pickflicker Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I agree that the goal should be to compromise, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. When my ex's mother killed herself, that was not a very fun time for me. She was depressed and angry all the time. But I stood by her side, day and night. I stopped seing my friends, I fell behind... but I kept watching over her. I remember that her dad was really surprised and asked me how I could have so much patience. But to me, it was the natural thing to do. I would be there for her as long as she needed me. As long as she was unhappy, I couldn't be happy. It really doesn't matter if you call this a compromise or a sacrifice. The point is that you ALWAYS must be prepared to focus on your partner's happiness rather than your own. Again, what you're quoting are extreme examples that I'm sure no reasonable person would walk out on. But what about the little things? Let's take the extreme component out of it and use your example - I'm able to go OS for a month, to Africa. My dream trip. My significant other doesn't want to. I am using my own money worked at my own job to fund the trip. Should I forget about the trip just because he doesn't want to come? If the roles were reversed, I'd tell him to go and have fun. I would expect the same from him. Because if he doesn't want to come, that's fine, but I'm not giving up my dream of going to Africa, just because he doesn't want to. (Note, this is not a real life situation, this is just an example). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I've had them come back. My wife came back after 10 months, but I slowly started to understand her strategy for doing so, and put an end to it. They are USERS in every sense of the term. Willing to take, but not give. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Once they leave, write them out of your life. If they snake their way back in, it's probably only temporary, and they'll just leave again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kevin_D Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 Again, what you're quoting are extreme examples that I'm sure no reasonable person would walk out on. But what about the little things? Let's take the extreme component out of it and use your example - I'm able to go OS for a month, to Africa. My dream trip. My significant other doesn't want to. I am using my own money worked at my own job to fund the trip. Should I forget about the trip just because he doesn't want to come? If the roles were reversed, I'd tell him to go and have fun. I would expect the same from him. Because if he doesn't want to come, that's fine, but I'm not giving up my dream of going to Africa, just because he doesn't want to. (Note, this is not a real life situation, this is just an example). Well, I had a great career opportunity in China that would last for six weeks. I decided to do it. My ex was angry and sad every day for six months. She told me how this would ruin our relationship and basically counted the days. We had been together for three years, so I thought that we could be without each other for six weeks. But technically, she ruined half a year because she would never stop making me feel guilty about leaving her. But the thing is, I understand why she was worried, so I accepted it, even though I thought her behavior was ridiculous. I realised that if I decide to go on a six week trip because I want to, I must accept that there will be consequences in relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Well, I had a great career opportunity in China that would last for six weeks. I decided to do it. My ex was angry and sad every day for six months. She told me how this would ruin our relationship and basically counted the days. We had been together for three years, so I thought that we could be without each other for six weeks. But technically, she ruined half a year because she would never stop making me feel guilty about leaving her. But the thing is, I understand why she was worried, so I accepted it, even though I thought her behavior was ridiculous. I realised that if I decide to go on a six week trip because I want to, I must accept that there will be consequences in relationship. Did you take it? Sorry, but for 6 weeks, she should have sucked it up. She let you down by not being supportive. And that should have been a massive red flag to her future selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Yes this is true. So many things i could have done but did not, just in case i upset the apple cart. What a fool i was. I always told her to do things she enjoyed and wanted to. (Lives and learns) But Pick, i`ll take you on Safari. Again, what you're quoting are extreme examples that I'm sure no reasonable person would walk out on. But what about the little things? Let's take the extreme component out of it and use your example - I'm able to go OS for a month, to Africa. My dream trip. My significant other doesn't want to. I am using my own money worked at my own job to fund the trip. Should I forget about the trip just because he doesn't want to come? If the roles were reversed, I'd tell him to go and have fun. I would expect the same from him. Because if he doesn't want to come, that's fine, but I'm not giving up my dream of going to Africa, just because he doesn't want to. (Note, this is not a real life situation, this is just an example). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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