Does the mere thought of them cheating infuriate you?

[Cheatingornot]

Does the mere thought of them cheating infuriate you?

 

About a month ago, my husband was going through some kind of funk. He asked me to go pick up something to eat, and when I went into his wallet to get some money, I found a phone number, with the name “Rita” written on it. I didn’t recognize the hand writing.

 

There could be any NUMBER of explanations as to who this “Rita” is. So, out of furious, premenstrual instinct, I blocked my number and called her. An older sounding woman answered. It was a cell phone, so no way to find out who she is, or where she lives, or anything.

 

So I let it go. No use to ask about it, because if he’s not cheating, he’ll be offended that I could think such a thing, but if he is cheating, then not only will he have a heads up that I’m suspicious, but he’ll just lie, and say it’s some woman who wants him to mow her grass or something.

 

So I didn’t ask about it. Just left it alone.

 

His job requires him to drive a couple of hours away every day (he’s a delivery guy) So every day, he’d be home at around 2-3. Suddenly, on colder days, he wasn’t getting home until 5 or 6. Sometimes after I got home. A couple of times, he said his delivery truck was giving him problems.

 

It’s been happening more frequently thought, but it could just be the weather? Maybe.

 

Well, today, I’m having our truck worked on, and he called at 2:30 to see if I needed a ride home. I told him that I did, because they wanted to keep the truck over night, since they couldn’t locate the problem, and wanted to see if the problem was there after the truck had sit overnight. My husband called back an hour later (still at work) and asked if there was any way I could just take the truck home, and bring it back if the problem persists. I talked to the mechanics, and they said that was fine. My husband would just hang around at work *5 minutes away* instead of going home, and then having to come back *30 minutes away*

 

So, at 3:30, my husband should’ve headed home, right?

 

I just called him at 5:00, and there was no answer. Now, he could be in the shower, he could be napping, or he could be outside. Who knows.

 

I’ll be really pissed off, though, if in a couple of months I find out that the reason my husband didn’t want to pick me up from work, was because he wanted to have a quickie with his girlfriend

 

I trust him, but when something like the thought of him not wanting to give me a ride, so he can cheat on me crosses my mind, I get really pissed. If I look at things through untrusting eyes, I can see how a whole bunch of stuff makes perfect sense. The phone number, the lateness, the reluctance to give me a ride…. Something to think about.

[Owl]

What else is there that could be causing you to feel this way? From what I've been through, any of what you've described could truly be anything. The real indicators that there is an affair going on are usually more along the lines of noticing an emotional "distance" between you and him. Frequent calls to a number you don't know. Increased or decreased sexual desire. The list goes on and on.

 

Do you really FEEL that there is something going on? Or is this just a worry? If you really think that you've got a REASON to be worried, there are all kinds of things that you can do to try to "catch" him. But I'd only recommend that you do that if you've got a darn good reason to suspect something.

[HokeyReligions]

I've found women's phone numbers in my husbands wallet or pocket or jotted down in his den many times. He also has all day to 'play' since he doesn't work and I do.

 

I've asked him many time "who is so-and-so? I saw her name and number [wherever]" I am not accusetory, just curious. It never occurred to me to not believe him. His 'availability' patterns have changed sometimes too but I always believe him when he tells me where he was. I ask, not out of suspicion, but curiosity.

 

Has your husband ever given you reason to think he might have an affair? If you sense a change in your relationship, or new patterns developing why not just say "hey hun, I'm not sure if we are communicating very well lately, something just seems off-kilter" and then ask him about himself or if he had noticed/felt anything or if there is something about you that is bothering him, and then continue the conversation. Talk honestly every once in a while. Every relationship needs a 'self-exam' sometimes -- it's so easy to fall into boredom and routine and take each other for granted.

[tiki]

Oh, the magical art of asking.

 

Ask!

[only1life]

Wow, you guys need to talk! How can you live with such suspicions?

 

Advice? OK, turn on the real charm, get cozy with him, make him feel real good, do whatever works for you guys to make him feel really wonderful; dinner, drinks, tub, bed, you know what it takes. Then when he's in that special way that we get when things are really nice, casually ask him about it, or arrange for the slip of paper to "fall" out of his pants, to bring the subject up. If it is nothing, he'll tell you, and his reaction will let you know he's telling the truth. If he's hiding something, he'll realize he has put his great relationship with you at risk and will either come clean or show enough guilt that the truth will come out eventually.

 

Just don't continue on the way you are - your suspicions will lead to so much uneasiness that something bad will happen.

 

Good luck.