Monodare1 Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Hi guys Had my boy from Friday nite until Sunday. Was good to have a longer time with him. Regards dropping him off, my son and I were at my brothers. On dropping us off we all discovered that my father had been sick all over the hall carpet. To help me my brother went out to purchase a carpet cleaner while I was left to see to my father, watch my son and my little niece and keep them away from the vomit. Due to this discovery and situation I failed to contact the ex about dropping off time so she was left waiting for me to drop off. It was a mistake on my part but I was met with a situation I had to deal with. She came instead to my fathers to pick him up and said that she thought I had kidnapped him and that I had disrespected her and that she was going to take me to the cleaners. The thing is, my 89 year old father had been taken ill and I was trying to see to his needs, see to two toddlers and keep them away from sickness so texting or calling her slipped my mind while I was dealing with all I came into. She is being so unreasonable, was I supposed to disregard my fathers illness and the hygiene welfare of my son just so I dropped him off on time? Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 She is being so unreasonable, was I supposed to disregard my fathers illness and the hygiene welfare of my son just so I dropped him off on time? No, of course not. You reacted to take care of family members in a sudden situation of need. Don't be hard on yourself about this. You say you made a mistake in not contacting her, but that's easily done in the circumstances. It's early days in your situation and you won't get it all right. It's inevitable that your priorities will be different from hers in a situation like this, and she should be able to see that. Just put it behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
george roy Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 My son and I were at my brothers. On dropping us off we all discovered that my father had been sick all over the hall carpet. To help me my brother went out to purchase a carpet cleaner while I was left to see to my father, watch my son and my little niece and keep them away from the vomit. My 89 year old father had been taken ill and I was trying to see to his needs, see to two toddlers and keep them away from sickness so texting or calling her slipped my mind while I was dealing with all I came into. It was a mistake on my part but I was met with a situation I had to deal with. ^^ This ^^ Don't know if things have 'cooled off' since this incident. Assuming it hasn't... An email, explaining what happened and why, with a humble apology, may or may not go far with her, but be sure to blind copy your attorney in on the email(s). What I've quoted above (I think) works perfectly. And (in the future) a very, very brief phone call will go a long way. "Hey, I've got a situation at Dad's house. Do you want to come get (son), or I can drop him off in a while ?" Any drama, just hang up. Not trying to throw you under the bus or chastise. Yes, you had something pressing to take care of. But your father is not her problem. At the same time, any reasonable person should understand the situation. As you've found out, she seems to not be reasonable. Cover your bases from here on out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Did you call her to let her know you'd be late? You probably should have. She is looking for reasons to be mad. And just a random though, I absolutely HATE when people/spouses/ANYONE says "take him to the cleaners"...get your own money...God that makes me mad. I can't imagine taking anything from my husband. It wouldn't matter what he did. Link to post Share on other sites
BeingMe Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Was she justified in getting angry at you? Yes. I feel for you, but am now going to call you out with a 2x4 Right now, both of you don't trust each other. She didn't know what was going on, you didn't tell her. All she knew was that you didn't turn up with your child. She knows you are unhappy/angry with her. So her mind panics...lots of parents in the midst of separation/divorce would also do the same. You had all the information and you chose not to share it. And yes, you could have texted her. I speak as one who has often had to clear up sick and keep small children from it. You knew when you had to drop off, knew you might not make it and chose not to tell her. You've already admitted in previous threads that you are feeling angry at her. Sounds like a passive aggressive response to that anger. You've got to get yourself together. I know you're hurting. But this type of thing not only LOOKS bad for you, it also harms your parenting relationship. And how did your child feel seeing your STBXW angry? Anger that you kindled/provoked. Did you think that made you the 'good' parent? It didn't. A text message from you could have stopped all the distress to your STBXW and your child. Next time, think long-term and deal with your anger appropriately rather than trying to transfer it onto other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 I agree I should have contacted her, but when you have a hall carpet covered in vomit, an 89 year old parent shouting on you for help and two toddlers in the living room you are pretty stressed and calling or texting the ex was not the first thing to spring to mind. I was not the one starting a shouting match in the street, she grabbed my arm, I told her not to touch me, she then rubbed her hand up and down my face in full view of our son. To which I did not react as I was aware my son was watching. Yes, I should have contacted her, but it did not warrant an almost physical assault on me in full view of my son. That's the type of person the stbxw is, that is what I'm having to content with. Link to post Share on other sites
BeingMe Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 You're right, she shouldn't have touched you. Knowing what your ex is like, you still should have texted her. If I'm working this out right...he was sick and time-wise, it took the time it would have taken you to get to hers, plus the time she waited thinking you were late, plus the time to get to where you were, for you to clear it all up? That's quite a long time. Did she try to get hold of you during that time? Did you actually forget to text her or did you think what you were doing was more important? Now, ok, maybe you really did forget. So when she turned up, did you apologise? (after all, you were in the wrong) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 i tried to but was shouted down under a barrage of name calling and expletives. Then she got verbally nasty which I had difficulty keeping my cool under and eventually succumbed to defending my self verbally. Then she hit out with what she felt caused the break up etc while our son was in the car and she was outside the front door. I texted her after this episode and explained that what caused the break up was now irrelevant and that we must stop the verbal assaults and physical assaults (alluding to her rubbing her hand up and down my face) and to concentrate on our son and the fact we need to sell the house and uncouple our finances so that we can end our connections other than our son. The situation has since calmed and we have an uneasy truce at the moment. My anger is subsiding to aggreaved acceptance. Now I'm just looking forward to having a place of my own with total freedom from her. I'm also looking forward to eventually being in a relationship again but this time based in confidence, mutual trust and respect, one that allows us to do things together or apart without it feeling awkward. Something I didn't have with the stbxw. Link to post Share on other sites
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