What constitutes a good match or a mismatch

[irc333]

I kind of get a kick out of how some people poo-poo the idea of how being a "match" isn't somethign someone wants, while the preference for being mismatch is highly desired.

 

So...perhaps it depends on the proponents OF a match, yes?

 

Just a set of examples of what matters in a "match" vs what does NOT matter.

 

What does not matter: Like for instance, she's into sewing and knitting, and he's into hunting and dressing a deer and fishin'....she'll even cook up his catch. lol

What DOES matter in a match:

 

Atheist dating a Christian or highly different belief systems altogether.

A single person without kids dating a single parent with kids with them 24/7.

 

Now, MY example of what I consider a good match. Saw this woman online recently and now is return prospect to the site. She was unresponsive before, but now she's back on again with different pictures.

 

She actually emphasizes a bit what she doesn't wants, but it doesn't sound demanding.

 

Everything that DOES matter (mostly)here is almost a mirror of me.

 

1. She has no kids

2. She doesn't want kids

3. (VERY interesting and what I would gravitate to) - > Won't date anyone that has children, period. (Yep, not open to dating single parents at all).

3. Looking for a Christian

4. Enjoys outdoor activities like camping and hiking

5. Early 40's.

6. Want's someone with healthy/clean teeth.

7. She has a Masters degree.

 

 

Anyhow, her and me...pretty much a mirror match in what DOES matter in looking for a mate, though I only have a Bachelor's degree, that area of the woods is lacking pretty much in a lot of people without a Masters degree much less a G.E.D. ...well, the single ones that is. lol

 

 

Notice an emphasis on #3 and the location in which she resides. I have lived in that area most of my life, and you have ANY idea how hard that is to find?

 

I also have to joke about the "clean teeth' with her...considering where she lives, I find it funny she had to list that, obviously she's taken notice the backwater of residents that live near her, and made sure to mention that as well. I even used it, jokingly, as I re-introduced myself to her today.

 

 

 

That all being said, I plan on contacting her today...not sure if I'll get a response like she hadn't responded...but I was trying to provide a critical break down how it somehow baffles me that we could be great for each other, at least attempt a "Meet" for coffee, but only to be ignored.

 

This is the disadvantage of ONLINE dating, because no matter how much of a match you are or how you try to "sell" yourself, it never seems to warrant a response. Chances are, if she had met me in person through social gatherings (ie Meetup), I'd probably be dating her by now.

[MixedUpChick]

Hopefully she responded to you this time?

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This reminds me of an online interaction I had with someone months ago on one of the dating sites. His profile listed tons of things I also had in mine, we were similar age (I think he was a year or two older than me), lots in common. He replied and thanked me for my interest but said he didn't think we were a good match. I was baffled, since as I said, we had tons of commonalities in our profiles. I decided since he responded to me once, maybe he'd reply to one more message.

 

I realize that just because we had similar things in our profiles, maybe he wasn't attracted to ME, which is fine - but I was curious. I sent him a second message saying that I was confused why he didn't think we were a good match, since our profiles indicated so many similarities? His reply: "I don't have it in my profile, but I'm actually looking for a tall blonde."

 

I'm a brunette of average height, I've had enough compliments on my looks to feel like I'm at least average in that category - as well as often being told I look MUCH younger than I am), I take good care of myself, I'm fun, interesting, etc. So although I found it frustrating/annoying/stupid of him, it's his loss.

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irc - did you send off another message, and did she respond? If you haven't heard anything back yet, I wish you luck this time!

[irc333]

Thank you. I am crossing my fingers. lol. What's intersting is, with what SHE is looking for, she really can't afford to be picky. She is in hear early 40's, and is looking for a man without children and doesn't want children. She will not likely finding THAT where she lives. She would be better off renting a U-Haul and taking off to a larger city, because quite frankly if she is still staying in that town, she can't afford to be picky. If a man without kids contacts her, that's few and far between, because we live in an area that's more rural and people tend to marry young and have about 2 to 3 kids per household.

 

And if someone like me contacts her, I figured I'd be a rarity in HER eyes. LOL

 

It's kind of funny, just recently saw an attractive, American Asian woman that was also a "return user", to POF. I could tell, because when you log in, you see a list of "Newest Users" listed, and her profile popped up. She is actually mutual friends with other people that I know on Facebook, thought about messaging her that route, but don't want to come off as stalkerish.

 

She's always on and off on that site, but from reading her profile she seems to have an unrealistic set of expectations. She even tends to over romanticize as well.

 

Anyways, going BACK to the one I just emailed with all the commonalities, yeah, it's physical appearance, no doubt about it.

 

If you're not tall enough or have a bald head (which I do.), all that other crap goes OUT the window.

 

I'm surprised this was a guy that rejected you based on your height though.

 

Thing is, women can be picky, because...well...they CAN.

 

I think I recalled making a post about being matched up with, and she said that I looked OLDER Than she usually dates. Basically, even though I'm 41, I probably look somewhat older than that too her. (Kinda stung a bit0.

