Breaking123 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 What do you consider cheating? Would it have to be sex, or could it include other actions as well. For example, sexting, phone/skype sex, groping, etc. Reading the boards, I notice that what I consider cheating others may not. Also, if a guy has not filed for divorce, but does not live with his wife - I consider that cheating if he dates other women. And if the legally married guy has a gf (who the wife knows about), I consider the gf a mistress. I'm just throwing this out there to see different viewpoints. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 The best definition of cheating that I've heard is if you do something with the opposite sex that you wouldn't do if your SO was watching then that's cheating. I guess that means that if a husband or wife knows that their partner is screwing someone on the side and is ok with it then it's not cheating. It's all in what the couple considers appropriate boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 The best definition of cheating that I've heard is if you do something with the opposite sex that you wouldn't do if your SO was watching then that's cheating. I guess that means that if a husband or wife knows that their partner is screwing someone on the side and is ok with it then it's not cheating. It's all in what the couple considers appropriate boundaries. No because people have done things that they should of not done in front their SO. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 What do you consider cheating? Would it have to be sex, or could it include other actions as well. For example, sexting, phone/skype sex, groping, etc. Reading the boards, I notice that what I consider cheating others may not. Also, if a guy has not filed for divorce, but does not live with his wife - I consider that cheating if he dates other women. And if the legally married guy has a gf (who the wife knows about), I consider the gf a mistress. I'm just throwing this out there to see different viewpoints. A relationship is for two. Anytime a 3rd person is brought in it is cheating. You do not want to cheat then end the relationship first. Cheating is any conduct that if your SO found out you would catch hell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 No because people have done things that they should of not done in front their SO. If they WOULD do it with their SO present then its not cheating. Getting busted in the act is different. Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 The best definition of cheating that I've heard is if you do something with the opposite sex that you wouldn't do if your SO was watching then that's cheating. I guess that means that if a husband or wife knows that their partner is screwing someone on the side and is ok with it then it's not cheating. It's all in what the couple considers appropriate boundaries. I think that's an excellent rule of thumb. Folks' idea of cheating will vary from person to person. It isn't for others to judge for you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 What do you consider cheating? We have many threads on this subject and I've posted intricate explanations of my POV so I'll be brief here. If my expressed feelings and/or behaviors with a person of my sexual preference are acceptable to my spouse, then I'm not being unfaithful. If any such behaviors and/or feelings are transparent to my spouse, even if unacceptable, then I'm not cheating, though demonstrate infidelity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Breaking123 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 We have many threads on this subject and I've posted intricate explanations of my POV so I'll be brief here. How can I search for the other threads. If you look at my profile, you will see I am new here. I apologize for posting a topic that has already been discussed multiple times. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 A couple things to try: On Google: 'definition of cheating site:loveshack.org' View 'similar threads' listing at the bottom of this page. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
Author Breaking123 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 We have many threads on this subject and I've posted intricate explanations of my POV so I'll be brief here. If my expressed feelings and/or behaviors with a person of my sexual preference are acceptable to my spouse, then I'm not being unfaithful. If any such behaviors and/or feelings are transparent to my spouse, even if unacceptable, then I'm not cheating, though demonstrate infidelity. A couple things to try: On Google: 'definition of cheating site:loveshack.org' View 'similar threads' listing at the bottom of this page. Welcome to LS Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Envyx6 Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Cheating: Kissing Fondling Sex Mutual masturbation Wandeing eye Communications ie phone calls, text messages, email, Facebook, Skype Viewing pornography Prostitutes Strip clubs Talking to someone (if the mindset is 'yeah, this person is a hottie!') Edited January 20, 2014 by Envyx6 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 How about sexting? Yeah you would think well what's wrong with a little flirting? well that little flirting can turn into hot steamy sex, and of course that will be considered cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Dating while legally separated is not cheating. Where I live you can't even file for divorce until you've been separated more than a year. Dating during that period may not be wise, but it's not cheating. I like the definition: If you're doing something with a potential competitor to the relationship that you would not want your significant other to find out, that is cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 If the parties have formalized their intent to divorce with a court-adjudicated separation (which is essentially the same as divorce in my jurisdiction, except separated