Visited church yesterday for the first time in maybe 2 months

[Teknoe]

I have been church hopping a bit in late 2013, but around December just fell out of it with work, the season and whatnot. But truth be told, I had time... and if I truly didn't, I could have made time, but chose not to.

 

It was nice to be in church again this past Sunday, though.

 

I am a young convert... I have been a believer almost 5 years now (wow time flies). I started out on fire when I was in my mid 20s and more extroverted, but honestly, nowadays am more introverted and love my privacy. Therefore, I find it hard to 'get up' for most church-related events. I can't believe I'm saying it but I've become a casual Christian. Going to church every Sunday hasn't been a priority and it hasn't been for over a year now. I've bounce around a few churches and just find it hard to commit.

 

Part of my hang-up is I want fellowship, but at an arm's length. I don't like someone texting or checking in 2-3x a week. I like my alone time and personal space. I find it hard to find friends of that happy medium. Either the connection is too flat or it's too intense. I want Christian friends who I can get together with once every 2 weeks or so, outside of church, but not much more than that as I like being a homebody left to my own devices.

 

In the end, I find it much easier not committing or not even attending. Just being honest here. I'm not sure if I'll ever go back to that "core-church-member-attend-every-Sunday-rain-or-shine" stage of my life. But being honest with myself gives me some peace. I still believe in God and Jesus, but just gotten very comfortable with sleeping in most Sunday mornings.

 

I wish not to be judged but merely to be heard out. I'm still looking around, church hopping, but my priority is no longer on a 100% attendance record.

[M30USA]

Tecknoe,

 

I fully relate to your post. I'm a private person as well and it's hard for me to get up and go every week. I mostly do it for my kids. The strange thing is, though, I am on fire for Christ. I love worshiping him "in spirit and in truth"--as Scripture says this is the true form of worship which he seeks. I also believe learning about God and studying scripture is worship as well.

 

It's just hard for me to have forced, casual relationships. If I hang out with a person, it's gotta be a good friend. I can't do the whole gather around a table or grill and spend time with people I've just met thing.

 

Even with me being this way I've still decided to attend church. I think once people see you enough, they'll get a sense for who you are and they'll just accept it and you'll be comfortable with it. Not everyone is an outgoing introvert.

[OpenBook]

I can relate too. By nature I'm just a grumpy old hermit. I have to force myself to go to church. And it's SO awkward at first, in the beginning when you don't know anybody, and it remains awkward for a lo-o-o-ng time even after you get to know some people. Not to mention Biblical concepts I'm still wrestling with...

 

What has helped me is looking at it as good practice. Like any skill you master, it only comes by doing it over and over again, letting yourself make mistakes, learning social graces by observing others - both what to do and what NOT to do. Amazing how not that many people are really skilled in that area - most folks are in the same boat I am!

 

Bottom line (I've found) is whatever you do, if you do it with kindness as the motivation behind it (and realizing they're probably feeling just as awkward as you do), people remember the kindness. Great shock too, to find out people actually LIKE me. Seriously, I'm not that easy to get along with.

 

Surprisingly it has really helped me in other areas of my life too. Work for example - asserting myself and navigating my way through iffy & sensitive interactions without pissing EVERYBODY off. It has even helped with family members, after a lifetime of dysfunctional communication.

 

I think going to church & interacting with other churchgoers is part of cultivating a servant's heart. The payoff is enormous, far eclipsing the social awkwardness of it. And it gets a LOT easier, the more you do it.

 

My two cents. Also (a huge caveat) - a lot of your success depends on the overall health of the church itself - which largely depends on the church leadership (starting with the head pastor on down) and the environment they cultivate. Some churches do it way better than others.

[M30USA]

Honestly, in agreement with the OP, it took me about 18 months to finally feel "home" in my church to the point where I actually enjoy going there.

[skydiveaddict]

I have been church hopping a bit in late 2013, but around December just fell out of it with work, the season and whatnot. But truth be told, I had time... and if I truly didn't, I could have made time, but chose not to.

 

Aww hell, you should just become catholic.

[KathyM]

Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right church home. I usually look for one that has a pastor who is inspiring and is not just going through the motions. And a church that has opportunities to connect with others in other ways than just the service, and which provides volunteer opportunities. I also look for one which is in keeping with the beliefs I hold and in keeping with what the Bible says, and is not geared towards just telling people what they want to hear (such as so called "prosperity gospel"). Personally, I think small groups at church are an important source of spiritual and emotional support for people, and they are meant to be closely-knit groups that are involved in each other's lives. But if you find that uncomfortable for whatever reason, you could get involved with the church in ways that are not as closely knit as a small group tends to be. Or just attend services if that is what is most comfortable to you. But I think people miss out on the support, friendship, and spiritual guidance that small groups provide if they don't join in those. I belonged to one a few years ago (a small group at church), and I miss the comraderie/friendship that it provided. There were some really genuinely caring people in that group, but I dropped out when we switched to a church closer to home. I'm hoping to join one next month at my new church.

[Allumere]

I'm no expert and have been criticized for not being Christian enough but IMHO, the most important thing is your relationship with God. I think church or a community can be a wonderful thing but as you have pointed out, personality and life style don't always mess with a particular community. If it feels like checking the box, it ain't right for you. As suggested, maybe participating in the small groups will work better for you. Christians come in all flavors so I can't imagine not being able to finds some that can relate.

[Tayla]

The relationship you have on a spiritual level should not be construed with how often you attend a church setting. I give Daily prayer and do so with a one to one relations of my faith. I'm low key on the "Pounce to be saved "campaign, never felt that God needed a promoter. I live the life, thats promotion enough

 

If finding like minded faith folks is your niche, it will come....you getting out there is one way .....I've found mine thru community work...Habitat ....Elder Homes ...seems my idea of church is the community...and working the deeds...

[TheFinalWord]

I have been church hopping a bit in late 2013, but around December just fell out of it with work, the season and whatnot. But truth be told, I had time... and if I truly didn't, I could have made time, but chose not to.

 

It was nice to be in church again this past Sunday, though.

 

I am a young convert... I have been a believer almost 5 years now (wow time flies). I started out on fire when I was in my mid 20s and more extroverted, but honestly, nowadays am more introverted and love my privacy. Therefore, I find it hard to 'get up' for most church-related events. I can't believe I'm saying it but I've become a casual Christian. Going to church every Sunday hasn't been a priority and it hasn't been for over a year now. I've bounce around a few churches and just find it hard to commit.

 

Part of my hang-up is I want fellowship, but at an arm's length. I don't like someone texting or checking in 2-3x a week. I like my alone time and personal space. I find it hard to find friends of that happy medium. Either the connection is too flat or it's too intense. I want Christian friends who I can get together with once every 2 weeks or so, outside of church, but not much more than that as I like being a homebody left to my own devices.

 

In the end, I find it much easier not committing or not even attending. Just being honest here. I'm not sure if I'll ever go back to that "core-church-member-attend-every-Sunday-rain-or-shine" stage of my life. But being honest with myself gives me some peace. I still believe in God and Jesus, but just gotten very comfortable with sleeping in most Sunday mornings.

 

I wish not to be judged but merely to be heard out. I'm still looking around, church hopping, but my priority is no longer on a 100% attendance record.

 

Hi Teknoe,

 

I am glad you are freeing yourself of a very common Christian perspective that Christianity is a set of rules, i.e. church attendance record. Christianity is faith in Jesus Christ. Sorry, but that's it. You don't have to have it all figured out. That's God's job. Our end is to believe and lean on Him

 

[somedude81]

The last time I went to church was Christmas Eve last year.

 

It was at my Grandparents main church and my Grandmother was singing in the choir.

 

I would have taken my girlfriend to this service, if she hadn't suddenly dumped me a few weeks earlier. She lived about 10 minutes away from the church. So right off the start I was bitter and angry at God for taking her away from me.

 

Just to show how much of an ass God is, some how I ended up sitting right behind a young couple and got to watch them play, touch and generally be affectionate to each other the whole night. Way to twist the knife God.

 

And a woman's hair briefly caught on fire when it made contact with a candle that the man next to her was holding.

 

The Lord's presence was definitely felt that night.

 

I have no intention of ever going to church again unless there is a really good reason.

[TheFinalWord]

The last time I went to church was Christmas Eve last year.

 

It was at my Grandparents main church and my Grandmother was singing in the choir.

 

I would have taken my girlfriend to this service, if she hadn't suddenly dumped me a few weeks earlier. She lived about 10 minutes away from the church. So right off the start I was bitter and angry at God for taking her away from me.

 

Just to show how much of an ass God is, some how I ended up sitting right behind a young couple and got to watch them play, touch and generally be affectionate to each other the whole night. Way to twist the knife God.

 

And a woman's hair briefly caught on fire when it made contact with a candle that the man next to her was holding.

 

The Lord's presence was definitely felt that night.

 

I have no intention of ever going to church again unless there is a really good reason.

 

Hey SD, I feel your pain. I've been through these various stages. I know it is difficult, but I really think what has helped me (single, mid-30s) is to find my vision for life. For the past couple of years, I have really been okay with the fact I may never get married. I'm a bit older than you, but I'm proof you won't die. And to be honest, some of the girls I dated in the past, would not have been right for me, looking at how my life is panning out now. I hope this doesn't come across as condescending, b/c I don't want to cheapen your pain. But just from my own experience, if you keep at least thinking about how God fits into all of these things your going through (good or bad...okay most bad at this point), I think you will find there is some good to come from all of this, in the grand scheme of things. Keep your chin up buddy

[TheFinalWord]

PS: A video series you might want to check out.

 

"Walking Through Pain And Disappointment" Love Bound - YouTube

[Teknoe]

TFW, thanks for your reply. Well said!

 

 

The last time I went to church was Christmas Eve last year.

 

It was at my Grandparents main church and my Grandmother was singing in the choir.

 

I would have taken my girlfriend to this service, if she hadn't suddenly dumped me a few weeks earlier. She lived about 10 minutes away from the church. So right off the start I was bitter and angry at God for taking her away from me.

 

Just to show how much of an ass God is, some how I ended up sitting right behind a young couple and got to watch them play, touch and generally be affectionate to each other the whole night. Way to twist the knife God.

 

And a woman's hair briefly caught on fire when it made contact with a candle that the man next to her was holding.

 

The Lord's presence was definitely felt that night.

 

I have no intention of ever going to church again unless there is a really good reason.

 

Haha oh man do I know what you mean. I've learned to block out couples displaying a little bit of PDA over the years, though, but yeah, it does go in cycles. Some days I'm like "Whatever" other days it really is like "God, why can't I find a good woman like that?" but then it hits me "I am where I am right now for a reason, and I just have to find some peace with that WHILE striving to move forward toward my goals" and "Am *I* the right person for ___?"

 

Sometimes people can get so caught up in what a girl can do for us, that we can forget what we truly have to offer to a girl. So while you're single, you might as well take steps toward self improvement. Right now for example my goal is to trim down and be in good shape for MYSELF, first and foremost.

[somedude81]

 

 

Haha oh man do I know what you mean. I've learned to block out couples displaying a little bit of PDA over the years, though, but yeah, it does go in cycles. Some days I'm like "Whatever" other days it really is like "God, why can't I find a good woman like that?" but then it hits me "I am where I am right now for a reason, and I just have to find some peace with that WHILE striving to move forward toward my goals" and "Am *I* the right person for ___?"

 

Sometimes people can get so caught up in what a girl can do for us, that we can forget what we truly have to offer to a girl. So while you're single, you might as well take steps toward self improvement. Right now for example my goal is to trim down and be in good shape for MYSELF, first and foremost.

Just posting to say that I saw your reply but I don't agree with it.

 

Since I still have some Christian belief in me, I really do believe that there reason I am where I am now, is because God is cruel. Don't forget that I had that good woman up until a couple of weeks before I went to that service. God was essentially rubbing it in my face that he took her away from me. There was no way to block those people out. Believe me, I tried.

 

I can go on and on talking about my situation but this is your thread.

 

If you are able to be at peace with God and feel ready to go back to church, then that is good for you.

[KathyM]

Just posting to say that I saw your reply but I don't agree with it.

 

Since I still have some Christian belief in me, I really do believe that there reason I am where I am now, is because God is cruel. Don't forget that I had that good woman up until a couple of weeks before I went to that service. God was essentially rubbing it in my face that he took her away from me. There was no way to block those people out. Believe me, I tried.

 

I can go on and on talking about my situation but this is your thread.

 

If you are able to be at peace with God and feel ready to go back to church, then that is good for you.

You need to stop thinking of God as some genie in a bottle that you can put up on the shelf and ignore for a year, and then when you need some wishes granted, you take the bottle down from the shelf, dust it off, and make demands. God doesn't work that way. God does bless His children. He also disciplines them when they are off track, just as a loving parent would discipline His children. You have separated yourself from God, SD. You've put finding a girlfriend first and foremost in your life, to the exclusion of any relationship with God, and you have cursed Him for the difficulty you've had with finding a relationship. If you want God's help with the things that are troubling you in life, you need to, first and foremost, build your relationship with Him. Seek Him first, and make Him a priority in your life. Read and follow His word and His will, and trust Him to provide for you with what He knows you need. You can't expect God's intervention on this if you are making your love/trust/respect/worship contingent on what you get from Him. He also expects obedience, just like a parent would expect obedience from his child. Does the defiant, disobedient, disrespectful child get the parent's good will and favors? No. Does the child who neglects to do his responsibilities get the reward from the parent? No. Your reward will come when you've done your part, and it will come in God's time when He feels you are ready for it. And the reward may come in a form that is different than you thought. God knows what you desire and what you need, but you have to be willing to do your part.

