Standard-Fare Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I'm 32/F and about to live alone for the first time in a new city. (Although it still has relatively close access to my family/friends.) I lived with multiple roommates throughout my 20s, one boyfriend, and most recently lived with a close female friend for a few months. But at this point, having outgrown the roommate thing, and with most of my friends coupled off and married while I'm single, I feel I have no other choice but to go out on my own. I'm accustomed to a lot of alone time and can make myself enjoy it, but I do worry about some of the pitfalls of living alone. I don't want to become a hermit and I don't want to exacerbate eccentricities or selfishness. I also do love spending time with other people so I need to make sure that happens regularly. So just a general inquiry here: What are some good strategies and tips for to avoid the above traps of living alone? What are some things I can look forward to and savor about it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Living alone is awesome, there are no rules except your own. But it can get a bit lonely, but if you keep yourself busy, which is real easy, you won't feel it. Much of my time is spent cleaning, rearranging, grocery shopping, cooking, exercising, and catching a flick or show. It's hard to avoid exacerbating eccentricities in the long run, because you end up getting used to not having someone around. You can fart without someone getting shocked or disgusted with you, unless you get disgusted with yourself. You can prance around naked without any worry. You can take midday naps because you feel like it, without someone judging you about being lazy. But to avoid the aforementioned pitfalls, then keep being social, like almost every night and weekend. Invite friends over or go hangout with friends. Throw small parties or movie nights. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sportzhl24 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Yeah I agree, definitely throw little shin-digs and parties. Make your apartment really welcoming for others, like making the living room intriguing and lively. I'm 22 and I'm living alone for the first time, and I gotta say that it's pretty cool. No roommates to have to worry about, all the messes you make are yours only, you can do whatever you please, etc. What worked for me was getting into a routine. Once you fall into that comfort zone, things become very peaceful and easy. Make the weekends your friend too. Embrace the situation you're in! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Some tips: Safety: Make sure your smoke detectors are working. Check locks on doors/windows. Take a Self Defense Class ( I recommend them for any adult now adays- single or not). Mailbox- Only First initial last name. This leaves folks guessing on gender. Lighting is important too, Porch lighting or Screen doors help when strangers arrive. Living alone- Take pride in your sanctuary...its your "home". Style it as you wish! Social Lifestyle- You get to decide how often to invite people over or have someone visit. You dont need to ask permission! What a relief! Own your choice, accept responsibility and enjoy the solitude! Take up a Hobby, get busy living! Being alone can be lonely, accept that too...It will make you self sufficient to acknowledge that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Adopt a pet Make an effort to grow friendships and social connections Volunteer for causes you believe in Buy small amounts of groceries/sundries which causes one to get out more to go to the store. Easy to do since you live in a city Create your boudoir in your own style. It's like a sanctuary. Plant a garden. I've lived alone for about 20 years out of my 54 and most of that has been on a big property in the country where I rarely see other humans except for farmworkers and the occasional farmer. Most of my social contact is with business and traveling, and through my hobbies. Unless you're handy, you're probably better off renting since the landlord has to take care of property issues. Also, rentals tend to accommodate singles better, space-wise. Much less upkeep too. TBH, I'd kill for a little place like my rentals. They're so easy to keep clean and maintain. My place, meh... it was OK when I was married but way too big now. The cat likes the room to run though. Good luck and enjoy living alone. It's a lot of fun and generally very peaceful. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Living alone is the best thing ever. This is the time TO BE selfish, because you're not always going to have the luxury of having your own space to do with what you will. Tips? Do whatever the hell you want. See your friends when you want to see your friends. Be a hermit when you want to be a hermit. Walk around naked. Watch all your crappy TV shows. Take up the whole bed. Stuff the fridge with all YOUR favorite foods without worrying that a roommate is going to eat it. Take an hour long shower. Better yet, take a bath with the door wide open. Decorate your place however you want. Buy whatever furniture you want. Revel in the fact that you'll never have to pull someone else's hair out of the drain, or do someone else's dirty dishes. Spend all of Sunday cooking/baking without anyone bothering you. Or spend all of Saturday being lazy and watching movies. I've lived alone for 2 years now and I have yet to experience these "pitfalls" you speak of. The best thing on the planet is going out with friends, having a loud night, and unlocking the door to my apartment and just collapsing on my comfortable couch, and the dead silence of my apartment. So peaceful. Edited January 22, 2014 by KatZee 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 7 years I've lived alone. It's....comfortable. Depending on the size of your space, maintaining it will keep you busy after a long day at work. My space is almost too big, a good problem I know - but there's always something to clean up, plants to water, sealing windows in the winter, etc. And cooking. You'll need to save money on takeout and go to Trader Joe's (avoid Whole Foods if you can, they're expensive) or a Spanish grocery if you're deep in the city. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I was 31 I think when I lived alone for the first time and I haven't looked back since. I'm 41 and had periods of living with others but alone is my preference by a long way. I'm very active. Go to the gym, for a run, do various sports. I also have a lot of interest in culture, love going to exhibitions and stuff, especially with my sister. I see my friends at least once a week for a meal. The thing is, I don't have a telly so I don't have a routine of veging out in front of it to fall back on. I need to plan each one of my evenings to a degree, at least to have a fair idea what I'll do. This makes all the difference. Keeps me on my toes. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I like to go pee with the bathroom door open so I dont miss any part of my TV shows/movies. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I've lived alone for the past 3 years (not by choice). At first, I was very uncomfortable, now I don't even like having friends over. While my place is clean and tidy, I'm just don't like people in my space. I like coming home and just worrying about myself and my problems. I think I'd go crazy if I needed a roommate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DorkBreakfast Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Everyone here has already covered all the bases. I lived alone for 6 years and it was awesome. The only thing with living alone is there is nobody there to say "What the hell are you doing?" when you do something weird. There are no social checks and balances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 I've lived alone for the past 10 years now and I love it! I don't have to worry about someone else's annoying idiosyncrasies or driving them crazy with mine - - of which there are plenty! lol I don't think I'm in danger of turning into a hermit though. Like Frank, I'm always busy - - going in and out of the apartment - - whether it's running errands, going to the gym, or meeting up with friends. As introverted as I am, I like being able to get out of the house and (as much as I love them) the craziness of my dog and four cats. It makes my time around people that much more enjoyable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoonMyFriend Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I've been living alone for over a year AND I LOVE IT. (I'm a 28/F). Before that, I lived with roommates in university for three years and then immediately after school I lived with my now ex-boyfriend for five years. This is my first time living alone as an adult. Growing up I was an only child so I suppose I am also used to my own space and keeping myself entertained. The freedom is amazing. Like right now I am blaring terrible 80s music and getting ready for a night out. I love being able to do what I want in my apartment. Yes that includes pooping with the door wide open. Amazing. It also means I can dance however I like to when my favourite song comes on the radio. Like others have said, keep your social life active and you won't feel too lonely. I run outdoors so that always gets me outside on nights I am home alone. I watch a lot of TV & sports so that keeps me occupied. I also have a pet guinea pig to keep me company (and whom I can talk to haha). I also do groceries in small amounts and enjoy going for walks too. I also try to host my book club as often as I can and I also throw an annual Christmas party. But I wouldn't worry about bad habits. Everyone has them no matter who they live with. Being alone doesn't make it worse, I don't think. Haha. And as far as safety - I got to know my neighbours that share the house (I am the basement unit) and my landlord installed a motion light on my back door, and lights along the side of the house. My name isn't on the mailbox at all. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I like living alone. I'd only give up my independence to marry a man I loved, not a live-in boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Real36 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Hahaha! Dork Breakfast you hit the nail on the head with the not having anyone around to check you when you are being weird! I've lived alone for 5 years (minus 1 yr with ex) and my biggest fear is that my neighbors can hear me talking to myself! It's great though Enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I'm accustomed to a lot of alone time and can make myself enjoy it, but I do worry about some of the pitfalls of living alone. I don't want to become a hermit and I don't want to exacerbate eccentricities or selfishness. I also do love spending time with other people so I need to make sure that happens regularly. So just a general inquiry here: What are some good strategies and tips for to avoid the above traps of living alone? What are some things I can look forward to and savor about it? I try to make sure that at leasts once a week I have somebody round (whether a family member, friend or neighbour) for coffee, wine (more rarely as I'm not much of a drinker) or for something to eat. Partly to be sociable but also as it forces me into a routine whereby the flat will never take more than an hour to be cleaned up into a tidy and welcoming state. Creating an environment where you'll feel relaxed and happy and visitors will feel the same way is probably one of the most important things...and in many ways it's easier to do that when you live alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I've lived alone for two years and it is amazing. I'm introverted, so having my own space matters to me. Even so, I still make time on the weekends to go to meet-up groups, or sometimes I'll go to yoga or for coffee with someone. As for tips: if you don't have one already, get a toolbox. Some people also prefer to have "occupant" listed next to their ring number in the lobby so visitors can't tell so easily that you live alone. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Living alone is great. I think the pros easily outweigh the cons. Some other possible downsides: 1) If something bad were to happen to you while at home alone (bad enough where you couldn't reach a phone, scream, etc.) then it could be a while before someone else senses that something's wrong and investigates. Granted, this same risk exists while living with someone, but the risk is far lower. In terms of health, probably a bigger deal for older people. 2) If you end up living alone for a substantial period of time (several years or longer), you'll probably become quite accustomed to it. One day after 3-4 years, suddenly that special someone comes into your life...and after being in a relationship for a while, you two decide to move in together. That might be a challenging adjustment since you're so used to being alone. However, some of the social ideas mentioned earlier (throwing little parties, hosting movie nights, etc.) may help make that mental adjustment easier, because they serve to guard against you ever becoming too much of a hermit despite living solo. Link to post Share on other sites
MaryJiltz Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Keep yourself busy in things you always want to do but you couldn't in the past and youll not notice the lonely feeling anymore. . . Link to post Share on other sites
HumptyDumpty Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I like to go pee with the bathroom door open so I dont miss any part of my TV shows/movies. Haha, I was unable to NOT react to this! It's so funny but true! When I'm on the toilet, I have to bend over a little to see the TV haha Otherwise, I've been living over 2 years alone now! Generally I love! But sometimes I just hate it... Especially when your friends still live at home, and don't have all these problems, their food is cooked and bills are paid! If I could give some advice... Get a pet if you love pets! When I lived with my parents, I grew up with pets, we always had one pet around, at all times! I started with a hamster, that someone gave away! She was already a bit "old", I had her a bit over a year! Never thought a hamster could be and die so happy! Really! Some months after the hamster, I got a rabbit! Same, was given away, was unwanted! I had to go to the vet with him since he was given away ill as well.. now, it's all going fine, he's still with me and doing his thing! Pets will make you go out! They want to have a clean cage, food, salad and what not, new exiting toys and things! I don't regret getting animals! I chose animals that didn't cost a lot monthly and that could stay alone when I'm away at university.. Then, invite friends over! Always nice to have a good laugh, change ideas! You won't feel so lonely then! Get plants! I love greeny things, sad thing is that the mini plants I get always die :'(( Video games! I'm a geek! Video games distract me! Instruments! Learn one if you want to! I got a violin and a flute, love playing them Otherwise, make your home cosy and well organised! there's always something to clean, to sort out like papers, something to change... Get DVDs in stock for "boring" evenings! The rest... Neighbors, don't know them and I don't bother either, I respect the general rules you know, but I'm not a neighbor person, I want to stay as anonymous as possible! And well, I like being on my own! When I'm depressed, nobody's there... but I can get out of the rut quite quickly, there may be tricks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EsBeYe Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Oh God..Your story is very similiar with what I'm experiencing right now..Although it's not exactly same..I can't give you suggestion except for find new friends..Lonely is not good for health.. Link to post Share on other sites
notyouraveragebabe Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I'm 32/F and about to live alone for the first time in a new city. (Although it still has relatively close access to my family/friends.) I lived with multiple roommates throughout my 20s, one boyfriend, and most recently lived with a close female friend for a few months. But at this point, having outgrown the roommate thing, and with most of my friends coupled off and married while I'm single, I feel I have no other choice but to go out on my own. I'm accustomed to a lot of alone time and can make myself enjoy it, but I do worry about some of the pitfalls of living alone. I don't want to become a hermit and I don't want to exacerbate eccentricities or selfishness. I also do love spending time with other people so I need to make sure that happens regularly. So just a general inquiry here: What are some good strategies and tips for to avoid the above traps of living alone? What are some things I can look forward to and savor about it? Living alone is awesome. It's empowering and I feel so independent. I take care of myself, but it does get LONELY. Being SINGLE doesn't help at all. I'm a nurse and have 4 days off, so I have a lot of free time. I have a dog, we go for walks, work out 2 hours a day, hike, see friends and family. I try to be out as much as possible. I live near the beach, so I jog there. I cook, clean and love being on my own. Find something you love to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Andyy Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I've lived alone twice, once for 4 months when I bought my house (before a housemate moved in) and once just for 1 month when my GF was overseas. The first week is hard. It's so damned quiet! The only things I could recommend are to make sure you have reasons to leave the house: - Your job (imperative). - An activity that you cannot miss at least once a week (team sport or volunteer work for example). - Socialise. If you're in a new city this may be hard, but if you have somebody to see then try to do it weekly. - Hobby. Something you can do without committing too much time to it. 15min here, 1 hour there. - Something optional. Book/movie club. Link to post Share on other sites
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