people can't remarry), then it is clear to both parties that the marriage contract has been altered/terminated, essentially being the same as a married couple dating others after one party has filed a divorce lawsuit, formalizing their intent to terminate the marriage. However, many people 'separate' or say to others they are 'separated' but their spouse is unaware of or disagrees with their activities with other people. An example would be a couple separating while going through marriage counseling, ostensibly to decide whether to reconcile or divorce and how to go about either of those decisions. They could agree not to date/associate others and, if one/both did, that could be infidelity/adultery and, if undisclosed, cheating. They also could agree to date/associate with others so any relevant behaviors would be agreed to. The behaviors can be anything they agree on, e.g. it's OK to date but not have sexual relations, etc, etc. Wherever the minds meet, that's the boundary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Also, if a guy has not filed for divorce, but does not live with his wife - I consider that cheating if he dates other women. And if the legally married guy has a gf (who the wife knows about), I consider the gf a mistress. In the UK, the only kind of "no fault" divorce you can get is if you've been separated for two years. And then it takes about 4 to 6 months to actually get the divorce. So you're saying someone must be single, celibate and not dating for 2.5 years? The alternative is either "adultery" or "unreasonable behaviour". But for an amicably divorcing couple.... it's 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Breaking123 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 In the UK, the only kind of "no fault" divorce you can get is if you've been separated for two years. And then it takes about 4 to 6 months to actually get the divorce. So you're saying someone must be single, celibate and not dating for 2.5 years? The alternative is either "adultery" or "unreasonable behaviour". But for an amicably divorcing couple.... it's 2 years. Where I live, we do not have any separation rules. You can get a divorce within a few months after filing, unless the parties disagree a lot, go to court, etc. I don't see how a few months of singleness and celibacy is such a bad thing. Afterall, when people divorce, taking a few months to themselves to just think, reflect, and find a new normal way of life (without a spouse) seems like it would be welcomed. This is how I view it, please do not judge me for my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I'm not judging you, I'm asking if you think 2.5 years is too much to ask someone to stop dating? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 IMO, some parameters would be applicable; as examples, separation of monetary association and domicile. As one example, for a separated couple who chose to cohabit during separation, would the 'separated' spouse be agreeable to my picking up his 'separated' wife at their joint domicile, while he was there, for a date? If so, not cheating, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Breaking123 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm not judging you, I'm asking if you think 2.5 years is too much to ask someone to stop dating? I have really never given this much thought because I did not know other places had such laws. That seems like a very long time to have to wait to get a divorce. In this case, I can see where people would be inclined to date before the divorce was final. carhill - good points. The reason I posted this is because I have two friends (one male and one female) who recently brought up this subject. They do not know each other. The male has not lived with his wife for several years, and he also has not filed for divorce (he said he will soon). He has a gf (the woman he cheated on his wife with - these two were caught sleeping together). He stays at his gf's house a lot, practically lives there. He doesn't consider that cheating. Yet, he also asks our mutual friends if any of us have any female friends who would go out with him. I don't know if he really would go out with another woman (since he has a gf), but he said he is always looking to see what is out there. I also know that he has made out with (groping, fondling, kissing) one of our mutual friends, and it was on more than one occasion. I consider him a cheater, he doesn't consider it cheating on the gf because he hasn't had sex with the mutual friend and it didn't mean anything. The female told me she is ready to start dating, and she is tired of being married. She still lives in the same house as her husband, and they have not filed for divorce. She said she cannot find a "good man" who will date her because she is "legally married". These men consider her to be cheating since there is no proof that the marriage is going to end, or that one person will be moving out of the house. It's interesting getting different perspectives. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 The female told me she is ready to start dating, and she is tired of being married. She still lives in the same house as her husband, and they have not filed for divorce. She said she cannot find a "good man" who will date her because she is "legally married". These men consider her to be cheating since there is no proof that the marriage is going to end, or that one person will be moving out of the house.The female told me she is ready to start dating, and she is tired of being married. She still lives in the same house as her husband, and they have not filed for divorce. She said she cannot find a "good man" who will date her because she is "legally married". These men consider her to be cheating since there is no proof that the marriage is going to end, or that one person will be moving out of the house. Those kinds of 'situations' found me in a few affairs as a young man. Lesson? Trust but verify. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts