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How to ask about a partners fidelity


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Based on many responses to a thread on a similar topic, here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/455147-family-falling-apart-because-my-wife-did-porn all I can say is, "Your bf forced you into a r/s by not telling you he is a porn star and also a porn producer! He is scum, nothing is lower than that, he is a male bimbo/slut and no decent woman should touch him. He's good only for sexual use and should be despised before and after." That's assuming this all happened way before you knew him. In the likely event this was during the r/s, same response except times 1000.

Edited by SoleMate
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Where do you come up with this shouldn't-should've-would've crap? You're telling her that you can judge a man's character definitively by a pic on his phone? Nobody knows when it was taken, or if it's even him for that matter.

 

Friend. If a guys in a relationship with another woman, he doesn't need to carry a picture of his old girlfriend with a d!ck in her mouth. It shows that he likes to show off his conquests nothing more.

 

I'd bet the house that if he lifted her phone and he saw a picture of her being screwed by her old boyfriend, he would hit the roof.

 

Maybe the guy is full of his own ego but he sure doesn't have any class nothing more. That's where I come up with this shouldn't-should've crap.

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So I confronted him yesterday, needless to say he was not happy. He was more concerned that I broke his trust than that I saw the photos. He kept trying to argue that point so I admitted fault at snooping but tried to get him back on track and answer my concerns.

 

Very, very long story short, they are ex girlfriends. I asked about the dates and he said that was just when they were uploaded to his phone and he only did that to show a mate who wanted to see them. He showed me his computer where the photos are and they are all dated much earlier that before we were together, I guess that sort of made me feel a little better.

 

At the same time I felt a little uneasy, there must have been 10-12 different folders on there, each one him and another girl, heaps of photos in each from the standard posed photos right through to ones like what I saw on his phone. I got a bit emotional at seeing them all but he said it's just the modern version of a photo album and plenty of people have photo albums with exes in them. I guess that sounded reasonable.

 

Before we had a chance to discuss things any further he got a phone call from a mate who had just had a car accident and needed help. He rushed off and left me at his house. I know it was wrong but I couldn't resist looking at these photos again. I just sat there is amazement that all these girls, every single one of them, would allow him to take some very graphic photos.

 

Then I had some brainwave and changed the setting to display hidden files and folders and sure enough there were 2 hidden folders. Both of him with another woman, both with graphic photos like the others, BOTH WITH DATES AFTER WE WERE TOGETHER, one of them from our circle of friends!!!

 

I took a photo of the screen with my phone and sent it to her, left it on the screen for him to see when he got home. I grabbed the few things I had at his house and left. I have refused his calls (and hers) and when he knocked at the door he was lucky my dad didn't knock him out. I told dad he cheated but he doesn't know the details. He has sent plenty of texts and emails apologizing, saying he has a problem, wants help and wants me to work through it with him, how much he loves me (yeah right). I haven't replied to any of them nor do I intend to.

 

Dad always said our age gap was too great and it would create issue. I just though because he was older he would be more likely to be settled and looking for something stable. I guess dad was right. Note to self - should listen to parents more.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I have never been cheated on before and I never saw this coming. I was fully expecting a huge argument over him carrying those photos, I never dreamed he would still be doing it behind my back.

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Wow Rochelley... that's quite a story. I am glad to know that you found out the truth, and that you are strong enough to walk away.

 

There's definitely something to be said for gut feelings, huh?

 

Good luck to you. You can do better than this scumbag.

 

{{Hugs}}

 

-A

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it sucks you had to go through this but you took definitive action for your own protection which was the right thing to do.

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Sorry to hear the ending of the situation. It was best you walked away from him you did he right thing I wouldn't even read his emails texts or anything He knows very well he made a mistake.

 

You did best by not even talking to him it hurts way more to hear the stupid excuses of this type of behavior.

 

I hope you find someone who will treat you way better and who has a lot more respect for women in general.

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