Its official the mother of my children is in a relationship with my best mate

[Mr me to]

After denying it for 4 months, having made me believe I am mentally ill and paranoid. Out of no where my ex of 5 months sent me a very long message telling me how her and my oldest so called friend have fought it but after chatting several times on nights out they have realized a deep connection and are in a relationship. apparently they both feel extremely guilty and tried their hardest for nothing to happen and they just couldn't fight it. She ensures me it has only recently become intimate. She couldn't tell me face to face apparently I wouldn't of listened and may of become angry. Its ok though she has ensured me my children love me...

 

I feel dead inside, I haven't replied or initiated any contact with either. My first reaction was to pay my friend a visit but a family member intervened. I am embarrassed and ashamed. no idea where to go from here or what to do next...

[rosedl]

Very sorry. Double blow. A close friend and your wife.

 

Don't engage with them. Don't do anything that will reflect badly in a divorce. Stay away from them.

 

You don't have anything to be embarrassed about....they are the ones that had an affair and broke your trust and betrayed you. They are the ones that acted without integrity.

 

I know this is really hard to get at a time like this, but this is not personal. These are self absorbed people who acting out of their own interests and it is not a reflection of you. Don't own their shame.

[smuggy95]

that is disgusting. horrible example for the children...but whatever you do you must hide how disgusting it is from your children, don't mention it. If they bring it up, just say that you still love them and will still work as a family for them.

Ugh, I empathize. I am sorry. Please vent here if you need.

[chris21422]

bro just leave it that and don't reply.. Trust me they are just relieving their guilt..

 

continue moving on. yea it's ****in hard but face it bro replying to that message nothing will good will came out of it..

 

Also visiting your friend is pointless. Learn how to forgive and be a better person.

[JDPT]

I can only imagine how this must feel, but take reality as objectively as possible. It appears that your ex is trying to sugar coat her actions by subtly inserting a "we were in love but we tried to fight it for so long..." it doesn't change the fact that she knew her intentions were going to be detrimental in many aspects. The best thing you can do is lay low, no need to reply and certainly no need for any type of "clarification" as things are as clear as they can be. Hang strong, think about the kids as they are all that matter from this point forward.

[fixing]

Wow, that is very deep man! Do NOT go and beat up your best friend. You will become the crazy bad guy if you do.

All you can do now is cut ties completely with friend and have minimal contact with the mother of your children. i.e, arrangements to see the kids.

 

Horrible betrayal, but your better then this. Let them have eachother. You will get through this.

[Mr me to]

Cheers guys

I think I'm still in shock to be honest. Even though I suspected it I thought I was being ridiculous. After all I have two children and dedicated 6 years of my life to this woman. It's just so low I can't get my head around it. She actually just text me saying she had emailed me... It was the same message she sent earlier guess she is just waiting for a reaction. I don't know how I am going to explain this to my children I don't want my daughter to think this is normal behaviour but at the same time I don't want to involve them anymore than they have been already. Saying that I'm not even sure how to go about contacting them I really don't want to speak to her or her mother ever again.

[fixing]

You cant reason with the unreasonable because this situation IS unreasonable. Honestly, i think what you need to do now is, gather your thoughts and composure and work out set dates for you to see your children. Once you have a concrete and suitable timetable set up, send her ONE email regarding those exact dates. Then NO contact until you are over this foul betrayal.

[bubbaganoosh]

Its ok though she has ensured me my children love me...

 

I'm going to let you in on a little secret friend. She didn't need to tell you that your kids love you.

 

Your their father. You've loved them and have been there for them since birth so IMO, tell her to shove her reassurance up her ass sideways.

 

Don't think for one minuet she said that to make you feel good. She said it to make her sorry behavior and her pathetic way to hide behind the kids an easy out for her and if you were smart I wouldn't give that woman the time of day.

 

If you have to maintain contact with her, make sure that it's only about the children and nothing else.

