Is it ok for a married woman to have male friends ?

[Iguanna]

One thing I don't get is, it's ok for you to be in a relationship with her while having male friends and you will stop being ok with it the day you'll get married? If this is something you really don't like, why do you keep her in the first place?

[HermioneG]

I don't trust women who "hate women" and can't get along with them.

 

I have met a few women like that and believe me, the issue isn't "other women", it's them 100% and they usually have a lot of other character flaws that come as a package with that 'philosophy'.

 

So for me that is the biggest red-flag of all and the other aspect about should married women have male friends becomes less of an issue.

 

This. Totally.

[BOREDouttaMymind]

you shouldn't have any friends that are women then. fairs fair dude.

[VeronicaRoss]

Tricky stuff.

 

I have learned over the years that most male friends would sleep with me if I said yes or let them know I was interested. Not because I'm so special, it's just the opportunity is rarely turned down by men. Women are more picky and I know for myself I honestly don't sexualize most men the way that I finally understand most men sexualize most women.

 

So I completely understand your concern as a man, you know how they think.

 

On the other hand, some male friends truly are not interested. It's not 100%.

 

I think the bigger issue is that she has no female friends. There are butch women, it's not like women are all alike.

 

Not sure if it's a deal breaker, but if her only friends are men your marriage is going to make her very lonely. And that is definitely breeding grounds for all kinds of trouble. Don't do it, you aren't compatible.

[Poppygoodwill]

For me the problem here is that he's trying to change her knowing full well what she is like.

 

You dated her while she has only male friends. That was okay enough for you to get engaged to her.

 

You're engaged to her and yet she has all these male friends, but it doesn't seem to bother you that much otherwise you wouldn't have gotten engaged.

 

But somehow when she puts on that ring, she's supposed to change this fundamental thing about her that you knew about - and accepted - from teh beginning?

 

That's not fair and not right. Marriage shouldn't be a cage that we put ourselves into. It should be a platform from which we can grow. If her having male friends was such a big deal to you - and such a threat to your relationship - why did you even get to this point?

 

if I was her I'd have many red flags here - what else are you going to expect her to change about herself after you marry? Better be totally up front about it now - or else it's basically entrapment on your part.

[Eau Claire]

Nobody 'has' to do anything.

 

My boyfriend is not the jealous kind but I do not meet other males because I care about him and would not want to make him feel uncomfortable. A strong relationship is based on both of us being completely at ease with each other. My relationship is a million times more important than me having a cup of coffee with male friend.

 

My boyfriend is not a robot but a man with quite healthy male tendencies. Of course he wants control over his mate. It has been this way since humans have been humans. The issue is the type and amount of control and if it is within the parameters of a healthy functioning relationship.

 

 

Re the OP. From this and other posts dysfunctional and a disaster.

[what_a_blonde]

ABSOLUTELY not.

 

I've seen not 1... not 2... but THREE married women who had male friends ruin their marriages because of it. And it doesn't matter if the male is an old friend from the past. Lines get crossed, boundaries get crossed. He begins fulfilling her emotional needs, so she gets coerced into fulfilling his sexual needs. (because she falls for him) It seems like after a certain age range, TRUE male/female friendships (WITHOUT feelings) seem to dissipate and feelings almost always get involved even where it was once thought there were NO feelings.

 

The only "alone" time that I think would MAYBE be ok is an occasional lunch to catch up... but this would need to be in public and after the lunch they don't go hang out at his house or anything, and they're not texting or calling eachother all the time. Going to catch up for lunch once every 6 months or so is not a big deal, especially if you its public and you know about it. But if she's meeting him every week... nope. Not cool. Be worried.

 

Stand your ground and trust other posters on this.

[seibert253]

Guys don't want to just be friends with women. They're ultimate goal is sex. Pure and simple

[deathandtaxes]

Guys don't want to just be friends with women. They're ultimate goal is sex. Pure and simple

 

 

 

That's painting guys with a broad brush. I have women friends who I value highly and no current or future relationship I have with a woman will make me not be friends with these women. There is just no recreating the female perspective. If my future lady can't handle that, tough crapola. And I wouldn't ask a potential mate to dump her dude friends, either.

 

 

I'm not friends with these women for sex. That's a quick way to end a friendship.

[VeronicaRoss]

One more thing. I wrote about this on another thread. I have two friends that dated very briefly over 30 years ago and have been carrying on an emotional affair ever since, even (or because?) nothing sexual happened between them when they had the chance. The mystery is there. I always thought they were more compatible than anyone else they've been with but another guy made a move first and that's how she 'decided'. They were never single at the same time after that.

 

My male friend says he's really in love with the female friend and wants her badly. The impression I get from the female friend is she loves the attention and intrigue more than anything, but she's very possessive of him in her own way. He complains about his marriage to her, she's his confidant. That's the power I think she gets off on.

 

But their partners have no clue (not even sure the spouses realize that they actually dated, weren't just friends) and they all socialize together.

 

I'd say if you're uncomfortable with a situation or a guy you need to respect that and be with someone who will respect your feelings and would feel the same way. And listen to your instinct about a relationship.

 

If you two had different boundaries, no harm or foul, you need to find someone who is more compatible.