Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Well you should, because you are torturing the poor guy if you don't. If he says he can't be around you because he's conflicting, then you respect his wishes and stay away. I mean, your thought processes on these matters are ass backwards. You stay in contact with a person who asks you not to be in contact, then you say you don't want to be friends but then get upset when the other person doesn't kiss your ass and act friendly to you. I mean, do you think every day is opposite day or something? OBVIOUSLY I'd stay away. All I am saying is that I would not just leave their confession without any reply and just completely ignore it. ONE final goodbye, that's all I am saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Aha! You remained friends for purely selfish reasons! You thought remaining friends would get you back into girlfriend status. There was nothing altruistic about your motives, so why on Earth should you be thanked for it?? Of course, and I admitted that before! But there was still a degree of altruism, considering that I made the same effort with people that I was not romantically involved with. After all - I did not owe him that, right? I could have just been his friend that he can chit-chat to and have him in my life in this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 OBVIOUSLY I'd stay away. All I am saying is that I would not just leave their confession without any reply and just completely ignore it. ONE final goodbye, that's all I am saying. For purely selfish reasons to make yourself feel better. That final goodbye is not something he wants. If he says that he can't hang out with you, the only response he wants is for you to stay "wait, I really do love you in that way". Anything else doesn't matter. You aren't doing it for his well-being, you are doing it for yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Of course, and I admitted that before! But there was still a degree of altruism, considering that I made the same effort with people that I was not romantically involved with. After all - I did not owe him that, right? I could have just been his friend that he can chit-chat to and have him in my life in this way. Why don't you just give him a bill? Itemize all the thank yous and the "aww, your so nices", print it out and give it to him. That's how petty this sounds right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 But now I realise that he probably does think of it as me dumping him as a friend. Oh well, I guess it had to happen one day. NC from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Of course, and I admitted that before! But there was still a degree of altruism, considering that I made the same effort with people that I was not romantically involved with. After all - I did not owe him that, right? I could have just been his friend that he can chit-chat to and have him in my life in this way. The truly altruistic thing, would have been to leave him alone. When you love someone ("love" being considering another person's well-being above your own), you let them go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Why don't you just give him a bill? Itemize all the thank yous and the "aww, your so nices", print it out and give it to him. That's how petty this sounds right now. You are blowing my wish to be appreciated completely out of proportion, because this is not why I am upset. I just did not understand why a friendly albeit firm message that I can't be just friends and that i hope he understands and am wishing him well is completely ignored with no reply - considering that he claimed to be my friend in the first place. That's all I am saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 The truly altruistic thing, would have been to leave him alone. When you love someone ("love" being considering another person's well-being above your own), you let them go. He asked me for help, I gave it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 You are blowing my wish to be appreciated completely out of proportion, because this is not why I am upset. I just did not understand why a friendly albeit firm message that I can't be just friends and that i hope he understands and am wishing him well is completely ignored with no reply - considering that he claimed to be my friend in the first place. That's all I am saying. And that's an inappropriate thing to request. You said you don't want to be friends -- he's respecting your wish. Stop whining about it and move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 And that's an inappropriate thing to request. You said you don't want to be friends -- he's respecting your wish. Stop whining about it and move forward. OK, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 He asked me for help, I gave it to him. You could have said no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kalinka1 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) Heya all my lovelies, To all of you who have said that I am such a petty bit*h for wanting validation from my ex and that I should just suck it up and get over it… turns out my ex has BPD. Our mutual friend told me today that he was diagnosed with it. I was reading up on it and it fits him PERFECTLY and my own reactions to his behaviour as well. To anyone who has been with someone who fakes their emotions, goes from idealisation to total devaluation, only sees you as good or bad, but nothing in-between, has temper tantrums, depressive episodes, gives you the silent treatment about things other have inflicted on them and not you, constant push and pull (I love you, why won't you leave me, I hate you, why won't you stay) and who basically only takes takes takes and never acknowledges any of your needs - IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not weak for staying, you are not stupid for holding on. Getting out of this kind of relationship is not just about climbing a massive mountain, it is like a jigsaw of 1000 pieces that falls apart when you are at 973 because there are just so many questions left, so much irrational behaviour you are trying to make sense of. There is no sense to it and there never will be. I am off to another forum, where yes, people tell me to let him go and move on (and I will), but they do it in a caring and understanding manner without immediately making assumptions and painting me as a 'petty' and 'obsessed' woman. Oh and turns out that him ignoring me was not him 'respecting my wishes'. He just wanted to punish me for finally trying to let go. And he contacted me 3 days later without even acknowledging the e-mail I sent him and instead ranted about himself. Edited January 23, 2014 by Kalinka1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Well, you should lower your expectations of an apology. People with BPD, like NPD will rather undergo root canal than admit fault. Link to post Share on other sites
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