 

If he was your best friend, I would hate to meet your worse enemy.

[Mr me to]

I've went against advice I've received on here before and it has come back to haunt me. This time I am going to listen and maintain complete no contact from them both. It's probably what's left of my pride but I do feel I should go and have it out with him but I won't I can see the logic in staying away and maintaining my dignity. I will contact her mum tomorrow to arrange contact with children. I am going to attend the doctors to see if there is anything available to help me through this. I am also going to enquire about any emergency counselling that maybe available. I appreciate all the advise and concern. This forum has prevented me loosing complete faith in humanity.

[fixing]

Thats an excellent idea. Let the grandmother take care about bringing the children to you. That means you dont have to even give her another glance.

 

And very wise to go and seek help from the doctor.

 

And again, i cant stress enough, he is not worth confronting or beating up. You will get arrested and than face the risk of losing custody of your kids. You dont want that. Takes a really big man to just wake away right now.

[JDPT]

I've went against advice I've received on here before and it has come back to haunt me. This time I am going to listen and maintain complete no contact from them both. It's probably what's left of my pride but I do feel I should go and have it out with him but I won't I can see the logic in staying away and maintaining my dignity. I will contact her mum tomorrow to arrange contact with children. I am going to attend the doctors to see if there is anything available to help me through this. I am also going to enquire about any emergency counselling that maybe available. I appreciate all the advise and concern. This forum has prevented me loosing complete faith in humanity.

 

 

 

You know what's a better slap on the face for both of them?

Doing absolutely NOTHING about it, showing utter indifference and making it very clear that you are only there for your kids and the rest can rot in hell.

[LostConfused123]

Hey,

So sorry for your pain. My thoughts are with you.

Just wanted you to know I lit a candle and said some prayers for you and your children.

 

Not trying to be inappropriate by bringing religion into this.

I'm not in a church. I'm in my living room at home.

 

Anyway, again, I'm so sorry for your pain.I hope you don't mind me saying, your kids are so lucky to have you as their father. If only everyone were this blessed.

 

Hang in there! ((hugs!!))

[Mr me to]

Hey,

So sorry for your pain. My thoughts are with you.

Just wanted you to know I lit a candle and said some prayers for you and your children.

 

Not trying to be inappropriate by bringing religion into this.

I'm not in a church. I'm in my living room at home.

 

Anyway, again, I'm so sorry for your pain.I hope you don't mind me saying, your kids are so lucky to have you as their father. If only everyone were this blessed.

 

Hang in there! ((hugs!!))

 

Thank you, it means a lot

[Hoosfoos]

Sending good thoughts your way from Canada. So sorry you have to deal with this. Be a good dad to your kids. Eventually youll meet someone else who will make you glad your awful wife left you.

[Chi townD]

I've went against advice I've received on here before and it has come back to haunt me. This time I am going to listen and maintain complete no contact from them both. It's probably what's left of my pride but I do feel I should go and have it out with him but I won't I can see the logic in staying away and maintaining my dignity. I will contact her mum tomorrow to arrange contact with children. I am going to attend the doctors to see if there is anything available to help me through this. I am also going to enquire about any emergency counselling that maybe available. I appreciate all the advise and concern. This forum has prevented me loosing complete faith in humanity.

 

 

Good game plan. You need to go no contact with her. Ignore EVERYTHING. Except if it involves the kids. Then, text only about the kids and nothing else. The first time she starts texting about something else, you go silent; you're a ghost.

 

When you talk to her mom, see if she can mediate the pick up and drop off of your kids. Tell her the only involvement you want is with your kids and no one else. Get her bank account number and the banks routing number and have your child support direct deposited in her account. So, you don't have to drop money off to her personally.

 

Block her from all social media. Facebook, twitter...all of it. And the MOST important thing you can do right now is be the best Dad to those kids that you can possibly be.

 

Hang in there and post often.

