Confessed and Now There Are Rules

[moving2fast]

They must be beach, I just need to follow through. I cannot properly express my fear when it comes to therapy, and what if I put in effort and am unable to get past anything? I know that's something to discuss with a therapist though. I am just scared.

 

pteromom, I know this relationship doesn't stand a chance if I don't address my issues. I didn't think his expectation of faithfulness would be an issue when we started. I felt committed, and wasn't looking to supplement anything. I do not know if he would have been more accepting of my job, because I really tainted things the night he came over. Before that night, he asked if I would do something else but wasn't saying it was the worst thing in the world to do.

 

Maybe I'll go online and look for books to order, maybe that'll help me be more willing to talk to a professional? I really keep on trying to find ways to weasel out of going.

 

My bf doesn't know lots about my upbringing, I didn't want him looking at me more funny. The MM I had an affair with(not the title I'd prefer, close friendship is a better description) knows most about me in that regard and that's what bonded us I think and also brought about toxicity, because everything became a game.

 

Sorry to ramble so much.

[JDPT]

As much as you may be against it, therapy will certainly resurface issues that you may have thought you put to rest but in reality linger and are detrimental to your present. I see a therapist, and yes it is very uncomfortable to discuss certain things that subconsciously to this day may me very uncomfortable but to be honest that's the only way to come to terms with it rather than brushing them under the rug and make myself believe they don't exist.

I think you have genuine feelings towards your bf but life circumstances have molded you into someone you perhaps don't want to be and will like to change.

Do some soul searching and see what it is that you truly need/want in life to make YOU happy. Never depends on anyone to make you happy in life, happiness and love comes from within and only you can radiate that.

[soccerrprp]

Hi Everyone,

I cheated on my bf with a few people, and told him about it all last week. He wasn't showing me much attention after the Christmas Holiday when I returned to work, so I turned to cheating.

Anyways, he says in order for things to get better between us, I need to earn his trust again. He has a set of "demands" he expects me to me before a deadline or he's going to break up with me. I don't want him to go, but am unsure of my ability to meet his expectations. For starters, he wants me to quit my job, and he wants me to submit to a drug test in the near future, and he wants to hear me break off arrangements with friends.

I'm just bummed but I know I cannot complain since I'm the one who cheated.

 

Hoooweee! Your boyfriend is crazy taking you back. Rules, rules, rules...I don't blame him. Live with them or get out!

[moving2fast]

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit angry and am getting upset over little things, but I'm going to vent. Why do people jump onto threads and just spew negativity? I could understand if there was some advice behind it, but just to comment to make me feel bad, again why? And, if you think I'm not a real person that came to this site looking for advice, why bother? I don't need another person telling me stuff that happened to me doesn't matter/isn't real. I don't need another man(or woman) accusing me of making things up. I'm not a kid anymore. I will not let strangers treat me like one.

 

If you read a post I made in other forums(Dating, OW/OW), fantastic, but make sure you read everything before commenting and misrepresenting things. I do mention both my bf and the MM. Of the people I hooked up with, I've seen the MM more than once(which I thought was mentioned already on this thread, and I told my bf about that...)

 

I came to this site for advice, feedback and suggestions. I do appreciate members of the community taking time to do those things. I don't really talk through feelings with peers and am starting to do so with my bf.

 

JDPT, thank you. I haven't heard anyone talk about therapy from personal experience, and that helps it seem less foreign and scary.

Edited January 22, 2014 by moving2fast

[JDPT]

JDPT, thank you. I haven't heard anyone talk about therapy from personal experience, and that helps it seem less foreign and scary.

 

 

Clearly, everyone has issues, everyone, it's up to you to decided if you want to continue to live with those issues or come to terms with them for good, learn from them, and come out of it a new and improved you. I think you need to take some time and think about you and no one else. You have too much going on and I think you know that already, sort yourself out.

