Having a relationship break

[somecamel]

I replied very simply Nope, I'll let you know if I hear anything.

 

There has been a bit of correspondence from the lawyer but nothing worth us talking about about.

[somecamel]

I'm finding it difficult to control my excitement, I have my date this evening:)

 

This is a nice feeling:)

[Envy_rodge]

Sounds like she probably cheated. She is going to want to have her cake and eat it to.

[somecamel]

I have to laugh, the first date was a disaster, we had drinks and she told me her cousin was quite protective and wanted to pick her up. We had dinner then walked up to the train station so she could meet him to pick her up lol.

 

I think she's more damaged than me, that's what she told me anyway in texts afterwards, she said she's not ready for dating. she's 5 months NC I think.

 

Next?

[somecamel]

Well this is the weekend I was dreading when I first posted on here, he's over up in London this weekend.

 

It's weird but I don't seem to care atm, I have another date tomorrow night with a girl slightly older than me and I'm looking forward to it.

 

Two weeks NC now and a month of not seeing each other.

[Chi townD]

Well this is the weekend I was dreading when I first posted on here, he's over up in London this weekend.

 

It's weird but I don't seem to care atm, I have another date tomorrow night with a girl slightly older than me and I'm looking forward to it.

 

Two weeks NC now and a month of not seeing each other.

 

 

Yeah, so much for not seeing other people during the "break". I'm not going to fault you on dating because when she agreed to it you knew she was lying anyway. Hell, the last time you asked her not to see him, she did anyway so you have no reason to trust her.

 

Keep on moving on!

[somecamel]

Self preservation at it's finest I think:)

[lionheart153]

I am not an expert but I feel like you guys have alot to work on. It seems there is a ton of trust issues, and the fact that you would spy on her constantly does not look good. This may be the depressing me talking since I am going through a break up, but may its best you two aren't together. If you really want to keep trying I think maybe seeing a therapist would be a good suggestion.

[somecamel]

Hi Lionheart,

 

I've come to the conclusion that me and the ex are no more. I still care for her but sometimes someone can stay in your heart, but they cannot stay in your life.

 

Thanks for your thoughts:)

[somecamel]

Well I've done it.

 

She emailed me this morning asking me if there were any updates to the legal situation and to ask me if I could send a book she had sold on ebay, she also sai d she hopes I'm ok.

 

I didnt reply straight away but did keep my reply short.

 

Anyway, I emailed her again a bit later on calling the break off and move towards a proper break up.

 

I'm sad but I feel like there is no way we can come back from what's happened to us. I don't want to wait another two weeks then have to go all through all this again:(

[somecamel]

Should I feel bad? I feel like I'm the dumper now, I havnt made contact since yesterday, I really have nothing to say to her anymore:(

 

She made her choice when she chose to continue talking to him:(

[Chi townD]

 

She made her choice when she chose to continue talking to him:(

 

There ya go! And considering that she didn't even ask questions or inquired about that last message that you sent. She read it and went about her business. Should tell you where you stood.

 

Time to heal and move on.

[frigginlost]

There ya go! And considering that she didn't even ask questions or inquired about that last message that you sent. She read it and went about her business. Should tell you where you stood.

 

Time to heal and move on.

 

Exactly.

 

Ex did the exact same thing by not asking questions or inquiring regarding the "final" break up note I sent.

 

Coward.

[somecamel]

This forum is like an anonymous solace.

 

She emailed me again today, weather has been bad so was checking in to make sure everything was ok down here by the sea.

 

I gave in and emailed back all kind of semi professional saying few probs with traffic etc.

 

Anyway, she then made a comment about seeing me on a dating site, she had already brought this up 2 days ago when I sent her the email ending it, and asked me if it was any good, the more I think of it the angrier I get, what a hypocrite.

 

I kept the convo nice and made a joke of it saying it's no good etc.

 

The conversation died a bit after this, I asked how she found me, a simple google search is all it took lol.

 

and it died...

 

I don't want to reply to her, it might sound callous but I'm out here trying to sort my life out, I'm getting my head back into work, (self employed), I'm enjoying the buzz of flirting with girls, I feel 'free' as weird as that sounds.

