jennifersmith Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Long story short, some of you might have remembered my post maybe half a year ago. I have some emotional attachment to a MM which led me to eventually broke up with my own bf. To clear my mind of all of the relationship mess, I relocate to Europe, but I still see him maybe once every two weeks and we talk on the phone and sms on a regular basis. He is not like other MM (that follow the script) and talk about how loveless his marriage is ... etc... . Instead, he dotted on his wife, and I know he loves her. I know most people would say I need to have no contact with this man or what so ever, is this the only way around? If I don't cross the line to any more than this, is that okay to keep this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Long answer short..... no 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 It's not O.K. to stay in a romantic relationship with a MM. You are damaging and jeopardizing his marriage, and causing serious harm to his wife. I don't know how you manage to see him every two weeks if you've moved to another country, but please stop. Your actions are harming others, as well as yourself. As long as you are tied to this MM emotionally or physically, you will not be able to have a satisfying relationship with anyone else. You are shortchanging yourself as well as causing harm to the man's wife and their children if they have any. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 You've already cancelled one relationship because of your connection to MM. That should tell you that your connection to MM is most harmful to you. You won't make a deep connection to another until there is lots of time, distance and silence between you and MM. Link to post Share on other sites
vanellope Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 if you can love him unconditionally and always feel happiness then you can keep this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifersmith Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 I am not having any physical relationship with him, if anything, it's only emotional. I also do not expect anything from him. I wish the relationship can stay this way forever because that is enough for me and probably for him as well. I manage to see him fairly often because we still have business contacts, and he will make business trips, but I believe his intentions were to see me. I also make frequent business trips back to the states. It is true though it would be hard for me to move on to a relationship if I have this kind of attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 If you are able to keep it a platonic friendship, then do it and it isn't a threat, then why not? I have a platonic friendship with an xbf who is in a relationship with another woman, and we keep it platonic. We talk 2-3 times a week as if nothing happened between us. If anything, I'm happy and thankful he's in my life and neither of us feel as if I'm a threat to his current relationship either. I divulged to him about xMM. He's offered me nothing but support and advice. Funny thing is-- all the advice he gave me was the outcome of what happened between xMM and I. I tend to think sometimes they talk (just kidding). Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 It is true though it would be hard for me to move on to a relationship if I have this kind of attachment And, the person you may want to be in relationship with may not abide you having an emotional relationship with xMM. The time to begin to let go, is now. Doing it later may jeopardize that future relationship without you, or them, even knowing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 During my marriage, I always said good things about my wife. I came across as devoted husband and father. And thanks to all of that, a single woman fell in love with me. She didn't tell me. One day my wife told me she wanted to divorce. When the single woman found out about this, she said upon herself to seduce me. Because I was feeling so rejected by my wife, it wasn't very difficult for her to achieve. The problem was I was still in love with my wife. As soon as my wife told me she wanted to reconcile, I dumped the other woman like she was a piece of garbage. I told her never to contact me again. Of course she kept contacting me and deliberately interfered with my attempts to reconcile with my wife. I even had an attorney draft a cease-and-desist letter to get her to stop. She is probably the reason that the reconciliation attempts were unsuccessful. Even though my wife told me she wanted to divorce and had kicked me out of the Marital bed, my wife felt as if if I had had an affair. So we had a legal mess, three broken hearts. Stay away. Nothing but pain awaits you at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifersmith Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 If you are able to keep it a platonic friendship, then do it and it isn't a threat, then why not? I have a platonic friendship with an xbf who is in a relationship with another woman, and we keep it platonic. We talk 2-3 times a week as if nothing happened between us. If anything, I'm happy and thankful he's in my life and neither of us feel as if I'm a threat to his current relationship either. I divulged to him about xMM. He's offered me nothing but support and advice. Funny thing is-- all the advice he gave me was the outcome of what happened between xMM and I. I tend to think sometimes they talk (just kidding). Yes, i do feel this way. There are some emotional connection, but perhaps not entirely romantic. It's more than a friend but not lovers. I am not sure how to describe it. I shared all my problems with him and he has only been supportive. I know if I am the wife, I would not be so happy about this, but 'breaking' this relationship is really a great lost for me. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Yes, i do feel this way. There are some emotional connection, but perhaps not entirely romantic. It's more than a friend but not lovers. I am not sure how to describe it. I shared all my problems with him and he has only been supportive. I know if I am the wife, I would not be so happy about this, but 'breaking' this relationship is really a great lost for me. This is how my friendship is with my xbf. However, it didn't turn out like this overnight. It was 7 months of NC til he reached out to me to be "just friends". I was very, very skeptical about it at first. You best believe I kept my guard up. I would talk to him about once every every other week or so until I felt comfortable once again. I took the chance and happy I did. It is probably a pretty rare thing that actually happened. He can talk about his current girlfriend without me feeling jealous and vis-versa. I know I would be devastated if I lost my xbf as the friend I am now with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifersmith Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 During my marriage, I always said good things about my wife. I came across as devoted husband and father. And thanks to all of that, a single woman fell in love with me. She didn't tell me. One day my wife told me she wanted to divorce. When the single woman found out about this, she said upon herself to seduce me. Because I was feeling so rejected by my wife, it wasn't very difficult for her to achieve. The problem was I was still in love with my wife. As soon as my wife told me she wanted to reconcile, I dumped the other woman like she was a piece of garbage. I told her never to contact me again. Of course she kept contacting me and deliberately interfered with my attempts to reconcile with my wife. I even had an attorney draft a cease-and-desist letter to get her to stop. She is probably the reason that the reconciliation attempts were unsuccessful. Even though my wife told me she wanted to divorce and had kicked me out of the Marital bed, my wife felt as if if I had had an affair. So we had a legal mess, three broken hearts. Stay away. Nothing but pain awaits you at the end. That was a sad situation. I empathize you, but why do you need to dump your girlfriend like a piece of garbage? That's not nice.. I am not going to throw myself at the MM, don't worry! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 She said I dumped her like a piece of garbage. I imagine because in the break up I told her never to contact me again. She felt like I didn't place any value on the friendship that we had had. That wasn't true of course. However, I wanted to reconcile with my wife. I knew that would be difficult enough on it's own and almost impossible if I knew I had somebody waiting in the wings. It was impossible to go back to the way things were before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifersmith Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 She said I dumped her like a piece of garbage. I imagine because in the break up I told her never to contact me again. She felt like I didn't place any value on the friendship that we had had. That wasn't true of course. However, I wanted to reconcile with my wife. I knew that would be difficult enough on it's own and almost impossible if I knew I had somebody waiting in the wings. It was impossible to go back to the way things were before. That is sad. How long was that ago? Have you come to terms with it already? Link to post Share on other sites
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