Having a relationship break

[somecamel]

Why are you still messing with this? If she still has things at your place, box it up and drop them off at her parents place. If you have the dog and are providing a good life for the dog, then KEEP the dog! Dogs are great and they'll love you no matter what!

 

 

If her life is falling apart, then that's her problem not yours! Change the locks on the door. I don't have any Ex's that had a key to my place. And to be honest, I wouldn't want an Ex rifling through my sh*t if I wasn't there.

 

I want this over as well, the hard part is either way some contact has to be maintained until we can put all our issues to bed, there is a lot of trouble with the old place from a legal side but trying not to make this into an excuse to talk and now we have the 'her picking her stuff up' issue.

 

I feel bad because she's trying to make me feel guilty that she has to organise to bring her stuff up to London, she has no one else over here apart from her friends that encouraged her to meet this guy in the first place, who now funnily enough are nowhere to be seen to help her deal with the aftermath. She isn't from the UK so her family are abroad.

 

I do feel guilty but I'm more invested in myself at the moment and know if I let her back in I will have to start again, I cant do that at the moment.

 

I won't be around when she comes, I haven't seen her for 8 weeks, I'm happy for her to come and sort her bits out but I won't be here for that.

 

I don't need to see her because I know if I do it will completely **** me up again and I cannot do that again.

[somecamel]

Ok, I'm struggling a bit this evening, I still haven't replied to any of her messages.

 

I did start writing something earlier but my flat mate came back home just in time and stopped me lol.

 

I've been thinking about Gizmo (my dog) and something Chi said.

 

I've had him since a pup, so did she

 

I don't want to use him as an excuse but I'm a bit confused as to whether I keep him and want to make sure its for the right reasons.

 

I don't think she's in a position to take him, she's been given notice on him room in London, I told her that I was moving back to my mums so he's got to go.

 

I dont think I will move back, I'm 31 now, I moved out when I was 16, I like my independence.

 

I need to stop linking Gizmo and her, he is as much my dog than hers, in fact he had always seen more of me than he did of her, respected me but had no respect for her,(she mothered him lol).

 

I want to reach out to her, it's been three days, I ignored her so it kind of feels like its my turn, I'm fed up of watching my inbox for an email.

 

But everytime I feel low, I think about how quick it was for her to start sending him snapchats to him and I think **** you. Not Gizmos fault though and I want the best for him as well

Edited February 25, 2014 by somecamel
sex

[somecamel]

Just found out she did meet him at the end of January when we were on our months break. I'm more pissed off than upset.

[writergal]

OP, I've read through your whole thread and I have to agree with everyone who's told you to stop contacting your ex because it's not helping you get over her.

 

7 years is a long time to be with someone but remember you also have a child and a dog in your life who depend on you, whose needs are more important than yours in many ways. You are their provider, so you need to stop chasing your ex-girlfriend and sort yourself out emotionally so that you can focus on being a great single dad and great dog owner.

 

It's clear from what you've posted about your relationship with your ex that neither of you trusted each other and that's what led to your break-up. Without trust, you can't build a solid relationship with anyone.

 

You also mentioned that your business failed. In addition to a child and a dog, you need to find full-time employment so your energy should be focused there as well, shouldn't it?

 

Let your ex collect her belongings from your shared apartment while you're not home. Decide if you want to keep the dog. If you don't, give it up to a shelter. If you do keep it, please love that dog and don't neglect or abuse it.

 

How is your child handling this break-up by the way? If you have to move back with your parents for financial reasons, there's no shame in doing that. Plus they could watch your child while you got your life sorted out.

[somecamel]

OP, I've read through your whole thread and I have to agree with everyone who's told you to stop contacting your ex because it's not helping you get over her.

 

7 years is a long time to be with someone but remember you also have a child and a dog in your life who depend on you, whose needs are more important than yours in many ways. You are their provider, so you need to stop chasing your ex-girlfriend and sort yourself out emotionally so that you can focus on being a great single dad and great dog owner.

