Gf is ignoring me too much now

[soothsayer5]

hello all. need help urgently.

im gonna start with a short summary. i went to my cousin's wedding across the country, and met this girl who was my relative. we started a conversation on facebook, then on cell phone. we talked all night on texting. and when the wedding was over, I had to return to my city. we both were so sad, loved each other a lot, but did not let each other know. when i came back to my city, after a few days i proposed her. and she accepted me. we were so happy. we used to talk every second for almost a year. we had a couple of fights, but all fights lasted for an hour hardly. we used to have phone sex a lottttt. and shared our bodies with each other on skype. but then after a year and four months, i got drunk first time in my life. ( we are muslims btw so its not legal to drink alcohol here). and i told my gf about it. i broke her heart so badly, that we started having a lot of fights since then. due to these fights, i got depressed so much, that i started to lose my hair, at age 20. then i got an admission in a university. my gf is 3 years younger than me, so she was in college. now in my university, i had no friends because i became too shy to face people with my baldness. so i kept talking to my gf all the time in my classes during lectures. i failed three semesters consequetively, so i got suspended from the university. because i never took my eyes off the cellphone. my family started to hate me because i became too much reserved, shy, and i rarely spoke something. i lost all my friends. she lost her friends too. because we were so much into each other's life. allright. now its been one year and ten months when we met. we never got to meet up again after we got into a relationship. ok.. so i have many problems already, and now my gf is acting too wierd ;(

because after our first year, i started to disrespect her, and abused too much. i said bad words for her mother and LATE dad. but she never said something. she just cried too much whenever i abused. i always apologized , solved our problems and we smiled again. This kept going for months. but then the real problems started to rise up for me. she started to tell me, that she has to clean up the house, wash the dishes and make lunch, dinner with her mother, and because of this, she started to spend her time without me for 4 - 6 hours daily. i am so addicted to her, that i can't spend a second without her.

now, just 5 months ago, she told me that she doesnt want to have that skype fun anymore. :/ I got so upset with this, that i started blackmailing her so that she doesnt makes any change in our relation,that i dont want. i blackmailed her that if she stopped sending me her nude pics, so i'd send the previous nude pics of hers, to her mother. she started hating me, but still she loved me.

I realized my mistakes, apologized her by heart. she forgived me, but then she started to reply me late on texts, ignore me a lot, that she has work to do. but she keeps telling me that she doesn't have any male friend, boyfriend except me. shenow got admission in a women university, because i would die if she studied with males. so now she's in a university, but she never texts me unless she's out of the class. she avoids me too much now. she talks to me like she doesnt want to, but she's so happy when she's talking. i can't breakup with her, ive tried a hundred times because of her ignorance. she lies to me sometimes, but i never mind, because i love her too much. its been 14 hours since i told her that im breaking up, but she knows that i can't, so she doesnt apologize to me anymore, and doesnt even text me. i cant live without her, and i want her to apologize, and be the girl she was, a year ago. but she's too changed ;(

 

please anyone help me. iam so sorry for my english. i learned it by myself, so i know it will be hard for you guys to understand to what iam sayingg. but try to understand me. i feel like iam dying and dont want to live anymore. ;( help me plz ;(

[aussietigerwolf]

Hahaha you are sooo a troll... Honestly if your situation was real then you'd be a very scary person and id be reporting you to the cops and if they did nothing there'd be a bunch of very well trained north Irish women on your doorstep to have a little chat.

[soothsayer5]

;( dude seriously i need help.

[justwhoiam]

Hi hamzarana75,

 

You're quite young. You know, many people have lived most of their life without a cell phone. Me included. When I was your age, no one had a cell phone. There were some mobiles in cars, but only for rich people and businessmen, and they were not that common anyway.

 

First of all, you need to find a balance. You are older than her. Prove her you are a responsible guy. I know it'll be hard, but you also need to show your family you're back to your old self. This passion for this girl is consuming you. But it will also strengthen you.

