Needing Guidance

[Pearl27]

There are times when I feel like I need a mentor. Meaning, like I need someone to guide me through life because I never had that. My parents are not my heroes and I could never turn to them for advice because they give lousy advice, and they are also overbearing and verbally abusive anyway. I guess I crave a mentor because I never had one.

 

But I am aware that I can't just get one and I should be careful if I were to ever consider finding someone to turn to. I could get clingy or rely on someone who would only take advantage of my vulnerability and neediness.

 

But yet, no person is an island and we all need to turn to someone for guidance. I guess I just don't know how to ask for help or for basic advice. If I do it, I get really needy and ask a million questions, and wind up annoying people. Its frustrating because I feel ashamed when I get that needy but yet I feel like I need help anyway. I have difficulty trusting myself because I was always discouraged and ridiculed by my parents, and I am forever second-guessing myself. Its annoying and frustrating.

 

Anyway, how should I deal with this need? Are there books or website I can turn to learn to trust myself? How do I ask for advice without being so needy?

[jba10582]

I read a lot and for me it’s fun to connect things in life that you may not think are even connected. I actually had a long conversation about some of this just a while ago with a buddy of mine, and it’s nice to actually be able to have deep conversations which I believe unleashes a lot of creativity. In fact, he came by as I was a reading a book on world religions, as I had just bought a few new books on completely different subjects that I was interested in, and he wanted to know something about engineering that I do, that he was able to relate to his line of work..and after that he naturally asked why I was reading about other religions because it’s natural to wonder these things if you have your own set patterns of hard beliefs, and I told him that I wanted to gain a better intellectual understanding of these things because of the principals of these things can be applied to other areas of life. It’s not like Hinduism,Christianity, Islam, Buddhism ect were created on a napkin, 15 minutes at Starbucks...in fact 1000’s of years of knowledge and acceptance and practices are coded within these teachings and there a many parallels that I strive to look for in things that can be used in your own life, not from an argumentative point, but in a connective way without having to go there if you choose not to. We got to talking about real-estate and homebuilding projects ect, and the same idea that to learn about wiring a house either through practice, or understanding does not make someone an electrician in the same way that learning about Hinduism does not makes one a Hindu, and of course you don’t necessarily gain a religious experience by doing a remodeling project either, but I suppose you can if you wanted too. He is a very religious friend and knew exactly what I was saying as we also talked a little bit about the whole concept of good and evil versus interpretation and judgment. I had read some books by an author (Ekhart Tolle) who seems to reject the idea of good and evil, which philosophically to me is a difficult if not an impossible thing to reject for those with any grounding in a religion, and admittedly I don’t truly know what is in someone’s heart whether that person be a Ghandi, or an Adolf Hitler or anyone else on the spectrum of who we think we know as people. Take another example of a Buddhist who intuitively knows that stress hormones are released during the inhumane slaughterof cattle can create energy for anger in a person eating this meat versus a Texas farmer who uses meat-science in a positive way by organically feeding his cattle and using methods of a maze like pen to reduce the release of chemicals during the slaughter process which or course is something the consumer would not usually know from eating a steak. Your question can be answered in many ways and it’s not surprising that book stores constantly sell a lot of books dedicated to explain their beliefs on so many topics that on some level you will have to discover on you own.

Edited January 18, 2014 by jba10582

[Pearl27]

Thanks jba10582. But maybe I wasn't clear in my post, but I am not talking about religion or philosophy here. When I say guidance or mentoring, I mean that I wish someone would guide me on many things: an attitude towards life, how to handle people in a socially complex world, personal finance, etc. I feel lost and alone sometimes, and that I'm a total idiot in how I think life should be lived. It is self-doubt and a poor ability to trust myself, and also a fear of making mistakes. And like I said, I didn't have good guidance from my parents because all they care about is tearing me down. I guess I have some sort of abandonment issues, LOL!

[d0nnivain]

You are looking for a life coach. Search the term on the internet & find somebody local to you. They range in price from a few hundred dollars to a few thousand (Tony Robbins etc.) Interview a few to see who you click with or spend a few hundred dollars & go to one of the introductory weekends / intensive workshops that many of them run.

 

 

If you don't want that kind of financial commitment there are books. I can't remember who wrote it but I liked one called Coach Yourself to Success.

[jba10582]

That is exactly what I was saying. Everything you do or understand can be applied to other parts of your life.

[Pearl27]

 

 

If you don't want that kind of financial commitment there are books. I can't remember who wrote it but I liked one called Coach Yourself to Success.

 

I looked up that book, and its got great reviews. I'll make a note to buy it soon.

Thanks!