General thoughts about cheating

[No Limit]

Hello everyone,

 

I've googled a few more cheating scenarios, especially the "Can I unbreak his/her heart?"-kind of ones, and was quite overwhelmed to say the least. Opinions differ, but now I've got some input I never even thought about before or even considered in the slightest.

I'll try to put some structure into it, and am interested to read the opinions about people on this board, much more than those who've written this who might be goodness knows who and what sort of people.

 

Subject A;; Cheated on her husband only a few weeks after their marriage. In her post she asked if she should tell him and what she can do about her guilt. Personally, I'm the type who can't even comprehend why someone would try to hide it; I'd break up and NC for lifetime if I found out like half a year later. Half a year too late. And asking what she can do against her guilt, seriously?! The most amusing answer I found to this was someone posting that she should let him get a prostitute for a night. Another one answered to a reply with the "he doesn't deserve someone like you" with a message with the context being all like "everyone is equal, so everyone deserves to be cheated on, everyone does it anyway", another replied with "those who don't cheat never got a chance to". Dear God...

 

Subject B;; A mid 40s woman who spent the past few years being the OW of a MM, and she's content with it. Said that she even met the BS and that the BS even knew, but was also content that she held the portray as wife and the OP the one to give sexual pleasure. She also wrote that the guy told her how much he wished he could share this all with his wife, but didn't dare to say a word. I wouldn't dare after a 2 year affair either, but this behavior which could have prevented by communication is total nonsense. I just can't believe that this guy is good daddy at day and not-so-secret lover at night, incredible.

 

Subject C;; A man who wrote in his post his opinion about marriage and commitment to another person. How he also swore to be ever so faithful when young, and how he was very happy with his first girlfriend, until during this relationship he met another girl he also loved (or at least he writes that he "loved" her...). Not wanting to break his girlfriends heart, he broke up and started dating her, began a relationship. During which he also met another girl he loved. Again breakup, dating, relationship. Again another woman passed him by, and so on and so on.

He described it as his given male nature, that it was impossible for him to be "chained" to only one person, to be imprisoned. While I'm glad he at least didn't cheat in any of his relationships (or at least he never mentioned anything like that in his post...), this was really scary for me to read. In contrast to this person a good friend of mine who started a relationship a few months ago made himself pretty clear that he'd never, never ever cheat, and when discussing other topics I've gained the impression that he isn't just saying it. He's ready to make a commitment, to be faithful, and of course expects the same in return. Knowing the girl he's with I have no doubt cheating won't be the cause should their relationship ever fall apart. On second thought, Subject C is probably the kind whose problem is rather psychological, but...

 

Subject D;; ...a few of the responses he got shocked me. Yes, shocked. Subject D was one of the many supportive ones, responded how humans weren't meant to be married and how he as male was supposed to "spread his offspring" and going all natural about this. To add to her argument she noted how many people remained single in Western countries because of this so they could still go from bed to bed without breaking any social laws and formalities set up by moralists. Yet that post made me wonder; humans too are animals of some sort, but aren't we smarter? Isn't our intelligence what makes us different from the sheep in the field, the hare in the bush? That we can conciouscly choose what to do, what to think and what to feel? We can't deny our needs, hunger, thirst, sex drive, but shouldn't we be capable of controling them? There are so many who do, so why make up excuses like this?

I must say this together with a few other posts which declared cheating during relationships were absolutely normal and no harm at all absolutely surprised me. The world I live in reality being the faithful (at least it looks that way from the outside I guess...), but in the internet there are a great lot of people who tolerate it. Probably tolerate doing it than actually being cheated on.

 

tl;dr;; Come back to this thread when you got the time to read.

 

This topic is really fuzzy. Haven't been in a relaionship yet but I've been betrayed by a person who was like a sister to me for almost 3 years and my tolerance towards cheating is at zero, maybe even lower. Heck, I'd rather stay single for a lifetime than going through a long-lasting relationship with "side pieces".

[carhill]

Short version:

 

Relationships are always a risk and cheating/deception/infidelity is always on the table, even if the table turns to dust with the chip still there. There are no absolutes in life, except death.

 

Staying single for a lifetime can be a healthy choice. Up to you if it works for you.

[No Limit]

Staying single for a lifetime can be a healthy choice. Up to you if it works for you.

 

No risk, no fun. I'll definitely give it a shot rather than dying a bitter old virgin. I'm just surprised how many people don't care about cheating at all, or at least act like this. Then again, who knows how these people would describe the word "trust" and what requirements they'd give I guess.

[carhill]

One can stay single for a lifetime and be quite the opposite of a virgin, rather avoid long-term committed relationships and marriage, so mitigating somewhat the potency of the cheating chip on the table. It's still there and available to use but less likely to be used or used against one.