[Chi townD]

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit angry and am getting upset over little things, but I'm going to vent. Why do people jump onto threads and just spew negativity? I could understand if there was some advice behind it, but just to comment to make me feel bad, again why? And, if you think I'm not a real person that came to this site looking for advice, why bother? I don't need another person telling me stuff that happened to me doesn't matter/isn't real. I don't need another man(or woman) accusing me of making things up. I'm not a kid anymore. I will not let strangers treat me like one.

 

If you read a post I made in other forums(Dating, OW/OW), fantastic, but make sure you read everything before commenting and misrepresenting things. I do mention both my bf and the MM. Of the people I hooked up with, I've seen the MM more than once(which I thought was mentioned already on this thread, and I told my bf about that...)

 

I came to this site for advice, feedback and suggestions. I do appreciate members of the community taking time to do those things. I don't really talk through feelings with peers and am starting to do so with my bf.

 

JDPT, thank you. I haven't heard anyone talk about therapy from personal experience, and that helps it seem less foreign and scary.

 

 

Simple, it's called hitting you in the head with a 2x4. To make you open your eyes. To see things in a different light. To take a personal inventory of yourself.

 

Plus, you're coming to site where a lot of us have been hurt by the same actions you committed against your boyfriend. And it triggers them with the "I cheated. OPPS! Oh well!" attitude. Because we have been where your boyfriend is at right now. We know the pain and we tend to revisit it.

 

So, you take away the advice that will help you and you leave the rest.

 

You're resistant to going to personal counseling because you convinced yourself that it won't work for some reason. How would you possibly know that if you never tried? I might be exactly what you're looking for. But, you won't know until you give it a shot. Nothing is permanent, if it isn't for you, at least then, you tried. But, you only get out of it what you put into it.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Chi townD

[moving2fast]

I'm not pushing a story. I am listening, and just because I'm hesitant to jump into therapy doesn't mean I'm not listening.

 

People have been insisting that I leave my boyfriend. I do not want to leave him. So, I am here writing about it. Last I checked, that was what this site was for. I do appreciate the advice and have taken what I could from previous posts.

 

I am not shutting anyone down or insisting that things be a certain way. I am answering questions as clearly as I can over my phone and if I'm droning on, sorry. I want the advice to fit me. I also am not ready to break up with my bf without trying.

 

So, bubbaganoosh, why bother commenting on my thread? I don't need some comparison to some other poster that isn't even going through what I'm going through.

 

Chi TownD, I completely forgot to look at this from different perspectives than my own. I didn't mean to offend or seem as if my actions were okay. I don't want to come off that way. I'm not happy about what I did. I can't stress that enough.

[oldshirt]

Why do you even want to be with a guy that would try to restrict your sexual activities and drug usage?

 

 

Some people were never meant to be monogamous and are miserable even trying. Your lifestyle and monogamy are just not compatible. And if you are that into drugs then why be with someone that is so adamant against it?

 

 

Why would you even want to be with someone that will try to restrict you in this manner?

 

 

I have no doubt you know tons of guys that are perfectly ok with screwing the whole neighborhood and have no issues with drug usage at all. Why not take up with one of them?

 

 

Why are you trying to be with some guy that has a completely different lifestyle and a completely different set of core values and mores and beliefs than you?

 

 

Why bang your head into the wall like this?

Edited January 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[moving2fast]

I want to be with him, because I feel happy with him, I feel like I could be a better person. I started it off wrong, but I feel loved and I do love him. I don't want to be alone, I do want someone to care about me. I am capable of doing the same.

 

I don't want to continue down the path I'm on. Its not really living and I don't get much joy out of it. Its just how I've been getting by. Theres a lot i do not want to feel and most days I don't care to here , so i don't put much thought into anything besides the present.

 

I don't want to keep using, and if other circumstances changed(work especially) I'm sure I wouldn't be doing it. Its a cyclical thing. Again, I'm not doing it everyday and not a particular drug. I know its not healthy, but I wouldn't label it as an addiction. I won't say more about it my usage, because I don't want to be talking too much.

 

The life I'm living isn't the one I want. I want to be loved. I knew this before but I honestly didn't believe someone would actually want me for more than I was already offering, so I didn't put effort in things and purposely kept things mainly physical with people when I did start dating.

