not sure to just end it.

[kittle]

OK, i have this friend I've been friends with for years, we've been on and off during these years. For last 2, well year we've been fighting on and off, and just as lately it got bad. I thought it was me, and im sure at times it was me but this time its him, and its worst than what I've done, even said to him. Our fights do get abusive, we call each other names, nothing bad in the past but lately it has been. I am upset mostly because what he said to me and how he has been clearly treating me, and me proving it for i don't know how many times now, and him denying it, or saying whatever, bye. OK, right before we got back together i just broke with my ex, and he was some what abusive mentally, and it kind of up f-ed me up, and not to trust men.

 

Anyway, i broke up with my ex and started talking to my friend again, and as always we hit it off fine. He did his best to make me fall for him again, he was the guy i use to have, and missed, and i really needed that afte my ex. I just needed a guy who had my back and i knew. He promised me he'll have my back, and i told him you saw what happened with my ex, please do not hurt me, always have my back, and don't make me fall for your ass and you rid my heart out never. He said no, never, and i believed him, and fully trusted him. We were okay for a year, in20 13, it started slowly getting bad and just the past 3 or so months it has been bad, but it really ended badly 2 weeks ago.

 

What happened was and what broke my heart, and love for this man. We had a fight and i felt really bad, and i felt as though i am stopping him from actually finding someone great since we've been fighting so much. So, on a Saturday night i ended it, or i ended it, and i told him i feel like im just hurting you, and i cant make you happy, and stopping you from having a real life.i go offline and just try to chill, and then few minutes later i had a medical problem, and i ended up in the hospital really sick. I didn't know if it was gonna happen again if it did i would die from it, so i texted him, and i told im in the hospital but imma be okay, i did this because i didnt want him to get message from some random person saying i died. Anyway, he said not good, and that's all he said. I got back home a day or so goes by, i messaged him and i said i was sorry for i did that night, and when i was in the hospital i felt this was a wake up call that life is short, and we should fix things between us. Im sorry again, sorry for bothering you. He freaked. He said are you kidding me? You're saying sorry, and you're trying to get me fish for details about you being sick. He just went mad, and told me to f off. I don't care what happened to you. Go f off. All that. I said i am sorry, im very sorry, he said nothing,'kept saying whatever, bye. I told him to not do this since im really sick, and i just need you to have my back right now, and talk to me. He said nothing, but he kept telling me i don't want anything but you to be sorry, saying sorry means nothing, but being sorry does. I said okay, im sorry, i really am. This went on for days, almost a week.

 

Then, one night i had enough, and snapped, and got mad at him. I told him you want me to be sorry for wanting you to not hurt anymore by me, and to probably find someone better. Btw, I've told him this before, and we've maed up. But for some reason he just wouldn't believe i was sorry. I told him you see me freaking out and not even talking to melike a human, and i should be sorry. F you. I told him remember when you were sick and went to the hospital, and we had a fight? I wasn't an ass to you, i was there for you even though i was mad at you, i didn't want you to have more stress on you so i just talked to you. Another night i was freaking out saying you never gave a crap about me, it was all a lie, and i was freakingnout. He said i don't care. Go away you crazy bitch. I told him i need your help to calm me down, just calm me down. He said no, go away. The night before that he was freaking, and we were still fighting, and him not saying anything to me still, but telling me to be sorry even though i said sorry for a week, and told me to f off you crazy bitch. Lol wants me to be sorry yert wants be to be sorry

 

. Anyway. He was freaking out saying hes going to die, pain, pain, chest pain. Guess what i did even though i was hurt by this man, and him making sure i was sorry more than just asking how am i? Or ask me what happened, why did you go the hospital. I, me, the crazy bitch, calmed him down when he said he was dying. I told him to just breathe. When i did that we were okay that night since i helped him, but the next day of course, i ask him why did you make me say sorry to you for over a week but not asking how i am. Not even caring about, and knowing making me saying sorry, and freak out like this doesn't help me. Please tell me, he said i don't talk to people who are not friends, bye. Few nights ago, he told me to f off, i was just asking fix things with me, talk to me, tell me whats up with you, tell me why did you make sure i was sorry than just ask how i was. He told me this. f off, really, i don't care if you're sorry, i don't care if you're alive, or dying, just f off you evil bitch.

 

Now i am still trying to be so nice to him, still asking him fix things, and im sending long ass messages. I added him back on Facebook,m he added me so he wont say i don't talk to people who not his friends. For some reason me not being his friend on Facebook means he cant talk to me at all, yet that was no problem before. He's says nothing, or says one word to me why would you add someone to social netowkring site again, and not talk them? There have been times where i was selfish, and didn't ask how he was, and he made sure i was sorry for it for weeks, and i said sorry so many times. But if i ask him why doesn't he ask how i am, or hy he made sure i was sorry more than how i was, he says nothing. I can go f myself.

 

Is this abusive? Should i just end it now and move on? I feel like i cant trust him now because for some reason wanting the beast for him means nothing, being sorry than me being in the hospital for somethinf serious means nothing. I feel like if i don't kiss his ass im ****ed, and if i stand up myself its the end of the world. Pleas someone help me here, and tell me if this is okay to do?