Cheated on after 1,5 years

[lolablue17]

Listen dont forget the good sign - she confessed immediatly.

The thing is you dont know if she loves you enough, or can she be loyal and devoted totally to you.

 

So you can test it. tell her that you will consider taking her back if she cut this guy totally and for ever. now that you know that he ie a very dear friend of her, if she sacrifices him, its a good sign. it means she truely loves you.

 

If she refuses or start negotiating - dump her for good!

[lolablue17]

I would not make a big deal with not telling you about her and that friend's mutual past. she didnt want you to be jealous.

 

You got the power! you have the control.

 

you know, if she agrees to cut him off, it means she limits herself hanging out with the rest of her friend, because he is part of the group. so its a big move she is making in order to win you back!

[Chi townD]

I disagree, she has been seen several time alone with a man she used to be intimate with. I don't care who you are, that's going to raise some hairs.

 

Whether you have trust for them or not, that would make anyone feel a little uncomfortable.

[Joaquin]

Is that the trickle truth I hear?

 

If u still think u want to stay with her keep digging. I think there is more to this.

 

In any event, good COMMITTED girlfriends don't kiss other men.

[JDPT]

Bottom line is that she has not only disrespected you but the relationship as well. Who can guaranteed that they have not been intimate while you two are together? Sounds like convenient amnesia to me, and her actions are nothing but premeditated. Save yourself future grief, I'm sorry to say but this girl just can't be trusted. And as much as you love her, you would only prolong the inevitable vend subscribe to a very uncomfortable life with her. There isn't really much to think about, you have an idea what you need to do.

[kdobbs]

Hey OP.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation, about a year ago I posted a very similar topic here; with my girl of 3 years it was a harmless kiss too. As my story progressed more and more truths came out, so I know how you feel right now; it's pretty horrible.

 

The guys on here know what they are talking about, so I would not ignore their advice; but ultimately it's your decision how you deal with it.

 

My one piece of advice, follow your gut. I wish I did from the start.

[thummper]

I have to jump on the "this isn't cheating" bandwagon.

 

This isn't cheating.

 

She went to console a friend, and he inappropriately moved in. They didn't even really kiss. It was mere seconds and she called you immediately after and told you.

 

This shows she truly loves you, respects you, values you, has integrity, morals and maturity.

What you're now thinking of doing, going to kiss someone else is so ridiculous and so childish, vindictive, spiteful and immature.

 

I wish you could be in my shoes. Then you'd know what cheating REALLY is. Cheating is when someone is behind your back. Lying. Sneaking around. F.ucking someone else without you knowing. For weeks. Months. Cheating is when your partner is having a physical or emotional affair INTENTIONALLY with zero regard for your feelings.

 

 

 

I have to agree with KatZee on this one. She realized immediately that what she did was wrong and apparently called you on the spot. Wasn't her fault that the guy moved in quickly and planted one on her. That it lasted a few seconds only proves that she was so shocked she couldn't react quickly. As soon as the information from her lips filtered through to her booze-affected brain, she broke off the kiss and ran to call you. Let it go, my friend. She's yours and nobody else's. It's obvious how much she loves you. Treasure that thought.

Edited January 23, 2014 by thummper

[TobyBoy]

She got caught kissing her friend, that's why she confessed! I bet they've been "friends with benefits" during your whole R.

Hell......maybe your girlfriend is the reason for her f/b break up!!!

[BeholdtheMan]

I hate to say it, but this hardly constitutes cheating.

Cheating, in this scenario, would be her ringing you from his bed, after sex and apologising.

She had too much to drink and was inappropriate and indiscreet.

And he went for the kiss first, not her.

 

You heard it from her first, nobody else.

 

Really, you need to put this into perspective.

 

I can't really term this cheating.

Being tipsy, silly and unguarded, yes.

 

Cheating?

 

No, sorry.

Can't see it being that dramatic.

 

LOLOL...whatever you do TS, just keep in mind that the above is horrible advice. It assumes the best when your further inquiries pretty much confirm the worst

[f1asr88]

Well, I've seen her friend.

 

And I learned something new. Apparently they were just friends... with benefits. They did that kind of thing in the past, supposedly before she met me. They were also seen together outside one on one a few times but they haven't been seen having sex obviously.

 

I dunno what to think about it. Should I confront her? I guess she wasn't the person I though she was.

 

I just don't know how could she pretend we are so great together then go behind my back?

 

Sorry to be crude here, but now you know that this guy was her former f-buddy and given half the chance he would slip her one again. Yet she still keeps him around. And won't cut him off. And says she shouldn't have told you. And didn't tell you from the outset that they "used to" have sex.

 

She has demonstrated that she can't be trusted when under the influence of drink or drugs when she is in his company.

The only way I'd have any peace of mind with her is if she were to give up all three. That doesn't seem like it's going to happen, when she should be volunteering to do so for fear of losing you.

I'd kick her into touch. I'd hope you can find someone better, who doesn't lie to you, and whom you can trust.

[soccerrprp]

How or why it happened is not germane as to whether she cheated or not. She cheated. What is important in regards to the circumstances is how the person who has been cheated on will view this. Are these mitigating circumstances that will warrant forgiveness or not....

[aliveagain]

It's obvious, she was doing damage control. Why would she be with him without you in the first place? She confessed to kissing because she was seen by your mutual friends and knew that there was a possibility that one of them would tell you about it. Why did she omit the fact that they were friends with benefits in the past, possibly because they are still friends with benefits. Something stinks, if they can lie to you they can do a lot a lot worse to you. Don't be in a relationship with someone that is dishonest.

[BrokenGuy85]

Looks like it's over.

 

I called her and told her we need to talk. I told her it's not a matter to be talked by the phone and to come to me.

 

When she came I confronted her about that guy. She eventually admitted they were FWB. I asked her why she didn't tell me. She told me sth like "Because you didn't ask. Besides just look how you were freaking out over a kiss. If I told you you'd go crazy". I remarked "Yeah, and you wouldn't get to sleep with him so discreetly". So basically I accused her of sleeping with him while in our relationship. She went absolutely apes**t over that, that I don't trust her, make a big deal out of nothing, that I'm controlling, don't allow her to have friends, I need to grow up, blah blah - you name it, she said this to me. I couldn't take it and told her it's over. She looked at me like she was about to cry, but I didn't care. I only asked her when she wants to take all of her stuff back. She said she can do it tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow can't come too soon. Honestly I'm starting to feel relieved I won't have to deal with her anymore.

 

Hell......maybe your girlfriend is the reason for her f/b break up!!!

 

Hey, didn't think about it. But it would make sense.

[JDPT]

It's obvious, she was doing damage control. Why would she be with him without you in the first place? She confessed to kissing because she was seen by your mutual friends and knew that there was a possibility that one of them would tell you about it. Why did she omit the fact that they were friends with benefits in the past, possibly because they are still friends with benefits. Something stinks, if they can lie to you they can do a lot a lot worse to you. Don't be in a relationship with someone that is dishonest.

 

This is exactly what I thought. Everything clearly indicates that everything was premeditated. She almost thought she had a flawless story little did she know that you would proactively domaine detective work of your own as shiet clearly didn't add up. Save yourself future grief OP, write this one off as a loss, we all make bad investments.

[aliveagain]

Looks like it's over.

 

I called her and told her we need to talk. I told her it's not a matter to be talked by the phone and to come to me.

 

When she came I confronted her about that guy. She eventually admitted they were FWB. I asked her why she didn't tell me. She told me sth like "Because you didn't ask. Besides just look how you were freaking out over a kiss. If I told you you'd go crazy". I remarked "Yeah, and you wouldn't get to sleep with him so discreetly". So basically I accused her of sleeping with him while in our relationship. She went absolutely apes**t over that, that I don't trust her, make a big deal out of nothing, that I'm controlling, don't allow her to have friends, I need to grow up, blah blah - you name it, she said this to me. I couldn't take it and told her it's over. She looked at me like she was about to cry, but I didn't care. I only asked her when she wants to take all of her stuff back. She said she can do it tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow can't come too soon. Honestly I'm starting to feel relieved I won't have to deal with her anymore.

 

 

 

Hey, didn't think about it. But it would make sense.

 

This(highlights) is called blame shifting. This is not just about the kissing, this is about her dishonesty, she had years to tell you about the friends with benefits but chose not to yet continued to see him. If she can't tell you about him she shouldn't be seeing him( if she can't do it in front of you she shouldn't be doing it).

[fixing]

Hey broken guy. Well bloody done man, you handled this with class pal. What a dirty foul mouthed filthy little whore she turned out to be. Just like mine

 

I know the feelings you are experiencing. She is a dishonest one too. Let her pick up her stuff and GOOD RIDDANCE.

 

Draw a line under it and be done with her for good. Im not gonna say its quick and easy to get over this, because its not, but please dont spend the next year going over and over it and imagining other instances.

 

Your the good guy, shes the bad guy. You got burned man.

 

Stay strong.

[JDPT]

Good riddance, keep in mind that you dodged a bullet.

[BeholdtheMan]

So basically I accused her of sleeping with him while in our relationship. She went absolutely apes**t over that, that I don't trust her, make a big deal out of nothing, that I'm controlling, don't allow her to have friends, I need to grow up, blah blah - you name it, she said this to me.

A lot of blame-shifting going on here. She was in desperation mode to defend herself.

 

Don't let untrustworthy people use "trust" as a weapon against you. Trust is not blind. Trust is built on positive experience and communication. It can be damaged or destroyed.