 

If she's really in love with you, you'll remain in her heart. DON'T ever blackmail her anymore. Tell her whatever happens, you won't ever use her or her pictures and that she can be reassured that nothing bad will happen from you. Let her love you again. If she's the right one, you won't lose her.

If she's not the right one, it's better you lose her along the way than end up in a bad marriage.

 

Work on yourself, on your anger. Try to be social in the meantime, but without too much room for contacts with other girls.

 

And most of all, pay attention to lectures and classes at your university. You need to focus on your education, because it will make a difference in your future life and for your future family.

 

Give yourself a couple of months to get back on track about everything. See how it goes.

Edited January 21, 2014 by justwhoiam

[Haydn]

Do you know what equal means? What country are you in? I respect cultural differences but not disrespect. Blackmail is not the way.

[mano]

I can understand, this is not a troll. I am a muslim girl too n over here this is the kind of culture we have.

Look u need to give her some space, don't keep texting and calling her all the time,

yes, u did the wrong thing by blackmailing her, abusing her late father, thats not the right thing to do.

People who respect each other and love each other don't hurt them like this.

Don't force her to send nude pics or phone sex, love her, show her that you care. N give her the time and space to miss you.

In the meanwhile you need to focus on your studies. You really need to, i know you feel insecure and everything, but you should trust her, u have kind of destroyed your relationship with the things u have done yourself. N have hurt the girl. I know how these muslim girls feel, n she only trusted u and you were the only guy she talked to.

[d0nnivain]

You need to grow up. If you want to honor your religion, stop the drinking & the sexting. There is no reason for you to Skype. If your religion is as I understand it, sending nude pictures of your GF to anybody could get her KILLED. She hates you & she should. In certain parts of the US, sending nude pictures of people to others without their consent is illegal.

 

 

Let her go. Pray for forgiveness & wisdom.

 

 

Your family doesn't hate you because you are shy or bald. They are disappointed in you because you have no honor. Concentrate on your studies. Learn to be a better person.

[soothsayer5]

@justwhoiam:

I Really appreciate your reply miss.

Now I've to tell you something. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 17 years old. But last week to give my gf a really big surprise, and to prove to my family and cousins that I am having a positive impact on myself by having this girl, I quit smoking. My gf was really happy. But not as much as I expected.

I don't know why I just can't trust her. It's just a lack of trust from my side, that we had fights. She always ignored my lack of trust, and we moved on. But now she doesn't ignore anything except me. She tells me that she loves me too much and that there is no other male in her life, not even a male friend. Similarly same with me. I don't talk to any female because my gf gets hurt. But her late replies and ignorance always makes me think negative even when I know that I am wrong. Since last week when I decided to quit smoking, I have totally changed in a good way, and I am respecting her like every girl should be treated. I know if I give her some space and time, everything will be fine as she will have time to miss me. But I just can't even imagine myself not talking to her, even for a day.

Because whenever we had fights, there was not a single day we had not talked. I just need help with this. How do I make myself ready to give her space for a while?

 

@Haydn:

Yes I do know what equal means. And I belong to a country, which is known as a terrorist country worldwide. But I really am just a normal guy living my life peacefully. I am from Pakistan.

 

@Mano:

Thanks for your reply miss. When our relation started, she texted me all the time, even when I was asleep. She woke up all night just to talk to me. But since I drank alcohol (As u know its haraam), since then she started to change slowly, and I started to be much of a verbal abuser because she stopped talking to me at nights after 12. Giving excuses that she is tired and will talk in the morning. I really care for her. I really do now. I love her with all my heart. But I don't know how to trust her blindly, or even a little bit. Today I was so depressed because she showed me too much anger, and disrespected me. I kept silent and calm and treated her very nicley, but then I was so angry at myself, that I broke my sim card into pieces. I deleted my facebook account. But I texted her from my mother's cell phone, that I can't disrespect her anymore, so I had to do all this. She says that she is sorry. She apologized. But I know she'll be the same after a day. I am tired of having these fights with her on a daily basis. I just want everything to be normal.

