are driving home and are on cloud 9. Only to get home and a breadcrumb is waiting on them. It's still a mystery to me.

 

Look, I know what you're saying that you're not the kind of guy that has a meaningless fling. But, just as much as girls need it, guys want to feel desired too. It probably felt good to flirt and the girl like it. She probably flirted back. And it probably felt GREAT! That you still had it! That a girl was into you and probably wanted to take it further. But, just recognize it for what it is. And you shouldn't feel ashamed about it.

 

Just ignore what your Ex wrote. You've already told her that you didn't want to hear from her. So, it couldn't come as a great shock to her when you don't respond back.

[mutualove]

That's what I thought too RDawg.

What does " "I was thinking about you but well... :)" even mean?Is this a test and I need to fill in the blanks?Or guess?let's see:

I was thinking about you but well I got a BF so don't get excited

I was thinking about you but well I don't want you back and I'm happy see the smiley face I put in the end?

I was thinking about you but well I'm happy and don't want you back

I was thinking about you but well my butt is sore

I was thinking about you but well I need to know if you're still there like an orbiter while I may or may not have a BF

 

Did I miss anything guys??

[mutualove]

UPDATE:

 

I did not respond but went online to check a few PMs and got out.A little after I saw she had sent me this:

 

"wish you the best

Goodbye"

 

she probably saw that I'd gotten online and no response from me.It amazes me how someone you used to know becomes a total stranger.This is not the person that I knew she was kind and nice but now a 23 year old immature girl.

 

I have to admit I'm a bit sad now don't even know exactly why.

 

This is a classic example of how a breadcrumb can be about them and not us.I sense all she wanted was to feel a little better about herself especially with that substanceless message.I'm still not planning on saying anything .

 

It still hurts a bit nonetheless.

[sw2020]

Sounds like you've handled it all really well.

[mutualove]

My last two posts had to be confirmed (a little glitch) so just a little bump for me...

[mutualove]

(For the time being my posts don't show up right away so I can't bump my thread)

I wanted to add that the break up was a friendly one and we ended things on good terms.Basically she couldn't be in a serious relationship with me but still wanted to be friends but I never agreed.Here's the story

[barky2]

Wether you choose to agree or not, yes she's going through the same stages as you.

 

Some days she'll have nostalgia like you, and this is when most exs send bread crumbs.

 

Don't respond.

 

Don't give her a inch until she gives you something worth responding to.

 

She's trying to ease her guilt.

 

Let it fester.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[mutualove]

It made me realize she's not coming back,and it killed all hopes.I had accepted that once and don't know if it was heat of the moment because I didn't get a chance to see if that feeling was permanent since within 12 hours I got the first breadcrumb.I knew I wasn't going to respond to that right away but I was doubtful the following days.However now I know for sure I did the right thing.

 

I know her and how hellish it is for her to not get a response and that's why I'm certain it was the last time I heard from her and that it's over for good.Besides it was the "hi how are you?" kind of BC and nil substance.

 

But I don't understand why the anger part is sometimes still there even though the acceptance phase has remained the same for me in the last 10 days and I doubt it's going to change.

 

Anyways I believe sometimes you can use their breadcrumbs to your own advantage to speed up your healing process and accept there's no coming back.Always always wait a few days if you get BCs and NEVER respond right away,let your feelings that come rushing down settle first.You will see clearer and think with your mind and not your heart.And then you can NOT respond.

 

It sucks but that's the way it is...

[Ordinaryday]

It made me realize she's not coming back,and it killed all hopes.I had accepted that once and don't know if it was heat of the moment because I didn't get a chance to see if that feeling was permanent since within 12 hours I got the first breadcrumb.I knew I wasn't going to respond to that right away but I was doubtful the following days.However now I know for sure I did the right thing.

 

I know her and how hellish it is for her to not get a response and that's why I'm certain it was the last time I heard from her and that it's over for good.Besides it was the "hi how are you?" kind of BC and nil substance.

 

But I don't understand why the anger part is sometimes still there even though the acceptance phase has remained the same for me in the last 10 days and I doubt it's going to change.

 

Anyways I believe sometimes you can use their breadcrumbs to your own advantage to speed up your healing process and accept there's no coming back.Always always wait a few days if you get BCs and NEVER respond right away,let your feelings that come rushing down settle first.You will see clearer and think with your mind and not your heart.And then you can NOT respond.

 

It sucks but that's the way it is...

 

I wouldn't say I got a 'breadcrumb' as such but last week I got contacted by a brief ex, saying she has been getting weird messages on her mobile phone and wanted to know if they were from me. I responded in a very nasty manner, I can say that it was definitely not what she was expecting. she would have been expecting me to respond all polite and courteous, like I did when I was seeing her.

 

Maybe I should not have, maybe I should have ignored her message or responded politely but I am glad I did not and am glad I was rude to her. she deserved it.

[mutualove]

I wouldn't say I got a 'breadcrumb' as such but last week I got contacted by a brief ex, saying she has been getting weird messages on her mobile phone and wanted to know if they were from me. I responded in a very nasty manner, I can say that it was definitely not what she was expecting. she would have been expecting me to respond all polite and courteous, like I did when I was seeing her.

 

Maybe I should not have, maybe I should have ignored her message or responded politely but I am glad I did not and am glad I was rude to her. she deserved it.

 

In your case you were already "there" so it didn't matter if you responded or not.

 

Me OTOH didn't want to break NC and at the same time it helped me get a better grasp of reality.I wouldn't say it's the same for everyone though.