OW and BSs - just an observation...

[Appreciate]

I read your original post. It was a little hard to understand through the Sav Blanc haze, but yes I get it.

 

What I was most interested in exploring was the second order effects of transference/projection beyond 'the' BS/OW/M as symbol, to the generic BS/OW/M as a representative proxy group.

 

This one needs translation.

[Appreciate]

I will say that it is good to have a forum in which WS and BS can have exchanges. Some of those exchanges will be intense, because there are a lot of hurt people here. Disillusioned ones, too, on both sides. And yet some common ground and understanding is found. I'm not so sure this can translate over to 'real world' triangles, but it does happen.

 

I think sometimes in the BS 'fog', a bond will be forged by the OW and BW. I understand where it comes from but I don't think it's good to have this "well, we're shipwrecked on Affair Island together, let's make the most of it" attitude. As if there is something 'adult' about that. Those women are both placing themselves as second to the MM, treating him like a prize and a mutual punching bag, and commiserating in that respect. However, a BS with real self-respect and respect for her own marriage would not validate the OW as being on par with her, or form any sort of strange sisterhood. But I've seen it happen, and in some cases with positive results. To each their own. But in reality, a AP should expect nothing more than condemnation from a BS, and feel lucky if they get anything more than that. AP's by their nature are intruders into a marriage.

 

Maybe it's different because I am a man and have been an OM, WS and BS. But this is how I see it.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Appreciate

[proseandpassion]

I have no feelings of ill will toward my MM's W. I feel bad for her. She's probably miserable. The only one happy with this situation is the MM. I'm miserable, too.

[SolG]

Hi Appreciate, TY for replying.

 

To try and translate further, what I was trying to get at was exploring the hatred that BSs and OW feel towards each other despite generally not knowing anything substantial about each other at all (generally, not always). It's targeted... but not based on any real knowledge of the other. It just sometimes, irrationally is. And that this hatred is sometimes projected towards all others of the same perceived class; that is, OW railing against BSs on LS, and vice versa (as proxy targets instead of the actual OW/BS in their particular relationship).

 

I do, however, take your point that the BS does have some validated data to guide his/her judgement. That is that he/she knows that an AP has chosen a path that is ultimately damaging - and in this respect he/she deserves ire. But not to the exclusion of the WS who is equally culpable.