 

But and there is always a but, I know the things I'm doing are because I'm not putting so much effort into her anymore, she had literally taken over my life for the past 7 months, it wasn't always that unhealthy but crept up on us and I didn't see it coming.

 

I still care about her even though I can only remember her face now by looking at a picture of her.

 

But I'm exhausted by it all, I'm confused, I'm happy and I'm sad.

[Chi townD]

WILL YOU STOP TALKING TO HER!!!!

 

 

Was it embarrassing to hear that she knew you were trolling dating sites? Did it make you feel good? She only did that to make herself feel better about herself and it worked. Funny after she brought up the dating site thing, the convo dies down drastically. She wanted you to know that she knew. nothing more, nothing less.

 

How about doing yourself a favor and start NC!

[somecamel]

Hi,

 

I already she knew I had been on dating sites a couple of days after the break started, ( I still had access to skype, I removed it a few days after though and made sure I can no longer get access).

 

I'm not really bothered that she knows, I just told her I was having a look, I'm not as heartless to tell her I have been dating, regardless of what has happened I was this to be a 'clean' break with none of the nastiness.

 

I still have 'business' I need to sort out with her though, need to arrange to rehome the dog and sort out the legal issue with an old property.

 

I'm not chasing her, if anything she is now chasing me but I'm kinda indifferent to it now.

Edited February 6, 2014 by somecamel
typo

[somecamel]

I feel like a total fool.

 

I know what you guys will say and what did I expect but I've been played.

 

After I broke up with her on the Monday 3rd Feb after knowing he had been in London for the weekend she chucked out some breadcrumbs as you can see from my postings above.

 

I stupidly ate them up, played a bit hardball but then gave in as we were talking nicely for a few days.

 

I may have had an attempted 'Friend Zone' played on me, she seems to think it's what adults to when they split up, they stay friends, so obviously I got the wrong idea, thought she wanted to make a go of it and then shafted me.

 

I've had her dog since she moved out and 3 months in my new place and I'm fed up. He's not a bad dog but I'm not really a dog person. I'm struggling enough to look after myself.

 

I told her last night that she has to sort out the dog now as I'm going to move back to my mums at the end of march. I need a break and someone to look after me for a bit.

 

I know I'm f****ing her by doing this as she has a work contract until July and she doesn't think they are going to extend it so she'll have to find another place to live that will take dogs. I'm not doing this to be spiteful I don't think, maybe it's the anger and that I've had enough.

 

Btw the dates were terrible, both of them, got off that wagon last saturday. My advice is dont rush into trying to be someone else when your still so hung up on an ex, 7 years:(

[somecamel]

And then she just texts me saying 'Happy Valentines day'.

[somecamel]

A bit of an update, this is as much for my benefit so I can see the progress I'm making in this as it is for anyone that is interested in my story.

 

After my last post, things got rather complicated, she text me on valentines day and it completely fudged my head up.

 

I did reply to her that evening just saying 'Why would you even send this to me'? but didnt get a reply, the morning after I emailed her asking why again, she replied saying she was sorry etc.

 

I don't know why but I emailed her again asking her what she wants and if she wanted to see if we could sort things out she needs to talk to me and if she does she just needs to leave me alone.

 

The email went on for the whole day, she turned it round to all be about me and she wasnt sure about us and she could only see us getting back together if I could sort myself out, she went off to have a think.

 

I know I pushed it but I emailed again sunday morning saying please don't leave me in limbo and didnt get a reply.

 

I emailed again sunday evening basically saying ok fair enough, Im not doing this, please leave me alone etc.

 

She came back and planted all the blame on me for everything.

 

I felt quite strong at the time so wouldn;t have any of it

 

This was my last message to her

 

'I'm not playing these games anymore.

 

I have taken a step back, looked at my life and have made positive changes in it but I won't degrade myself to beg you to take me back. As for what I expected from you, you obviously won't or can't deliver on that.