 

What he's asking for may sound restrictive. I will admit I was writing with a bit of resentment in the beginning, but I know why he's asking(because he wants me around, not really so much for this relationship we have). I can't definitively say I want to be here, so I get destructive. I'm all over right now, geez.

 

Being here with him is different, I love taking care of him. Simple stuff like planning meals, bringing him lunch, making sure his things are in order, helping him relax, are things I look forward to. I don't want that to be taken away. I don't want to alone.

[bubbaganoosh]

I'm not pushing a story. I am listening, and just because I'm hesitant to jump into therapy doesn't mean I'm not listening.

 

People have been insisting that I leave my boyfriend. I do not want to leave him. So, I am here writing about it. Last I checked, that was what this site was for. I do appreciate the advice and have taken what I could from previous posts.

 

I am not shutting anyone down or insisting that things be a certain way. I am answering questions as clearly as I can over my phone and if I'm droning on, sorry. I want the advice to fit me. I also am not ready to break up with my bf without trying.

 

So, bubbaganoosh, why bother commenting on my thread? I don't need some comparison to some other poster that isn't even going through what I'm going through.

 

Chi TownD, I completely forgot to look at this from different perspectives than my own. I didn't mean to offend or seem as if my actions were okay. I don't want to come off that way. I'm not happy about what I did. I can't stress that enough.

 

Because your not taking the advice. Old shirt said it best and it can't get any clearer than that.

[moving2fast]

It's not clear to me. I am again listening and applying what I can to my current situation. Breaking up, no. Trying to meet my bf requests, yes. Working on my relationship and myself, check. Therapy, I'm fearful but not ignorant to the possible benefits, so may do it. What is the issue again?

 

Really, am getting frustrated with posters that ask questions, get answers then take issue with the answers because they haven't been in my position. I'm not sorry for wanting to stay in my relationship. I'm trying to repair it. You don't think I deserve him, you're right. I don't, but he's given me a chance and I'm trying.

 

I know I need to work on myself. I'm not ignoring that. I am not just going to give up. And again if you don't like my responses/ my life seems incredulous to you, why bother responding? It would be different if you were helpful, you aren't. I'm so sick of people who don't know/care to know me calling me a liar. That's what you're doing, because I didn't grow up like you.

 

Please join the ignorant adults I'm related to and live in that bubble where everyone is perfect and no one ever gets hurt. I don't mean to be rude, but I've already said this. You think you can just take jabs and attack people you don't know, tell me that what I have been through and am experiencing aren't real and I'm going to take it? No. I won't.

 

I appreciate people that really are offering advice and apologize if I don't seem receptive. It really helps to hear from different sides and about things I may face. It also helps to talk things through before jumping in, I like to know what's to be expected.

Edited January 22, 2014 by moving2fast

[Chi townD]

 

I am not shutting anyone down or insisting that things be a certain way. I am answering questions as clearly as I can over my phone and if I'm droning on, sorry. I want the advice to fit me. I also am not ready to break up with my bf without trying.

 

 

See, that's another problem you have. You come on here and you are never going to get the advice you want all wrapped up in a nice little bow. When you come here, you're gonna get the advice that you NEED, even if you don't agree with it.

 

You're coming to a site where people have been where you've been and been where your boyfriend has been. They know what works. Not because they read an article or a book (although, those are beneficial). It's because of personal experience. They know what works and what doesn't. And give you the advice to increase your chances to reconcile this or the tools to help you let go and move on.

 

The most important thing you can do is show your boyfriend that you want to change and that you show him that you are taking steps to fix this and that the changes are permanent.

 

So, enough excuses, what's you gameplan? What do you plan to do? Several pages of nothing. I want to know what you plan to do so people can start giving you advice on your strategy.

[moving2fast]

I plan on quitting my job, but I don't think it would be best to work for him. We talked about that before he went to sleep. I know I'm quitting for sure, but don't want to lean on him too much.

