TaylorLane Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 To all OW's who's A is/was more like a full time relationship... How did you walk away from your MM? Or do you have escape routes planned and are trying to? Nine Inch Nails - Various Methods of Escape (Lyrics On Screen) - YouTube Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I am sort of working on an "escape" plan. If I can meet someone else, I will be able to move away from the physical aspect of the friendship with MM. We don't have romantic love feelings for each other, we are friends. I did have a three month relationship last year and if that man hadn't gone back to his ex girlfriend, I probably would have drifted away. So, it is possible, I just have to work harder at finding someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I had a line in the sand and just did it. We had some limited communication but I was working on just replacing old patterns with new ones. I knew that logically as hard as it was I was not going to die from not having him in my life, I needed to keep any feelings of anger/pride to propel me forward and that over time all emotions would pass. So I was gentle with myself, I challenged myself on different things (going a week without any communication, limiting my thinking of him, etc.), rewarded myself, forgave myself if I didn't meet my challenges, tried to see the humor/silver linings in things, and knew that white knuckling it was just what it was in the beginning. I journaled, I cried, I talked to friends, I talked to therapist, I kicked my butt at times, and I told myself that as ever day that went on the bigger the fool he was. And I did not settle for fools. Oh and I ridiculously tried dating but definitely saw the humor in it. Because it is my nature, I just tried to focus on logic vs emotion and keep myself in check when I would get carried away in swoons of self pity and anger. Because of past eating disorders I concentrated a lot here as not eating is a coping mechanism. So I struggled between the "glee" of not eating against what I knew was healthy and what I needed to do. I have past patterns that I will slipped back into so I had to focus on. And I kept saying, this too shall past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissTakes Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Mine was so easy it felt like I was cheating (ugh, bad pun): when I met my MM, I already knew I would be moving. By the time the PA started, I was only weeks away from my trip across the country. The only problem is that the EA didn't stop then and there. It kept going until I finally decided I needed to live in the present and engage in the new life I was creating for myself in my new city. That's what prompted me to first try going NC. Interestingly, when I went back to visit friends a few weeks ago, I ran into my xMM and he told me that he was glad I had moved. When our A started, it was just PA, really. But by the time I moved, he told me, he was starting to realize how much he enjoyed my company, our conversations, our time together - and he was starting to realize how deep he was getting himself in. I laughed. The first time I met him - before I knew he was married, even - there was a spark between us. At the time, although I knew I was moving, I really didn't want to, and I told one of my best friends, "I feel like something is going to happen between me and him, but by the end of the summer, the s*** will somehow hit the fan. And getting away from it will be the only thing motivating me to move out of this city." Guess sometimes my premonition is on point! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TaylorLane Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) I really appreciate everyone sharing their personal experience with this. My day to do the walk and try NC is just a matter of time, which is why I'm really curious and trying to prepare best I can. I am already mapping out and trying to set some stuff up that has always helped me move on in past relationships; Involving myself with work, classes, etc.. stuff that is "me time" One thing that has always been a huge help in the past is having my close friends as a form of support and I feel like I don't have that this time around. Although they know the situation, that may make them be unsympathetic to how hard moving on could really be. Plus we're all older and have our own lives now and it's much harder to get each other's time. With that said, I'm really grateful for a place like this Edited January 20, 2014 by TaylorLane 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TaylorLane Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 Before I get into this I would like to say, If you aren't here to offer helpful advice, and find joy in making unnecessary assumptions, digs, or be overly critical about my experience/situation and how I am/may choose in the future to handle this I rather you not even post at all. I AM interested, in hearing other stories, welcome support on my journey, with others who are in or share a similar situation. A place to just be listened to, vent, and not be torn apart god forbid I make a mistake in my journey ... I felt like just putting this out there ... Link to post Share on other sites
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