[Grumpybutfun]

The sweetest revenge on those who wrong you is to be happy and content in your own life so you don't even notice what they are doing in theirs. Whatever you have to do to get to that place, get there. The only thing worse than 6 years with her, would be letting her live in your head for one day more.

Good luck,

Grumps

[Mr me to]

So I have told my family today, They all can't believe it. Everyone keeps asking how I'm feeling. They all super angry wanting to go around his and hers. They can't believe I'm so calm and haven't done anything. I honestly don't feel anything at this point. I'm just empty and dead inside. No anger no hate no emotion don't know what is going on with me. Feel like I've lost all will to live or fight...

[fixing]

No sir! You are not DEAD inside. Your probably in shock. Your are doing exceptionally well, believe me.

Stick to the advice in this thread. And trust me, you dont want to go and confront them.

Keep posting here sir. You will get through this i promise

[Canadiangirl78]

Big hugs to you! You're doing great so far. I would like to second what someone else said about your little ones being lucky to have you, it sounds like you are an amazing human being with a spirit that burns bright. Don't ever let anyone dim that light inside you.

 

Lots of love and I look forward to following your journey on here, keep us posted on how things are going!

[Chi townD]

Fixing is right. You're in shock right now. Your brain can't process the level of betrayal. But, in the next few days or weeks, you're gonna go through a lot of emotions. You just need to ride the ride and think clearly without doing anything stupid.

 

Just take heart that their relationship will probably not last. Their relationship was built on the pain of others and that's not a good way to start a relationship. Plus, you're already seeing people that are appalled at what they did. So, that's going to put a strain on their relationship because people will not be as accepting of their union. And there's always going to be guilt on their part. Especially if you don't acknowledge what they've done to you. They don't know if you're mad, sad, indifferent, you give them NOTHING to go on.

 

Just remember, NO CONTACT! As you can see, it's already driving them nuts. Guarantee you that they're checking your Facebook to see if you're diming them out and going off on a rant. Because, that's what they are expecting you to do. It's obvious when a friend had to stop you from hunting them down. That's what they expected. She sent you two texts stating that you had an email from her, because she fully expects a response from you. She's bracing herself for you to go off. Because that's what she expects you to do. So, they can't make heads or tails of your behavior right now. Pretty soon, they'll start asking people if they saw you and ask how you're doing. So, let people know that you don't want to know anything about them or what they're doing. Just don't talk about them at all. If they're your friends and they care about you, they'll respect your wishes.

[ithappenedagain]

Sorry to hear that man. I really am.

 

Your ex is going to have to live the rest of her life with this on her back.

 

Right now she probably doesn't understand how this paints her image.

 

One day karma is going to kick her in her a$$ and she will see that her actions have a price.

 

Her image is tainted.

 

As for you.. Thank god you have your little angels to help you get by. Be the best dad you can possibly be. Embrace this difficult time and make it a point to be the best father you can possibly be - without showing weakness (ie - dont go beat up that loser ex friend of yours)

 

Be the better person and you will see gold at the end of the tunnel

Edited January 22, 2014 by ithappenedagain

[Still-I-Rise]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[Mr me to]

I have a question.. Do you think it's ok to have no contact with my children for a few days, just until I get my head around this? I can't bring myself to make any contact through her or her family and I really don't want my children who are 4 and 5 to see me like this. They know I love them right?

[Chi townD]

I have a question.. Do you think it's ok to have no contact with my children for a few days, just until I get my head around this? I can't bring myself to make any contact through her or her family and I really don't want my children who are 4 and 5 to see me like this. They know I love them right?

 

Bad idea. Those kids are scared and confused right now. They don't know what's going on. They need to know that you love them, that you didn't abandon them and you will always be there for them. Plus, don't give her any excuse to hold those kids away from you; meaning, don't let her say, "Well, you don't see the kids anyway." Plus, it's important for the kids to see that YOU are their father and not let your asshat ex friend try to step up in that roll.