 

It's clear from what you've posted about your relationship with your ex that neither of you trusted each other and that's what led to your break-up. Without trust, you can't build a solid relationship with anyone.

 

You also mentioned that your business failed. In addition to a child and a dog, you need to find full-time employment so your energy should be focused there as well, shouldn't it?

 

Let your ex collect her belongings from your shared apartment while you're not home. Decide if you want to keep the dog. If you don't, give it up to a shelter. If you do keep it, please love that dog and don't neglect or abuse it.

 

How is your child handling this break-up by the way? If you have to move back with your parents for financial reasons, there's no shame in doing that. Plus they could watch your child while you got your life sorted out.

 

Hi Writergirl,

 

Thanks for your comments.

 

I'm in a bit of a weird place this evening, started drinking early and had a few Smokes.

 

I was sorting out my autologins in chrome and saw the login to her work email saved on it:(

 

I had a look, she met him that weekend whilst we were on the break.

 

She's down tomorrow to sort out her stuff.

 

The problem is I'm not over her, I've been really strong through and I know it's over, but I haven't quite accepted it yet.

 

I'm nearly there though.

 

I haven't seen her for 9 weeks now, but kind of 2 weeks proper Break up.

 

I'm not keeping the dog, when I saw that she met him when we were on the break, I snapped. I couldn't help myself but I did email her, there was lots of F's etc. She even had the audacity to deny seeing him when I had proof from an email from her to a friend saying she can't see her that weekend because she has a friend coming over from germany, that's him btw. I didn't get into where the information came from and she didn't ask, just denied.

 

It's broken me but I will be OK, I am a bit of a glutton for punishment, my dad always told the only way i would learn is the hard way, I got smacked a lot:P

 

My Son is Good, the ex never really bonded with him anyway, I think she was a bit jealous, he's indifferent and likes having more time with me:)

 

If I was looking in on my situation as a third party I would be telling myself to go NC but I can't because we still have unfinished business, 7 years is a long time. I'm trying to sort these things out but it's not easy.

 

My work situation is becoming more stable.

 

My little boy was really unwell back in December 2012 and spent a lot of time in hospital, that's why my first business failed. I ran that for 5 years.

 

I picked myself up, took me a while but I did and started a new business, but just as it was getting off the ground was when all this started back in August 2013.

 

It's funny actually.

 

She ran because she thought I couldn't commit, I would have married this girl when I was ready not with her pushing me into it, and at the first hurdle she pisses off, I actually tackled her on this, she said that if we were married it would be different because we would have to work at it, marriage is a bit of paper to me and I would have done it to make her happy, I didn't need a ring to know that I want(ed) to be with her forever.

 

One thing is for sure, I know I'll sleep well tonight:)

[Simon Phoenix]

You checked her work email? That's not cool. Either way, let her get her things and stop talking to her.

[somecamel]

I know it wasn't cool but if I'm honest it's given me the anger back.

 

She's meant to be down around mid-day today, I'll be going out, I don't need to see her:(

[writergal]

OP what you're doing could be considered stalking your ex-girlfriend, the way you continue to spy on her online accounts, that seems to fuel your jealousy and paranoia. Everyone here has advised you to stop doing that yet you continue to do it anyway. Why? There's really no justifiable reason that you can give. Your relationship with this woman is over. You have no right to continue to spy on her through her online accounts. What kind of example are you setting for your son if you do this? You are teaching him to be controlling, jealous and angry if a woman doesn't do what he wants, based on your actions with your current ex-girlfriend. Women are not objects to be controlled.

[somecamel]

OP what you're doing could be considered stalking your ex-girlfriend, the way you continue to spy on her online accounts, that seems to fuel your jealousy and paranoia. Everyone here has advised you to stop doing that yet you continue to do it anyway. Why? There's really no justifiable reason that you can give. Your relationship with this woman is over. You have no right to continue to spy on her through her online accounts. What kind of example are you setting for your son if you do this? You are teaching him to be controlling, jealous and angry if a woman doesn't do what he wants, based on your actions with your current ex-girlfriend. Women are not objects to be controlled.

 

I know it's wrong but I couldn't help myself.

 

I had to know if she was still lying to me and she was. She made such a big deal out of me breaking up with her after that weekend and she saw him anyway.

 

I do appreciate all your comments though and I know you're right. I'm just struggling a lot at the moment

[somecamel]

I'm a complete mess, she's been and gone, took some of her stuff but has left quite a lot.

 

I can't stop crying:(

[somecamel]

Just had a read through my thread to date and I've seen the pattern.

 

Exactly the same things happened this weekend as happened the weekend 2 weeks ago.

 

She came and got her stuff, I had a rough few days after this, a lot of crying but I got it out of my system.

 

Then the breadcrumbs started again from her FFS.

 

Like I said, it was repeat of 2 weeks ago, she puts out her vibe, reels me in, the drops me again.

 

I like to think I'm quite a logical person and have a bit of a scientific mind but like I said, I think I've cracked the pattern, I hope that now I can see what has been happening and I've taken my rose tinted glasses off I can see the truth.

 

This is never going to work, I don't trust her, she denied meeting him that weekend even though i had the proof (she didn't know where I had the info from) and it was just a repeat of when she first met him back in October 2013 and then lied to me for the next 3 months.

 

I don't need someone like that in my Life, it does kinda feel like the whole relationship was a lie.

 

She has put the whole breakup down to the fact that I didn't want/Was not ready to get married. She's a catholic girl and I know it's very important and she was getting a lot of pressure from Family and friends.

 

Damm, one time when I went to go meet her mum and dad, her mum had her cousin wedding video movie on repeat the whole weekend.

 

I feel for her, she is a good person deep down and I suppose she knows what she wants and will do anything to get that, (marriage and kids).

 

I should wish her the best and I'm sure I'll be able to in maybe a few years.

 

If I get any responses to this post, I'm sure I'll get the usual stay NC one's, it difficult to do that because we still have things we need to sort out so its not like i can just say GTFO my life.

 

We've heard nothing from the lawyer so they're being awkward and are no doubt going to drag this whole sorry affair out.

 

I've told her that she has to pick the dog up at the end of march.

 

Trying to stay strong

Edited March 5, 2014 by somecamel

[somecamel]

I feel horrible, bitter and twisted this morning:(

 

I think the realisation is coming, how could she have done this to me when I was at one of the lowest points of my life.

 

I'm beginning to hate her, the last 7 years all seem to have been one big lie:(

 

I think I need to cry today:(

[David87]

Ok, then cry, do all you need to get over this. Remember you aren't a teenager anymore, you're a grown man.... start acting like one.

[somecamel]

I'm feeling much better recently, 5 days NC now.

 

She did email me yesterday asking how I want to proceed with that legal stuff to do with the old house but I cant be bothered to reply to her.

 

It's the same pattern, she'll try and get me talking.

 

Staying NC

[David87]

I'm feeling much better recently, 5 days NC now.

 

She did email me yesterday asking how I want to proceed with that legal stuff to do with the old house but I cant be bothered to reply to her.

 

It's the same pattern, she'll try and get me talking.

 

Staying NC

 

Glad to hear that you're ok and that you're sticking to NC.

[somecamel]

Struggling a bit today guys, need some moral support and to tell me to stop being stupid.

 

Had to have some contact with her yesterday, taking her bits up to her place in London on Sunday and had to deal with that 'legal' issue we had.

 

I really hate it and just wish I could remove her from my life straight away.

 

She told me she wouldn't be there Sunday, I know she's away and it just plays on my mind as to where and who she is seeing:( I did tell her I don't need to know what's going on in her life.

 

Good job it's friday today, means I can have a few well deserved beers this evening but I got to be up on a roof in the morning so not too many:)

 

I need to slap myself, might take the dog out for a walk to take my mind off things.