 

As for the drugs, I'm staying away. I did have some things in my apartment, but I disposed of them with my bf present. I'm so serious about fixing us. I won't buy anymore because I don't plan on partying. I don't want to be in that scene. I will pass any drug test I am given.

 

I also will cut ties with people associated with the drugs and parties. He wants to be present when I tell a certain person that I will not be sleeping with him anymore. I am okay with that, and will do it the way my bf wants me to do it.

 

He hasn't pushed therapy(yet). I know I need to address parts of my ways of doing things, so I plan on reading a bit, then starting something. I really am wary of this part, don't want to be a burden, but understand that it would be the best way to tackle things.

 

Plus, I'd have someone I could confide in which I need, but there won't be any social ties between us, so it may be less stressful?I want to not be scared of trying. I may talk this over with my bf though, because I don't want to make him uncomfortable and want to know how he would feel about it.

[aliveagain]

You can't control what happened to you when you were young, none of it was your fault, they robbed you of your childhood. I hope the POS that abused you is now in purgatory having pineapples shoved up his a@@. You certainly can control what you do now, the first thing you need to do is think better of yourself, your as good as any other person on this planet. Girl, your posts scream therapy, don't do it because someone tells you to, do it for yourself because you need to find you again. The person you are now is the person you created to deal with the life you were dealt. Drop the drugs, there are other ways to alter reality, happiness works the best for me, new places comes second, my art gives me my biggest high.

 

I know your not a dumb person but you do dumb things, stop dealing with things the way you always did, they aren't working.

[moving2fast]

Aliveagain, thank you for all of that. I'm going to stop making poor choices need to hold myself accountable for the present.

[pteromom]

Maybe I'll go online and look for books to order, maybe that'll help me be more willing to talk to a professional? I really keep on trying to find ways to weasel out of going.

 

If books are a good first step, then absolutely do that.

 

But you will likely need therapy. And it will be hard. Think of it this way - what happened to you as a child caused huge wounds inside your heart. And because you were a child and only did the best you could, the wounds healed, but they healed... wrong. They healed in a way that warped your thinking about sex, your body, men, relationships.

 

Therapy would rip those wounds back open, and it would HURT like hell. But when they healed the second time, they would heal correctly, allowing you to be the committed, whole, happy woman you want to be. You would no longer need other men. You would no longer need drugs. You would no longer need escape. Because you would be strong. You will always be scarred, but the scars will just be reminders of what you went through, and would no longer define who you are.

 

It is scary, but opening up to your boyfriend and enlisting his help in finding you someone to talk to would take incredible courage, and you can do it when you are ready.

[salparadise]

It's not like I started this relationship thinking I'm just going to cheat on him.

 

I have to have some type of physical contact or I keep thinking about things to the point that I need another person. It may seem like excuses but really that's just how I am.

 

Only thing we really clash on is the fact that I have sex with other people and do drugs. I could stop the drugs, I'm not addicted.

 

I left those people (parents)right before I turned 18, but stuff wasn't much better with the guy I stayed with. He got me started in prostitution. He would take me down to a truck stop to pay my share.

 

We moved and I started making money in movies. I left him a couple years ago, he was ruining everything, taking my money, hurting me, I made sure I had a little on the side. If not for that guy, I dunno where I'd be. So, I'm grateful. I should say sex never meant anything to me. Its nothing special.

 

I worry about therapy for a few reasons. I don't want to become dependent on someone. I don't want to get upset about stuff that's never going to change. I seriously would be wasting time, because I'm not in need of anything. I wouldn't ever hurt a child (especially since I can't have any) and I am not violent. I'm a good friend, I work, I don't steal, I try to be honest (but I don't always tell on myself straight away).

 

I think I'm in a good place, and am doing okay. I am reading and starting a relationship with God. I want to get a handle on my vices, they were not an issue to me before meeting my bf. I never cared about much before.

 

A lack of confidence and self assurance is what's stopping me. I know I'm not dense, I was a good student, I just don't feel worth it/good enough to venture out.