And I got kicked out of the university because of 3 consecutive failures. So in february 2014, I will be starting a new university, and I'll focus on my studies more than my gf. Just like she is doing now. But till then I have nothing to do except for watching her pics all the time and cry to sleep.

Edited January 21, 2014 by hamzarana75
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[soothsayer5]

@d0nnivain:

Thanks for your reply mam.

I just drank alcohol Once and it was my last time, as my religion does not allow it. I always ask God for forgiveness for every sin I've made. I have no regrets if my gf doesn't share her body anymore. It's her positive good choice. But what I am afraid of sometimes, is that there might be some other reason of why she stopped me from it suddenly. That's it. I have made her think sometimes, that it's just about sex that I am in a relationship with her. But that's not true at all. I am just addicted to as we were before. Can't accept changes that have been made.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I'm confused... you're in a relationship with a relative, who you haven't actually met since you got together? So you've never kissed, or touched, as partners?

[soothsayer5]

@acrosstheuniverse:

Yes. Everyone gets confused with my story here. We both have never touched each other & we both are virgins by every part of our body. I am planning to visit her next month to give her a big surprise. But Fights must be finished before I do that. We have never kissed anyone before.

Edited January 21, 2014 by hamzarana75

[mano]

I am from Pakistan too, and exactly from the same background.

U really did break her trust when u did a haram thing, as it is prohibited over here.

You need to foucs on just yourself for now. Let things cool a little, if she replies late, don't get angry, try bein nice n really caring even if you are having problems dealing with all this, and find a proper time where u can tell her everythin n explain to her that it hurts u alot and ask her what she wants and why things are not like before.

Btw with time relationships tend to get like this, you both have independent lives and need to focus on studies n family as well.

You are just addicted to her n too obsessive.

Time to get serious, go join a gym, interact more with your family, friends everything, show to her that you really doing better and working on yourself.

[mano]

N u need to grow up, be more calm n disciplined, you r too obsessive and your past actions like blackmailing her etc, n again breaking your sim deleting accounts etc is all over reacting, your r too much driven by emotions, try bein a good son to your parents, good brother to your sisters and a caring n loving understanding bf to the girl.

I know that in this country if u wana do something n be able to ask for this girls hand, u need to get serious and focus on being a responsible individual, especially your uni. She has a life too and needs to give time to others as well.

Btw this is Pakistan, blackmailing the poor girls n doin something reckless like leaking out her pics will n can easily destroy her whole life !

[soothsayer5]

@Mano:

Yes I agree with you. Let me share something very personal that I should not be telling anyone, as people will dislike me or call me crazy or something.

I am so obsessive to her, that when she started to hurt me with all this late reply and ignoring stuff, I engraved her Initials with a knife on Both of my arms. I got so depressed. Then I put a deep cut on my chest. I told her, and sent her pics. She was too guilty for her mistakes. But after a few days, it all started again. The reason for telling you is to ask you, what might have she thought about it?

[BlametheIrish]

You need.a therapist. Your obsession, cutting and thought process is not normal. You need serious help before you consider getting into a relationship. That poor poor woman

[soothsayer5]

@BlametheIrish:

Mam, those were some mistakes I did last year. I also thought for a while if I have gone Mad. I know I was a fool kid to do that. Because I thought it would make her feel that I love her. Psss. That was really a weird thought. I am now changed, and want to be a responsible guy who keeps her love happy all the time.

[mano]

Ask herif she really wants you n if she really loves u, if its a yes, then make it work, listen to her, both need to support each other, as for u cutting yourself, thats crazy, she must have gotten scared n guilty because of it.

If you wana make her want to be aroung you like before, show her that you are workin on yourself, focus on YOUR life ! Improve yourself, studies health everything, stop obsessing, if cant control, then don't show to her that you are desperate.

Goodluck !

[Haydn]

Swat valley? My father went on the house boats when they were there. good luck friend.

[justwhoiam]

I quit smoking. My gf was really happy. But not as much as I expected.

