Its official the mother of my children is in a relationship with my best mate

[fixing]

Absolutely fine imo. Take as long as you need to gain your composure. You need this break to step away from the entire situation.

[Mr me to]

I have arranged with her mum for all contact regarding children to go through her. I am not having them his week but will be speaking to them tonight..

 

At the moment I am feeling paralysed by this whole situation. The enormity of it all has sunk in. It would of been bad enough if they had just slept with each other but the fact they are pursuing a relationship is in a different league.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, it's gonna suck all around, dude. You're gonna run a gambit of emotions for a while. But, keep NC as best you can and it will help you heal more quickly.

 

In the meantime, start making positive changes in your life. KEEP BUSY!!! I can't stress that enough.

[fixing]

Excellent. You will be going through all kinds of emotions for a while. Rejection, denial, shock, depression, anger and some others. So just accept those emotions, they are going to be there for a while man, you gotta ride them out like a bad storm.

Like Chi Town says, you gotta force yourself up and out of the house to keep busy. Do not start sinking cans of lager to get through the day or whiskey.

 

Hit the gym, go for long runs, get in shape. Hit up old friends and family. Most importantly do not contact either of those two.

[Mr me to]

Mate think I'm going through each one of those emotions and more a hundred times every hour. It's all getting so intense one minute I'm convincing my self I'm fine and I've had a lucky escape. Then I'm planning my revenge then the next minute blaming myself...

 

Keeping no contact with her isn't so bad it's him I'm struggling with.

But I've made a promise to myself that through this I'll keep my pride and dignity in tact so that's what I'll do... Staying away from alcohol is proving a challenge also but I know soon as I drink everything else will go out the window. Been to the gym today the anger helped me push a little bit harder and gave me a bit of a appetite, had first proper meal since I found out. Just need something to stop the thoughts. Halo and listening to 2pac has kept me occupied this evening.

[Mr me to]

Totally paralysed today. I feel like the world is closing in on me and something is going on with my breathing can't control it's like it's out of sync

[darkmoon]

my hunch is that later on they will get bored as they run out of convos, that's my hunch, a dwindling...

[JDPT]

Understand that drinking will only exacerbate this already unfortunate scenario. This is the perfect opportunity to use all your tools and implement better coping skills. Deep inside you need to release anger. Continue to listen to music that'll get you pumped, continue going to the gym. I had moments when I was at the gym for 5 minutes and was literally ready to walk out but if you stay there long enough you'll feel better afterwards.

Take a few days to sort yourself out, gather your thoughts, and remain calm. Keep in mind that your kids are all that matters.

[fixing]

JDPT is right. The last thing you should be doing is to delve into binge drinking. It will leave you with suicidal depression on the hangovers.

Silently get the upper hand here by treating yourself well and stay healthy.

[Chi townD]

Totally paralysed today. I feel like the world is closing in on me and something is going on with my breathing can't control it's like it's out of sync

 

Hi Mr. Anxiety Attack! You're looking pretty dapper today!

 

I would go see your Doctor just to be on the safe side. Tell your Doctor what's been going on and he or she could prescribe you an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. There's nothing wrong with taking some medication to help you get through the tough times. Just don't become dependent on them.

[Mr me to]

my hunch is that later on they will get bored as they run out of convos, that's my hunch, a dwindling...

 

Can't see it she likes to get her hooks in so she can start the blood sucking. Part of my feels the reason she's gone for him is she knows all the **** it will cause. Sort of a guarantee he going no where. Hopefully she'll destroy him like she has me. Can't help feeling life would be so much better if they both just died.

[Mr me to]

So I've just got in from the gym and completely broke down, first time I've cried since finding out and now can't stop. Stuck in by myself on a Saturday night. I'm just so alone. Can't understand how I can mean so little to two people who I've been there for through thick and thin...

[Mr me to]

Bringing this forward to remind me of the pain this woman has caused. Having a difficult week have just moved house and I'm constantly remenicing on my past life with her. Have passed the angry stage it picked me up and motivate me. Now I'm just feeling empty and lonely, obsessing about her and him. The dreams are back also. Just got to find a way through start my new job soon which is the reason I've moved to a town were I know no one. In the mean time just got to get through the ****tyness. I'm still total no contact but can't help but wonder...

[CaliBabe]

Damn dude. This is a brutal one. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Keep up the good work! We are here for you.

[Mr me to]

Haha brutal just about sums it up...

Realised today it's not her I miss it's the having someone there. Shouldn't really be needing another person to be happy, it gives them to much power. I'm going to work on making me happy and content within myself. Don't think it's ever been her really it was the family unit I cherished and mourned for. She was attractive but I've always known it was skin deep. The only reason we stayed together as long as we did was for the children. Was always something off with her and her 40 faces. It was all a facade. I knew when I got with her she was a good time girl... When she fell pregnant I thought I could change her. So many warning signs and red lights. Even members if her own family told me of her untrustworthiness. She had been engaged for less than a month when we met!!! Karma? Lesson learned can't change a hoe into a house wife... Life goes on. New job, new house, new me, fresh start...

[Annie767]

Good on you.

 

Reading this post has made me realise how far I have come from those first few months after a major betrayal. The confusion and analyzing drive me mad. I miss my man too after 4 years together but now the warning signs I missed are clearer. Now I know the man I fell in love with is gone, cos he would never do that to me.

You sound like you're really making a fresh start though. It won't be long before all this seems like a bad dream for both of us.

[Mr me to]

So my exes mum is unable to drop kids off on Friday as usual, so my ex will be doing it. This will be the first contact I will of had with her since starting this thread. Not sure how to approach this? I'm kind of anxious about it as I don't know how I'll feel or react upon seeing her. I really want to give the impression that I have moved on am happy and she is nothing to me. The plan was to just completely ignore her and take kids but this will come of childish and give too much away. What if she instigates a conversation or attempts to relieve some guilt, which I've got a feeling she will. I'm open to suggestions NOT at all ready for this tbh but it's going to happen at some point with us having children together, might as well get it over and done with...

[KaliLove]

Oh goodness..what an awful situation. I'm so sorry Mr Me Too.

 

If it was me, I would keep my calm and be pleasant but not engage in extended conversation..it will only make you mad. Don't let her see how upset you are. You can rise above this! Remind yourself that you want to set a good example for your kids..they matter so much more than she does.

[Chi townD]

Whatever time she's supposed drop the kids off, have your parents there to get the kids for you because you "had to run to the grocery store"! Damn the luck!!!

 

 

Plus, find me grandparents that don't want to spend a little time with their grandkids. They'll do it for you. Or a brother or sister would do it for you.

 

 

The thing is, you're still really bitter about this. And any interaction with her wouldn't be wise right now. You had a double betrayal a little over a month ago. NO WAY you are healed to the point of saying, "I don't give a rats ass."

 

 

So, I suggest you do the above.

Edited March 5, 2014 by Chi townD

[fancy feast]

Didn't you make dinner reservations for you and your kids? Of course you did, you want to spend some quality time with them! And just look at the time, you guys are already running late! No time to talk, see ya later!

 

Or do what Chi Town said.

[Mr me to]

ChiTown I would follow your advice if the option was there, unfortunately I have moved to a new city for work and to be closer to my children. I have no family available to collect children tomorrow. Only option is to man up on this one. I'm just going to refuse to engage with her. I owe her nothing... I'll take children at door and get on with my weekend. I am dreading it though...

[Chi townD]

Well, then the only thing you can do is be on the lookout for her car. When it pulls up, open the door. The only thing you can hope for then is that she remains in the car while the kids come to you.

 

 

But, considering your Ex is selfish as hell, fat chance of that happening. So, just take the kids, say thanks and close the door.

 

 

I have a feeling that her mom was available to drop off the kids. This was probably a plan to get you two talking and at least civil. Perhaps, one day that would happen. But, in my opinion, it's too soon. If this was their plan then it was pretty inconsiderate of your feelings.

[Mr me to]

I agree... Defiantly something going on. Her mum rang during the week requesting I speak to her daughter regarding something the children had said. Basically I told her mum my parenting is beyond approach by her daughter. I reaffirmed I am a good dad and wouldn't be criticised by or justifying myself to her daughter... What she wanted to speak to me about was so trivial it had me wondering what her real motivation was. Then a day later her mum asks if it's ok for my ex to drop children off on Friday as she's working late... Thing is I can't afford to piss her mum off by saying no. I'm getting from all sides at the moment. Everyone keeps reminding me she is going to be in my life for at least the next 15 years and I need to have some form of communication with her. I know I'm far from ready to deal with her. It's like I've lost any form of control over the situation.

 

 

Well, then the only thing you can do is be on the lookout for her car. When it pulls up, open the door. The only thing you can hope for then is that she remains in the car while the kids come to you.

 

 

But, considering your Ex is selfish as hell, fat chance of that happening. So, just take the kids, say thanks and close the door.

 

 

I have a feeling that her mom was available to drop off the kids. This was probably a plan to get you two talking and at least civil. Perhaps, one day that would happen. But, in my opinion, it's too soon. If this was their plan then it was pretty inconsiderate of your feelings.

[Chi townD]

I know I'm far from ready to deal with her. It's like I've lost any form of control over the situation.

 

 

Then you tell her exactly that if she tries to say something to you. She AND you former best friend betrayed you and you want nothing to do with them ever again. But the only time you want any communication with her is about the children and the children only.

 

 

If she doesn't like that, then too flippin bad! What does she expect you to do? Be cool with everything and invite them over to hang out and BBQ?

 

 

Damn, I gotta stop now because I'm getting spun up!

[Mr me to]

Chi Town. THANK YOU...

knowing someone can see where I am coming from in not wanting any contact with this person is a big relief. No one else seems to understand that by me going total no contact I am actually doing what is best for my children. I was beginning to feel as if I was some how being unreasonable.

 

I will approach it in the way you described...

 

I'll update tomorrow.