 

I don't see my drug use as a problem, but I understand his perspective as well as yours. I do need an escape every now and then, I'm not proud of myself or many choices I make. I feel as though it would stop if I was doing something else, and if I wasn't just sleeping with people and being degraded (needing to be) only to feel so low that I need to feel better and use. It's hard to explain. I don't use everyday. I just get really sad.

 

I didn't mean to hurt him with the cheating and I know I did. I can't excuse it, but it never meant anything to me.

 

I know I should work on me, I'm just worse when alone.

 

I don't value sex the way he does. That's why I cheated. I needed to be noticed/wanted and he was too upset to even look at me, let alone touch me. I know that probably doesn't make sense, but I was not planning to date the other guys, and only one of them did I sleep with more than once during that period.

 

I feel my bf is worth it. I am afraid I'm not. But I want to be, I want us to stay together.

 

I cannot properly express my fear when it comes to therapy, and what if I put in effort and am unable to get past anything? I know that's something to discuss with a therapist though. I am just scared. I really keep on trying to find ways to weasel out of going.

 

My bf doesn't know lots about my upbringing, I didn't want him looking at me more funny. The MM I had an affair with(not the title I'd prefer, close friendship is a better description) knows most about me in that regard and that's what bonded us I think and also brought about toxicity, because everything became a game.

 

 

moving2fast, this is a sad, tragic story. I copied snippets from several posts to highlight thoughts that seem insightful, although the context was sometimes to justify rather than acknowledge the things you eventually need to come to terms with. My purpose is not to judge. I wish I could do more for you than add a couple of paragraphs to this long, sad, crazy thread. Please try to receive it without feeling judged or shamed.

 

What happened to you during childhood is not your fault, and it was not fair. It has left you without the essential components that you need to cope and regulate. You never felt a parent’s unconditional love. You weren’t taught that you are inherently valuable and lovable, and as a result you don’t have that self-assurance as a basis to regulate and satisfy your own needs. Instead, you spend your time and energy trying to avoid the pain and emptiness of not being feeling whole. Not having the resources within, you seek it from men, in exchange for the only thing that you believe they value your for. Then you use (self-medicate), to escape the feelings caused by giving them what they want in exchange for their attention––even though neither fixes the problem. They just mask the pain for a little while and then you have to do it all over again when those feelings come back.

 

Now the new boyfriend enters the picture and you question why things are as they are… not because you arrived to this crossroads through your own realizations, but because perhaps for the first time in your life you are being valued for who you are rather than for someone’s immediate gratification. He’s telling you that you are lovable just for who you are, but you must give up this lifestyle. If that’s what brought you to the crossroads then it’s a good. But…

 

Try to realize that this opportunity is so much larger than moderating your behavior in order to keep him around awhile. It’s an opportunity to completely change your life, to choose a different path. You need to reach inside and find the motivation and resolve to do this because you want a different life than you’ve been leading––for you, not for him. You have to develop the internal resources to take care of you, to be the person you want to be and love yourself, not just to appease man. A good therapist can help you find your motivation and guide you on a new path. I realize it can feel scary at first, but the alternative is to go through life forever stuck in a cycle of desperately trying to escape? Real change is possible if you’re committed to making it happen, and making an appointment is the first step. Don’t think, just do it. I think you’ll immediately feel great about taking control and giving yourself the gift of a new life and a future you can pursue with enthusiasm and confidence.

Edited January 23, 2014 by salparadise

[Trimmer]

He hasn't pushed therapy(yet). I know I need to address parts of my ways of doing things, so I plan on reading a bit, then starting something. I really am wary of this part, don't want to be a burden, but understand that it would be the best way to tackle things.

 

Plus, I'd have someone I could confide in which I need, but there won't be any social ties between us, so it may be less stressful?

So here's my experience with therapy. I came from a situation that was not anywhere near as traumatic as yours, by far, but what I found is very much in line with the quote I bolded from you above. I went to a therapist because I wanted exactly that: a real person with whom I could talk things over, and know that it was confidential, that I could dump out whatever I needed to get out, and there was absolutely no need to preserve any kind of social or interpersonal relationship, so I didn't have to be careful about how I put things, what subjects I brought up, or anything. Likewise, the things I heard back from my therapist, I didn't have to worry that she was trying to position herself in a relationship with me, or make herself look a certain way, or that she might do anything other than be an objective, professional sounding board.

