central Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Sex before marriage is fine by me - in fact, I wouldn't marry someone if we hadn't determined we were sexually compatible. Even then, it can still go wrong after marriage - how many threads are there about sexless marriages? By all means, have sex before marriage, because you may not have much afterwards.
SolG Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Sex is a healthy and wonderful part of life! think you should only have sex when it feels right and safe for you--emotionally, physically and socially--within the context of your life. ONS, FWB, casual flings, serial monogamy, de facto relationships, marriage... All to me can be healthy outlets for sex if that works for the parties involved. Bottom line for me... Sex before marriage? Yes if it works for you. No if it doesn't. Do what you think is right for you. Good luck :-) 1
ChessPieceFace Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 people shouldn't get into relationships at all... Just stay home, masturbate and avoid all human contact. Not a bad plan. Even though you obviously mean it in dripping sarcasm. In reality, you've made a straw man fallacy. "Men shouldn't get married? Oh of course not! They should sit at home and masturbate and avoid all human contact!" Complete fallacy. Immediate transition to a distorted and misrepresented argument (no marriage = no sex loner loser), while dodging the question of WHY men shouldn't get married. In short - because the risks are far too high, and the benefits far too low. The laws are stacked against us: child custody, child support, alimony / general financial rape of men, false claims of any kind of abuse landing us in jail. Most women can't do basic things like cooking and housekeeping, seeing it as beneath their standing. Most will disrespect and denigrate us at every opportunity. The sex will dry up soon after marriage. Other than satisfying my biological desire to pass on my genes, there's almost no benefit to shackling myself to an entitled American woman.
Jenna25 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I understand your parents. Mine taught me the same thing. But is marriage the only proof that you love someone? I mean...really? You can really love someone and still hot being married to him/her. Your parents were right about "having sex with the person you love" part, but the part "you're married to the person you love" cannot entirely apply. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend, you can love them, but you're not married to them. Does that mean that you can't have sex with them?
samsungxoxo Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) When I was with my then bf, there was a time my mother kept insisting for me to hold it off till marriage. First, I obviously didn't care about the ''being a virgin'' on my wedding day and wasn't even ready for marriage at all (was 19 at the time) and I'm an atheist. Second, why should I have waited till marriage when he had other gfs in the past? That doesn't make sense. 5 months later, it happened because I wanted it. I believe in sex only being a relationship, not necessarily till marriage. Later, my mother revealed she already done it with my father before the wedding, right on the 3rd month of the relationship. Talk about hypocritical teachings. Don't regret it one bit and I'm glad it happened. Unless both the man and woman are virgins for religious purposes, I don't see the point of not even having sex in a LTR. I also don't see the point of only focusing on the woman saving herself for marriage while the man didn't. Edited January 22, 2014 by samsungxoxo
Hopeful30 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) I think it's absolutely VITAL that you have sex before you marry. What if the sex sucks? What if you're incompatible? You really wanna risk marrying someone for the rest of your live without knowing how the sex is? I think its important to have sex BEFORE marriage, that way you can know if you are compatible in all areas and only THEN should you determine whether or not you should take the serious step of getting married. Otherwise... I mean.. you get married, then have sex, sex sucks, now what? You gotta pay so much money to divorce or you cheat? Nu-uh. Better to lay everything out on the table beforehand. That's the only way you can properly decide if this person is right for you or not. Otherwise it's a huge gamble and you're going in half-blind. I don't think that's a smart risk to take. Edited January 22, 2014 by Hopeful30 1
samsungxoxo Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Well first of all, not everyone wants to get married, so that belief would go out the window.Another possibility is maybe you do want to get married one day but not to the first bf. I wouldn't marry my ex bf even if he was the only man on earth. But yeah I find waiting till marriage pointless.
Allumere Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 This is actually a tough question in my mind. From the religious angle (I'm Christian) the answer is 100% no sex before marriage if one follows the bible. And the logic is reasonable on many levels even when you take God out of the equation (please, no lightning bolts, just making a statement). On the flip side as I am older, have been married, etc. it's pretty difficult to even consider not being initimiate while in a LTR (yes, epic fail on following that law). I will say that being intimate in my last relationship has really screwed me up to the point I may not have sex again til I am married. It wasn't bad, it was wonderful. I can add all kinds of fluffy adjectives but honestly the experience was deeply moving. To lose that has been a pretty awful thing because I feel like I gave and lost a part of myself (my issue, no one elses) and that has resulted in some good old fashion guilt as well as added sadness over the loss of the relationship.
Hopeful30 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Another possibility is maybe you do want to get married one day but not to the first bf. This is very true in many cases, but just because you don't want to marry the person doesn't mean you don't want to share that part of yourself and get intimate. Intimacy through sex is a transforming experience. It teaches you to love, to appreciate. It shows you how to be so open and kind and loving (not in all cases, but I mean when you really want to get intimate with someone) and even though it makes it more difficult to separate afterwards, the experience itself will teach you many things and will only serve to benefit your future relationships. Furthermore, if you have been intimate sexually, you know how to approach it in the future AND since you learn about yourself through these experiences, you will be more comfortable and your future intimate experiences can only be better. If you're completely inexperienced, not only do I think you won't be as in tuned with yourself (if you are a sexual person) but you will also be holding yourself back from something that is natural and healthy.
Phantom888 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 You must have sex before marriage. The same reason you need to spend time to get to know the other person. Sex reveals a lot about a person. Sexual compatibility is crucial to marriages. Don't believe in "making things work" AFTER marriage. You have to make sure everything is right before you spend the rest of your life with someone. Sex is more important than people realize. 1
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