Too picky? Confused...

[Smilingirl]

Hi Everybody:

 

I have a friend known for 4 years,let's call him Tom.

 

Initially we were just friends, and our friendship turned into something more special later on. To make a long story short, he demonstrated a strong affection towards me, but at that time I didn't like him in that way.

 

After some honest(yet cruel) talks with him, he left with broken heart. Afterwards, I've been seeking/ waiting for my Mr. Right; there were some gentlemen coming in and passing by my life, but only brought me tears and disappointment.

 

After 1 1/2 years breaking-off-contact, I met Tom on an unexpected occassion. Surprisingly(at least to me), he behaved so kindly & friendly and it felt that we were still close friends. We began to rebuild our friendship, and there seemed to be something(love? I don't know) growing up in my feart; everything went very well.

 

However, after he expressed his feelings for me last week( he told me that his love for me has never died), my passion suddenly faded away.I still admire and appreciate him a lot, but it feels that I've backed to where I was two years ago.

 

I don't know where the problem is. We share similiar belief, similiar dreams, similiar interests and similiar value system toward life. Both of us graduated from the best university in our country; we can compete in each way...

 

Am I too picky? Do I don't understand how to cherish a " worthy person"? Or, am I just afraid to commit?

 

*Some background information: I was hurt a lot in the past but I think I've been cured by God's love. There has been lots of boys showing interest in me, but for unknown reasons, I always care for those who are not in fond of me.

 

Thanks for your time; any input would be appreciated.

[Tony T]

I know this may sound pretty hokey, but everybody's got certain lessons to learn. Your post should have been entitled "How do I attract these losers" like the one a few posts below.

 

Many ladies have to go through lots of toads before getting to their prince. You just haven't gone through your allotment of toads yet. (I don't know why toads get such a bad rap...I used to play with them all the time when I was younger and never got warts)

 

I don't think you're afraid of committment, I think your time has just not come yet. Yep, it just has to be the right time. You have to feel ready for it inside. You've been jerked around quite a bit (all the tears and disappointment) but not enough yet. You need to go through a bit more.

 

One day, when your consitution has had enough...when your heart tells you one more wound and it's all over...then you will absolutely crave love from a nice, honest, considerate guy. Until then, it just isn't going to happen.

 

I don't think you consciously set out to find these guys. You attract them subconsciously, yep, a little heavy for this early in the morning...but your subconscious mind knows exactly what kind of jerk you need each time to get you down the yellow brick road of love. Be thankful there are enough jerks to go around and teach all the millions of ladies what they need to know.

 

In my younger days, I used to think this was really screwed up. That there was something wrong with people like this. But now I realize that not only is it the way it is supposed to happen for many but it is GREAT that it happens this way. Because when you are ready and when you do find that one love, it will be much more special and you will be so much happier beyond belief...than those who just fall into a situation from the git-go.

 

This old friend may be the man for you, but he'll just have to find his way into your life in a few months or a few years, whenever the RIGHT time is. Or maybe Mr. Right will be another in the fine line of great guys available around the world. But not one of them will have even a tiny chance of winning your heart until you're good and ready.

 

So next time you date somebody you're absolutely flipped over, one of those baxtard's that dumps all over you, you will give him a hug and a big kiss when you break up with him. You won't even be hurt...you will just plain rejoice when he shows his ass. Because he will have helped take you to a new level of consciousness and brought your psyche closer to being ready for real love.

 

And you will have a new fondness and affection for jerks, because in the eco-balance of love, in the fauna and flora of romance, in the bio-balance of bastardry, they play a special part in your life. You won't be so hurt next time.

 

Bottom line...when you are READY for Mr. Right...you will know, your feelings will tell you...you will have no reservations.

 

Whether you do have a little fear, whether maybe your parents didn't get along, whether you have been affected by all the hurt in your past makes no difference whatsoever. It's all in the timing. Because all that stuff was supposed to happen...if not it wouldn't have happened...but it did because in the divine plan of things all of it is bringing you to the love of your life.

 

Now all that may not make you feel a lot better about the way things are but I hope it explains things a bit.