Curious.. WHY are so many men players? What causes it? Whats the benefit?

[what_a_blonde]

Maybe someone has posted this already... but I'm curious to find out why certain men are players and mess with women? Before this turns into a gender war post... I guess it could also flip around (women who play men?), however I feel the former is much more common.

 

Women- feel free to respond if you know the answer or have figured this out. (or have anything else to add for that matter )

 

Men- feel free to respond with your opinion... especially if you are a CURRENT or REFORMED player.

 

 

As I'm coming out of the haze and pretty much recovered from being played for a fool by someone who literally went through hoops to impress me and prove how much he cared about me, waited for months, then when all was said and done ended up playing games.... I'm just left wondering WHY? Why go out of your way to convince someone you care then play them for a fool and blame it all on them? WHY inflict emotional pain on someone? What is gained by it? Or is that just it... they don't even have concept of others' emotions and don't care.

 

I agree that some women walk themselves right into it and don't use any caution... and in a way ask for it. However this was a case where I was very cautious, we were "friends" for almost 2 years prior... then I was blindsided. So strange...

[mhm407]

I think in most cases it boils down to simple insecurity. A bottomless pit of an ego that must be constantly fed by the attention/desire of multiple women.

[MrCastle]

Short answer: It works.

 

Want the long answer?

[ChessPieceFace]

Think about how a man would have the best chance of reproducing as much as possible. Oh, you figured it out.

[what_a_blonde]

Short answer: It works.

 

Want the long answer?

 

Actually... yes. Whatcha got?

[newmoon]

Maybe someone has posted this already... but I'm curious to find out why certain men are players and mess with women? Before this turns into a gender war post... I guess it could also flip around (women who play men?), however I feel the former is much more common.

 

Women- feel free to respond if you know the answer or have figured this out. (or have anything else to add for that matter )

 

Men- feel free to respond with your opinion... especially if you are a CURRENT or REFORMED player.

 

 

As I'm coming out of the haze and pretty much recovered from being played for a fool by someone who literally went through hoops to impress me and prove how much he cared about me, waited for months, then when all was said and done ended up playing games.... I'm just left wondering WHY? Why go out of your way to convince someone you care then play them for a fool and blame it all on them? WHY inflict emotional pain on someone? What is gained by it? Or is that just it... they don't even have concept of others' emotions and don't care.

 

I agree that some women walk themselves right into it and don't use any caution... and in a way ask for it. However this was a case where I was very cautious, we were "friends" for almost 2 years prior... then I was blindsided. So strange...

 

 

your story sounds similar to something I experienced. the guy pursued me for years and when I finally said ok, he backed off. three full years of relentless pursuit and then he didn't follow through in the end. I chalked it up to lack of confidence actually, someone not being able to handle the depth of emotions that relationships require, or the changes he'd have to make to be a good bf/person. or perhaps it's just someone who finds a great deal of satisfaction in pursuing/chasing but doesn't actually want what they get.

[samsungxoxo]

The insecure, overly naive girls or those into ''taming a player'' give them the time of the day. The problem would probably be solved if player-like behaviors would stop being rewarded.

 

In the end, those players don't get quality women either. No real, quality woman with both self-esteem, educated and self respect would go for him; only insecure types with issues.

[what_a_blonde]

The insecure, overly naive girls or those into ''taming a player'' give them the time of the day. The problem would probably be solved if player-like behaviors would stop being rewarded.

 

I agree with this. There are many that reward it...

 

I'm not assuming that was directed at me per say , however I can definitely say I don't feel like I was trying to tame him... I had no idea what he was, until he started his on/off games.... then I finally realized for sure and dropped it. :/ Had I known from the start or sooner and not been fooled by our previous "friendship", I wouldn't have even messed with him.

 

But I do fault myself for not realizing it sooner.. because like you said, thats what rewards it.

[soccerrprp]

Yup, b/c it's worked time and time again. AND b/c such people don't give a crap about who they hurt.

[what_a_blonde]

The insecure, overly naive girls or those into ''taming a player'' give them the time of the day. The problem would probably be solved if player-like behaviors would stop being rewarded.

 

In the end, those players don't get quality women either. No real, quality woman with both self-esteem, educated and self respect would go for him; only insecure types with issues.

 

Missed the edit above.....