You said she was really happy. That should be enough for you. Still, you complain that you expected her to be more happy. Change your thinking to: she's really happy about my resolution, she will be double happy about my achievements!

 

Regarding your trust issues, I think you need to start being more open. Open to bad things happening in your life. I know that when you start a story with someone you'd want it to never end. But you need to realize that such day can come. You can love someone and then it ends with a breakup. And you need to accept that. If you cannot accept that, you should not engage in a relationship, because you might harm people, even unwillingly. But I feel the risk is there. For now, you unload your frustration, rage, bad feelings by cutting yourself, by harming yourself. Next thing you know, you could be doing that to someone else, because it gets out of control, even if you now think it's impossible.

 

So you need to work on your feelings a lot. Learn to master your actions and your reasonings. I'm afraid you can't control your feelings, they just happen. But how you deal with them can make a huge difference.

 

How do I make myself ready to give her space for a while?

Just do that gradually. I don't think it's necessary for you to go one full day without hearing from her or getting in touch with her. Just be open to the idea it can happen and it must not be the end of the world. It can happen her line is not working, or she breaks her phone, etc. Whatever the reason may be, never be tragic about it. Set a few rules for yourself, like no more than 5 texts in the morning, 5 in the afternoon and 5 in the evening. Or skip them, when you need to focus on studying and let them be 10 when you both have free time. Those are just examples, but you get the idea. You need discipline because you let your instincts rule who you are. And you need to control yourself more. Then gradually, you slow down the pace. But without letting it go to zero contact. Be critic with yourself, without harming yourself or others.

 

Stop thinking that you drank alcohol one night. People loving you have forgiven you for that mistake. They will soon forget it if you'll keep a healthy record.

 

When you feel you're starting to get mad, start counting up to one thousand. Then, if after counting, you still remember why you were counting, analyze what happened in an objective way as much as possible. And before taking action, of any kind, ask yourself if it's worth it and what the consequences of constant fighting can be.

 

It's good if you express your concern to her, but once you did it and she gave you no reason to doubt her whatsoever, then just let it go. Don't repeat yourself. You only get annoying and unpleasant to talk to. And it's a good way to push her away.

 

in february 2014, I will be starting a new university, and I'll focus on my studies more than my gf. Just like she is doing now. But till then I have nothing to do except for watching her pics all the time and cry to sleep.

1) Get the list of books you'll need for your courses at the university. Start looking at them, get ahead, start reading. If a book references to another book, get that one too, so that you can expand the topic.

2) Ask if you can help around the house or your family, I'm sure they'll welcome your drive to be helpful and will make good use of it, giving you a few tasks you can accomplish.

3) Pick something you'd like to learn and wouldn't take you too long to learn. Just as an example, there are tons of origami instructions on youtube. That'd be nice because you'd learn to be patient, do something manual that keeps you distracted and would also be good to show to your girlfriend, in case you want to take a pic of it (you could make a rose or another flower, etc.)

4) If you need money to visit her, pick a job that can let you save some extra bucks.

[bubbaganoosh]

I'm kind of confused her. It's illegal to consume alcohol but it's cool to screw around with a cousin? Just asking.

[justwhoiam]

He said she's her cousin?

[bubbaganoosh]

He said she's her cousin?

 

He said a relative so I'm just guessing a cousin. I really don't want to think about if it's someone closer.

[soothsayer5]

@bubbaganoosh:

She is the daughter of my grandfather's brother.

[soothsayer5]

@mano:

Yup you're right. I can do that now. After talking to you guys, I really feel that I can control my obsession. And I don't really need to focus on my gf more than my life.

 

I just got a new sim and nicely apologized my gf. She feels sorry. But I said that it's not her fault. Now we are happy again. I am not texting her, unless she texts me. I hope we always have this mature understanding between us.

[justwhoiam]

@bubbaganoosh:

She is the daughter of my grandfather's brother.

Great-uncle's daughter? So she'd be a second-degree cousin?

What did you mean by "late father"? Just that he's old? Or?