 

 

It is actually quite a relief; in my experience, I went in with the specific intention of being open and honest, even when it was hard, and these factors really lowered the obstacles to being honest and open in that way.

 

 

Another point: you said you don't want to waste time on things in your past you can't change. I understand what you are saying, but therapy isn't about trying to change the facts of your past; rather, it recognizes that there are things about your present that you can change, if you can approach them with insight, wisdom, and perhaps an outside perspective to guide you intelligently.

 

 

It is not easy. Again, since you seem to respond to personal experiences, I'll share with you that I spent a fair amount of time crying, or in silent pain. Now, lest that put you off, the point I want you to remember, is that every one of those times, when I walked out of that appointment, I remember feeling freed, lighter, released. A little better.

 

 

A lot of posters here are pointing out what a difficult state you are in (and I generally agree), and acknowledging the traumas of your past (which I also acknowledge, and agree that these are your burden, but not your fault...), but the one thing I think I see in you is a spark of recognition that you want to change. At some times, you are still spinning excuses, explaining how "things are good", but then going on to list the 6 or 8 different drugs that you use (whatever is around, I think you said?) to cope, or your recognition that fidelity will be important to this relationship that you want to nurture, but your uncertainty that you can maintain it.

 

 

Here's the most hopeful thing I think I have heard you say:

I want to not be scared of trying.

I hope you will push forward, push that fear aside if it starts to bubble up. You may need to acknowledge and examine the traumas of your past, but this will help you change the things that you want to change in your present. It may be hard, but the real good things often are. You don't have to be afraid to start, don't be afraid to try.

 

 

Finally, do it for yourself. Yes, I know you want to preserve a relationship, and you may be doing it "for him" to a degree, but really, at the core, you can decide that you want to do this for yourself. Find a therapist, and be open and honest in the professional environment, and use him/her as a tool to accomplish change for you. Do some hard work, and get some big benefits from it.

[Trimmer]

...plus, everything salparadise posted - especially this:

Try to realize that this opportunity is so much larger than moderating your behavior in order to keep him around awhile. It’s an opportunity to completely change your life, to choose a different path. You need to reach inside and find the motivation and resolve to do this because you want a different life than you’ve been leading––for you, not for him. You have to develop the internal resources to take care of you, to be the person you want to be and love yourself, not just to appease man.

[moving2fast]

So, I spent most of yesterday thinking and talking over what I could with my boyfriend. I know I need to focus on myself and not so much us, and he wants me to better myself. He says he'll do whatever he can to help, and I know he will but I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage or dependent on him.

 

Today, I'm looking for therapist in the area. I don't want to do this by myself, but I will. We haven't talked about his other requests, we're just focusing on seeing someone. But I already promised not do use any drugs.

 

What if I quit my job and really can't do anything else? What if my bf and I break up and I'm going through it all alone with no job, I dunno, I'm just afraid.

 

I also wanted to say thank you all for sharing and taking time to respond. it. It really helped.

Edited January 23, 2014 by moving2fast

[Chi townD]

So, I spent most of yesterday thinking and talking over what I could with my boyfriend. I know I need to focus on myself and not so much us, and he wants me to better myself. He says he'll do whatever he can to help, and I know he will but I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage or dependent on him.

 

Today, I'm looking for therapist in the area. I don't want to do this by myself, but I will. We haven't talked about his other requests, we're just focusing on seeing someone. But I already promised not do use any drugs.

 

What if I quit my job and really can't do anything else? What if my bf and I break up and I'm going through it all alone with no job, I dunno, I'm just afraid.

 

I also wanted to say thank you all for sharing and taking time to respond. it. It really helped.

 

Good to hear! I'm glad you're going to give therapy a try. And it seems your boyfriend is in full agreement with you going. You will have an excellent support network and you are showing him that you want to change. Because he's SEEING that, he's sticking around to help.