 

 

And thats exactly why I dropped him when I realized... so I feel a bit better even though still a tad naive

 

Live and learn though

[jba10582]

I am going to disagree with your presupposition and say YOU got played....and probably made up the rules of the game as he "jumped through hoops to impress you". That sounds like a game in itself...it seems you made it into a win/lose game, and it can be win/win situation. Guys pick up on vibes too, what were you projecting that you had to have him win his way to your heart like a fairy tale or something. Wake up.

[Weezy1973]

If you define a player as a man that manipulates a woman solely for the purpose of having sex with her, then often women blame men for being players when really they aren't.

 

Remember that attraction for men is largely based on a woman's physical appearance. Therefore a man will often "fall" for a woman based on her looks alone and will behave in all the ways one would expect of a man courting a woman he is infatuated with.

 

What then happens is with time, the man starts to get to know the woman better and she turns out to be different from the fantasy woman he had created in his head due to the initial infatuation. Unfortunately, around the same time he is really getting to know the woman coincides with the same time the woman has let her guard down, become more vulnerable, and often around the same time of the first sexual encounter. He then realized she wasn't what he thought, and stops contacting her / dumps her.

 

She then blames him for being a player, where what really happened is just as time went on, he realized they weren't compatible. Same result though.

 

Of course the best way to know if he actually was a player is by his own history. OP - you say you knew the guy for 2 years prior. Did he have a history of "playing" women?

[MrCastle]

Actually... yes. Whatcha got?

 

A lot of men are either naturally good with women, or they learn to be good with them eventually. Through trial and error, they understand what works and what doesn't.

 

It's very easy for a lot of guys to fall into the trap of jumping from one woman to the next, if they have enough options, because of GIGS (grass is greener syndrome), or simply because they like to stroke their ego and see how high they can get their numbers.

 

"Players" understand how most women operate, and "play" to their weaknesses.

 

I've read several times on various websites "nothing feels better than new pussy," and for a lot of men, that's their belief. They like the excitement of getting one girl after another. Quantity over quality for them.

 

Why do I say it works? Because it does. A lot of women seem to fall for the player type at least once in their lives, and some never learn and go through life continuously getting burned by them.

[somedude81]

Why are so many men players?

 

That's because you don't notice the men who aren't.

 

So it seems that more men are players than there really are.

[SushiX]

Because we can...And want to have as much sex with different women as possible.

[MrCastle]

Because we can...And want to have as much sex with different women as possible.

 

I think you can do it without lying and being shady though. I don't find anything wrong with a guy having a high count if the record is clean.

 

If he had to lie and lead a girl on to do it, his record is voided. Anyone can lie and be a disgusting human being to get laid.

 

When you can get laid by being yourself and being honest to yourself and the women, that's when you're a boss

[what_a_blonde]

I am going to disagree with your presupposition and say YOU got played....and probably made up the rules of the game as he "jumped through hoops to impress you". That sounds like a game in itself...it seems you made it into a win/lose game, and it can be win/win situation. Guys pick up on vibes too, what were you projecting that you had to have him win his way to your heart like a fairy tale or something. Wake up.

 

No, we were just friends. After 2 years he suddenly professes his love to me one night at dinner.

 

I was taken back, really & truly, and nicely turned him down. I didn't want him to jump through hoops, nor did I expect it to turn into anything, however as time progressed I started to become comfortable with the idea of us dating. In a way, it changed the tone of our relationship after he "made a move".

 

So its not like I turned him down and told him I'd only date him if he jumped through hoops. Its just things progressed, and there were many things he did that stood out to me and made me kind of change my mind about just being friends.. I grew to like the idea of dating once I saw he was serious. Boy was I wrong!

[Imported]

You sound like a princess OP. My guess is you played yourself.

[what_a_blonde]

If you define a player as a man that manipulates a woman solely for the purpose of having sex with her, then often women blame men for being players when really they aren't.

 

Remember that attraction for men is largely based on a woman's physical appearance. Therefore a man will often "fall" for a woman based on her looks alone and will behave in all the ways one would expect of a man courting a woman he is infatuated with.

 

What then happens is with time, the man starts to get to know the woman better and she turns out to be different from the fantasy woman he had created in his head due to the initial infatuation. Unfortunately, around the same time he is really getting to know the woman coincides with the same time the woman has let her guard down, become more vulnerable, and often around the same time of the first sexual encounter. He then realized she wasn't what he thought, and stops contacting her / dumps her.