 

I couldn't take it and told her it's over. She looked at me like she was about to cry, but I didn't care. I only asked her when she wants to take all of her stuff back. She said she can do it tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow can't come too soon. Honestly I'm starting to feel relieved I won't have to deal with her anymore.

She might try to win you over tomorrow. Don't fall for it. Now is the time to be firm. Stay calm and keep you composure. This woman isn't your friend any more. You should view her as a parasitic leech who might try to worm her way back into your life. Your goal tomorrow is to get rid of her as efficiently and cleanly as possible. Don't waste time going over the same issues.

 

Don't have sex with "just one last time" if she makes advances. Be polite but emotionally cold to her.

[Chi townD]

She went absolutely apes**t over that, that I don't trust her, make a big deal out of nothing, that I'm controlling, don't allow her to have friends, I need to grow up, blah blah - you name it, she said this to me.

 

Remember this when she comes to pick up her stuff. She may want to try and talk you out of the break up. Just remind her of what she said to you. The end it with "Well, you're getting rid of a controlling, immature and untrusting boyfriend. That should be a sigh of relief for you."

 

Then hard NC, NO CONTACT!!

[BrokenGuy85]

It's done thing. She didn't try to fight for me though. In fact she dig it even deeper.

 

Guess who drove her to pick up those items? The very same guy she "only kissed" and was FWB with! He tried to act like nothing happened but I had none of it. I almost wanted to beat him up, but I barely managed to stop myself. They were fake nice to me until the end, when all was done they ostensibly made out in front of me. I really wanted to beat him up, it's a miracle I didn't.

 

So much for "just friends". How could she do this to me? Just over a week earlier she'd snuggle up to me, look at me lovingly and say "I love you". Now she's pulling crap like that.

 

I already started deleting and blocking her on any social media. Hate her guts and hopefully will never have to deal with her again.:mad:

[drifter777]

Hey broken guy. Well bloody done man, you handled this with class pal. What a dirty foul mouthed filthy little whore she turned out to be. Just like mine

 

I know the feelings you are experiencing. She is a dishonest one too. Let her pick up her stuff and GOOD RIDDANCE.

 

Draw a line under it and be done with her for good. Im not gonna say its quick and easy to get over this, because its not, but please dont spend the next year going over and over it and imagining other instances.

 

Your the good guy, shes the bad guy. You got burned man.

 

Stay strong.

BrokenGuy8: ^^^^ THIS ^^^^

 

Go out and start playing with other girls ASAP and put this lying cheater out of your mind.

 

The reason you are feeling relieved and probably reinvigorated is that you are doing what you believe is right for you. Being true to yourself is the best way to improve your self-confidence and self-esteem. Well done!

[JDPT]

It's done thing. She didn't try to fight for me though. In fact she dig it even deeper.

 

Guess who drove her to pick up those items? The very same guy she "only kissed" and was FWB with! He tried to act like nothing happened but I had none of it. I almost wanted to beat him up, but I barely managed to stop myself. They were fake nice to me until the end, when all was done they ostensibly made out in front of me. I really wanted to beat him up, it's a miracle I didn't.

 

So much for "just friends". How could she do this to me? Just over a week earlier she'd snuggle up to me, look at me lovingly and say "I love you". Now she's pulling crap like that.

 

I already started deleting and blocking her on any social media. Hate her guts and hopefully will never have to deal with her again.:mad:

 

I dare to say that she was cheating all throughout the relationship. For her to pull a stunt like that, she is clearly capable of anything. I'm certain this won't be te last of her, she will try to be nasty to you somehow, implement NC vigorously.

[Woggle]

Where are the people at the start of this thread who said it was just a kiss so no big deal? Experience had taught me it almost never just a kiss. It is usually much more than that.

[JDPT]

Where are the people at the start of this thread who said it was just a kiss so no big deal? Experience had taught me it almost never just a kiss. It is usually much more than that.

 

Co-sign that

[drifter777]

It's done thing. She didn't try to fight for me though. In fact she dig it even deeper.

 

Guess who drove her to pick up those items? The very same guy she "only kissed" and was FWB with! He tried to act like nothing happened but I had none of it. I almost wanted to beat him up, but I barely managed to stop myself. They were fake nice to me until the end, when all was done they ostensibly made out in front of me. I really wanted to beat him up, it's a miracle I didn't.

 

So much for "just friends". How could she do this to me? Just over a week earlier she'd snuggle up to me, look at me lovingly and say "I love you". Now she's pulling crap like that.

 

I already started deleting and blocking her on any social media. Hate her guts and hopefully will never have to deal with her again.:mad:

The hell with that skank! One good thing about her kiss-off is that it won't take long to put her out of your mind once and for all. Start dating right away - no better way to forget her than to go out and live your life without her.