I'm lying to co-workers to get back at my ex

[PatheticPatty]

Well, I went out with a guy at work for about a year - it ended badly, with me finding out he had been cheating on me almost the entire time. Since then, he has gone out with a few women and is now in a de facto relationship. It cuts me up to hear about him with all these other women - it took me about 8 months to even start going out and having fun again after the break up. I have not gone on any dates, and am not ready for another relationship yet.

 

However, co-workers often ask what I got up to over the weekend or breaks and as I was too embarresed to say 'nothing - just wallowing in self pity', I made up that I had started seeing a guy. It's been 3 months now and everyone thinks I am still seeing this "Mr Perfect". I once even sent flowers to myself, signing them off from him. A big part of my made up life is done in order to let my ex (who hears about me through the office grapevine) think that I have moved on and am leading a fantastic life (when the opposite is true). I know he has asked other co-workers about my new 'relationship', which made me feel smug, even if only for 5 minutes.

 

The truth is, all of these lies, while they are achieving their aim, sometimes make me feel even more pathetic and alone than I am. It's tough pretending to leave work for a hot date only to go home and sit in front of the TV by myself. If I'm honest, I guess I also think that by doing this, my ex will realise that he made a mistake by f*cking me over and come crawling back. Why would I even want a cheater in my life anyway? Why am I going out of my way to get his attention? God, I wish I could just move on and live the life I deserve.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You will have to break it off with Mr. Perfect. If you want to avoid embarrassment, just come to work looking sad and say that you and Mr. Perfect agreed that it wasn't working out and you two decided to move on. Insist that you refuse to talk about it, and imply that you would prefer people would stay out of your business. You may want to do this before anyone finds out he was made up to begin with. That would be very, very embarrassing. Maybe if you and Mr. Perfect 'break up' people at work will just eventually forget about it and move on to other office gossip. People can be very cruel - and if it became apparent what you were doing, you'd never hear the end of it. Its harmless, so kill the white lie and let it die.

 

Now, to your motivations. I can understand why you did it. You want your boyfriend to realize what he lost and try to win you back from Mr. Perfect.

 

Here's the kicker though. You don't miss the lying, cheating guy you were dating. You miss the guy you had hoped he would be for you. That guy doesn't exist. He is your Mr. Perfect. He is what your lying cheating boyfriend would have been under ideal circumstances. Hope is a strong thing. It can make us look at the very worst of things, and see them for what we think can be the very best. Throw in some mild delusion we call 'love' and all of a sudden the worst guy for us that we could ever possibly be involved with becomes Prince Charming.

 

When you lose the lying, cheating guy - you are still left with your own Prince Charming trapped inside you: a straw man built entirely from your hopes and delusions (love). You think that they are the same guy, but really - they aren't. So it isn't entirely weird that you would want the lying, cheating bastard back - in your heart, he is the same as that imaginary Prince Charming that you want him to be.

 

That's what you want back. Your hope. Your love. Your happiness. Not this guy. The key is to find a way to realize that. Have you considered setting up some counseling for yourself to try to untie this vicious knot your heart is tied in?

[tiki]

You're not wrong for doing what you're doing. And you're not crazy. Just quit sending yourself expensive bouquets of flowers.

 

But no....don't ever take this scumbag back - under any circumstances. *Do* go out on the weekends. Get involved in things...art classes, church, small groups, things like that. It'll increase your odds of meeting someone special. Good luck.

[alphamale]

Pathetic:

 

I see nothing wrong with this at all. It is fun and exciting and if you ever want to end the charade you just tell everyone that you broke up with your imaginary dude. No problem. As long as you don't hurt anyone it is ok and will keep your spirits up.

 

In the meantime, however, you should be looking for a new beau and not sitting at home crying over spilled milk.

[ImKris]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

You will have to break it off with Mr. Perfect. If you want to avoid embarrassment, just come to work looking sad and say that you and Mr. Perfect agreed that it wasn't working out and you two decided to move on. Insist that you refuse to talk about it, and imply that you would prefer people would stay out of your business. You may want to do this before anyone finds out he was made up to begin with. That would be very, very embarrassing. Maybe if you and Mr. Perfect 'break up' people at work will just eventually forget about it and move on to other office gossip. People can be very cruel - and if it became apparent what you were doing, you'd never hear the end of it. Its harmless, so kill the white lie and let it die.

 

Now, to your motivations. I can understand why you did it. You want your boyfriend to realize what he lost and try to win you back from Mr. Perfect.

 

Here's the kicker though. You don't miss the lying, cheating guy you were dating. You miss the guy you had hoped he would be for you. That guy doesn't exist. He is your Mr. Perfect. He is what your lying cheating boyfriend would have been under ideal circumstances. Hope is a strong thing. It can make us look at the very worst of things, and see them for what we think can be the very best. Throw in some mild delusion we call 'love' and all of a sudden the worst guy for us that we could ever possibly be involved with becomes Prince Charming.

 

When you lose the lying, cheating guy - you are still left with your own Prince Charming trapped inside you: a straw man built entirely from your hopes and delusions (love). You think that they are the same guy, but really - they aren't. So it isn't entirely weird that you would want the lying, cheating bastard back - in your heart, he is the same as that imaginary Prince Charming that you want him to be.

 

That's what you want back. Your hope. Your love. Your happiness. Not this guy. The key is to find a way to realize that. Have you considered setting up some counseling for yourself to try to untie this vicious knot your heart is tied in?

 

 

100% Accurate LucreziaBorgia. You are a very wise woman!

 

And PatheticPatty, if this were my situation, I'd go into work pissed off because Mr. Perfect turned into a perfect P*ick after all because he hates his mother and everyone knows that if a man is good to his mother, he'll be good to you. I'd verbalize my hostility and pain of how could I have been so blind and let all my coworkers give me their awws and oohs and hugs and pats on the back. Then I'd smile and let them all know that I am going to not feel like I did any thing wrong but pick myself up, dust me off, and look for a guy that shares all my hopes and dreams. Then I'd really work at doing just that!

Good Luck and don't think bad of yourself, your fine!

[katie79]

the only thing that might point that mr. perfect is mr. invisable:

What would you do if you had a big company party to go to? it may look wierd that this great man is not there, don't you think?

 

end things with mr. right. if people ask, just say you'd rather not talk about it and you want to move on. no need to explain anything even if this was real. it's work and no one's business.

 

i never understood the 'sending yourself flowers' thing to impress others. but i can see where your coming from.

 

you wanted revenge, you didn't want him back.

 

you want him to feel like a fool for what he did and have the pleasure of him crawling back to you so you can tell him what an a$$ he was for what he did to you.

 

Understandable.

 

However, although it's hard, the best revenge is knowing in your own heart what a fool he was to let someone as great as you go. and knowing that he was nothing but a cheat and a loser before anything serious occurred. as long as you know you're great, he was the fool, and you will find much better, others will believe too. so this makes you feel better asap, and if you are looking for positive attention, this is the best way to get attention and revenge.

 

Good luck!!