nebulae Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I'm 23 next month and i'm starting to accept that I may never get married or have children. I just have to accept my life for what it is and find comfort and happiness in little things... like growing flowers. I feel like I'll always be an outsider, I can look but I can't have. I'll probably see my brother get married soon and have kids, which will be painful to deal with. Life has turned out like nothing I had hoped or planned, and it seems there is very little I can do about it, as every attempt to change my situation has blown up in my face. Life is hard when you see people you grew up with now starting families and changing when all you can do is sit and say 'will it ever be my turn'?. I can't cry about it anymore. I've given up on ever finding someone decent that wants to commit to me and have children. Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I'm 23 next month and i'm starting to accept that I may never get married or have children. I just have to accept my life for what it is and find comfort and happiness in little things... like growing flowers. I feel like I'll always be an outsider, I can look but I can't have. I'll probably see my brother get married soon and have kids, which will be painful to deal with. Life has turned out like nothing I had hoped or planned, and it seems there is very little I can do about it, as every attempt to change my situation has blown up in my face. Life is hard when you see people you grew up with now starting families and changing when all you can do is sit and say 'will it ever be my turn'?. I can't cry about it anymore. I've given up on ever finding someone decent that wants to commit to me and have children. You are 23. Lets try and remember you have an entire life to live. In fact, I would recommend to go enjoy those little things that make you happy during your 20's before you sell your life away to being a parent. Think you are scared of things blowing up in your face now, marriage has the potential to be the ultimate blow up in your face. Even though I've never been married, I don't think of it as a magical entrance to heaven where I'm waiting for it to be my turn. On the contrary, I'm avoiding commitment in order to enjoy the rest of my 20s. I promise you if you are feeling bad now, marriage won't fix that. Don't put expectations on it or you will be disappointed 100% of the time. If every attempt to change hasn't worked, its time to put your effort somewhere else. It requires you to do things that make you uncomfortable. Giving up is like walking away from the slot machine when the goal is to win. Keep playing, you will win. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 If you are alone but don't want to be, what are you doing to change that? Are you making an effort to meet new people? Do your participate in hobbies? Have you told friends & family you are open to being fixed up? You have to take some initiative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I can certainly relate to your post. :/ My circle of closest friends constists of 5 guys. 4 out of 5 have GFs while the last one refuses to have anything to do with women whatsoever. My options of getting together with the guys is limited. I've even taken a look at the 'women' in my life, the women on my FB friends list, etc. Those who I liked and kept in contact with are in relationships, whereas the rest either JUST got out of a relationship, is only interested in 'friends', or having fun. It's been nearly 2 years that I've been single again. During that time, I've had cancer, faced rejection on an unprecedented scale, even took up hobbies for which I didn't have an interest in hopes of finding someone. Did it work ? Nope. At this point I've given up all hope, and am fairly convinced that I'm cursed. :S Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 23...seriously? And that is your primary focus? Trust me, if I had to do it over again, not only would I have not dated anyone seriously at that age, I wouldn't have gotten married in my late 20s. There is so much more to life then getting married and pumping out kids. Don't get me wrong, I am very pro-relationship and kids and at my age I would relish a good marriage HOWEVER there are things now that aren't as easy to do as they would have been in the early 20s. You sound like a little kid who can't wait to grow up...DON't DO IT. I'm telling you that marriage has its own set of pluses and minuses and does offers no guarantee of happiness....that's all on you. Sorry if rambling, morning caffeine hasn't kicked in 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think decades from now, nursing homes are going to be overcrowded with lonely old people who never found the right one. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) "as every attempt to change my situation has blown up in my face" ...blown up, okay, like how have they all blown up? sounds like bad planning if blowing up keeps on happening, imho Edited January 19, 2014 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
potsticker Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think decades from now, nursing homes are going to be overcrowded with lonely old people who never found the right one. and all ofem will be hooking up with each other, except you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Gotta dig those nursing home hunks! Well, at least we will when we get there, right? Okay. Stop for a second. breathe. Disengage for a moment from your emotional plight. 23 is very young. How do you think a single and childless woman like myself feels when I read a post like this when someone who is 12 years younger than I is giving up? Don't give up. Wait for the right guy, and while you're waiting, flirt and date with a few more. Just try smiling and making good eye contact with some guys that you think are cute. Especially if you are really shy like me, you can often make the mistake of not giving off enough non-verbals of "approachable" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I love these woe is me threads. It's all my life sucks this. My life sucks that. Do something about it!! What are you doing with your life OP? And why do you want to couple up and commit so badly? It's not going to magically make your life any better. What it will do is drastically make it more complicated. Repeat after me. Being in a relationship/married/having kids is not some magic formula for a better life. Sorry you are feeling this way OP. Take it from a 35 year old divorced dude - married life is fun and all, but at the end of the day, you have to know yourself and be comfortable with yourself first and foremost. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I am nearly 30 and starting to feel that way. At least I have a bachelors and masters degree and a good UK education. However, after moving to the states I am more lonely than ever Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I am nearly 30 and starting to feel that way. At least I have a bachelors and masters degree and a good UK education. However, after moving to the states I am more lonely than ever Dude, you should just have to go to a bar and talk into the air and some women will just gush over your accent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notthathard Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I'm almost 30 and I dont even have these thoughts yet. You sound quite mature for your age. I can see from your other posts that you're female. You need to get out in the world more. Men will approach you regardless of your looks, smell, dress sense, personality, voice, hairstyle, eye colour.. etc. At 23 I was partying & traveling. It was some of the best days of my like in regards to the opposite gender! Do what you like/enjoy and a relationship will start naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Dude, you should just have to go to a bar and talk into the air and some women will just gush over your accent. :cool: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I can just order a nice sprite and red bull (sober due to driving) and women will just flock to me. Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thanks, I am a non smoker and just wary that a women I ask for dance or drink at the bar will smoke or use tobacco. I just hate smoking. I'm almost 30 and I dont even have these thoughts yet. You sound quite mature for your age. I can see from your other posts that you're female. You need to get out in the world more. Men will approach you regardless of your looks, smell, dress sense, personality, voice, hairstyle, eye colour.. etc. At 23 I was partying & traveling. It was some of the best days of my like in regards to the opposite gender! Do what you like/enjoy and a relationship will start naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
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