 

Can't do anything else? Seriously?!?! You have to look at it as you've been given a second chance. A clean slate. A fresh page to write on. If you have no other skills, then go get some! I'm sure there's a junior college around your area! You can get a two year degree and still make some damn good money on the outside!

 

Culinary Arts! Sous Chefs in my city make about 50,000 and executive Chefs make anywhere between 75,000 to 90,000.

 

Nursing! Two year RN's make about 65,000.

 

IT specialists make about 60,000 to 75,000

 

Paralegals make anywhere between 40,000 to 60,000.

 

And that's just with a two year degree in certain fields. You state that you don't want to be dependent on your boyfriend. Here's a news flash for ya. That's what boyfriends and girlfriends; husbands and wives do for each other! That they support you when you are down and they celebrate your accomplishments when we succeed. Well, you are down right now. Let him support you. Be that rock that you need. That shoulder to cry on.

 

And if the job you have to take right now is at Starbuck's, then TAKE THE JOB! It's an honest living even if it doesn't pay that well. But, remind yourself that it's only temporary and you have your eyes set on a bigger prize when you finish school. Set yourself up with a rewards system. Set a goal stating that if you finish the semester of with a 3.2 GPA or better, you and the boyfriend are going away for a romantic weekend away at a B&B somewhere. BUT only if you hit a GPA of 3.2 or higher. It's a great way to remind yourself that hard work really does pay off.

 

Change is scary, but don't let it beat you and find the motivation to do well. Remind yourself of where you came from and where your headed to and push forward until you achieve your goal! Set yourself up with a reward system.

 

Time to get motivated! Google your local college and see what they have to offer!

Edited January 23, 2014 by Chi townD

[aliveagain]

Every fork in the road is scary, there are no guarantees in any relationship. I married for life unfortunately my ex's idea of marriage included secretly dating other men. What Italian male wants to be with a woman that can't guarantee him the paternity of his own children? I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than go through another round of infidelity. Relationships are about honesty and the value of your word, if you can't give the one you love your word and mean it, don't get into a relationship that implies you will. You are doing the right thing by getting yourself into therapy, help yourself first than help the one you love(like putting on your oxygen mask first before you help your spouse with his).

[firemanq]

We love each other. Only thing we really clash on is the fact that I have sex with other people and do drugs. I could stop the drugs, I'm not addicted.

 

 

You doing drugs and other people, and he thinks that is a deal breaker?

 

 

He needs to dump you before you infect him with something. He has my sympathy, he will need it with you as a girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

Give him something really nice, his freedom. Otherwise, you will destroy him.

[moving2fast]

You doing drugs and other people, and he thinks that is a deal breaker?

 

 

He needs to dump you before you infect him with something. He has my sympathy, he will need it with you as a girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

Give him something really nice, his freedom. Otherwise, you will destroy him.

 

Yes, fidelity and sobriety are important to him, I understand where its coming from. He isn't saying he wants me to let go of those things just for our relationship, but really for my own well being. He said he's not going to be involved with someone who is killing herself.

 

He probably should just dump me. I know I'm causing more grief than I'm worth. Someone else could make him happier, he's a great guy and deserves a wonderful girlfriend. I am grateful that he wants me in his life, I want to be with him. I am trying to be a better person, I'm listening to him.

 

We talked over potential therapist, and he said "no men" and I was upset with him because I said he should be happy that I'm trying to get some help and he just went on and on about how he can't trust me because of how I get around people. I was so upset I almost said then I won't go at all, but I saw he was upset with me. So, I tried to make it better, but only made it worse.

 

I don't want us to break up, but if its really best for him, I might. I don't want him to be burdened with me and stuff I'm trying to work through. I honestly don't know if I can keep my promises to him, especially after not being able to make it better last night. If he doesn't want to touch me, I doubt I can really keep to myself. And I told him that, but he said we'll talk when I'm thinking more clearly.

[crederer]

Jesus christ can you sound any more entitled? In your second sentence you basically blamed him for you cheating. Break up with him, you don't respect him.