Baby123 Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 So a recap... I am in my early 20's, MM is early 40's. We had a 2.5 month A and MM left for me... after the xmas period as promised. His bs found it hard to move on and over summer took an overdose whilst I was travelling, MM got pressured from friends and family to say he'd try to reconcile (I know this all to be 100% true) He didn't want to and carried on seeing me... but the BS and his kids and friends and family kept on driving a wedge between me and MM. We already argued enough about our age gap and me getting a new international job.... and his fear that one day i'd leave him. baggage baggage baggage. I felt like MM wasn't treating me right, (still moved out, still very very LC with the bs) but we took a break 6 weeks ago... to see if we really loved eachother- he promised to leave me alone until I contacted him. I haven't. I won't- I've met a fantastic single man, my own age and I love being in a relationship without BAGGAGE. Bye MM, bye BS, bye situation. If they can ever reconcile more power to them- I know i'm the one its worked out for the best in the end... I get to be happy with a man I trust implicitly. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I'm happy for you! You're young and just starting out. Love or no love, I think even with no affair it is difficult to really have a good relationship with a man who is twice your age. Add all the drama of the A, his BS, his children, his family and where your life is headed, I think it is better for you to be with someone on the same page whose life path and life stage is similar to yours so that you can grow together and build together and yes, when you trust him implicitly that is a lot better foundation. Good for you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baby123 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 Thanks Miss Bee... the letting go was crushing. I felt like I would never be okay- that our love was 'it.' I still think mm is a lovley person and cherish our memories but he isn't easy to have a relationship with. The baggage crushed me. I actually can't believe I met someone else that I really like, he is so different to MM but i have the same amount of connection and feelings for him- if not more as i appreciate the small things so much more. Freedom. Sometimes I get sad that I let myself down by getting in the situation and how at times I let mm have the upper hand and give me less then 100% due to his baggage. I just feel sad for the self respect i lost. But gradually i am feeling better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 So a recap... I am in my early 20's, MM is early 40's. We had a 2.5 month A and MM left for me... after the xmas period as promised. His bs found it hard to move on and over summer took an overdose whilst I was travelling, MM got pressured from friends and family to say he'd try to reconcile (I know this all to be 100% true) He didn't want to and carried on seeing me... but the BS and his kids and friends and family kept on driving a wedge between me and MM. We already argued enough about our age gap and me getting a new international job.... and his fear that one day i'd leave him. baggage baggage baggage. I felt like MM wasn't treating me right, (still moved out, still very very LC with the bs) but we took a break 6 weeks ago... to see if we really loved eachother- he promised to leave me alone until I contacted him. I haven't. I won't- I've met a fantastic single man, my own age and I love being in a relationship without BAGGAGE. Bye MM, bye BS, bye situation. If they can ever reconcile more power to them- I know i'm the one its worked out for the best in the end... I get to be happy with a man I trust implicitly. Baby, I have a personal question. Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable. Awhile ago you started a thread about affair sex, and how it was absolutely amazing with the xMM and how you were worried you may not feel that again. Is sex with your new guy as good? Comparable? Better? I'm really struggling with that aspect of it and fearing I will never have that attraction/feeling again. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I'm thrilled for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baby123 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 Sex wise i'd say its great with the new guy. But not as good as with MM- but me and MM built our sex life up over time whereas with the new guy its still new- it can only get better and better. I used to worry about the sex thing all the time but really once you have feelings for someone the sex tends to be good. I wouldn't suggest a random hook up- I think it would make you crave sex with MM- wait until you like someone enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Dog Woman Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Well done for getting out of the A and finding new happiness. So happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baby123 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 Thanks Dog Woman- I hope you don't mind me saying but your MM might leave for you (or have already left) but I think you should leave him to it. He seems to have some abusive qualities, like being up and down with you and I think that plus that baggage of an A would be all to much. Trust me if you stick to NC, you will move on. You will find love again. Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Thank you so much for answering. I'm so happy for you! You walked away with dignity and strength and you have your whole life of happiness ahead of you! Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 So a recap... I am in my early 20's, MM is early 40's. We had a 2.5 month A and MM left for me... after the xmas period as promised. His bs found it hard to move on and over summer took an overdose whilst I was travelling, MM got pressured from friends and family to say he'd try to reconcile (I know this all to be 100% true) He didn't want to and carried on seeing me... but the BS and his kids and friends and family kept on driving a wedge between me and MM. We already argued enough about our age gap and me getting a new international job.... and his fear that one day i'd leave him. baggage baggage baggage. I felt like MM wasn't treating me right, (still moved out, still very very LC with the bs) but we took a break 6 weeks ago... to see if we really loved eachother- he promised to leave me alone until I contacted him. I haven't. I won't- I've met a fantastic single man, my own age and I love being in a relationship without BAGGAGE. Bye MM, bye BS, bye situation. If they can ever reconcile more power to them- I know i'm the one its worked out for the best in the end... I get to be happy with a man I trust implicitly. Hi, Baby123. I'm glad you found happiness with someone appropriate. Just curious what you (and anyone else who cares to chime in) think you "owe" xMM in terms of explanation. I realize you don't actually owe him anything. But since he left the ball in your court, will you let him know you've met someone or just maintain NC and let him figure it out. Curious what's right in a wrong situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Really good news that you've found a wonderful man who is single and is your age! Wishing you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 so happy for you love shouldn't hurt, or be difficult! all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baby123 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 I owe him nothing or any explanation- all that will do will open up communication and although i'm strong i'm not strong enough to say id 100% tell him where to go- YET. He should have known better then to get a woman 20 years his junior involved in his marital issues. He was the driver in this car crash. Yes he left, yes he had some integrity but my god he didn't handle situation very well. Always arguing with me about my age- he knew how old I was when he met me. He pulled me in. It was literally the worst time of my life the last few months after the BS's overdose. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Maybe I've missed something here... but I'm completely flabbergasted that an MM with children wouldn't just call a big time out on everything else (including the A, or new relationship) in the event of their mother overdosing. This is not an inconsequential thing for family, particularly kids, to deal with. This should have been his priority for focus above all else IMO - I don't mean R with his wife, but helping her and his family become healthy before moving on to other things. Given this behaviour, I think you've dodged a bullet here OP. Good luck with the new man :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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