 

I think you wanted the break to make this easier to break up, look at the circumstances that led to the break. You refused to stop talking to him and this is why we are where we are today, not because of me but because of you. In fact the same thing happened a few years back, my mum reminded me, when she made you cry, that was all over Josh as well, I had forgotten.

 

You wanted this, your the one that went, not me so please don't put this all onto me saying I need to change. You're the one that changed.

 

I'm fed up of this all being about me, you have taken no responsibility at all.

 

This relationship is toxic, I was getting over you but you're the one that wouldn't leave me alone and continued to **** my head up.

 

I'm not miserable, I am doing things in my life that I should have done a long time ago, I can't move on if you won't leave me alone.

 

I still don't understand what you were trying to achieve by texting me on Friday.I think you were trying to patch it up so I didn't hate you and you didn't feel like the bad one, you got your wish then ****ed me over again.

 

I'm not going back to that again, it was a major mind ****.

 

Get on with your life and Ill get on with mine, once we've sorted out Gizmo (dog)and Hobart (old property) we don't have to have any contact at all which will help both of us heal.'

 

I've heard nothing since but I'm hovering around the 3rd day now with no contact.

 

I'm venting on here instead of contacting her.

 

Had another message last night from one of the dating sites I joined ( I thought I'd hidden my profile) which was nice, and all of a sudden had 3 girls talking to me, nice ego boost but again I'm not ready for any of that.

[changedlife]

Hey Camel:

 

I just recently joined and saw your last message. The back and forth games are hard. My relationship has been rocky for over a year, I was just broken up with a little over a month ago... during that month we talked a lot and emailed back and forth. She had a lot of anger over what was going on, but I was very apologetic and clear with what I wanted.

 

You know what you want. She does not. Be strong. Work on being happy by yourself and if she is truly sorry then she will make it very clear to you that she wants to work things out. I know its very hard but she needs to figure it out on her own. (I need to remind myself of that).

 

When two people who used to be in love start wanting different things, or they aren't sure about what they want...somebody always gets really hurt.

 

This is just hard.

 

I'm here for you. Keep posting.

[somecamel]

Thanks changedlife, I'm keeping myself angry at her which makes it so much easier, it dampens the love lol.

 

I'm sure I'll here from her again soon though:(

[Simon Phoenix]

You really need to stop responding to her dude. You are doing yourself no favors and driving yourself crazy in the process. Part of being an adult is knowing when to talk and when to keep quiet. And to be frank dude, you need to shut the hell up and stop talking to this woman. She needs to earn the right to hear your thoughts -- stop emoting like a teenage girl.

[somecamel]

You really need to stop responding to her dude. You are doing yourself no favors and driving yourself crazy in the process. Part of being an adult is knowing when to talk and when to keep quiet. And to be frank dude, you need to shut the hell up and stop talking to this woman. She needs to earn the right to hear your thoughts -- stop emoting like a teenage girl.

 

Harsh but true.

 

There will need to be contact with her I'm afraid but it doesn't need to be about us, the sooner I can sort out the dog and the old property the better.

[somecamel]

Again a quick update, I do this more for my benefit that you guys I'm afraid:P

 

I delete all emails from her now and anything else that may come through so I don't sit and over analyse anything.

 

Anyway, I had some emails from her regarding the legal issue we needed to sort and I kept it all business like but I did do something perhaps a little stupid but it kind of worked out for me in the end.

 

I hacked her snapchat:( It was easy, it was one of her old passwords.

 

I saw that lots of pictures had been exchanged between her and the ex last monday (17/2-14).

 

This did fuel my anger a bit and I let my emotions take over so I emailed her a image of snapchat showing the convos with a message saying Proved my Point, have a nice life.

 

She came back saying yer I proved my point your still spying etc.

 

I ended it with yes, and you're a liar and a cheat.

 

 

I completely accept that she is completely entitled to send as many snapchats as she wants to whoever she chooses because we are no longer together, it just kinda cemented all my thoughts, feelings and suspicions and proved to me that I could no longer trust anything she says to me.

 

I was going to help her move her stuff out and take it up to London, I did make it clear I didn't want to see her so we'd have to arrange some way to do that but I was trying to be nice, I'd spent 7 years with this woman.

