heartburn Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 To make a long story short, my friend and I both have a long-term relationship with two brothers. Both brothers have been caught cheating in the past with other women. In fact, my boyfriend has recently been caughtup. My sister-in-law, I will call her, both share a secret. We have been seeing other men. I decided to see someone else to help erase what my boyfriend is doing. All was going well until she got busted. Her lover telephoned her boyfriend and told him everything. My brother-in-law was extremely angry at me for not telling him. He considered me as family and felt I should have told him. I told him it was none of my affair, and in fact, he did not tell me when his brother was cheating on me. So why should I have told him about his girlfriend cheating? I consider her family as well and feel he should not have cheated on her to begin with. Why do men who cheats have a hard time dealing with women who cheats? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 jealousy....and double standards. sounds like all 4 of ya'll have pointless realtions....why bother anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
crisp Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Hahahaa! Sorry, couldn't help it! Of course, darling. The world end when there's something happening to them: catch a cold, etc. Why would cheating be any different?? MHO: I'd only cheat, no I'd let myself get "caught" is to go back on the lying bastard. After that I'd leave everyone! But tht will never happen.... I think. You never know what you can do untill you actually do it, I guess. What's your bf saying? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 stop playing games and find someone who won't cheat on you. 'getting even' by cheating isn't going to turn him into a loving, faithful boyfriend- trust me. It is just going to make him angry and do more to hurt you and then you play more games, etc. This is NOT the way to a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartburn Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 I agree with the last comment. The problem is my b/f does not make leaving easy. We also have an eleven year old son and we have been together for over 15 years. It has not been a good relationship. He has been cheating on me ever since we met. But he is somewhat controlling and do not want to leave. He has some issues. Frankly, I do not know how to end the relationship without someone getting hurt. I guess that is why I started to cheat, to find a comfort zone and not to worry so much about what he is doing. But I am tied and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartburn Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 I am not trying to get even. If he decides to leave today, believe me I would not stop him. I just want to end the relationship without bitterness. He has already told me that he would not know how to react if he sees me with another man. But he cheats with other women. I need away out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartburn Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Will this person please stand up. By the time I find this person, I will be in a better life (The After Life). Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by heartburn I am not trying to get even. If he decides to leave today, believe me I would not stop him. I just want to end the relationship without bitterness. He has already told me that he would not know how to react if he sees me with another man. But he cheats with other women. I need away out. sorry- I didn't know your history- having a child with him makes things a lot more complicated. Do you live with him? I ask because it will complicate things if you choose to leave. I can't see this being healthy for you or your child if you continue to stay and he continues to hurt you. Does he understand how much he is hurting you by cheating? If he has done this to you for years and you have stayed with him- you have basically told him that it is ok for him to treat you that way. Have you tried telling him that you will be with someone else if he doesn't stop? Please give more of your history with him so we can do a better job helping. BTW- when most relationships end, at least one person is somewhat bitter. Originally posted by heartburn Will this person please stand up. By the time I find this person, I will be in a better life (The After Life). That's not true! I don't know anything about what you have to offer, but I'm sure you have some good features. There are lots of guys out there who will not treat you like this and will respect you. You have to do something about finding them though- I don't know how old you are, but there are things you can do from match.com to clubs to joining groups that enjoy the same things you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartburn Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Thanks for replying. I am 34 with a successful career. Yes, we live together. I have always been the bread winner in this relationship. While my b/f was wasting part of his life with the street hoodlums and between unstable jobs, I was working full time and going to school. My b/f is dependent upon me which makes it difficult for him to leave. He tells me he loves me and he has alot of time invested in me. I have told him millions of time that his cheating hurts me. He has seen the pain it has caused. During the years, I have been naive by continuing to forgive him. Believe me, I have let myself down because I could have avoided alot of pain if I just left the door closed. I tend to care more about his feelings instead of my own. So I let his tears and his suicidal threats get the best of me. I met him when I was 17. Had his son when I was 23. The signs have always been there, but I thought I was truly in love. I was blind. His cheating heart has never ended. He has been staying out over night and receiving phone calls that he tried to hide. So knowing his history, I began to investigate. Just recently, I found a photo of a young female in his wallet. Written on the back, To My Boo, From Christi. I looked at his cell phone and notice a constant number, incoming and outgoing. So I called the number and asked for Christi. This was her. I was hurt all over again. She told me that this was her boyfriend of 2 months and she was unaware that he was with me. Of course he has not admitted his guilt. I tried to call her another time when I think he is with her, but now she hangs up on me. I just want to catch him in the act. I have been going thru this drama for years. This is why I decided to see other men. I have told him this was my intention, but he does not beleive me thinking I am just mad. He has been abusive in the past, so if he finds out that I am seeing other people, no telling what he will do. This is not a healthy relationship. For me or our son. I just want it to end without any bitterness. Why am I so fearful of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Well there's probably no way to end it without some anger and bitterness, but you just have to accept that. Its like taking off a band aid. You can slowly take it off and it hurts for a long time, or just go ahead and rip it off and get it over with. You have to look at what's going to make you happier a year from now and not worry about how you're going to feel a week from now. I would suggest finding another place to live and getting everything set up and then just go ahead and move out one day. If your BF is controlling that is probably the only way you can do it. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I agree with Hund1976 in that there is always bitterness/anger. It sounds like your boyfriend likes having you where you are, but wants to have his fun too and doesn't offer you the same. Since you are the breadwinner, you can afford to leave. If you don't have an account just for you, set one up and build up enough $ to get out. Don't tell him anything until you are just about ready to leave- he will try and stop you and may be abusive towards you. You are your own woman- you have a career, you have a son and you've been through a lot- you have the strength to get out. I don't think there is any way you can fix your relationship with him- not now anyway. You may be in love with him, but ask yourself- is the way he treats you love? Does he treat you with respect? NO- he doesn't come home all night- has cheated on you many times- expects you to do everything, etc. A relationship cannot be one sided. I promise you that you will meet someone one day who will love you the way you love them back and you will realize that leaving this creep is the best thing you could have done for yourself and your son. good luck and take care.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartburn Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Thank you all for your comments. I guess I was looking for an easy way out. But there is none. I will make the necessary plans and start over someplace else. This is the only way. Link to post Share on other sites
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