 

 

I know I've given you advice before on how to get and keep a girlfriend based on worldly reasoning, but if you are expecting divine intervention, you are going to have to put in the effort in the way that God has outlined. I mentioned an example before on this board of God's intervention, whereby my sister, who had gone through several short-term relationships that didn't work out decided she was going to start trusting God on this, and being obedient to Him, and He did then provide her with a lasting relationship with a Christian man whom she is now married to. God does answer prayer for those that have shown faith and trust in Him, and who are obedient to Him. Not always in the way you want it answered, but always what He feels you need. But you have to do your part.

[somedude81]

Edit: I'm not going to thread jack.

Edited January 24, 2014 by somedude81

[Teknoe]

You need to stop thinking of God as some genie in a bottle that you can put up on the shelf and ignore for a year, and then when you need some wishes granted, you take the bottle down from the shelf, dust it off, and make demands. God doesn't work that way. God does bless His children. He also disciplines them when they are off track, just as a loving parent would discipline His children. You have separated yourself from God, SD. You've put finding a girlfriend first and foremost in your life, to the exclusion of any relationship with God, and you have cursed Him for the difficulty you've had with finding a relationship. If you want God's help with the things that are troubling you in life, you need to, first and foremost, build your relationship with Him. Seek Him first, and make Him a priority in your life. Read and follow His word and His will, and trust Him to provide for you with what He knows you need. You can't expect God's intervention on this if you are making your love/trust/respect/worship contingent on what you get from Him. He also expects obedience, just like a parent would expect obedience from his child. Does the defiant, disobedient, disrespectful child get the parent's good will and favors? No. Does the child who neglects to do his responsibilities get the reward from the parent? No. Your reward will come when you've done your part, and it will come in God's time when He feels you are ready for it. And the reward may come in a form that is different than you thought. God knows what you desire and what you need, but you have to be willing to do your part.

 

 

I know I've given you advice before on how to get and keep a girlfriend based on worldly reasoning, but if you are expecting divine intervention, you are going to have to put in the effort in the way that God has outlined. I mentioned an example before on this board of God's intervention, whereby my sister, who had gone through several short-term relationships that didn't work out decided she was going to start trusting God on this, and being obedient to Him, and He did then provide her with a lasting relationship with a Christian man whom she is now married to. God does answer prayer for those that have shown faith and trust in Him, and who are obedient to Him. Not always in the way you want it answered, but always what He feels you need. But you have to do your part.

 

 

Kathy, that might as well be written to me! Thanks. It's a good reminder, and it struck a cord with me

 

I had some "girl issues" today... sent what I thought was a harmless text but then realized the wording could have been misconstrued... and she never replied. Leaving it in God's hands though to do with that as He pleases, and not lean on my own understanding or powers.

[KathyM]

Kathy, that might as well be written to me! Thanks. It's a good reminder, and it struck a cord with me

Good! I'm glad it helped to put things in perspective.

I had some "girl issues" today... sent what I thought was a harmless text but then realized the wording could have been misconstrued... and she never replied. Leaving it in God's hands though to do with that as He pleases, and not lean on my own understanding or powers.

Well, I don't know enough about the interchange you mentioned to comment on it, but I think your philosophy of trusting God, praying about it, seeking guidance from Him, and working on yourself in whatever ways are needed, is a good plan.

[pie2]

Since I still have some Christian belief in me' date=' I really do believe that there reason I am where I am now, is because God is cruel.[/quote']

 

 

Having some Christian beliefs (ok, a lot of Christian beliefs!), it's so hard for me to think about Christ's sacrifice, and consider God to be cruel at the same time. Even a small amount of faith/belief in Christ creates feelings of gratitude for God's love, imo.

 

 

Don't forget that I had that good woman up until a couple of weeks before I went to that service. God was essentially rubbing it in my face that he took her away from me. There was no way to block those people out. Believe me' date=' I tried.[/quote']

 

 

Hopefully you realize that a relationship based in sin (fornication, pride, etc) isn't God's plan for any of us.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes people can get so caught up in what a girl can do for us, that we can forget what we truly have to offer to a girl. So while you're single, you might as well take steps toward self improvement. Right now for example my goal is to trim down and be in good shape for MYSELF, first and foremost.

 

 

And, I think sometimes people can get so caught up in what church can do for us, that we can forget what we truly have to offer to the church.

 

 

OP, as God seems to be speaking to you right now about this area (church attendance), I encourage you to keep it in prayer, and remember that the purpose is not only what you can get out of church, but what you can get out by putting in. You have talents that God wants to share with the body of believers, talents no one else has. Don't be selfish with those gifts!

 

 

Not that it's easy...I think it's really hard to be single at church, as church is often so family-centered. But just keep it in prayer.