1 year after.

[hw172]

So I just want to say thanks to this site, I frequently came here after getting my heart broken and it helped quite a bit to not feel alone.

 

So real quick summary, me and my ex broke up just over a year ago, but stayed in contact for about 8 months.. The first few months it was everyday, then it slowly spaced out as I kept trying to go NC. We haven't spoken since the end of September.

 

The last we spoke really hurt and kind of shattered me for a bit, but it did make me stick to NC and I honestly will never contact her again. When I was with her, randomly her ex would text or call and I would want to kindly answer and let him know that we were together but she would never let me, since she said it would crush him. Well she has been with some guy since August and her bday is in September, I debated contacting her on that day. I decided not to, but caved and messaged her on FB. That turned into a downward spiral and I sent a few more messages making up an excuse why i didn't say anything on her bday. Never got a response until a few days later.

 

The response I got was from her bf, who said 'don't talk to her, leave it be, I am going to ask her to marry me'. He then blocked me and said she blocked me as well. I thought this was really unlike her after being with her, so I emailed her work account thinking that this was the only way I could get confirmation that this wasn't just her bf speaking for her. Later that day I got a horrible text that seemed quite ruthless and unlike her, it said something like 'Please never EVER contact me again. We don't need to end on good terms to stop talking, and you have already said enough. This is the last you will ever hear from me. Please don't respond'.

 

I couldn't believe it, and really didn't think this could be her speaking. The only way I could think to confirm was to have a friend call and ask, so he did. He asked if her current bf was influencing this and she said no, she just felt like she needed to hit the nail on the head.

 

Anyway, that was good enough for me. But why I am here is because I still randomly think of her and wonder how she could've been so cold and not have just said 'i am in a serious relationship and you really need to leave me alone' or something less harsh. Still seems so unlike her, especially after everything we said to each other about our feelings, possible marriage etc. I guess my biggest question is when I wonder if she ever will regret being so rude.

 

I know someone will say I should not care, but it's easier said then done.

 

Any advice or comments would be appreciated much. Oh and we were together 7 months and it was my first love. Her 3rd love I believe.

[flightplan]

Tough one brother but this is one those cases that leaves no ambiguity. I know it hurts, but your just going to have to suck it up and call it a day. Don't analyze it or rationalize it... just finalize it.

[ayudorama]

You know, I often wonder if this "he's my first love, I'm his third/fourth love but he insisted first true love" has anything to do with the way each treats the other. You know how it's like when someone who is entirely inexperienced falls in love the first time, they really do love deeply, and almost unequivocally. Whereas those who has been burnt by love before are perhaps more selfish? I don't speak for the majority, but just from my experience. Singular, since I've only loved someone once not too long ago.

 

He's my first love, I wasn't his first, but was made to believe to be his first true love. Doesn't matter to me. He was still extremely cruel.

[freebird31]

I often wonder and think about why my ex was so rude to me too, the last time we spoke. It could have just simply ended differently. After all, I contacted him so we could have a second chance at ending it on good terms. Bad idea. To me, the impression I got from him being rude, is that I bruised his ego a bit. I just asked for my space and he had a hard time doing that.

 

Sometimes I think he was so rude...because he was trying to find a way to push me away. Because he was scared of his feelings for me. So he pushed me away. Well it worked. But idk.

It seems to me people end things on a bad note because they just want to push us away. For whatever reason that is. Maybe because it's hard for them to deal with the emotions. Maybe they don't know how to deal in a mature way. In my case, I think my ex was scared and also did not know how to deal with his emotions. I don't know.

 

I just know it gets exhausting trying I figure out all the answers all the time. We may never get the answers.

[julzfromsa]

Im sorry to hear about your broken heart. BUT ImAGINE THIS

 

If you had to go complete NC from the day you broke up, you would have healed, You would have not looked so needy, and you may have moved on already. She left you mate, she has another BF, Why on GODS earth were you still keeping in contact with her. Its a classic recipe for heartbreak and a long drawn out one at that. Look after YOURSELF mate, no one else will, Especially not her.

 

Improve on who you are! This is your time to shine.

 

Julz

[Jord11]

Heartbreaks suck don't they, my ex broke up with me a year ago saying she didn't love me anymore and left, last time we had any conversation was last march! Not one friggen word, do what I'm doing, I know she has another bf now and I will not reach out till she does if she ever does, I will not, I know it hurts I'm feeling the same way but no way in hell will I make any contact with her and that's how I'm going to leave it

[SadNLonley]

Heartbreaks suck don't they, my ex broke up with me a year ago saying she didn't love me anymore and left, last time we had any conversation was last march! Not one friggen word, do what I'm doing, I know she has another bf now and I will not reach out till she does if she ever does, I will not, I know it hurts I'm feeling the same way but no way in hell will I make any contact with her and that's how I'm going to leave it

 

Last contact was last March? How are you today? Much better than before or are you still very hurt and upset with it all?

 

I ask because my nc for 65 days still hurts like hell. Just cant imagine feeling this way months and months more.

[singme2sleep]

You know, I often wonder if this "he's my first love, I'm his third/fourth love but he insisted first true love" has anything to do with the way each treats the other. You know how it's like when someone who is entirely inexperienced falls in love the first time, they really do love deeply, and almost unequivocally. Whereas those who has been burnt by love before are perhaps more selfish? I don't speak for the majority, but just from my experience. Singular, since I've only loved someone once not too long ago.

 

He's my first love, I wasn't his first, but was made to believe to be his first true love. Doesn't matter to me. He was still extremely cruel.

 

Pretty much the same for me. I think his first love unfortunately screwed him up to much, especially based on something specific he said in his "breakup speech".

[singme2sleep]

Heartbreaks suck don't they, my ex broke up with me a year ago saying she didn't love me anymore and left, last time we had any conversation was last march! Not one friggen word, do what I'm doing, I know she has another bf now and I will not reach out till she does if she ever does, I will not, I know it hurts I'm feeling the same way but no way in hell will I make any contact with her and that's how I'm going to leave it

 

My last communication was the beginning of April, last year. And it didn't end well because I really let him have it for what he put me through. He too was with someone new at that time and I'm not sure if he still is. According to my sister he has disappeared from social media which for him is weird.

[HeartinPain]

Wow you stayed in contact for 8 months afterward... that must have been absolute torture! Honestly, you staying in contact as long as you did really hurt your chances. She used you as a branch until she was able to swing to another one. From your timeline, I assume you have been NC for 5 months now? At 5 months of NC, you should be seeing more logically now. You need to continue NC and move on.

 

I know losing your first love is very difficult. I recently lost my first love 5 months ago. The more you linger and hold on, the more you are hurting yourself. She chose to leave the relationship and be with someone else. If she wanted to be with you, she will contact you. I know it hurts to hear, but you really need to let go and work on yourself.