M30USA Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) If anyone needs background about my divorce details, please read some of my earlier posts. One of the issues was highly intrusive MIL and FIL. To prove it's not my opinion, even my ex-wife constantly complained during our marriage that her parents overstepped their boundaries and believed they were better caregivers of our kids (my ex-wife's own words). The latest thing was when my oldest son (6 year old) went to one of his friend's birthday parties in his mom's town. I asked him about it and if he had fun. During conversation he told me that his grandma and grandpa also went with him. Now, I'm pretty certain my ex MIL/FIL are not close friends of the birthday kid's family. So I really think it's a little odd they went. I have never seen grandparents attend a birthday party of their grandson's FRIEND unless they are close family friends. Anyone else find this odd? And trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Edited January 20, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 It's odd if his mom was there also AND both her parents were tagging along. At 6 years old, I usually went with my son.....I didn't just drop him off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 It's odd if his mom was there also AND both her parents were tagging along. At 6 years old, I usually went with my son.....I didn't just drop him off. Yes, she was there AND both grandparents were there tagging along. They tag along everywhere. I also just found out that my son gets bathed a lot at night by his grandma. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Yes, she was there AND both grandparents were there tagging along. They tag along everywhere. I also just found out that my son gets bathed a lot at night by his grandma. Ok that's ODD If it were me, I would have let my parents take my son to the party and gone off and had my nails done or something. What is the point of the whole family going. Very weird indeed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Ok that's ODD If it were me, I would have let my parents take my son to the party and gone off and had my nails done or something. What is the point of the whole family going. Very weird indeed. I'm trying to think if there's ANY way this can be normal. I doubt it. It's just strange because, after being married to her for some time, her family began to sense that I had issues with their intrusiveness. They tried to make me feel guilty about not being a family-oriented person. They said, "Yot need to know that in our Hispanic culture, family is everything and family comes first." Lol, I should have said, "Yea, YOUR family comes first." When my ex wife came to MY family (who we only saw once per year since they lived across the country), she would literally lock herself in a room and skip about 90% of all family special events. Edited January 20, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 The more stuff you cite to "them" that you find irritable or odd, the more they are going to do it. It is good that you get it off your chest here, but, look back at your history, and count how threads you've started regarding complaints you've brought to the table about how "they," "their conduct," and/or "their" childrearing is or could be problematic. Different cultures do things different ways. I was only able to see Grandma once a year, if that, cause she lived out of state. How can it be wrong to have additional close relatives around to offer love and guidance to young people (especially these days, when parents are so busy and preoccupied)? If the child requires assistance to have a bath - what difference does it make if a more elderly or older person assists in the bathing? I don't get what is wrong with that. Are you suggesting something untoward is happening? Maybe I misread Or misunderstood that part. Basically, Im suggesting you (and the other family) will get along much better if you back off some on you critiques, that's all. Better all the way around for both families to be supportive of one another than trying to find fault. The kid is going to grow up knowing exactly what went - and it is possible that some trouble-makers will find out too late that their kids have grown up to hate them for years of constant interference and drama. I've seen a couple Lifetime Movies about stuff like that. Hope this helps. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 The more stuff you cite to "them" that you find irritable or odd, the more they are going to do it. It is good that you get it off your chest here, but, look back at your history, and count how threads you've started regarding complaints you've brought to the table about how "they," "their conduct," and/or "their" childrearing is or could be problematic. Different cultures do things different ways. I was only able to see Grandma once a year, if that, cause she lived out of state. How can it be wrong to have additional close relatives around to offer love and guidance to young people (especially these days, when parents are so busy and preoccupied)? If the child requires assistance to have a bath - what difference does it make if a more elderly or older person assists in the bathing? I don't get what is wrong with that. Are you suggesting something untoward is happening? Maybe I misread Or misunderstood that part. Basically, Im suggesting you (and the other family) will get along much better if you back off some on you critiques, that's all. Better all the way around for both families to be supportive of one another than trying to find fault. The kid is going to grow up knowing exactly what went - and it is possible that some trouble-makers will find out too late that their kids have grown up to hate them for years of constant interference and drama. I've seen a couple Lifetime Movies about stuff like that. Hope this helps. Yas I would agree with your idea about "different cultures" and "different norms", except for one small fact: as much as my ex-wife spewed out the "family first" mantra, it ONLY applied to HER family. She flat out wanted zero to do with my family and even called my mother up who I rarely even spoke to from halfway across America and told her to stay out of our marriage. Lol, I mean it's comical how blind she was to the imbalance of family involvement. So if its just a matter of Hispanic family norms, then is it ALSO normal to only put YOUR family first? Honestly, to me that sounds like a bunch of fire ants scrapping around and battling each other for dominion over whose colony will take the land. I don't buy it. It's not about culture, it's about believing the world is ALL YOURS and other people don't matter outside of your own little cultic family. Link to post Share on other sites
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