 

After I saw these Snapchats I thought what the hell am I doing, all my friends already thought I was mad helping her but I made it clear that I'm not a dick. Anyway, I sent her an email saying I'm done with her, she needs to sort herself out now without me etc.

 

I was pretty brutal but I said what needed to be said.

 

She emailed me yesterday wanting to sort out the sorting out of her bits etc, I didn't rush to reply but again was very business like, she said that she assumed I don't want to see her but she still had a key so if it's ok to come in can she, I said fine but to just let me know when she's close so I can go out and to let me know when she gone.

 

She emailed again in the evening, it was small talk, I knew that, asking about suitcases or something and then she dropped the bombshell, she'd been told that she has to move out of her room in London, I don't know why as I didn't reply to her.

 

It did make me a feel a bit bad, her job hasn't been working out up there and now she has to move on top of sorting out the legal stuff and what happens to the dog. However I'm still strong about this, I don't think I ever believed in Karma until I saw this, it's almost like her life is about to fall apart like mine did.

 

Thing is, it's not my problem and I do feel a bit heartless in all this but my priority at the moment is me and I don't want to be pulled in again.

 

She's sent me another email earlier asking some questions about renting a car, I haven't replied.

[Chi townD]

Again a quick update, I do this more for my benefit that you guys I'm afraid:P

 

I delete all emails from her now and anything else that may come through so I don't sit and over analyse anything.

 

Anyway, I had some emails from her regarding the legal issue we needed to sort and I kept it all business like but I did do something perhaps a little stupid but it kind of worked out for me in the end.

 

I hacked her snapchat:( It was easy, it was one of her old passwords.

 

I saw that lots of pictures had been exchanged between her and the ex last monday (17/2-14).

 

This did fuel my anger a bit and I let my emotions take over so I emailed her a image of snapchat showing the convos with a message saying Proved my Point, have a nice life.

 

She came back saying yer I proved my point your still spying etc.

 

I ended it with yes, and you're a liar and a cheat.

 

 

I completely accept that she is completely entitled to send as many snapchats as she wants to whoever she chooses because we are no longer together, it just kinda cemented all my thoughts, feelings and suspicions and proved to me that I could no longer trust anything she says to me.

 

I was going to help her move her stuff out and take it up to London, I did make it clear I didn't want to see her so we'd have to arrange some way to do that but I was trying to be nice, I'd spent 7 years with this woman.

 

After I saw these Snapchats I thought what the hell am I doing, all my friends already thought I was mad helping her but I made it clear that I'm not a dick. Anyway, I sent her an email saying I'm done with her, she needs to sort herself out now without me etc.

 

I was pretty brutal but I said what needed to be said.

 

She emailed me yesterday wanting to sort out the sorting out of her bits etc, I didn't rush to reply but again was very business like, she said that she assumed I don't want to see her but she still had a key so if it's ok to come in can she, I said fine but to just let me know when she's close so I can go out and to let me know when she gone.

 

She emailed again in the evening, it was small talk, I knew that, asking about suitcases or something and then she dropped the bombshell, she'd been told that she has to move out of her room in London, I don't know why as I didn't reply to her.

 

It did make me a feel a bit bad, her job hasn't been working out up there and now she has to move on top of sorting out the legal stuff and what happens to the dog. However I'm still strong about this, I don't think I ever believed in Karma until I saw this, it's almost like her life is about to fall apart like mine did.

 

Thing is, it's not my problem and I do feel a bit heartless in all this but my priority at the moment is me and I don't want to be pulled in again.

 

She's sent me another email earlier asking some questions about renting a car, I haven't replied.

 

 

Why are you still messing with this? If she still has things at your place, box it up and drop them off at her parents place. If you have the dog and are providing a good life for the dog, then KEEP the dog! Dogs are great and they'll love you no matter what!

 

 

If her life is falling apart, then that's her problem not yours! Change the locks on the door. I don't have any Ex's that had a key to my place. And to be honest, I wouldn't want an Ex rifling through my sh*t if I wasn't there.