[David87]

Buddy you feel this way because you had contact with her, you know this. Like you said today it's friday, go out have fun, a couple of beers etc .It will be ok at some point. I feel the same somedays, especially when my dating isn't great.

[mummyjonno]

Struggling a bit today guys, need some moral support and to tell me to stop being stupid.

 

Had to have some contact with her yesterday, taking her bits up to her place in London on Sunday and had to deal with that 'legal' issue we had.

 

I really hate it and just wish I could remove her from my life straight away.

 

She told me she wouldn't be there Sunday, I know she's away and it just plays on my mind as to where and who she is seeing:( I did tell her I don't need to know what's going on in her life.

 

Good job it's friday today, means I can have a few well deserved beers this evening but I got to be up on a roof in the morning so not too many:)

 

I need to slap myself, might take the dog out for a walk to take my mind off things.

 

 

 

Think of it this way, Sunday will come and Sunday will go and it will be finished.

 

 

The guy above has the right idea. Because you've spoken with her you feel like this. Unfinished business is never good and your brain asks questions that you don't want to ask.

 

Perhaps posting it would be a better option? Then you wouldn't need to go. I had a courier collect my exs things xx

[somecamel]

Buddy you feel this way because you had contact with her, you know this. Like you said today it's friday, go out have fun, a couple of beers etc .It will be ok at some point. I feel the same somedays, especially when my dating isn't great.

 

Agreed completely, it just puts me into such a sad mood.

 

My mind is telling me she is meeting him this weekend and there is nothing I can say or do to change that, I could be wrong but I haven't been wrong in the past.

 

We broke up properly month and half ago but Haven't seen her since 5th January 2014.

 

She just seems so cold now which I suppose is for the best so I don't get any of that False hope I keep on piping on about:)

[somecamel]

Think of it this way, Sunday will come and Sunday will go and it will be finished.

 

 

The guy above has the right idea. Because you've spoken with her you feel like this. Unfinished business is never good and your brain asks questions that you don't want to ask.

 

Perhaps posting it would be a better option? Then you wouldn't need to go. I had a courier collect my exs things xx

 

It would cost a fortune to post it I'm afraid, my friend has a truck and he said he'll take me up so at least I have a bit of support.

 

I just want this over and the 'unfinished' business to be complete.

[David87]

Think of it this way, Sunday will come and Sunday will go and it will be finished.

 

 

The guy above has the right idea. Because you've spoken with her you feel like this. Unfinished business is never good and your brain asks questions that you don't want to ask.

 

Perhaps posting it would be a better option? Then you wouldn't need to go. I had a courier collect my exs things xx

 

Glad to hear that you agree with me, your advice is spot on oslo. My name is David nice to ''meet'' you.

[4everalones]

Days like these come and go. You're doing great (well, better than how I'm handling things haha). Have a wonderful weekend. Go get those beers

[somecamel]

I've set a rule on my email so any emails from the ex are automatically deleted.

 

My mate has let me down for helping me to take her bits up and to be honest I don't really want to go up there. I'm going to look into the options on sending stuff up by courier.

 

Still confused about Gizmo (dog). I don't want to keep him for the wrong reasons and I called the Alaskan malute rescue centre UK, still waiting for them to come back to me but I'm really confused.

 

I think I'd really miss him if he did go. I've never been like this about animals before lol, so I'm a bit guarded by my emotions and want to make sure that I'm not keeping him on the pretence that some day in the future he's an excuse for contact.

 

I don't know.

 

I'm doing OK though, keeping strong.

 

Want to thank all the guys that have supported me through this and I'm happy to support you too.

 

There's still a journey ahead, but I think I've realised that the journey is mine, always has been mine but I never realised so I shared it with her.

 

I'm not against future relationships but I'd like to think I'd learn:)

[somecamel]

Wow, what a day.

 

Have experienced so many stages today, Denial, anger, bargaining (with myself) and some acceptance.

 

I'm starting to forget her.

[KaliLove]

Ooops......wrong thread