I screwed up bad

[damned]

I have managed to screw everything in my life up by being selfish and controlling , I have hurt the women I love very badly over a long period of time , but i did not realize how much until she had an affair , after years of me neglecting her i can not blame her one bit , it was not sexual but emotional for her , I was never there for her and never listened to her pleas to fix our marriage i ignored it and now I am afraid I have lost her forever .

 

Does anyone know how I can rebuilt her trust and win her back?

 

She says she is waiting for me to prove that I won't do the things i have in the past , but i am screwing that up too ,

 

She also said she cannot believe in the words i say bc I lie and never follow through with anything , so how do I show her ?

 

I want my family back , but don't know if I can be the man she needs

 

whats your advice?

[Tony T]

It's a pity you have to ask these questions of total strangers in an Internet forum when it's your lady you should be asking.

 

Just ask her straight out, exactly what she wants.

 

You sound like you don't have the first idea of what being in a relationship is all about. I assume you are married but I don't think you said.

 

Go to a bookstore and get some books on how to build a solid relationship. Get some counselling.

 

You and your lady have absolutely no communication. Your listening skills are totally zero. That's obvious because she has asked you not to repeat things from the past and you say you are screwing that up as well. My guess is that she has told you what she needs and you either didn't pay attention or you just have a very poor memory. Work on both of those.

 

If you don't show her some serious change, this will be over forever. Hey, this lady has only one life to live and she doesn't want to live it with a guy who can't learn lessons and who is disinterested in doing his part in the relationship.

 

So first, ask her in a kind, gentle, loving way. Let her know just how badly you have screwed up, that you realize that, and that you really need help in getting yourself back to where you need to be in the relationship.

 

But SHE is the one who is unhappy and SHE is the one you need to get this information from.