MissTakes Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I've been reading a lot of people's stories about struggling with going NC, which I can totally relate to. I was NC with my xAP for 2 months before running into him last week, and I'll be going back to NC again this week. Last time, though, I did the whole thing - blocked him on all social media, email, and on my phone. Unfortunately, because I have iMessage on my computer, his texts would still come through to me when I booted it up. They weren't frequent, but they were always sad. Once, I was in town visiting friends near him for a few days - a trip I had specifically scheduled around when I knew he would be on a business trip. When my computer booted up upon arrival, though, I had a message from him telling me that he had changed his flight and begging to get lunch together before he had to fly out. Here's the thing, though: for me, the wondering was more stressful. The not knowing if he had tried to contact me or not. The fear every single time I turned my computer on. I hated not knowing. So after running into him, I made the decision to turn off all the blocks. And it's been a lot better for me. Now, I know that we're NC not because he can't reach me, but because he's actually respecting my wishes to remain NC. It helps, of course, that he's respecting that - I'm sure this wouldn't work for a lot of other people with MM who are more persistent/less respectful of boundaries. But for me, it's actually helping me let go. What were your strategies when you established NC? Did you block your AP completely, or was it easier not to? Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 NC is in your head, first and foremost. if the other person really wants to get in touch, they'll find a way. it's up to you to not respond to their efforts. i've blocked OM on email and IM, however i couldn't block him on the phone. he sent a couple of texts which i have deleted and not responded to. so, there was always a chance that he'll reach out, and while in the beginning i still checked my phone on occasion i soon stopped - as i knew that even if he called/texted i wouldn't respond anyway. i'm glad you're keeping strong. all the best Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I've been reading a lot of people's stories about struggling with going NC, which I can totally relate to. I was NC with my xAP for 2 months before running into him last week, and I'll be going back to NC again this week. Last time, though, I did the whole thing - blocked him on all social media, email, and on my phone. Unfortunately, because I have iMessage on my computer, his texts would still come through to me when I booted it up. They weren't frequent, but they were always sad. Once, I was in town visiting friends near him for a few days - a trip I had specifically scheduled around when I knew he would be on a business trip. When my computer booted up upon arrival, though, I had a message from him telling me that he had changed his flight and begging to get lunch together before he had to fly out. Here's the thing, though: for me, the wondering was more stressful. The not knowing if he had tried to contact me or not. The fear every single time I turned my computer on. I hated not knowing. So after running into him, I made the decision to turn off all the blocks. And it's been a lot better for me. Now, I know that we're NC not because he can't reach me, but because he's actually respecting my wishes to remain NC. It helps, of course, that he's respecting that - I'm sure this wouldn't work for a lot of other people with MM who are more persistent/less respectful of boundaries. But for me, it's actually helping me let go. What were your strategies when you established NC? Did you block your AP completely, or was it easier not to? I couldn't figure out how to block on my darn email! LOL! However, I did get rid of my facebook because of him and I think that was a blessing in disguise. With my phone carrier, they charged for an actual "block" unless you use the "no contact" restriction on the phone; but it alerts you that there is a blocked user who sent you a message. As of right now, we aren't no contact, but we aren't speaking (if that makes sense) and we're "friends"...he's not blocked or anything (and I don't expect to hear from any anymore. I think "friends" is his non-guilty way of ending it). If it ever got bad, which I don't anticipate, then I would pay to have his no. blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Why did you go NC? Answer that honestly to yourself and you'll get stronger to stay in NC and (delete Immessage off your computer if possible) in time it'll get easier. I had a message from him telling me that he had changed his flight and begging to get lunch together before he had to fly out. So, he is not respecting you. He knows how much it hurts, right? The A is over yet, and he is the one breaking nc constantly, he wants you to drop everything and come meet him for a quick hook up before he gets on a plane. Did he really mean 'lunch' or something else? He hasn't thought of what it does and how it affects this has on you each time he reaches out. That's disrespectful and selfish of him. Wish you the strength to stay strong and not give in, ever. Link to post Share on other sites
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