 

She then blames him for being a player, where what really happened is just as time went on, he realized they weren't compatible. Same result though.

 

Of course the best way to know if he actually was a player is by his own history. OP - you say you knew the guy for 2 years prior. Did he have a history of "playing" women?

 

No, he had actually been in a long term relationship most the time we were good friends. (we worked together, would chat just about every day about everything and anything, and he'd even talk about his gf.. I didn't mind obviously... although I always sensed a slight physical attraction on both of our ends.. but didn't take it further or EVER mention anything like that because obviously... he's wasn't single. But again, I always SENSED just something overly friendly from him... almost innocent flirtation- however maybe that should have been my hint. IN a 5 year relationship and being overly friendly with me.. hmmmm)

 

Anyway, it was a few weeks after their break up that he made a move..

[samsungxoxo]

Missed the edit above.....

 

 

And thats exactly why I dropped him when I realized... so I feel a bit better even though still a tad naive

 

Live and learn though

In your case, you were lied to and deceived (that can happen to anyone) but the difference is you dropped him as soon as you found out. With those girls, they know it and don't dump the player.

 

I'm a very low-count woman in the mid-late 20's and single because I refused to date reformed high-count players, party animals, etc. They disgust me.

[jba10582]

No, we were just friends. After 2 years he suddenly professes his love to me one night at dinner.

 

I was taken back, really & truly, and nicely turned him down. I didn't want him to jump through hoops, nor did I expect it to turn into anything, however as time progressed I started to become comfortable with the idea of us dating. In a way, it changed the tone of our relationship after he "made a move".

 

So its not like I turned him down and told him I'd only date him if he jumped through hoops. Its just things progressed, and there were many things he did that stood out to me and made me kind of change my mind about just being friends.. I grew to like the idea of dating once I saw he was serious. Boy was I wrong!

 

 

I imagine you two playing CHESS and he "makes a move" and says "check-mate bi*ch!. take THAT!"....probably not what happened when he "made his move" but seriously... player implies he manipulated you to have sex in a rather quick fashion, which also implies you allowed yourself to be manipulated in a rather quick fashion...and plenty of girls don't "make" guys wait more than a month or two before sex not two years and being friends first...

[samsungxoxo]

I don't find anything wrong with a guy having a high count if the record is clean.

I do mind. I would like for a guy to operate the same way of I do regarding sex and intimacy. I can't get pass the part of having sex with randoms just like that. I do care about the past.

 

Hence, the reason I'm single and waiting. I don't want a high-count man. I don't want someone that is already pushing for sex only after a week of knowing each other. The man I'm looking for is the rare breed. I know they do exist but they are harder to find.

[what_a_blonde]

I think you can do it without lying and being shady though. I don't find anything wrong with a guy having a high count if the record is clean.

 

If he had to lie and lead a girl on to do it, his record is voided. Anyone can lie and be a disgusting human being to get laid.

 

When you can get laid by being yourself and being honest to yourself and the women, that's when you're a boss

 

 

HAHAHA true story. ^^^

 

I'll be honest, if he had been up front with me from the VERY beginning.... and said he really truly just wanted to have sex with me... that's it.... and if maybe I was that desperate to JUST have sex with him too, it wouldn't have been so bad and my view of him wouldn't still be negative. But he was dishonest and misleading... and lied.

 

So yes, you're exactly right... there's a difference. Just don't lie! Be up front! The ones who will go for it, will go for it... and guys it will be better off for you in the long run (no drama... no broken hearts...... no crazy women keying up your souped up pick-up truck "Carrie Underwood style" because youz a playa lol..... [not that I did that, seriously]).

[StanMusial]

Because if you have the skills and traits, it is easier than a real relationship(s), and most people follow the path of least resistance in life. In my experience, maybe 1 in 10 guys can do it. The effect seems to be a force multiplier though.

[what_a_blonde]

You sound like a princess OP. My guess is you played yourself.

 

No, not a princess, just would have appreciated some honesty / respect.

 

And you're partially correct, I was a little naive about it (because I had based it on 2 years of built trust) and could have backed out sooner... therefore less bitter in the long run. But no- I did not play myself.