 

Kind of rude for her to say, but she could have shed a few pounds. Actually saw her at a Meetup and wasn't impressed with her appearance, but I thought she was kind of cute and we were both looking for the same thing.

 

Somehow people are convinced if they are realistic in their standards, esp. women, they would be miserable for "settling". I honestly believe they could date certain men, but FEEL they could do better. That the "next best thing" would be out there for them. (Not to sound harsh). Looking for something unattainable, and I feel some of these ladies may wind up reaching the senior citizen age without a man in their life....where at that point, any man will do.

 

 

I'm a brunette of average height, I've had enough compliments on my looks to feel like I'm at least average in that category - as well as often being told I look MUCH younger than I am), I take good care of myself, I'm fun, interesting, etc. So although I found it frustrating/annoying/stupid of him, it's his loss.

 

Yeah, that's just the thing, that's weird. But that's ONLINE dating for you, and I"m BETTING that if he ever met you in person, he'd NEVER do that! Surprised it was a man though, they aren't as picky when it comes to height or picky in general. lol

 

 

 

Hopefully she responded to you this time?

----------------------------------------------

 

This reminds me of an online interaction I had with someone months ago on one of the dating sites. His profile listed tons of things I also had in mine, we were similar age (I think he was a year or two older than me), lots in common. He replied and thanked me for my interest but said he didn't think we were a good match. I was baffled, since as I said, we had tons of commonalities in our profiles. I decided since he responded to me once, maybe he'd reply to one more message.

 

I realize that just because we had similar things in our profiles, maybe he wasn't attracted to ME, which is fine - but I was curious. I sent him a second message saying that I was confused why he didn't think we were a good match, since our profiles indicated so many similarities? His reply: "I don't have it in my profile, but I'm actually looking for a tall blonde."

 

I'm a brunette of average height, I've had enough compliments on my looks to feel like I'm at least average in that category - as well as often being told I look MUCH younger than I am), I take good care of myself, I'm fun, interesting, etc. So although I found it frustrating/annoying/stupid of him, it's his loss.

------------------------

 

irc - did you send off another message, and did she respond? If you haven't heard anything back yet, I wish you luck this time!

[Scales]

I kind of get a kick out of how some people poo-poo the idea of how being a "match" isn't somethign someone wants, while the preference for being mismatch is highly desired.

 

So...perhaps it depends on the proponents OF a match, yes?

 

Just a set of examples of what matters in a "match" vs what does NOT matter.

 

What does not matter: Like for instance, she's into sewing and knitting, and he's into hunting and dressing a deer and fishin'....she'll even cook up his catch. lol

What DOES matter in a match:

 

Atheist dating a Christian or highly different belief systems altogether.

A single person without kids dating a single parent with kids with them 24/7.

 

Now, MY example of what I consider a good match. Saw this woman online recently and now is return prospect to the site. She was unresponsive before, but now she's back on again with different pictures.

 

She actually emphasizes a bit what she doesn't wants, but it doesn't sound demanding.

 

Everything that DOES matter (mostly)here is almost a mirror of me.

 

1. She has no kids

2. She doesn't want kids

3. (VERY interesting and what I would gravitate to) - > Won't date anyone that has children, period. (Yep, not open to dating single parents at all).

3. Looking for a Christian

4. Enjoys outdoor activities like camping and hiking

5. Early 40's.

6. Want's someone with healthy/clean teeth.

7. She has a Masters degree.

 

 

Anyhow, her and me...pretty much a mirror match in what DOES matter in looking for a mate, though I only have a Bachelor's degree, that area of the woods is lacking pretty much in a lot of people without a Masters degree much less a G.E.D. ...well, the single ones that is. lol

 

 

Notice an emphasis on #3 and the location in which she resides. I have lived in that area most of my life, and you have ANY idea how hard that is to find?

 

I also have to joke about the "clean teeth' with her...considering where she lives, I find it funny she had to list that, obviously she's taken notice the backwater of residents that live near her, and made sure to mention that as well. I even used it, jokingly, as I re-introduced myself to her today.

 

 

 

That all being said, I plan on contacting her today...not sure if I'll get a response like she hadn't responded...but I was trying to provide a critical break down how it somehow baffles me that we could be great for each other, at least attempt a "Meet" for coffee, but only to be ignored.

 

This is the disadvantage of ONLINE dating, because no matter how much of a match you are or how you try to "sell" yourself, it never seems to warrant a response. Chances are, if she had met me in person through social gatherings (ie Meetup), I'd probably be dating her by now.

 

These are really just prerequisites for her that can be bent. They don't really matter. Being a match only matters with conversation, not your interests. Interest matching only matters after you guys have attraction after the first time you meet up. The way you look and what you say matters more than their list.

 

Basically in OLD women ignore everything that isn't your first message, your pictures, and your base stats(height, weight, education). Whether you both climb the same mountain during the same time during the year, or both some like obscure hipster band makes no difference. They are looking for someone with no red flags who has something slightly different making them more unique than the other guys with no red flags.