glow worm Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm new here, I've been reading threads for a few weeks and never thought I'd actually post one, but now I'm having a personal crisis. I'm really stressed out because today my housemate asked me to move out because she doesn't like me being in a relationship with a CM. I don't have the money to be moving right now and really don't want to end the relationship right now, it is a bad time in my life to deal with ending a three year romantic relationship with someone I care for deeply. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced discrimination because of their relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorLane Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Is she your friend or just a roommate? Either way I think she's wrong. If she's your friend, it's horrible she would kick you out knowing you have no place to go and no money. She doesn't have to agree with your relationship, but she should respect you and your friendship... If it's just a roommate, it's still horrible bc it's really none of their business how you live your personal life, their only concerns should involve, your responsibilities as a roommate and that's it. Yes I've totally lost someone who I thought was a friend, and I've been discriminated against by a few others who eventually came around... People are judgmental often because they have not had the same experience and refuse to see the point of view from someone who has. It's stupid. Things should be based solely on how you treat others. It's called a "personal" life for a reason. So sorry you have to deal with this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Hi Taylor, Thanks for your reply. She is not my friend really, just a housemate. We met when we were both searching for a place to live, she's doing the same postgraduate course that I am. I guess she doesn't have any legal right to ask me to leave, since we both are on the lease. I just don't want to make a big stink about it since I don't like drama, and I don't want to live in a household where I'm not wanted anyway. My feelings are so hurt right now as I've done everything I can to be a friendly, easygoing, and clean housemate. It hurts on so many levels to be rejected and asked to leave. My self esteem is destroyed right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Berkley Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Your name is on the lease. Your private life is none of her business. She has no right to ask you to leave or to tell you to end a relationship with anyone. Don't leave. Simple solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 I agree with you Berkley that she shouldn't have the right to dictate my personal life. However, my true feeling is that I don't actually want to stay in a place where I know I'm unwanted. I'm somewhat uncomfortable even right now sitting in my room writing this, I just want to get out to somewhere where I won't be judged and treated as an inferior person because of my relationship. I answered three ads for new housemates this evening and emailed my grandparents to see if I can borrow money for the moving expenses. I think they will be sympathetic since my housemate is being unreasonable to me. Maybe this situation will turn out for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 She most certainly Can ask you to leave. It's her right. YOU can most certainly DECLINE To leave. It's Your right. ** Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm new here, I've been reading threads for a few weeks and never thought I'd actually post one, but now I'm having a personal crisis. I'm really stressed out because today my housemate asked me to move out because she doesn't like me being in a relationship with a CM. I don't have the money to be moving right now and really don't want to end the relationship right now, it is a bad time in my life to deal with ending a three year romantic relationship with someone I care for deeply. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced discrimination because of their relationship? What does your lease say? Even if she can't legally ask you to leave, living with a roommate with whom you have tension is uncomfortable,but if that doesn't bother you then you can stay and have her know that you're not moving and that you understand she dislikes your relationship but you aren't going to move right now because of it. No, I didn't experience discrimination. But most people don't think being in an affair is a great thing, so even if they don't actively say anything to you, it doesn't mean they aren't thinking it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Did you move in with her in the sense that your name is on the lease as well? If yes, then she has no right to kick you out. If not and you are just a roommate paying rent, then unfortunately she can do what she wants, even though it's mean to do you. Your personal life is none of her business, she's not a friend anyway, so what difference does it make what happens with your own time? Or, do you discuss your affair with her, bring your CM home to sleepover? Either way now it's going to be weird and uncomfortable, she wants you out so you need to find a place asap. Hope your grandparents can help you out..In the meantime, is there a trusted friend you can stay with until you find your own place? Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 If you're joint tenants with equal rights and she can't live with your personal arrangement regarding choice of relationship, then perhaps she should be the one to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Confuddled1983 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Does your room mate know the couple concerned? if so then I can completely understand why she would want you out. Even if she doesn't perhaps she is trying to avoid conflict that may arise from your affair in the future? These things end messy, she could be confronted about what she knows etc - is she supposed to lie on your behalf? I wouldn't be happy about lying for someone to be honest. I don't think she is right to ask you to leave though but if I were her I would move out. I have enough drama of my own to deal with without having other peoples drama inflicted on me, however unintentional it could be something that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 whichwayisup, yes, we moved into the apartment at the same time so we are both on the lease as joint tenants. also, I don't discuss the affair with her but I do on occasion let him sleep over every once in awhile when his partner goes out of town to visit her parents. my roommate knows that it's an affair because she asked me why he's not over more often, and I stupidly told her the truth that it's an affair. maybe it was a case of oversharing. confuddled, no my roommate she doesn't know the couple involved in any way. she doesn't even know my CM's last name or any information about him (which is important to me since I was concerned she might try to get nasty and contact his partner about our relationship.) in fact, I've never even met his partner in the three years we've been dating, but I know she exists because I've looked her up online. we live in a city of over 4.5 million people so it's quite improbable that we would ever run into each other. thanks for your responses everyone. I called the department of fair trading and they said that she has no legal right to force me to leave. that said, I'd really rather not continue living with someone like her. I'm still sorting out my options. I didn't sleep last night because I was so hurt and upset, hopefully I'll have some resolution soon so this emotional upset can end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 While I don't think it is any of her business, I think her thought process is right on the mark. She has a right to ask you to leave and you have a right to stay until the lease is up. The problem is that you made it her business by disclosing the true nature of your relationship. Think about it a moment. Read the posts about Dday that are on this site. The pure drama that comes about once an affair is exposed/caught/confessed. Would you want to be the innocent party caught up in the mess? What if his SO goes off the deep end and figures out who you are and where you live? It could put her in danger too. All that being said....find yourself a new place to live, but keep in mind you have time. And don't bring your "boyfriend" around the apartment...find another place to do what you guys do. By the way this statement says a lot about you: "that said, I'd really rather not continue living with someone like her" It seems like you had no issue with her until you found out that she thinks what you are doing is wrong....and it is. Not everyone is going to accept your behavior as normal or right. Although it would make me uncomfortable too, it would open my eyes to exactly what my actions made people think about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 underwater, thank you for your input. I agree with you and a couple of others who have mentioned that my roommate might not want to be caught as an innocent party in the fallout of a potential DDay, and I think that is a legitimate concern for her to have. I have had my own concerns about potential fallout if there was to ever be a DDay, so I can totally understand her not wanting to be involved in the mess. I wouldn't have expected you to know this, because I didn't say it before and you were only responding based off the information I had given, but she has been treating me poorly for months now, almost since we moved in together. It's not just my perception, all of my friends who have come over to my place have asked me what her problem is and why she's so unfriendly. this is mostly what I was referring to when I said I'd rather not continue living with someone like her. my friends have actually been encouraging me to move for months now since it's not good for my mental health to be living with someone who dislikes me and makes it obvious every day. The only reason I haven't moved is that I can't afford it and I still can't afford it now. Link to post Share on other sites
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